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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
David Bowie's daughter exposes the harsh realities of teen treatment centers in an emotional Instagram revelation about her difficult experiences.
Former Yosemite employee Shannon "SJ" Joslin sued the National Park Service after being fired for hanging a transgender pride flag across El Capitan last year.
Brothers Matthew and Brady Tkachuk and Connor Hellebuyck reflected on what it meant to represent America during Team USA hockey's first Olympic gold since the 1980 "Miracle on Ice."
New York Mayor Zohran Mamdani and Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-N.Y., teamed up to urge all New Yorkers, regardless of immigration status, to sign their children up for free school.
The NYPD released photos of two men accused of a snow assault on officers at Washington Square Park. Two cops were hospitalized after being struck with ice and snow.
Russian oil tanker allegedly bound for Cuba engaged in deceptive shipping practices including signal manipulation and offshore cargo transfer, according to maritime intelligence firm Windward.
In an emotional podcast interview, Sharon Osbourne shared how Ozzy chose to perform his last show despite knowing his fate. He died just weeks later.
DHS Secretary Kristi Noem agreed to halt plans for a new ICE center after New Hampshire Gov. Kelly Ayotte raises community concerns during talks.
Democrats bring Epstein victims as State of the Union guests to pressure Trump on transparency. Polls show 75% believe government hides Epstein secrets.
Reality star Kristin Cavallari describes sketchy party with stripper poles, drug den vibes that made her flee after just four minutes of creepy energy.
Satire
ATLANTA — Local man Brandon Haden reportedly wowed friends and family this week with a surprise trip to the exotic Mexican city of Puerto Vallarta, which he had purchased at a killer discount.
PALM BEACH, FL — In an effort to create a more efficient process for everyone making an attempt on his life, President Donald Trump ordered his staff to install a "Take-A-Number" ticket dispenser at the front gate of Mar-a-Lago for all would-be assassins.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Democrat response to President Trump's State of the Union address will reportedly be delivered by Bad Bunny, sources confirmed Tuesday.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — America's national security received a significant boost this week, as President Donald Trump announced that he had hired the goalie of the U.S. men's Olympic hockey team to guard the southern border.
ERIE, PA—Feeling what he described as intense satisfaction as he gazed at the floor around the barber chair, local man Gabriel Daynes, 35, was proud of all the hair on the ground after he got a haircut, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Wow, look at that big pile down there—I grew all that!” Dayne
GRAND RAPIDS, MI—Despite ample opportunity for the troubling realization to occur to him in the long hours he spent staring at his laptop, sources reported Tuesday that local man Aaron Semple at no point recognized during his recent rewatching of every Planet Of The Apes film that he might, in fac
The post Speechwriters Struggling To Spin List Of Ugly Women Trump Gave Them Into SOTU Address appeared first on The Onion.
The post Toxic Masculinity Brought To Jigsaw Puzzle appeared first on The Onion.
SYDNEY—Responding to backlash following the release of Netflix’s America’s Next Top Model docuseries, supermodel and television personality Tyra Banks stated Tuesday that taking abuse from Tyra Banks is simply how the modeling industry works. “You can ask hundreds of models around the world,
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With an alleged third assassination attempt in the books, President Trump is reportedly one step closer to a free third term.
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Local Episcopalian Myrtle Smith has once again elected to undergo an enormous sacrifice by giving up reading her Bible again this Lent.
ATLANTA, GA — While speaking at the Rialto Center for the Arts as part of promotion for his new memoir, Young Man in a Hurry: A Memoir of Discovery, California Governor Gavin Newsom wowed a black audience by putting some hot sauce into his purple drank.
After a tough stretch at the 2026 Winter Olympics, Canadians are understandably feeling a little down. But it's not all that bad, Canada. There are still reasons to feel good about yourselves.
The post U.S. Populace Appoints Designated Survivor appeared first on The Onion.
WASHINGTON—In an effort to protect visitors to the violently contested territories south of the U.S. border, the State Department advised American tourists on Monday to temporarily avoid shootouts with Mexican drug cartels. “While at this time, we see no need for American travelers to cancel the
SOUTH BEND, IN — According to sources, local husband and father Glenn Riverton has reportedly entered the crossword era of his life.
MILANO — As the 2026 Milano Cortina Olympics came to a close, athletes from various nations participated in the traditional send-offs for their respective sports, with the Olympic curlers being lowered into the carbon-freezing chamber until the next winter games.
