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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
The State Department congratulates Keiko Fujimori after she was declared winner of Peru's presidential runoff by fewer than 50,000 votes out of 18 million ballots cast.
Manny Rutinel wins the Democratic primary in Colorado's eighth district, setting up a high-stakes challenge against incumbent Rep. Gabe Evans.
The Trump administration says it has total support from Venezuela's interim government as it delivers $150 million in humanitarian earthquake relief.
John Hickenlooper defeated progressive challenger Julie Gonzales in Colorado's Democratic Senate primary, marking a setback for the party's far-left wave.
Rep. Jeff Hurd defeated Ron Hanks in Colorado's GOP primary after Trump re-issued his endorsement, setting up a competitive November midterm race.
Football commentator Kirk Herbstreit says baseball needs more athleticism and small ball, but most of his complaints don't stand up to scrutiny.
Lauren Boebert wins her Republican primary despite clashes with Trump, positioning herself as the last standing member of the GOP rebel group.
The Queen faced backlash for posting a photo with J.K. Rowling during Pride Month, with commenters posting trans pride flags in protest.
Detroit City Council voted 5-4 to renew its ShotSpotter contract with SoundThinking despite concerns over the $2.1 million cost and privacy issues.
Vice President JD Vance calls the Supreme Court birthright citizenship ruling a mistake and warns it could encourage birth tourism and illegal immigration.
Satire
BRANDENBURG — Missionaries from the greatest country on earth were seen going door to door throughout Europe, spreading the good news of air conditioning.
TOPEKA, KS — Local man Samuel Denton was deeply upset Tuesday afternoon after his device, which is specifically designed to receive phone calls, received a phone call.
NEW YORK, NY — Ranch dressing futures skyrocketed to an unprecedented $120 a barrel on the New York Stock Exchange, officially surpassing crude oil as the world's most valuable liquid asset.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a narrow 5-4 decision, the United States Supreme Court ruled today that any baby born in or within five yards of an Olive Garden restaurant is an Italian citizen.
INDIANAPOLIS, IN - In the most thrilling moment in all of WNBA history, one woman pointed at another woman.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In ruling on whether men can be women, the United States Supreme Court invited esteemed judge and noted woman expert Matt Walsh to author the majority opinion elucidating what, in fact, a woman is.
MIAMI—In an effort to diversify its holdings in the highly competitive militarized surveillance space, data analytics firm Palantir announced Thursday that it had acquired the Pentagon for $800 billion. “After months of negotiating, I am thrilled to announce that the U.S. government has accept
QUANTICO, VA—Alarmed by what he described as the inability of supposedly elite law enforcement officers to approach and seduce attractive women, FBI director Kash Patel confirmed Thursday that he had invited all agents at the bureau to train with professional pickup artists. “The sad fact is th
WASHINGTON—Saying the nation had enjoyed a perfectly adequate amount of dribbling, passing, and loud chanting, a new report published Tuesday confirmed that was enough soccer for now. “Welp, that was fun, but we’ve got our fill,” the report read in part, adding that after a couple weeks of w
A 3-year-old giraffe is missing after escaping a ranch in Texas two weeks ago, with search helicopters turning up nothing. What do you think?
The post Escaped Giraffe Unable To Be Located appeared first on The Onion.
Elaine Gardener’s loved ones can rest easy knowing the 63-year-old passed after having finally completed the Devil’s Dozen Challenge at Sliders Bar & Grill.
The post Elaine Gardener appeared first on The Onion.
The post Last Living Millennial Dies appeared first on The Onion.
