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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Nicole Kidman revealed she learned how to perform autopsies for her new role and told Jimmy Fallon she can remove organs for crime thriller "Scarpetta."
Lawmakers raise alarm over interceptor shortages as U.S. forces reportedly used quarter of global THAAD inventory defending against Iran's missile attacks.
USA Rugby women's teams Charlotte Royals and Mother Ruckers switched to new "open" category following policy restricting women's competition to biological females.
The Trump administration launches fraud probe into New York's Medicaid program, citing alleged waste. Gov. Kathy Hochul has 30 days to respond.
Customer backlash forced Chick-fil-A to change its waffle fries recipe again. The fast-food giant rolled back a 2024 modification after complaints, some over allergy concerns.
Illinois Lt. Gov. Stratton accepted millions from corporate figures despite promising grassroots-only Senate campaign funding for her political bid.
GOP lawmakers signal support for ongoing missile strikes in Iran while drawing a firm red line at ground troops, insisting on Congress' constitutional authority over war.
Michelle Obama criticized the Trump administration behavior on podcast, saying such conduct wouldn't be accepted from the "first Black family" in White House.
A Minnesota judge appointed by former President Joe Biden threatened he may rule to imprison ICE and DOJ officials during a fiery courtroom exchange with U.S. Attorney Daniel Rosen.
Leavitt lashes out at CNN's Kaitlan Collins in tense exchange on fallen soldiers from Iran operation
White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt clashed with CNN correspondent Kaitlan Collins over the fallen soldiers from Operation Epic Fury against Iran.
Satire
PERSIAN GULF — In a sign of enormous good will, American forces helpfully converted 20 Iranian warships into submarines.
TEHRAN — Following the death of Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and a significant portion of the nation's leadership, the Assembly of Experts, charged with choosing the next Ayatollah, have opted to appoint a new supreme leader who is already dead.
PYONGYANG—Tears welling in his eyes as he remarked upon how quickly things change, North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un reportedly told aides Wednesday he couldn’t believe his daughter Kim Ju Ae was already old enough to be executing boys. “It’s incredible to think that just a few years a
President Trump blacklisted AI company Anthropic after it rebuffed the Pentagon’s demands to lift all safeguards on the military’s use of its model due to its concerns about the use of AI for mass domestic surveillance and the development of weapons that fire without human involvement. What do y
U.S. — Conservatives across the country have expressed concern over the United States becoming entangled in another foreign war -- OHHH DANG OUR SUBMARINE JUST FRIGGIN' TORPEDOED A BOAT WE ARE SO BACK!!!
TEHRAN — In a tragic oversight, Iran's "Assembly of Experts" forgot to include an expert in not dying in a massive fireball.
MINNEAPOLIS—Bleeding profusely as he radioed for backup against the uncooperative crowd, Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent Ken Fischer was reportedly injured Tuesday after making repeated attempts to detain the people in a neighborhood mural. “I’ve got a couple dozen hostile and extrem
LOS ANGELES—Unveiling the procurement at the opening of the new exhibition Fanaticals: Cinema’s Most Fearsome Freaks, the Academy Museum of Motion Pictures announced this week that it had acquired the original Disney adult. “We are thrilled to confirm that self-professed ‘Disnerd’ Rick T
Ortega was married off to Lazarus in a peacekeeping deal aimed at easing tensions between Indianapolis and Cincinnati.
The post Adam Lazarus and Hayden Ortega appeared first on The Onion.
They don’t need them, so it’s your win. And if you don’t need more mugs, then just leave your mugs with your current home. Let’s all just stop taking mugs with us whenever we move. That could start right here with this house. Reference #88225
The post Comes With The Mugs appeared first on Th
FALLON, NV — Local Pentecostal Christian Glenn Fuller reportedly beat all his friends at Scrabble yet again thanks to his miraculous ability to spell out all words in tongues.
WACO, TX — According to sources, a lame local church doesn't even have its own app.
U.S. — According to sources, a new reusable water bottle now requires the user to sign into their Google account in order to open it.
WORLD — World leaders pleaded with Israel and the United States to stop attacking Iran this week in an emergency meeting of the United Nations Security Council, warning that if World War III doesn't end soon, it would likely distract from Taylor Swift's wedding.
Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, the theocratic dictator who ruled Iran for over 36 years, was killed in a massive U.S. and Israeli military operation, with the Iranian government announcing 40 days of public mourning following the death of the 86-year-old leader. What do you think?
The post Ayatollah Killed
U.S. — American economists warned the public on Tuesday that the entire global economic system depends entirely on "like two or three guys" at Nvidia who understand how computers work.
