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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
The Justice Department warns states they could lose billions in welfare funding if they fail to report illegal immigrants to DHS under new rules.
The Pentagon's new mandatory testosterone deficiency screening for troops ages 30 and up includes mandatory blood tests and voluntary hormone replacement therapy for men.
Lindsay Clancy's deadlocked jury received a Tuey-Rodriguez charge as a retired judge warns social media could give her defense an edge in a retrial.
Video captures USS San Antonio Marines boarding and sinking a Los Choneros narco-terrorist floating refueling station in the Eastern Pacific.
A 15-year-old claims self-defense in the deadly Bite of Seattle shootout, but prosecutors say he recklessly fired a ghost gun into a packed crowd.
Eric Dickerson praised Stan Kroenke as a winner while throwing the first pitch at Angel Stadium amid the Angels' $4 billion ownership change.
A federal judge dismissed the Department of Justice lawsuit against California over transgender athletes competing in girls' sports on procedural grounds.
The Maine Supreme Judicial Court upheld a father's authority over his daughter's attendance at an evangelical church after a pastor singled him out by name.
Rory McIlroy admitted at the Tour Championship that his playing schedule is shrinking, saying his fuse is shorter after 18 years as a professional.
The FAA proposed permanent flight rules near Donald J. Trump International Airport at Secret Service request, but drone expert warns it's may not be enough.
Satire
Connecting with the older folk can be a challenge, especially when you have a hard time understanding what they're saying. But don't worry, if you put your mind to it, you can learn to communicate with even the lamest of old heads.
BARAD-DÛR, MORDOR — Accused of attempting to enslave all the free peoples of Middle-earth and cover the land with darkness, the Dark Lord Sauron explained he only did it because he was suffering from postpartum depression.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As hostilities between the United States and the Iranian regime flared up again in recent days, President Donald Trump warned Iran that his next Truth Social post would include even more exclamation marks.
ARCADIA, CA — A local pastor found himself torn between preaching God's eternal and entirely sufficient Scriptures to the congregation or just playing another entertaining movie clip.
BABYLON BEE HEADQUARTERS — Mourning and sorrow have seized the writers of The Babylon Bee as Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, she whom all at the Bee dearly wish to date, adamantly declared she would never go out with a conservative.
WASHINGTON, DC — Citizens of the United States have proposed repealing the right for women to vote, but only for those women who vocally support child-murderer Lindsay Clancy.
BRISTOL, CT—Claiming he was now convinced he had wasted his life covering “a little boy sport,” longtime ESPN analyst Tim Kurkjian announced Wednesday that he was quitting Baseball Tonight after discovering mixed martial arts. “They can hit each other, they can kick each other, they can brea
MARIETTA, GA—After the employee surfaced from out of nowhere to contend with lunatics once thought untouchable, sources at Horizon Insurance Solutions confirmed Tuesday that claims adjuster Erika Newton had emerged as a dark horse in the competition for most insane coworker. “I never would’ve
CULVER CITY, CA—Amidst intense speculation over who would next portray the iconic secret agent, a source within Amazon MGM Studios revealed Wednesday that producers had narrowed down their list of James Bond candidates to six actors and one extremely suave ferret. “Some of the biggest names in H
HEAVEN — Heavenly sources report that the Lord has decided it is once again time to wipe out most of humanity after Kentucky Fried Chicken released the Oreo Chicken Sandwich.
DANBURY, CT — According to sources, a toddler has reportedly put herself up for adoption after witnessing her mother scrolling through Lindsay Clancy TikTok.