TWIN FALLS, ID—Highlighting sensitive areas on the body that when properly manipulated could induce extreme pain, older cousin Noah Horner held a demonstration on new pressure points he had learned since his last visit, nervous sources confirmed Friday. “Check this out—it’s used by IDF sold
WASHINGTON—In a statement that mourned “the extinguishing of one of the league’s oldest and most infernal lights,” the Washington Wizards announced Tuesday that the organization’s founding wizard, Osric the Baleful, had died at age 682, bringing to an end a centuries-long career in necroma
WASHINGTON—In a wide-reaching decision likely to affect every era of American life, the U.S. Supreme Court issued a landmark ruling Tuesday upholding a temporal gerrymander that would cost Democrats control of the House of Representatives in the 1932 election. With the 6-3 judgment, the court’s
MARBLE FALLS, TX — A local church found itself under fire this week after this year's Vacation Bible School theme centered around the biblical book of Judges, complete with lessons on murder by jawbone and swords engulfed in belly fat.
KANSAS CITY, MO — In an achievement unprecedented in the history of Major League Baseball, the Kansas City Royals somehow managed to find a way to lose on a day when they didn't play a game.
LONDON — In an effort to modernize MI6 for the eco-conscious era, the British government announced that the organization had officially granted James Bond a license to kill anyone with an air conditioner.
SILVER SPRING, MD — The National Weather Service issued a weather alert on Monday announcing that tonight, everyone is going to die, or absolutely nothing is going to happen, but it's definitely one of the two.
WASHINGTON—Expressing delight at the complete humiliation of their political opponents, White House officials on Monday gleefully mocked the paltry attendance at Democrats’ Great American State Fair. “To no one’s surprise, the Democrats and their socialist allies botched America’s 250th an
Sports
How do you beat a team with so much attacking firepower? If France's win over Sweden is any indication, it might be impossible.
Free agent sharpshooter Kevin Huerter intends to sign a three-year, $27 million deal to return to the Detroit Pistons, sources told ESPN.
The Hawks are declining Jonathan Kuminga's $24.3 million team option, making him a free agent.
The Warriors are prepared to pursue a reunion of LeBron James and Anthony Davis in Golden State, with Draymond Green declining his player option to open up the flexibility for such a possibility, league sources told ESPN.
The Portland Trail Blazers and center Robert Williams III have agreed to a three-year, $44 million contract extension, his agent Kevin Bradbury of LIFT Sports Management tells ESPN.
The Miami Heat are picking up sharpshooter Tim Hardaway Jr. on a one-year, $6.5 million deal, sources told ESPN.
Free agent guard Luke Kennard has agreed to a two-year, $13 million deal with the Phoenix Suns, with a player option for the second season.
The Memphis Grizzlies have traded two-time All-Star Ja Morant to the Portland Trail Blazers for Jerami Grant and Kris Murray.
Pistons restricted free agent Jalen Duren has meetings set up with the Lakers and Kings when free agency begins Tuesday.
FIFA explained Tuesday the tighter regulations that resulted in Germany having a potentially game-winning goal disallowed in its shock elimination from the World Cup.
The Detroit Lions seemed to be prepared to potentially play without Terrion Arnold, putting the cornerback on the field with backups during minicamp in mid-June.
Gilberto Mora will make history just by stepping on the pitch for Mexico's round of 32 match against Ecuador on Tuesday at Mexico City Stadium.
Before all eyes turn to the USA's game, top teams like England, Belgium and Senegal will be in action in the round of 32.
Which nations are most likely to make the final four? See the latest odds to reach the 2026 FIFA World Cup semifinals.
France leads the oddsboard, but Argentina continues to rise. Check out the latest odds to reach the World Cup final after the group stage.
The Los Angeles Dodgers two-way star Shohei Ohtani will skip his scheduled pitching start Wednesday against the Athletics to get some extra rest, manager Dave Roberts said
The start time for the round of 32 match between Mexico and Ecuador has been delayed due to thunderstorms in Mexico City.
Check out the odds for the Round of 32, now that losses equal elimination at the 2026 World Cup.
Brendan Sorsby is moving on to 2027.
Tech
Samsung teases wide-as-hell new foldable.
The White House is easing restrictions on Anthropic’s most advanced AI models weeks after ordering the company to suspend access for foreign nationals.
