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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Jenna Fischer reveals why she left television series acting after 70-hour weeks and how the "Office Ladies" podcast gave her time for school drop-offs.
New video shows Karen Solomon, the armed and dangerous suspect sought after a Worcester police officer was found dead inside their shared home.
President Donald Trump's approval rating hits 33% in a new Reuters/Ipsos poll, and 80% of respondents expect the Iran war to go on indefinitely.
Rep. Jared Moskowitz sent "condolences" to Hasan Piker on X after defeating DSA-backed Oliver Larkin in Florida's 25th District Democratic primary.
Special Envoy Nick Adams toured the Pro Football Hall of Fame as part of a White House initiative to boost domestic and international tourism.
A Pew Research survey finds 55% of young adults are now more concerned than excited about artificial intelligence, a sharp shift from 2021 attitudes.
The best slip-on shoes combine comfort and convenience. Shop sneakers, loafers, slippers, sandals and clogs starting at just $42.
Five Americans, including Telemundo executive José Suárez, were killed when a charter helicopter carrying seven people crashed in a mountainous region of northern Kenya.
Court complaints reveal Agostino Abbatiello's alleged drug ring used Cash App and Snapchat to facilitate cocaine sales across Penn State fraternities.
Clarence Thomas choked up recalling a promise he made after his grandparents' deaths and Thomas Sowell's influence on his thinking about self-reliance.
Satire
CHICAGO, IL — Principal Dan Naylor called for a parent conference after persistent concerns that senior student Anthony King was only assaulting teachers at a fifth-grade level.
PLYMOUTH, MA — Accused child killer Lindsay Clancy has been honored with Planned Parenthood's prestigious Lifetime Achievement Award.
PETERSBURG, KY — A local young-earth creationist is reportedly suffering a crisis of faith after realizing he has no explanation for the fact that Nancy Pelosi is 12,000 years old.
TALLAHASSEE, FL — After an election night in which the Sunshine State successfully tallied all its votes within hours of the polls closing, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis explained to California Governor Gavin Newsom that the secret to counting ballots in one night is not committing fraud.
Harry Potter fans forced the relocation of a multi-hundred million dollar undersea power cable they claimed would disturb the fake grave of the fictional house elf Dobby, the linkage now redirected to pass near actual Bronze Age human burial remains. What do you think?
The post ‘Harry Potter’ Fa
U.S. — In a beautiful moment for America, women have finally begun to come together to rally support for stay-at-home moms.
BUFFALO, NY—Audibly groaning before declaring the event “a major letdown” compared to competitions in previous years, local baseball fan Dylan St. John reportedly switched off Wednesday’s Little League World Series game between Canada and Asia-Pacific due to neither team having a big fat kid
Candidates from the left’s Democratic Socialists of America party have been gaining momentum around the country in primaries leading up to the midterms. The Onion examines the common myths and facts surrounding the DSA. MYTH: Socialist ideas have never worked in the real world. FACT: No political
WASHINGTON—Defending the introductory barnyard sounds as typical for any commander-in-chief, White House officials confirmed Wednesday that it was customary for U.S. presidents to start a press conference with the word ‘moo.’ “Of course the left-wing press is going to attempt to spin this as
NEW YORK—Calling the current rate of theatrical releases starring the actress “unsustainable,” top analysts warned Wednesday that the U.S. economy was becoming overly dependent on Anne Hathaway. “Between Mother Mary, The Devil Wears Prada 2, The Odyssey, The End Of Oak Street, and the upcomi
WASHINGTON—Touting the new vessel as an investment that could discreetly transport the nation’s chief executive for years to come, President Donald Trump unveiled Tuesday a new 250-foot gilded catering container for presidential travel. “This custom, state-of-the-art service container is cover
NASHVILLE, TN — After a string of controversial posts went viral online, commentator Matt Walsh took to social media to plead with people to stop taking his words in context.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced on Tuesday that after declaring the Strait of Hormuz an official U.S. territory, it had immediately been filled by a floating Trump golf course.