FORT LAUDERDALE, FL—Tearfully admitting that he had been lost since his wife Linda died, grieving widower Anthony Greenwich told reporters Wednesday that he wasn’t sure he’d ever love someone his age again. “Linda was truly one of a kind, and no senior or even middle-aged woman will ever
SpaceX recently unveiled plans to construct a $100 billion spaceport in Louisiana, which CEO Elon Musk has said will be “the biggest launch site on Earth.” The Onion shares everything you need to know about the facility. Q: Why Louisiana? A: To give locals the no-brainer choice between living in
SAN FRANCISCO—Claiming that the small adjustment would be an effective way to bolster public support, artificial intelligence strategist Mark Freeling advised tech firms Tuesday to start calling data centers “computer parties.” “While the term ‘data centers’ currently has many negative a
ARLINGTON, TX—Noting the text was “chock-full” of anti-vampire bias, local woman Anna Lambert told reporters Tuesday that the author of the book she was reading had clearly been betrayed by a vampire in his past. “He definitely has an ax to grind, because this vampire character is written as
CARLSBAD, CA—Desperately scanning the kitchen counter for anything besides a fruit or vegetable, local man Jeremy Drummond watched in silence Tuesday as his wife revealed all the things she brought home from the store that weren’t Cheez-Its. “Come on, come on, now that we’ve got all this hea
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Hoping that imagery strongly associated with success and winning will reignite fan enthusiasm, the New York Jets unveiled a line of “Philadelphia Eagles”–themed alternate jerseys Thursday in an effort to boost merchandise sales. “After several difficult seasons, we wan
NEW YORK—Condemning the widespread practice as “cruel and inhumane,” animal rights activists reportedly made comments Tuesday decrying the meat industry for separating calves from their cool uncles. “It should shock our collective conscience that calves as young as a few hours old are ripped
Sports
Dodgers manager Dave Roberts said Shohei Ohtani is "not close to optimal" after going 0-for-4 with four strikeouts in Wednesday night's 8-6 loss to the Cardinals.
As a result of the investigation into the Kawhi Leonard signing, the NBA docked the Clippers five first-round picks, fined them $30 million and suspended owner Steve Ballmer for a year. The Clippers plan to challenge the findings "through every avenue."
Georgia Attorney General Chris Carr is encouraging Greg Sankey to take "all measures available," including suspending and/or removing LSU from the SEC if the Tigers roster former NFL players.
The fallout from last month's controversial Good Good Golf ad continued Wednesday, with CEO Matt Kendrick and president Joe Flannery exiting the company, Business Insider reported.
Defending US Open champion Carlos Alcaraz rebounded from a quick deficit by winning eight straight games and beat Jaime Faria 4-6, 6-0, 6-3, 6-2 on Wednesday night.
Padres top prospect Ethan Salas became the youngest player to catch in an MLB game since Ivan Rodriguez, making his debut Wednesday night at 20 years, 93 days old.
Brewers ace Jacob Misiorowski had a rare off night Wednesday against the Cubs, but Milwaukee overcame an early deficit to win a second straight game against its NL Central rival.
Tiger Woods had his driver's license suspended five years Wednesday after striking a plea deal in his DUI case.
Kelce closed on the home long before his July wedding to the pop superstar.
Before the games begin, find out which teams our experts think will make this season's CFP.
Here’s the latest NFL news from around the league on Wednesday.
With the hammer officially dropped on the Clippers, let’s dive into the history books. These are the most memorable and impactful sports punishments handed out in history.
Check out FanDuel's Latest Week 1 Special: Bet $1 Get $100 in Bonus Bets if 1+ Point is Scored in Clemson vs. LSU.
The "First Things First" co-hosts made their AFC North predictions on Wednesday's edition of the show.
Here are seven players under the biggest microscope to perform down the stretch of the MLB season.
Kalshi Promo Code FOXSPORTS: Unlock a $25 Bonus When Trading on Your Favorite College Football Wagers.
College Football Odds: How to Bet on the 2026 College Football Season, National Championship, Heisman and More.
Polymarket Promo Code FOX: Get a $50 Bonus When You Place Your First Trades on the College Football Season.
Josh Berry is the top candidate to replace John Hunter Nemechek in 2027.
College football is here. Check out the odds for six sleeper games on the Week 1 slate.
Tech
Alienware's new 25-inch 560Hz gaming monitor is its fastest ever.
