US News
• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow • Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson • Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Sean Michael Lee's cancer was linked to burn pits in Iraq and Afghanistan, ending a life devoted to rescuing thousands from war zones and disasters.
Europe’s far left is finding common ground with Islamist-linked networks on anti-Israel politics, creating a growing challenge for Jewish communities and voters.
A China expert testifying before Congress says Beijing uses American organizations as "Trojan horses" to make its influence appear homegrown.
Thomas Matthew Crooks used the alias "Bob Dole" to order suspicious packages before the Butler, Pennsylvania, assassination attempt on Trump.
From Robert Taylor Homes to Lake Forest, Mr. T's life proves that faith, hard work and self-respect can overcome even the toughest circumstances.
A drone attack damaged Saudi Arabia's East-West Pipeline as Houthi rebels seize strategic islands near Bab el-Mandeb, squeezing oil routes beyond Hormuz.
Ben Affleck directs and stars alongside Kerry Washington in "Animals," a Netflix crime thriller about a kidnapped son and a web of deception.
Amazon's two-day October Prime Day event returns Oct. 6. Here's what to know, how to shop and which early deals are already live.
Tesla's Cybercab launched in Austin with no steering wheel or pedals, but hidden details about age limits and missing safety features may shock riders.
Dan Lanning defended Dante Moore's postgame absence, saying the Oregon Ducks quarterback needed two IVs for dehydration after the stunning loss.

Satire
LOS ANGELES—Regaining consciousness just as a masked captor slapped him across the face with the script, actor Jason Momoa reportedly woke up Tuesday tied to a chair in an empty warehouse facing the screenplay for a Candy Crush Saga movie. “You are Mr. Toffee now,” said a low, menacing voice t
CONCORD, MA—As he expressed alarm at still not having reached the title’s open world, local gamer Rudy Kelleher confirmed Tuesday that the prologue of his recently purchased video game was still going. “Christ, it’s been an hour and a half since I booted this thing up, and I’m still wande
The family of Katherine Lee, 35, asks that in lieu of flowers, mourners send any guesses about what her passwords might be. The post Katherine Lee appeared first on The Onion.
The post Virtuoso Grasshopper Absolutely Wailing On Leg appeared first on The Onion.
NEW YORK—In an urgent step intended to protect customers and humanity itself from the company’s flagship product, Casper Sleep announced Tuesday an immediate recall of mattresses that won’t stop expanding once unboxed. “In response to thousands of reports of our mattresses inflating catastr
The post Angels Set Off Fireworks To Celebrate Base Hit appeared first on The Onion.
LOS ANGELES—Taking a deep breath as she peeked her head out from the wings of the Peacock Theater, Primetime Emmy Awards host Mariska Hargitay reportedly calmed her nerves before the show Monday evening by picturing the entire audience brutally murdered. “Okay, Mariska, you got this, just imagin
KANSAS CITY, MO — After being notified that he was on a list of members needing to submit updated checks for criminal records to remain eligible to work in different areas of the church, one man pulled off a genius plan of committing a crime so he would fail his background check and get out of ser
WESTCHESTER COUNTY, NY — As authorities continued to gather information about the rogue band of superpowered individuals known as the X-Men, a new report surfaced that the mutant Wolverine developed his regenerative healing factor to survive the Canadian healthcare system.
ATLANTA, GA — A local Baptist church attracted attention this weekend for throwing a potluck that was awarded a prestigious Michelin star.
U.S. — Climate activists sounded the alarm this week, warning that global warming was to blame for zero hurricanes forming in the Atlantic Ocean this year.
GENEVA — A diplomatic council convened over the weekend to vote on a supplement to the Geneva Conventions officially declaring serving on a jury with shrill liberal women a form of torture.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced a new plan today to combat inflation by sending every American one million dollars.
President Trump promised a $5,000 “Trump Dividend” to every American adult should Republicans maintain control of both the House and the Senate after the midterm elections, which would likely cost over $1 trillion in total. What do you think? The post Trump Promises Americans $5,000 If GOP Maint
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — AI startup Anthropic held a press conference on Monday to proudly announce that its models would bring about the total extinction of the human race significantly faster than competitor OpenAI.
That’s right, we’re still calling it that. Not Southern. Not Antebellum. Plantation-style. Of course, you don’t have to say that if you buy it. Just go ahead and kowtow to the woke mob instead. Coward. Reference #374809 The post Plantation-Style Home appeared first on The Onion.
THE HEAVENS—Shaking His head in disbelief as the color drained from His face, God, Our Heavenly Father, was reportedly horrified Monday to learn that humans had been consuming the sacred, omniscient potatoes He sent to earth. “Potatoes? As in the one part of My divine creation I painstakingly m

