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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
"Yellowstone" star Dawn Olivieri reveals the career dry spell that drove her to leave LA for a 160-acre Arkansas ranch and animal sanctuary.
Recently, I examined how welfare state incentives broke the Black family, and now Project H.O.O.D. fights fatherlessness on Chicago's South Side.
From Dave Chappelle's Charlie Kirk joke to several Trump assassination quips, a growing list of liberal figures have promoted political violence.
Maryland Democratic Gov. Wes Moore's former Army supervisor in Afghanistan says his claims of leading paratroopers in combat are "not truthful."
Democrats flipped legislative chambers in Wisconsin, Michigan, Arizona and other battleground states, creating trifectas that could reshape redistricting.
Ella Langley's "Choosin' Texas" hits a staggering 27 weeks atop the Billboard Hot 100, widening her already record-breaking lead even further.
Screencaps covers James Cook's 31-carry, 107-yard game against the Vikings and the Internet's viral theory about a very visible brown spot.
Drew Rosenhaus helps Brandon Aiyuk get reinstated by the NFL, but the 49ers have zero intention of welcoming him back onto their roster now.
House Republicans uncovered alleged conflicts of interest involving federal prosecutors and failures by financial institutions that enabled Epstein's yearslong abuse.
Republican Rep. Ken Calvert defeated Rep. Young Kim in a rare GOP vs. GOP battle forced by California Gov. Gavin Newsom's redistricting in the midterms.
Satire
WASHINGTON—According to administration sources, President Donald Trump gathered his Cabinet in the White House Situation Room on Friday to watch pornography, staring at a large-screen TV with laser focus while his advisors sat around him in hushed silence. “Operation horny MILF teacher bangs ho
MEMPHIS, TN—With a massive crowd gathering at the facility to witness a milestone event in the history of the species, Graceland celebrated this week as it welcomed the first-ever Elvis born in captivity. “After many years where we didn’t know if we would ever have another king, our visitors
IRVING, TX— Revealing his openness to disclosing sensitive corporate information if properly incentivized, Entenmann’s CEO Larry Dunford announced Monday that he was happy to share donut-related secrets with Chinese spies in exchange for sex. “I’ll tell you whatever you want to know: recipes
Jacob's brother, Esau, famously traded away his birthright for a bowl of stew. That's right, stew. Nothing special, right? But there were reportedly several other types of food he would have gladly taken as well.
LIVERMORE, CA — Following the news that Chinese agents had been engaging in widespread "honeypot" operations across the United States for years, former Congressman Eric Swalwell was reportedly heartbroken to learn that Chinese intelligence had been seeing other people.
The Democrats retook the House, Senate, and many statewide offices after a massive wave of wins in the 2026 midterm election. The Onion breaks down the figures behind the Democrats’ “blue tsunami.” 54 Number of states Democrats now control ∞ Executive orders incoming $2.99 Price that swing v
WASHINGTON—Calling it a shortsighted decision that he would come to regret during his final two years in office, members of the GOP criticized President Donald Trump Monday for promoting Stephen Miller to serve as chief of staff over other, more qualified necrophiles. “The Republican Party has
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats announced on Monday that they now have a clear mandate from voters to do all the crazy stuff they never mentioned in their campaigns.
NEW YORK, NY — In his most hilarious stand-up comedy bit yet, comedian Dave Chappelle brought a young dad up on stage and murdered him in cold blood.
SAN JOSE, CA — Local man Darren Mitchell set his email "out-of-office" reply to alert people that he would be on vacation in Hyrule for the foreseeable future.
AUSTIN, TX — The state of Texas announced an update to its famous "Lone Star" flag, adding five more stars in order to represent all six genders.
CANAAN — Tensions heightened in one prominent local family this week, as witnesses reported that Joseph's brothers had grown increasingly jealous of his vintage Charlotte Hornets Starter jacket.
DUBAI—Rubbing at his eyes carefully with one hand and murmuring “shit” under his breath as he watched one of his slippers tumble toward the ground over 500 meters below, actor Tom Cruise reportedly woke up Wednesday while sleep-climbing the Burj Khalifa. “Oh, no, not this again,” said Crui
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With Republicans still reeling from the midterm shellacking last week, President Donald Trump assured them he would turn things around in his third term.
The post Man Does ‘Safety’ Signal Alone At TV appeared first on The Onion.
FITCHBURG, WI—Stating that he could not recall Cocoa Beach, an airboat tour of the Everglades, or breakfast with Chip ’n’ Dale at the Garden Grill Restaurant, local seventh grader Caleb May told reporters Thursday that the only memory he had of the $6,000 vacation he took with his family in 20
Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) commuted the sentences of all 548 people currently on California’s death row, claiming “state-sactioned killing is incompatible” with our shared values. What do you think?
The post Gavin Newsom Commutes All California Death Sentences appeared first on The Onion.
Sports
The expanded College Football Playoff is official and begins next season. Here's what you need to know.
After a historically poor performance by Carson Wentz on Monday night, Vikings coach Kevin O'Connell was asked whether the team might trade for a QB ahead of Tuesday's deadline. He deferred the question to GM Nolan Teasley.
Stephen Curry scored 25 points in 20-plus minutes, Yaxel Lendeborg added 23 points, and the Warriors won their eighth straight game by 51 points against the short-handed Pelicans on Monday night.
Tennessee's men's basketball team released a collective bargaining term sheet that includes a salary cap and spending floor, eligibility and transfer rules.
