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US News
• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
The Beatles continue to captivate generations decades after their breakup.
A medevac helicopter crashed off Catalina Island in California with five aboard, leaving one person missing as search and rescue operations continue.
Video captures a Maricopa County sheriff's helicopter crew hoisting a man from his overturned truck as flash flooding surged in Tonopah, Arizona.
White Sox, Yankees advance to next round with sweeps as Munetaka Murakami provides quote of the year
The New York Yankees swept Boston in the Major League Baseball playoffs as Cody Bellinger's three-run blast blew the game open in the sixth inning.
Angel Reese, Rhyne Howard and Allisha Gray powered the Atlanta Dream past Washington as a key third-quarter run decided the WNBA playoffs matchup.
Pete Davidson called out NYC Mayor Zohran Mamdani on "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" over the BQE's endless construction to thunderous studio applause.
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu praised the heroic passenger who stormed the cockpit as the FlyDubai plane plunged 13,000 feet in one minute.
Dakota Harper and Felicity Eatmon face arson and conspiracy charges after a fire damaged an abandoned home and nearby church.
"All-American" actress Monet Mazur's Hollywood Hills home was the target of an invasion. Police responded to a "hot prowl burglary" radio call.
Patrick McEnroe is taking his fight over foreign recruits in college tennis to Capitol Hill, backing a new bill heading before the House now.
Satire
The New York Times is a staple of the American newspaper industry, which is impressive considering it has a reputation for not reporting news. Its recent treatment of the attempted terrorist hijacking of a FlyDubai jet is only the latest example.
HARMONDSWORTH — Following the harrowing ordeal aboard flight FZ 1073 to Tel Aviv, in which he was subdued by passengers while attempting a violent terrorist attack, the FlyDubai hijacker has reportedly already landed a new job at British Airways.
PUEBLO, CO — Stunned Starbucks workers completely froze up in apparent awestruck wonder as local 39-year-old man Nathan Almes ordered a mysterious beverage called a "black coffee," sources confirmed Thursday morning.
JERUSALEM — King Solomon held court with his 700 wives and 300 concubines to ask whether or not there is anything to the charges he is a patriarchal misogynist.
WASHINGTON—Expressing shock and disgust that an unspeakable crime could occur at a place of higher learning, the U.S. populace was reportedly horrified this week to think that sexual assault could happen on a college campus. “You would just never imagine that bright young students—at an Ivy Le
ATLANTA, GA — Delta executives announced this week that they would be removing all electrical systems from their airplanes after learning Elon Musk's Tesla cars also run on electricity.
The post Man Confident He Would’ve Been Brave Enough To Send Thumbs Down Emoji In Cornell Group Chat appeared first on The Onion.
GLOUCESTERSHIRE — A group of Muslim men released by authorities earlier this week were back in custody today after police received reports that the men had shared a meme online.
TEL AVIV — Disaster nearly struck FlyDubai Flight FZ1073 this morning after the pilot forgot to illuminate the "No Hijacking" sign.
Toys ‘R’ Us announced the opening of 120 stores, a comeback for the once-bankrupt retailer hoping to capitalize on a growing number of adult toy collectors. What do you think?
The post Toys ‘R’ Us To Open 120 Stores To Appeal To Adult Collectors appeared first on The Onion.
President Trump directed U.S. agencies to rename AI to “super intelligence” on all official documents, claiming that the term “artificial” made the technology sound fake. What do you think?