The post Trump Invites Caucasian Half Of Alysa Liu To Visit White House appeared first on The Onion.
If passed into law, the Safeguard American Voter Eligibility Act will create new barriers to voting in federal elections by requiring documentation of citizenship to register and imposing strict photo-identification rules at polling places. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the SAVE
THE HEAVENS—Admitting He felt torn between His true feelings and His fear of the unknown, the Lord God Almighty announced Monday that He no longer loved humanity but was too afraid to leave. “Any affection I ever had for the human race is long gone, but I’m just terrified at the thought of wal
Sports
Only one men's college basketball team remains undefeated in the 2025-2026 season.
The 20-year-old boyhood City fan from north Manchester was an unlikely candidate to become so instrumental to the team's resurgence for three key reasons.
This past weekend packed a punch and shook up the top 25 rankings.
Kylian Mbappe is expected to miss the second leg of Real Madrid's Champions League playoff with Benfica after succumbing to a knee injury in training.
United States men's national team star Ricardo Pepi continues to see a move to Fulham speculated on, having missed out on a switch to Craven Cottage during the winter transfer window of 2026.
Sam Darnold reached the mountaintop in Super Bowl LX, but those heights wouldn't have been possible if not for the lows early in his career.
In a time of transition for USA basketball, here's what the 12-man squad that will go up against a competitive international slate could look like.
Pacers coach Rick Carlisle said the NBA did not speak with team doctors or players before issuing a $100K fine for violating the league's player participation policy, a claim the NBA has disputed.
Broncos coach Sean Payton said Tuesday that offensive coordinator Davis Webb will be Denver's playcaller this season.
The Cowboys have extended an offer to Brandon Aubrey that would make him the highest-paid kicker in the NFL, sources told ESPN, but Aubrey's agent has asked for a deal closer to $10 million per season.
Virginia quarterback Chandler Morris has filed a lawsuit against the NCAA seeking a seventh year of eligibility.
Konnor Griffin, the Pirates' 19-year-old shortstop and the consensus No. 1 prospect in baseball, hit home runs off Red Sox pitchers Ranger Suarez and Seth Martinez.
The gold-medal-winning U.S. men's Olympic hockey team visited President Donald Trump at the White House on Tuesday afternoon before they were set to attend his State of the Union address later in the day.
Local officials representing World Cup host cities warned Congress on Tuesday that security concerns, coordination problems and inadequate federal funding are risking catastrophe with little more than 100 days remaining before the games begin.
Cardinals general manager Monti Ossenfort said he has spoken with quarterback Kyler Murray, but a source told ESPN that the two have not talked since the end of the season.
Key Midfielder Ben Sheaf suffers knee ligament injury, tanking Wrexham's chances at a promotion to the Premier League.
Tracking Lionel Messi's goals and top moments for Inter Miami and the upcoming FIFA World Cup.
Joel Klatt joined "The Herd" to discuss Fernando Mendoza’s NFL future and break down the first edition of his mock draft.
Nick Sirianni hired another neophyte to run the Eagles' offense. If he's wrong about Sean Mannion, the decision might cost Sirianni his own job.
Tech
LG kicked off the year by unveiling a new lineup of gaming monitors, and today the company has priced out the biggest of the bunch. The UltraGear evo G9 (52G930B) is now available for pre-order, and the massive screen will cost just $2,000.
Yes, you can buy a perfectly excellent gaming monitor for
The US Justice Department disclosures give fresh clues about how tech companies handle government inquiries about your data.
Apple's plan to add touchscreens to its premium MacBook Pros is coming into focus. Bloomberg reports that when the new laptops launch this fall, they'll feature a Dynamic Island, not unlike Apple's iPhones, and an interface that changes depending on where you touch your Macbook's screen.This "dynami
1Password is increasing prices for its individual and family plans. The individual rate is increasing from nearly $36 a year to $48, while the family option will cost $72 instead of $60. In emails sent to users, the business announced that the new rates will take effect for users at their next subsc
Earlier this month, Discord said it would be enacting an age verification policy. The platform faced some initial concerns from users about turning over their IDs and personal information, particularly given how poorly similar policies have been going elsewhere. Discord announced today it will delay
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth will reportedly give Anthropic until Friday to drop certain guardrails for military use, as reported by Axios. The outlet also reported that CEO Dario Amodei met with Hegseth yesterday as the Pentagon ratcheted up pressure on the AI company to give in to its demands.