Rory McIlroy said Bryson DeChambeau would "bring eyeballs" to the DP World Tour in 2027 because of "everything he brings with him, good and bad."
Oregon State sophomore quarterback Braden Atkinson, the country's leading passer, has signed a deal to return to Oregon State for the 2027 season, sources told ESPN's Pete Thamel.
NFL favorites won 14 of 15 games in Week 9, a historic run of chalk that cost sportsbooks and left the betting public smiling.
The Jaguars traded a 2027 first-round pick and a 2029 second-round pick to the Eagles for defensive tackle Jordan Davis on Monday.
How does every NFL team stack up as we hit midseason? We made our 1-32 list and picked key games in the second half of the season.
United States coach Mauricio Pochettino is the favoured candidate to replace Michael Carrick as Manchester United manager, sources have told ESPN.
Check out the lines for every NFL Week 10 game, beginning with Commanders-Giants on Thursday.
Will Jonathan Taylor be traded before Tuesday's trade deadline? Check out his next team odds and the contenders that could land the Colts star.
The Bills have closed the gap on the 49ers. See the latest odds to win the Super Bowl after Week 9.
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Tech
Get up to 30 percent off and save an extra $60 on orders over $100.
The platform's new toolset collects and organizes user data on thousands of items.
The performance of these underwater drones is much more than a gimmick. It signals serous geopolitical swagger that's turning heads across global sectors.
To ensure your TV and connected devices are providing the best picture quality possible, turn on these HDMI port settings.
The UK's largest telecom company is courageously waiting for people to forget about Musk before launching its tie-up with Starlink.
You can also now listen to a DJ mix without the commentary.
Adobe announced its latest flight of AI-powered tools at its Max conference today.
The new Mini Mini holds 12 cans and fits on a countertop. And if you buy a full-sized Rocco fridge, you can take $50 off the little one.
Built by Cyanogen’s cofounder, Kora is a next-gen alternative to Windows and macOS built for power users running local AI models.
From Heated Rivalry to Wicker, the movie format that embraces thrusting chairs and splashing the crowd is catering to those who want a horny communal theatergoing experience.
That red dot on your Apple Watch indicates you have unread notifications. Here's how you can clear them and change your notification settings.
This $250 Drone Cam flies around your home to monitor threats. There’s also the Rover Cam for businesses, featuring the guts of Amazon’s former Astro robot.
They're the first two products from Ring Robotics, the company's new autonomous home security devices category.
For thermal protection, Anker smart chargers display the temperature status on their tiny screens. Discover what the mysterious "Floating" status means.
Starship's Flight 15 is scheduled for November 13, pending regulatory approval.
The gay hookup app’s premium tier Edge rolls out this month. Grindr will limit membership numbers to “preserve exclusivity.”
The outspoken consumer rights advocate knows the incoming Democrat-heavy Congress has a lot to get done. But he hopes one of those things is letting you fix your own iPhone.
Let your friend pick out their own hiking boots. For their next trip into the wild, try gifting a useful blade, merino socks, moka pot, or a nature journal.
The “abliterators” are flooding the internet with AI models that never say no, making it easier for people to improve their cyberdefenses—or build a bomb.
The risk of nuclear catastrophe is real, as is the fallout of the China–US domination game (hi there, spies). But no need to panic about Skynet.
Entertainment
Bruce Willis’ youngest daughter, Tallulah Willis, is telling the person who secretly spoke out about her dad’s health to “stay away” from her family. Tallulah addressed a report this week that included a quote from a source … who said…
'Looney Tunes' voice actor Eric Bauza left behind a hefty sum for his son and family members, TMZ has learned. Eric’s brother, Edgar Alan Bauza, filed court docs seeking to serve as executor of the estate of the actor who voiced Bugs Bunny,…
A terrifying scene unfolded in Washington, D.C., Tuesday morning ... after a Secret Service motorcycle officer was critically injured in a crash that left his bike mangled. A Secret Service spokesperson tells TMZ ... the officer was involved in a…
Pete Hegseth is facing possible impeachment by Congress, but Trump's Secretary of War came out swinging Tuesday morning, saying his many detractors on the left are driven to remove him from office because of their massive egos and resentment.…
David Walliams denied being a sexual predator hours after being unmasked as the celebrity fighting to keep the UK press from running accusations from accusers. The author said, “Looking back, I realise that at times I behaved thoughtlessly…
Sofia Franklyn is dishing about her time with Alex Cooper in her new memoir, "Daddy Issues," and Alex may not want to pick up a copy because of her not-so-flattering portrayal. In the book, Franklyn describes an incident involving Cooper -- with…
The mystery celebrity who spent weeks fighting to keep his name secret amid explosive sexual misconduct allegations has finally been unmasked ... and it's author David Walliams. The popular British children's book author was previously identified…
Ken Urker will always be with Gypsy Rose Blanchard ... because she was given some of his ashes after his cremation, TMZ has learned. Family sources tell TMZ … Ken was cremated, and his ashes were split between Gypsy, his mom Raina, and his…
Tuesday's turnin' way up with two babes in red-hot bikinis, but there's a catch here: Who'd You Rather?! Sami Sheen -- daughter of Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards hit the beach for a late-night photo op, while 'Bachelor' babe Kelley Flanagan…
Tahitian actress Karina Lombard was 24 when she played the seductive beachgoer who attempts to seduce Tom Cruise’s character in the thriller/mystery "The Firm" back in 1993. Cruise starred as Mitch McDeere -- the ambitious, young lawyer who…
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