U.S. — Though a 10-year food study determined that ultra-processed foods like Doritos are exceptionally delicious, scientists cautioned that more extensive testing and many more bags were needed to draw a final conclusion.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Republican Party was hit with an awkward incident on Tuesday after Rep. Nancy Mace and House Speaker Mike Johnson discovered they had gotten matching arm tattoos by mistake.
ST. LOUIS—Tearfully admitting that the lifelong problem had finally reached a breaking point, local man Darren Moore told reporters Tuesday that he doesn’t like who he becomes when he’s around salsa. “There’s something about when a bowl of salsa hits the table…I become…different…”
CHICAGO—Saying he now saw the woman he’d been dating in a totally different light, local man Arthur Morris confirmed Tuesday that a recent visit to his girlfriend’s family provided illuminating insight into why she was Asian. “The first time I saw her parents, it totally clicked why she’s
DALLAS, TX — Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport announced the installation of a new "Hijackers Only" TSA screening line to better accommodate the needs of terrorists.
ESTES PARK, CO—Noting the bag’s elongated oval shape, prominent Wilson logo, and the fact that its owner was walking directly toward a tennis court, a new report released Tuesday concluded that the tennis-racket-shaped bag in local man Marcus Walman’s hand just had to be full of tennis rackets
Sports
We bid summer adieu and embark on a new season of celebrating the best of the worst, on and off the field.
Los Angeles Sparks star Nneka Ogwumike, an 11-time WNBA All-Star, announced Wednesday she will retire at the conclusion of the 2026 season.
Scottie Scheffler and Rory McIlroy offered different opinions Wednesday on whether LIV Golf players potentially returning to the PGA Tour would bring value.
Former Cowboys Pro Bowl cornerback Trevon Diggs plans to sign a one-year deal with the Seattle Seahawks, a source told ESPN's Adam Schefter on Wednesday.
The Steelers will start second-year quarterback Will Howard against the Jets on Friday while 2026 fourth-round pick Drew Allar will follow.
Despite his own lofty accomplishments, Rory McIlroy said that, without a doubt, Scottie Scheffler should be the PGA Tour Player of the Year.
With a decision at starting quarterback looming, Browns quarterback Shedeur Sanders said Wednesday he's not feeling pressure ahead of joint practice with the Bills on Thursday and his start in the second preseason game at home Saturday.
Sophie Cunningham said the WNBA needs a "bold" commissioner "who wants the best for the players and not maybe for themselves."
Texans second-year wideout Jayden Higgins will miss the season after suffering a torn ACL during a joint practice with the Raiders, sources told NFL Network.
Liz Loza identifies six players generating excitement who could eventually turn into league winners.
Crystal Palace added to its squad for another European campaign by signing United States youth international Zavier Gozo in a club record sale for Real Salt Lake.
Jamal Musiala's readiness for Bayern Munich's season start is uncertain after collapsing in two warmup games because of a neurological issue.
José Mourinho is confident Real Madrid will be fine without Rodri despite admitting the club made “a very good offer" to try to sign the Spain captain.
Monaco has parted ways with midfielder Paul Pogba after the former France star’s stay was hampered by injuries.
Houston Texans wide receiver Jayden Higgins will miss the entire 2026 NFL season after reportedly suffering a torn ACL.
The Seahawks have made an addition at corner as they still haven't officially signed Terrion Arnold.
Comparing RJ Young's end-of-season top-25 rankings compared to his 2026 Ultimate 138 preseason ranking.
The first of Jorge Polanco's two years with the Mets was full of injuries and outs, and now it's ended.
Could Arch Manning follow in the familial footsteps and be named a Heisman finalist in 2026? Here are the latest odds for the award.
You're about to watch the most competitive season of college football ever.
Tech
The new cameras are prettier versions of Polaroid Now and Polaroid Go.
The FDA has approved a first-of-its-kind automated blood draw device for outpatient settings.
During a recent visit to Generalist AI, I watched a robotic arm improvise and use a banana as a tool.
College students can get a free year of Google's AI Pro plan, something that would normally cost $200.
