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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
The Texas Board of Education gave final approval to controversial social studies changes impacting how students learn about Islam and Christianity.
Russia launched ballistic and cruise missiles at Kyiv shortly after envoys Steve Witkoff and Jared Kushner's visit to the city for peace negotiations.
Andy Burnham's UK sanctions targeting Israeli West Bank settlements spark fierce backlash from Benjamin Netanyahu's ministers and U.S. lawmakers.
A power outage plunged Doak Campbell Stadium into darkness minutes before kickoff, forcing SMU and Florida State to play without communications.
Sarah Khalifa was among 12 defendants sentenced to death after prosecutors accused the group of manufacturing and trafficking synthetic narcotics.
A 21-member rescue team was dispatched to the remote mountain after nearby hikers witnessed the climber fall and officials determined the injuries were not survivable.
The New York Yankees activated Aaron Judge from the 60-day injured list after a broken rib, skipping a rehab assignment ahead of the Rockies series.
Thomas Pannone retired all 27 batters on just 94 pitches for the Nashville Sounds, completing Minor League Baseball's first perfect game since 2017.
Darius Slayton posted a heartfelt farewell after the New York Giants surprisingly cut their longest-tenured player just days before Week 1.
U.S. forces sank a Los Choneros refueling vessel in the Eastern Pacific after SOUTHCOM said it supported at-sea drug trafficking operations.
Satire
U.S. — Women across America honored the passing of feminist icon Gloria Steinem by dropping their kids off at daycare and heading to work for 9 hours at jobs they all claim to hate.
SACRAMENTO, CA — A local 16-year-old saw her dreams crushed Thursday after bringing her vehicle to a complete, zero-mile-per-hour stop at a stop sign, a move that instantly disqualified her from receiving her license.
U.S. — Millions of murderers across the country expressed overwhelming optimism today following reports that killing someone is effectively legal, provided the perpetrator informs authorities they were sad.
ATLANTA—Hailing its success as a major victory for the public health and safety of all Americans, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Monday that it had successfully eradicated children. The agency confirmed that children had been the leading vector of disease nationally, posi
Finally landed the career of your dreams? Well, this dated, leaky 2-bedroom home is still all you’ll ever be able to afford because that’s just how things are now. Settle in and get used to it. Reference #830436
The post What Middle Class Looks Like Now appeared first on The Onion.
DANBURY, CT—Marveling aloud that he had rarely been so sure of an athlete’s unbridled potential, Huntington High School head football coach Michael McNeese said Monday he just had a good feeling about a new player that other kids on the team were referring to simply as “Thunder Beef.” McNees
EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Sending the publisher scrambling to protect trade secrets related to the hotly anticipated project, leaks from Rockstar Games worsened Friday as hackers released a fully playable copy of Grand Theft Auto IX. “It’s heartbreaking having assets leak out for any of our projects
Influencer Alix Earle is the star of Netflix’s newest reality show, Earle Meets World. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the series. Q: Who is Alix Earle? A: Alix is a Gen Z content creator known for eating expired military rations. Q: I thought her name was Alex Cooper. A: Ask yo
THE HEAVENS—Scratching His head and rifling through His notes as He tried to recall His reasoning for the decision, The Lord God, Supreme Creator of the Universe, reportedly struggled to remember on Friday why He made so many ugly people. “I could have given everyone on Earth perfect, symmetrica
The CEO of Pabst Brewing Co. put up a $20,000 reward to anyone who could provide information that leads to the recovery of 1,602 missing cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon and non-alcoholic Old Milwaukee beers. What do you think?
The post PBR Offers $20,000 Reward For Lost Beer appeared first on The Onion.
Legacy mapping tool MapQuest shot up to become the top navigation app in Apple’s app store after refusing to comply with President Trump’s executive order renaming “Lake Ontario” to “Lake America,” overtaking Google Maps, Waze, and Apple Maps. What do you think?
The post MapQuest Jumps T
The post Gloria Steinem, Researcher Who Discovered Existence Of Women, Dead At 92 appeared first on The Onion.
Sports
Shohei Ohtani, who returned to the Dodgers' lineup Monday, said he is "focusing on hitting moving forward."
The Giants have released wide receiver Darius Slayton, moving on from their longest-tenured player.
The New York Yankees activated three-time American League MVP Aaron Judge, 34, on Monday night, paving the way for his return against the Colorado Rockies on Tuesday after sitting out more than three months because of a fractured rib.
Mike Vrabel and the New England Patriots moved past the Dianna Russini scandal. Others are still feeling its effects.
SMU quarterback Kevin Jennings shook off a pair of interceptions to lead the No. 19 Mustangs' winning scoring drive, capped by Nick Reed's 20-yard field goal with 21 seconds to play, and the road team wrapped up a 27-24 win over Florida State on Monday.
Arch Manning says he doesn't like to think about his ill-fated debut against the Buckeyes last year as his Longhorns look for redemption this Saturday.
The Patriots and Christian Gonzalez agreed to terms on a four-year, $135 million extension that makes him the highest-paid CB in NFL history.
The game between No. 19 SMU and Florida State kicked off after a nearly two-hour delay and was played with limited power at Doak Campbell Stadium.
All signs point toward San Francisco's Nick Bosa and George Kittle playing in Thursday's season opener versus the Rams.
We played out one of the Football Power Index's 10,000 season simulations (No. 9,187).
Christian Gonzalez is now the NFL's highest-paid cornerback.