BOSTON—Amid continued speculation about when the injured Celtics star might return to action, head coach Joe Mazzulla told reporters Tuesday that Jayson Tatum would remain sidelined until he successfully completed the “Mazzulla Logic-Puzzle Meridian,” a riddle- and reason-based gauntlet he dev
DOVER, DE — In the wake of the highly successful decapitation of Iran's tyrannical dictatorship, former American president Joe Biden asked why Trump didn't just bomb the Ayatollah in the leg.
The post Human Arm Hanging Limply Out Of Food Delivery Robot appeared first on The Onion.
Sports
Ahead of this weekend's Phoenix doubleheader, we asked INDYCAR & NASCAR drivers who their favorites are across the opposite series.
The Patriots are moving on from Stefon Diggs after one season.
A bettor came close to winning seven figures. Then, the USA struck gold. Patrick Everson breaks down that losing wager, along with a few lucky winners.
Who are the best free agents available in the NFL this offseason? We rank the top 100, and share some possible fits for each.
The WNBPA's executive committee said it remains "united" and that a recent player survey reaffirms the league's latest proposal for a new CBA "is not worth taking."
The Cowboys have gotten under the $301.2 million salary cap Wednesday by restructuring the contracts of Dak Prescott, CeeDee Lamb and Tyler Smith, according to sources.
Prosecutors will retry ex-Miami football player Rashaun Jones on May 18 after a judge declared a mistrial due to a hung jury in the second-degree murder case.
The Chargers released guard Mekhi Becton in a move that saved them $9.7 million against the salary cap.
The Patriots plan to release wide receiver Stefon Diggs, a source confirmed to ESPN.
After a Hall of Fame NBA career, here's what we know about Billups' connections to Mafia-affiliated poker games and illegal gambling.
Veteran defenseman Tyler Myers is heading to the Stars, who are on a 10-game winning streak, while the struggling Canucks get picks in 2027 and 2029, the teams announced Wednesday.
The Chiefs have agreed to a blockbuster trade with the Rams to send All-Pro cornerback Trent McDuffie to Los Angeles for four draft picks, including the 29th pick in the first round of the 2026 NFL draft, sources told ESPN's Adam Schefter.
For the men's and women's NCAA tournaments, teams must submit initial availability reports the night before a game and provide updates two hours prior to the scheduled tipoff.
A look at who's who and what they are playing for in the men's and women's college basketball mid-major Atlantic Sun.
We're handing out report cards on big offseason moves, including the Chiefs sending CB Trent McDuffie to the Rams.
Compare the best boxing betting sites and apps in 2026. Find top sportsbooks for boxing odds, fight props, live betting, and sportsbook promos.
Compare the best parlay betting sites and apps in 2026. Find top same game parlay builders, parlay boosts, insurance offers, and the best apps for multi-leg bets.
Phoenix Raceway draws big crowds on Saturdays and Sundays during race weekends, so INDYCAR as NASCAR's undercard makes perfect sense.
A look at who's who and what they are playing for in the men's and women's college basketball mid-major Horizon League.
FOX Sports' Laken Litman examines the teams with legitimate chances to win it all in March Madness.
Tech
Ubisoft shared its upcoming plans for the Assassin's Creed franchise today. Along with the news of a remake for its piratical entry, the game company also announced that a visual upgrade is coming for a title from way back in 2014. Assassin's Creed Unity will receive a free patch tomorrow to offer 6
Now for the news you've been waiting with bated breath for: LG's 2026 TVs from CES finally have prices. (Well, some of them do, anyway.) Surprisingly, the evo G6 and C6 series OLED TVs aren't increasing in cost from last year's models. But the bad news is, they’re still expensive as all get-out.Th
Ditch the dongles. These multiport USB hubs will maximize your connectivity options.
Google is officially doing away with its 30 percent cut of Play Store transactions, and rolling out changes to how third-party app stores and alternate billing systems will be handled by Android. Some of these tweaks were proposed as part of the settlement the company reached with Epic in November 2
The iPhone 17e is here to fill out Apple’s smartphone lineup. Our primer on the differences and similarities of these iPhones can help you shop.
When cooking pizza with the high heat of an outdoor oven, you have to rotate your pies to ensure even cooking. That’s usually done by hand, but Ooni’s latest accessory automates the process. The company announced the Rotating Stone for its Koda 2 lineup, which helps distribute heat evenly across
At the start of February, OpenAI upgraded its Codex coding app to give it the ability to manage multiple AI agents. At the same time, it released a standalone macOS app. If you've been patiently waiting for Windows to get that same treatment, OpenAI just released a dedicated Codex app for Microsoft'
Ubisoft has officially confirmed that it's working on a remake of Assassin's Creed: Black Flag. This remake has been rumored for years. After all, the 2013 original is one of the most beloved entries in the franchise.