T
Google sent out an AI-generated news alert that included the N-word, according to reporting by Deadline. The push notification featured a link to a story by The Hollywood Reporter regarding an incident at the recent BAFTA Film Awards. The word appeared in the notification under the link.
This was fi
JBL’s fabulous Flip 7 speaker is on super sale for $100. Grab this go-anywhere companion on the cheap before the nice weather hits.
Three years after announcing plans to produce a film based on the viral YouTube short, The Backrooms (Found Footage) in 2023, A24 has released the first teaser for its adaptation. Backrooms, as the film is now called, is directed by the short's original creator, Kane Parsons, and will be released on
Waymo had set out some big plans for expanding its autonomous vehicle taxi program across the US in 2025 and it appears to be continuing that pace into 2026. Today, the company announced that the first public riders can begin using its fully autonomous ride-hailing service in Dallas, Houston, San An
The SteelSeries Arctis Nova 3 have excellent compatibility and a comfortable, lightweight fit.
We're less than a month from the availability of Death Stranding 2: On the Beach on PC, and today Sony released the required specs. Despite designer Hideo Kojima being known for spectacle in his projects, the minimum specs are quite reasonable. The low graphics preset runs on an NVIDIA GeForce GTX 1
As the United States takes new steps against the regime that has ruled the island since 1959, the Cuban people face 20-hour blackouts, decreased internet access, and shortages of basic supplies.
A new app will notify users if smart glasses are likely nearby. The aptly named Nearby Glasses was developed in response to media coverage outlining how glasses like Meta's Ray-Bans have been used to film people without their consent.
As first reported by 404 Media, the app detects the unique Blueto
New research sheds light on what drives reddish water to emerge from underground to pour onto the Taylor Glacier.
Tide’s Evo Tiles are lightweight, fibrous squares of detergent that simplify the laundry process—and also act as a slightly more eco-friendly alternative to the Tide Pod.
These 2-in-1 computers upgrade the norm with touchscreen displays, 360-degree hinges, and detachable keyboards.
Fellow’s new espresso machine offers capabilities previously seen only in commercial machines. Some of those are still being fleshed out.
It’s a drop-bar electric mountain bike! It’s a full-suspension electric gravel bike! It’s everything at once, and it’s awesome.
From travel days to board meetings, these laptop totes are designed to protect your valuables, and then some.
Entertainment
Martin Short's comedy show with Steve Martin -- "The Best of Steve Martin and Martin Short" -- has been postponed following the sudden death of his daughter, Katherine. Short was set to take the stage with his "Only Murders in the Building" co-star…
Eminem's ex-wife, Kim Scott, was arrested for DUI in Michigan last week ... and now we have bodycam footage of her bizarre interaction with the cops. Watch the video ... in the first one, Kim looks totally out of it as she's given a preliminary…
Ghislaine Maxwell is a real stinker in federal prison ... as a matter of fact, she smells like "armpits," according to one inmate who knows her well. The female inmate -- who we confirmed was incarcerated with Maxwell from 2023 to 2025 -- had daily…
Everyone in Congress wants to know who was on Jeffrey Epstein's infamous "Lolita Express" private jet ... and now we have eerie pics from inside. Go through the images ... the abandoned plane has been decaying in Georgia, and you can see the…
A Lincoln University track and field athlete died after he was allegedly stabbed by his GF, who was charged with second-degree murder. The woman, also a track athlete, says she was defending herself. According to reports, the Jefferson City Police…
The FCC received a ton of complaints after Jimmy Kimmel made a controversial comment regarding Charlie Kirk ... but a vast majority of them weren't knocking Jimmy. We've received the complaints sent to the federal agency back in September 2025…
Dua Lipa may've worn this Hello Kitty bikini first ... but is Cardi B's sister Hennessy givin' Dua a run for her money?! The question here is: Who'd You Rather?! VOTE NOW! After you cast your vote, can you track down the Hello Kitty word?
A TON of American fans set their alarms to catch the Red, White and Blue's gold medal win ... with NBC announcing the 2026 Winter Olympics finale averaged 20.7 million viewers!! The folks over at the Peacock released the numbers for the contest on…
3:00 PM PT -- Benny Blanco's dirty bare feet have made it onto wikiFeet -- which is a website where all feet lovers can gather and rate feet ... Benny has an overall score of 3/5. Benny Blanco's not exactly putting his best foot forward for his…
A woman who claims to have been attending service during the Minnesota church protest covered by Don Lemon last month is now suing Lemon and other protesters, saying she suffered severe emotional distress as a result of the incident. In court…
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