The World Meteorological Organization is warning that the climate phenomenon that has the Pacific running a fever will last until at least February, with dire consequences for weather worldwide.
Learn how to maximize your savings on major appliances, electronics, and mattresses using verified ABT discount codes, rebates, and special coupons and save up to $1,200 this summer.
Save on Lovehoney, including bestselling toys, lingerie, and popular gift sets for date nights, self-care, and couples’ play.
Enjoy 25% off a membership, 40% off, plus an additional 10% off annual plans, and more deals to save at Vimeo.
Find the latest Lowe’s promo codes and offers, including up to $300 off select major appliances and $5 off $50 with sign-up, here at WIRED.
Save on We-Vibe, including app-controlled bestsellers and popular gift sets designed for couples, connection, and shared pleasure.
Book your next getaway with Expedia and get up to 75% off your stay, with or without a promo code.
Stream your favorite shows and save up to 50% today with HBO Max discount codes and subscription deals.
Find great deals for Total Wireless, like 50% off select plans, and enjoy big savings.
Save on every purchase with top KitchenAid coupons from WIRED, including up to 20% off countertop appliances.
Adobe added dozens of tools from its creative apps like Illustrator and Premiere Pro into Slack, allowing you to ask Slackbot to do the Photoshopping for you.
Uber launches first robotaxis in London (with human supervisors).
With cryptocurrency wallets becoming huge targets for hackers, using a cold wallet to protect your private keys has never been more important.
Climate scientists now aim to minimize time spent above the limit from the Paris Agreement.
We're sure people will be very chill and normal in the chat for this one.
NYC public schools are taking a year without generative AI tools.
Nexus Mods said the community-led SteamDB site will operate as it always has, while becoming stronger and better resourced.
A judge previously determined that Google illegally monopolized a pair of ad tech markets.
The same Apple I computer sold for over $671,000 in 2013.
Entertainment
Before this cute kid posing in his snazzy 'fit turned into a famous late night talk show host, he was just a city kid on a city stoop! He was inspired by David Letterman, and co-hosted Comedy Central's "The Man Show." He played himself on…
Blueface has a new baby ... and now, a new home for his growing family ... TMZ has learned. Sources familiar with the sale ... the rapper recently moved into a sprawling $2.25 million property in Moorpark, California ... just in time for the…
A scary situation unfolded after a man was accidentally dumped into a garbage truck and trapped inside in San Francisco. Firefighters say the man had been digging around in a dumpster early Wednesday morning when a Recology garbage truck pulled up…
5:32 PM PT -- FOX21 reports that 3 people are dead after the mass shooting in Minneapolis ... while the total count of police officers injured has been raised to 3 -- with 2 of them having been injured by gunfire. The suspect is confirmed deceased.…
Jax Taylor's lawyer claims Brittany Cartwright is trying to "beat him down" through their custody and restraining order battles ... and believes Brittany hopes the pressure will cause him to stray from his sobriety. Jax's attorney Mark Vincent…
Daejon Love's alleged victims started out receiving sympathy but are now getting crucified online ... and one woman who says she went on a date with him says it's totally unfair. TMZ's own Charlie Neff sat down with Rachel Anderson for a…
Rep. Nancy Mace is ripping women who think Lindsay Clancy isn't guilty of murdering her children and says those crowds outside the court would abandon Clancy in a heartbeat ... if she were Black. The congresswoman dropped that huge hypothetical…
Christy Knowings' cause of death has been revealed ... the former "All That" star died after suffering cardiac arrest ... TMZ has learned. According to a death certificate obtained by PEOPLE, the certificate identifies asthma as the underlying…
Congressman Max Miller doesn't want to talk about his congressional opponent ... dodging questions about his new political ad and focusing on his legislative successes. TMZ DC tried to catch up with the representative from Ohio on Wednesday ... but…
Donald Trump wasn't broken up about Prince Harry and Meghan Markle moving back to the U.K. ... he's actually glad they're gone! Reporters in the Oval Office asked DT straight-up how he feels about them hightailing it across the pond, and he said…
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