The official title is Assassin's Creed: Black Flag Resynced, and that's about all
The Middle East supplies a huge amount of the world’s fertilizer. Conflict in the region has sent prices soaring ahead of the critical spring planting season.
Apple is looking to gain a foothold in the more budget-friendly end of the laptop market with the MacBook Neo. The system starts at $599, which is darn inexpensive for an Apple laptop — it even has the same starting price as the M4 iPad Air. As such, the MacBook Neo should help Apple compete with
A pair of US lawmakers are calling for an investigation into how easily spies can steal information based on devices’ electromagnetic and acoustic leaks—a spying trick the NSA once codenamed TEMPEST.
Humble Games' library has returned home, so to speak. Indie publisher Good Games Group (GGG), led by former Humble leaders, has acquired the full back catalog of over 50 Humble Games titles from Ziff Davis. Alongside the purchase, GGG has rebranded to Balor Games, positioning itself as a force in "t
Sony's upgraded Bravia Theater System 6 packs a complete home audio setup into a single box.
Over the past few years, Google's A-series Pixel phones have consistently been some of the best midrange phones you can buy. But with the AI boom causing memory shortages and the price of consumer electronics to rise, including smartphones, affordable devices like the Pixel 10a are more important th
It may not offer much new, but the Pixel 10a remains one of the best smartphones in the US for under $500.
Apple just announced the MacBook Neo, a 13-inch laptop offering the full macOS experience for just $599. It is the machine, I’m sure, plenty of the company’s fans have been clamoring for since the dawn of the netbook. I’m equally sure its specs have enough drawbacks to ensure there are still
After the 2024 election, influencers were seen as an asset. A contentious race between Democrats James Talarico and Jasmine Crockett showed that they can also be a liability.
WIRED spoke with workers across seven government agencies—from the IRS to HUD—about how their work has been contorted to support ICE and other immigration efforts.
At $599, Apple's entry-level MacBook Neo is the most affordable laptop the company has ever made.
Whether you want a beast of a machine with dedicated graphics or a light, easy-to-upgrade PC, we have the perfect rig for you.
Entertainment
"Deadliest Catch" cameras were rolling when deckhand Todd Meadows fell overboard off the coast of Alaska last week ... but his mother tells TMZ, she doesn't want the show to profit from her son's passing. Angela Meadows tells us, "We don’t want…
Stefon Diggs is dealing with another breakup -- the New England Patriots are going to release him. The news came minutes ago -- with Tom Pelissero saying the team alerted the receiver the move will come after the start of the new season next week.…
Nancy Guthrie's investigation seemed to get a jolt when cops found gloves near her Tucson, Arizona home ... and they even linked it to a person -- but they've hit another dead end. Pima County Sheriff Chris Nanos confirmed to local outlet KVOA-TV…
Aaron Rodgers revealed the real reason he’s still grinding in the gym at 42 … and it’s definitely NSFW. During a candid appearance on "The Pat McAfee Show," the four-time MVP explained why he’s still locked in on workouts, diet and sleep…
Jon Gosselin sure as hell isn't tuning into the upcoming season of "The Real Housewives of New York City" ... but it's not for the reason most might assume. A source close to Jon tells TMZ … the reality star is a hard pass on watching 'RHONY' ……
Harry Styles says it seemed like other people felt entitled to his grief after Liam Payne died ... because a public expression of his feelings was expected from him. The singer-songwriter sat down with Zane Lowe for an interview on his Apple Music…
"The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City" is officially back in production and cameras were rolling as the cast addressed the devastating recent death of Mary Cosby's son ... TMZ has learned. Sources connected to the show tell us filming for Season 7…
Good news for Maury Povich’s daughter -- she’s officially offloaded her stunning Beverly Hills pad for a cool $17.35 million. Real estate sources tell TMZ the seller is Amy Povich and her husband, Dr. David Agus ... who’ve finally said…
Elisabeth Hasselbeck had quite the comeback for Whoopi Goldberg after Whoopi said she had a problem with immigration agents hiding their faces ... telling Whoopi her own political party is the "party of masks." The comment audibly shocked "The…
Former NFL first-round pick Robert Nkemdiche found himself in some trouble last week ... when cops say they saw him walking out of a store with groceries in his pants ... but it was past run-ins with the law that got him put in the slammer.…
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