Heading into Week 1, Los Angeles is atop the Super Bowl oddsboard. See the latest odds.
FOX Sports' RJ Young shares his latest college football rankings after a long Week 1.
Keep up with all of the latest news from around the NFL on Monday.
Florida State head coach Mike Norvell is on the hot seat early in the 2026 season following back-to-back losing years in Tallahassee.
The start of the game between No. 19 SMU and Florida State on Monday night was delayed to a power outage at the stadium just minutes before the scheduled kickoff.
Shohei Ohtani was back in the Los Angeles Dodgers' lineup as designated hitter on Monday night after a four-day break to deal with lingering left knee, right biceps and neck soreness.
Aaron Judge is set to make his return to the New York Yankees lineup on Tuesday.
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Tech
Xiaomi's impressive-sounding new foldable arrives on the eve of Apple's big foldable iPhone event.
We all want to take the best photos with our $1,000 devices, and sometimes that means rolling back all those extra settings in the Camera app back to zero.
Chromebooks are great devices, but they might not be able to do everything a Windows or Mac device can. Consider carefully before using one daily.
In the market for a new laptop? You'll want to know just how long it'll run without being plugged in, and how you can maximize the efficiency of its battery.
GM's lineup is dropping Apple CarPlay and Android Auto in favor of its own infotainment systems. But one model is keeping the phone-mirroring capabilities.
Vulcan oven mitts, spaceship baking dishes, and an out-of-this-world communicator grater—you'll need warp speed to Klingon to this limited edition kitchen kit, ideal for perfecting the broth of Khan.
'You Can See Everything' was filmed in 2023 before Elizabeth Holmes reported to prison to serve an 11-year sentence for defrauding Theranos investors.
There are many reasons why you'd want to download a YouTube video, but doing so comes with a bevy of questions about the legality of the available methods.
Apple Wallet can hold all kinds of passes and cards, plus items you might not have ever considered storing digitally.
We're expecting details about the 'Ocarina of Time' and other Zelda projects during Nintendo's 30-minute stream.
At this point, there are very few situations in which you'll want to use an Ethernet splitter.
The Home Depot Labor Day sale goes hard on grills and tools. Here are our recommendations on what to buy—and what to ignore.
From cordless vacuums to the best wireless earbuds we’ve tested, some of our favorite tech is on sale for Labor Day this year.
Labor Day already? Say it ain’t so. Today is the last day to shop the best deals on WIRED-tested outdoor gear from REI, Nemo, MSR, Coleman, and more during REI’s Labor Day sale.
Dark energy might be getting weaker. Scientists are wondering if interactions with dark matter in a “dark dimension” may be responsible.
The intricate, 5.6 trillion-pixel map covers approximately 75 percent of the sky and includes about 4 billion celestial objects.
It’s called the Edge Panel. Here’s how to make the most of it.
Forget email surveys or long calls spent on hold. Voicebox lets people send customer feedback by recording a voice note on their phone.
Apple’s annual hardware launch event may feel different as the company welcomes a new CEO alongside a folding iPhone.
I’ve tested every single Kindle. Here’s how Amazon’s ebook readers stack up.
Entertainment
Former actress Eliza Dushku was 18 when she was cast as Missy -- a Los Angeles gymnast who transfers to a San Diego high school and makes the switch from gymnastics to cheerleading -- in the 2000 film classic "Bring It On." Eliza hit the big screen…
Steve-O just built an Olympic-length pool in his Tennessee backyard ... and naturally, he cemented a "Jackass" butt plug into it. The 82-foot heated lap pool was built by Pool and Spa Depot, and Steve-O tells TMZ it's part of his latest health and…
Quinton Aaron is getting back in front of the camera after his terrifying health scare ... and his comeback project is hitting pretty close to home. Sources familiar with the deal tell TMZ ... "The Blind Side" star has landed his own vertical…
Wrestler Malakai Black had just won the PROGRESS Wrestling Men's World Championship ... but he quickly made the moment about his late friend Andy "The Butcher" Williams. Black got emotional in the ring Sunday in Manchester, England ... telling fans…
Brandi Glanville says her health battle has gotten so bad she's hooked up to IVs nearly all day ... and she can barely eat. The 'RHOBH' alum posted a raw video showing her IV setup, saying she's gotten extremely skinny, can't taste her food and…
Jennifer Lopez is soaking up the final days of summer ... and she's doing it in a swimsuit that leaves very little to the imagination. J.Lo shared two sizzling photos from her Labor Day weekend, posing in a plunging patterned one-piece covered in…
The guy who helped turn an unruly American Airlines passenger into a human duct-tape roll has been identified ... and he's a New Jersey gun range owner who says stepping in was a no-brainer. Richard O'Lenick -- owner of Gun for Hire in Woodland…
Rick Harrison is out of the hospital and recovering at home after undergoing emergency bypass surgery ... TMZ has learned. A spokesperson for the Harrison family tells TMZ ... "Today, Rick was discharged from the hospital and is now resting at…
Macklemore is firing back at critics who slammed his "Free Palestine" message during Ed Sheeran's MetLife Stadium concert ... insisting his comments were not an attack on Jewish people. The rapper addressed the controversy Monday after his opening…
"South Park" just added another Emmy to its trophy case ... and immediately handed President Trump the punchline. The Comedy Central series won Outstanding Animated Program Sunday for "Sermon On The 'Mount," an episode that heavily satirized Trump…
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