Drivers may be more distracted on days when a big new album drops.
The $330 Xbox building set includes a controller that interacts with three game-inspired dioramas.
New gaming studio Black Pony Immersive has veterans from Arkane, Insomniac and Epic.
Who wouldn't want to rest their tush on a green Xbox logo cushion?
Meta's new Mac app is part of the company's push to make more business-friendly AI tools.
Operation Blue Skies, which also involves the UK government, will subtly reroute flights to test contrail avoidance.
Anthropic announced last week it would include invisible watermarks in AI-generated content to comply with new EU rules. Within hours, overrides were being touted online.
With smarter gym tracking, new health alerts, and offline Gemini, the Pixel Watch 5 fine-tunes a winning formula—for a price.
Amazon says it will serve nearly 500 US towns and cities with Prime Air deliveries by the end of the year.
Google’s new voice typing is pure magic, but subpar gaming performance and a useless rear LED keep these flagships from true greatness.
Overwhelmed theater apps and a scarcity mindset around exclusive big-screen formats for blockbusters like Dune: Part Three and The Odyssey have led to the “concertification” of movies.
What originally looked like clutter turned out to be my new favorite gadget for organizing my family’s life.
I tested the top-of-the-line Ecovacs Winbot W2S Omni window-cleaning robot on my Victorian home, and it was an unmitigated disaster.
Data and finance professionals are competing in Excel obstacle courses—amassing huge followings and keeping the Microsoft program relevant.
The replica watch industry is in its “super clone” era. Following tips from murky internet forums, we bought three budget fakes that were good enough to pass as real—but ultimately disposable.
The car world is filled with designers still obsessed with shoehorning sex into their rides. Slate went a different route, and it’s why people are smitten with the charming electric pickup.
Entertainment
Elon Musk is doubling down on his defense of Derek Chauvin ... insisting the former Minneapolis cop convicted of murdering George Floyd is innocent and should be freed. Elon weighed in Wednesday on X ... saying Chauvin was "unjustly convicted of…
Hayden Panettiere's mother says cops are taking a hard look at drug use in the police investigation into her death ... even bringing in a narcotics investigator to help. Lesley Vogel told NBC News Wednesday that she's been informed cops are…
Post Malone and Christy Lee have apparently gone from splitsville to proposals ... 'cause the couple is now engaged. Posty and Christy are seen locking lips in a new video ... but it's the massive rock on her left ring finger that's really got our…
Nolan Wells would have turned 19 today ... and three of the friends who were with him before his death joined a virtual vigil honoring his life. Warren Hudson, Jax Pitalo and Morgan Seymour participated in the National Action Network's noon prayer…
Hayden Panettiere's boyfriend Brian Hickerson is surfacing for the first time since her tragic death ... and it looks like he's still in shock. A solemn Brian stepped outside Wednesday in South Carolina wearing a cap and shades ... just days after…
The murder trial for alleged Tupac Shakur killer Duane "Keefe D" Davis rolls into its third day Wednesday ... and you can watch the courtroom action live right here. Keefe is accused of planning the legendary rapper's murder and allegedly producing…
Suge Knight is calling BS on the Tupac Shakur murder trial ... saying one of the witnesses taking the stand isn't telling the real story. Suge joined us on "TMZ Live" Wednesday from prison and unloaded on James McDonald, who testified Tuesday in…
Gayle King is unhappy with a statement from Hayden Panettiere's mother in the aftermath of her daughter's tragic death ... saying it's a huge missed opportunity. The longtime television host read Lesley Vogel's statement live on "CBS Mornings" ...…
Princess Diana's death was ruled an accident, but there's haunting evidence she may have been the victim of foul play, which is the subject of "Celebrity Crime Scene: Princess Diana." Dodi Fayed's father claims Diana and Dodi told him she was…
Timbaland is being dragged to court by a DJ who claims he was fired from the Timbaland and Missy Elliott tour shortly before it was scheduled to start ... and the DJ says he believes nepotism is at play. TMZ obtained the lawsuit filed by DJ E Feezy…
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