The app's arrival follows an announcement at last year's Meta Connect conference.
The retailer allegedly failed to meet requirements under the Fair Credit Reporting Act.
Anthropic trained its newest Sonnet model to excel at agentic tasks, which have been causing a headache for the company's enterprise customers and power users.
The California-based startup enters a crowded headphone market with a $399 chiseled-aluminum gamble.
The cuts will apparently start next week.
So much for magic.
Apple filed an appeal after being found in contempt of an order related to App Store fees.
You can use any sound you want for an iPhone alarm, and here's how to set it up.
At least for this session, the Stop Killing Games campaign has hit a wall in the California Senate.
The second animated Mario movie made over a billion dollars.
Extreme heat coupled with humidity will make it feel like 109 degrees Fahrenheit as the holiday weekend approaches.
The original Ninja Slushi has been replaced! The new best slushie machines chill faster and make soft serve.
Bitdefender VPN has an excellent starting price, even if it lacks the advanced features that privacy nerds may want.
For decades, the senator has argued that concentrated wealth threatened American democracy. Now he’s betting that frustration with Big Tech, billionaires, and unchecked AI is reaching a tipping point.
WIRED spent months talking to America’s favorite failson as he plotted his return to public life. Now he’s feeding the trolls—and everyone else.
The maps and images show the extent of destruction and give rescue operations a tool to find any remaining survivors.
Heat pumps are more than just a way to keep your home comfortable without using fossil fuels.
Hundreds of contractors working on a project for Meta pretended to be kids in order to see how other chatbots like Gemini and ChatGPT would respond to high-risk subjects, WIRED found.
Entertainment
Chris Brown is on the hook for a massive judgement to his ex-housekeeper after a jury found him liable for her injuries from a dog attack on his property, TMZ has learned. A jury came down with the decision on Tuesday after a lengthy trial between…
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce's wedding is shaping up to be crazy expensive ... and that's not even counting the roughly $160,000 it's going to cost for police assigned to work two events at Madison Square Garden. Our high-ranking NYPD sources tell…
James Kennedy is getting ready to say "I do" ... the former "Vanderpump Rules" star is engaged to girlfriend Jordan Meyers after a romantic proposal at Villa d'Este on Italy's famed Lake Como. The DJ shared the exciting news Tuesday on Instagram,…
Rob Kardashian made a rare appearance alongside his famous fam ... grinning wide in a photo shoot! The reclusive Kardashian sibling stood with three of his sisters -- sans Kylie and Kendall Jenner -- and their mom Kris Jenner while decked out in a…
Alannah Keyser has obviously received a ton of hate since video of her spewing the n-word came out ... but she says a few fans have also stood by her side -- and they keep her going. The "Love Island USA" Bombshell appeared on "One Night with…
'Bachelorette' alum DeAnna Pappas scored a win in her battle over money with her ex-husband Stephen Stagliano … after claiming she was living off her savings to survive, TMZ has learned. DeAnna and Stephen faced off in a L.A. courtroom, where the…
Santa Claus won't be able to make his round for Christmas in July this year ... because he's been arrested on a couple very serious charges. Here's the deal ... a 75-year-old man who legally changed his name to "Santa Claus" was arrested last week…
Colleen Zenk -- a longtime soap opera star best known for starring in "As the World Turns" and "The Young and the Restless" -- has been arrested for DUI again ... though she doesn't look bothered by it on bit in her mug shot. The Daytime Emmy Award…
Former NBA star Blake Griffin says his first experience with a sports psychologist was anything but a slam dunk ... claiming the shrink totally betrayed his trust. Blake was on the "Friends Keep Secrets" podcast Tuesday with Lil Dicky, Kristin…
Travis Kelce is getting his cardio in before heading down the aisle ... hitting the streets of New York City for a solo run ahead of wedding weekend with Taylor Swift. TMZ obtained a photo of the Kansas City Chiefs star jogging through Tribeca on…
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