Sports
LSU has just four players officially listed on the roster. And yet, we're projecting it to go to the NCAA tournament.
The pop star and actor sat side by side while supporting Swift's husband and Kansas City Chiefs tight end, Travis Kelce.
Robert Kraft said he had Macklemore removed as an opening act for Ed Sheeran's shows at Gillette Stadium due in part to a "history of antisemitic rhetoric and imagery that we believe has been deeply offensive and hurtful to the Jewish community."
The Blackhawks named Connor Bedard, 21, as captain, the second-youngest captain in franchise history. Jonathan Toews was 20 when he received the honor.
Broncos assistant coaches had discussions with Drew Brees about the former star QB coming out of retirement to play for Denver in last season's AFC Championship Game, sources told ESPN.
Ducks coach Dan Lanning said Monday that the loss to the unranked Cowboys was "by far the worst performance that we've had since I've been here."
The PGA Tour on Tuesday announced membership categories and explains points system for its Championship and Challenger Series starting in 2028.
White Sox center fielder Tristan Peters' 18-pitch walk proved the turning point in a 7-3 win over the Guardians on Monday that put Chicago in the driver's seat for the AL Central title.
Retired UFC champion Henry Cejudo has a new opponent for his professional boxing debut on Sept. 26 -- actor and professional boxing prospect Javon "Wanna" Walton.
Quarterback Patrick Mahomes, making his return from a torn ACL, and running back Kenneth Walker III, making his Chiefs debut, powered Kansas City to a season-opening blowout win over Denver.
After a close race last season, who is the early favorite to win the 2026 NFL MVP? See the odds.
The Chiefs are climbing after a dominant Week 1 win, but the Rams remain atop the Super Bowl oddsboard. See the latest odds.
Just 12 teams will make the 2026 MLB postseason; the other 18 are being eliminated, one at a time.
Ralph Vacchiano updates the NFL hierarchy after each week of the 2026 season.
From record-setting scoring across the league to historic performances from the NFL’s biggest stars, check out the defining stats from Week 1.
The Los Angeles Dodgers marked their record-tying 14th consecutive trip to MLB’s postseason.
Week 1 set a scoring record, making it even tougher to pick the best of the best this week. Here are our Week 1 All-Stars.
Aaron Judge hit a three-run home run that capped a six-run eighth inning, and the New York Yankees clinched a postseason spot.

Tech
Curved monitors are fabulous for immersive gaming, usually, but there are some situations where a flat panel is best.
You may not hear much about MediaTek these days, but it's still going strong.
Here are the best delivery services and meal kits in 2026, including the Martha Stewart meal service, a GLP-1–supportive plan, and a budget-friendly option.
MagSafe charging has become the standard for modern iPhones and MacBooks, but there are some downsides to charging this way.
This tiny soundbar has few frills for $250, but still supports Atmos audio.
The changes offer more independence and requests for easy vehicle entry.
With Android's more open ecosystem, it's not hard to download apps that are unsafe. Here's how to scan for spyware.
MagSafe is a feature unique to iPhones, but Android users have a couple of options if they want to use MagSafe accessories and chargers.
HTC's pricey Vive Eagle smart glasses are a credible alternative to Meta, but you'll still struggle to find a reason to buy a pair.
Following mass layoffs in 2022 and 2023, many tech workers turned against their employers. When liberal politicians also rallied against Silicon Valley, their backers turned to Donald Trump.
As anxieties over surveillance tech grow, unsuspecting singles are sharing stories of being covertly filmed on dates by Meta smart glasses.
WIRED tested samples of four types of peptides. The results show how lightly regulated the industry is, even as popularity surges.
Apple is bundling in more services, including TV, with its cheaper iCloud+ subscriptions in certain regions.
The US Census is home to vast troves of sensitive data on nearly every person living in the country, which is used for apportioning and drawing congressional districts as well as allocating federal funding based on population sizes.
A new bipartisan effort in Congress to rein in automated license plate readers takes a page from the national drinking age: Comply, or risk losing federal highway funding.
Emily St. John Mandel’s 2014 novel, Station Eleven, turned her into something of a pandemic prophet. Her new novel, Exit Party, imagines two possible American futures—totalitarian state and post-civil-war chaos.
The device made by Flow Neuroscience is approved by the FDA and could help people get off antidepressants—but it costs $2,200.
The System76 Pangolin Pro Linux Laptop wraps a speedy processor, plenty of ports, and a great operating system in a svelte, 16-inch package.
The ruling bars the United States Postal Service from implementing restrictions that experts and election officials say would upend voting in November.

Entertainment
Keke Palmer did not appear at the Emmys despite being announced as a presenter … and she has yet to explain the mystery absence. The actress was supposed to take the stage with "Saturday Night Live" star Marcello Hernandez to give out the…
The Los Angeles County District Attorney Nathan Hochman is taking the death penalty off the table in Nick Reiner’s criminal case ... and it is partly due to his slain parents’ view on executing criminals, TMZ has learned. Sources with direct…
An American Airlines passenger got totally naked and performed lewd acts on herself in front of others during a flight to Florida ... and she wound up in police custody, according to a report. Fox News said the woman was flying on an AA flight from…
Hayden Panettiere and her drug dealer engaged in numerous text conversations for years -- right up until the week she died -- and the DEA is now laser-focused on the thread of incriminating evidence ... sources tell TMZ. Sources involved in the…
Sommer Ray is officially 30 ... and we're ringing in the big 3-0 with some seriously steamy shots. From showing off her bikini bod to serving up sweaty gym selfies, Sommer's never been shy about giving fans plenty to look at ... and we're…
The folks who call the shots for the Super Bowl halftime show have two megastars at the top of their list for the 2027 event ... Justin Bieber and Harry Styles. Sources tell us both singers are high on Roc Nation's short list. Jay-Z and his company…
The 78th Primetime Emmy Awards may have included Meg Stalter painted gold on the red carpet, a cameo from Taylor Swift, and moving tributes to the legends we lost this past year, but the winners were front and center at tonight's awards! Sally…
The 2026 Emmys honored a long list of television legends during their In Memoriam ... but several familiar names were noticeably missing, including Chuck Norris, Daveigh Chase, Nicholas Brendon and more. Chuck, who passed away in March, had a…
The 2026 Emmy Awards honored Hayden Panettiere during the In Memoriam segment of their broadcast Monday. Her photo flashed across the screen during the montage, which was underscored by Noah Kahan's rendition of Simon & Garfunkel's "Bridge Over…
Jamie Lee Curtis became overwhelmed with emotion while remembering Rob Reiner during the Emmys In Memoriam. Curtis took the stage, breaking down during her tribute to her late friend and giving her speech through tears. Check out the video ...…

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