The post Trump To Rename AI ‘Super Intelligence’ On All U.S. Documents appeared first on The Onion
WASHINGTON—In a joint statement outlining the mission shared by hundreds of thousands of elderly American citizens, the nation’s 93-year-olds announced a new plan this week to crash their cars into the side of a bank. “Some of us will be asleep, some of us will just be confused, but know this:
LOS ANGELES—Ripping apart the film’s “egregious” omission, former To Catch A Predator host Chris Hansen took to social media Tuesday to slam Primetime for its inaccurate portrayal of the celebratory breakdances he performed every time he caught a pedophile. “Obviously, I’m a little biase
ITHACA, NY—Acknowledging serious missteps in their handling of a 2024 campus sexual assault case, administrators at Cornell University vowed Tuesday that, going forward, rapists would be forced to write much longer essays as punishment for their behavior. “Upon reviewing the disciplinary action
Abdul El-Sayed is the Democratic nominee for the U.S. Senate in Michigan. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the progressive candidate. Ethnicity: Scary-American Personal Mission: Disproving harmful stereotypes about jacked Muslim doctors Campaign Strategy: Distract voters with ideas
The post Heart-Wrenching Movie Scene Immediately Cuts To Liberty Biberty appeared first on The Onion.
The post Posture Adjusted To Equally Incorrect Posture appeared first on The Onion.
Sports
In the fiercely competitive race for the best Premier League academy players, JJ Gabriel won't be the last young talent at the center of a transfer tug-of-war.
Real Madrid are tracking Bayer Leverkusen defender Jarell Quansah ahead of next summer. Transfer Talk has the latest.
Get prepared for the opening round of the MLB postseason with FOX Sports' wild-card series primer.
Eight teams entered the wild card series. Three have already packed their bags. That's playoff baseball for you.
The Steelers agreed to trade cornerback Joey Porter Jr. to the Cowboys for a 2027 sixth-round pick and a 2028 second-rounder, sources confirmed to ESPN on Wednesday night.
The Yankees' homegrown talent such as Ben Rice and Cam Schlittler led the way to help deliver a thorough two-game beatdown of the Red Sox in their AL Wild Card Series, ending with Wednesday's 9-2 win.
Red Sox ace Sonny Gray said after Wednesday's loss to the Yankees that he was frustrated for being lifted after throwing only 70 pitches.
Arike Ogunbowale delivered a record-breaking performance with the Wings' season on the line, scoring 45 points, including a tying 3-pointer to force overtime, to help Dallas force a deciding Game 3 against the Valkyries.
Five Padres pitchers combined on a five-hitter and Gavin Sheets hit a pinch-hit two-run homer, as San Diego swept the Cubs out of the NL Wild Card Series with a 4-1 win.
Just two years removed from a 121-loss season, the White Sox finished off the Astros with a 7-3 win Wednesday to secure their first playoff series win since beating Houston in the 2005 World Series.
Alec Bohm put Philadelphia ahead with a two-out home run in the 10th inning, and the Phillies beat the Braves to force a decisive Game 3 in their National League Wild Card Series.
Rams head coach Sean McVay says the NFL told the team that defensive pass interference should not have been called against cornerback Josh Wallace in Sunday night's loss to the Broncos.
The Padres turned the tables on the Cubs after last year’s wild-card loss, sweeping Chicago to advance to the NLDS.
The second day of the MLB playoffs brought our first eliminations of the postseason, while one team extended its season by at least one more day.
The New York Yankees romped over the Red Sox 9-2 for a two-game AL Wild Card Series sweep.
White Sox star Munetaka Murakami knows how to make the most of the locker room party.
The Cowboys have made a big move to improve their defense, reportedly acquiring cornerback Joey Porter Jr.
September tells you who's good. October tells you who's great. Here's what our writers are watching, and what October will reveal.
Bijan Robinson showed his full potential with Michael Penix Jr. back at QB for the Falcons. Where does he rank among Offensive Player of the Year contenders?
Dylan Raiola never knew when his moment would come. Against USC, the Oregon backup quarterback found out — and proved he was ready.
Tech
California enacts new laws aimed at companies using AI to initiate job cuts or monitor employees.
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Several Apple services went down for maintenance on the afternoon of September 30. Only Apple TV remains inaccessible.
How to watch NASA's Crew-13 launch
So will Newt Gingrich, for some reason.
The small digital camera combines software filters with tactile controls.
You do still have to buy the beans though.
The Old Reddit is dying; the new Reddit struggles to avoid scraping.
It's sure to sell out fast again.
At least in theory, it's a little less nerve-wracking.
Many (if not all) Xbox Series X and Xbox One games are supported.
Entertainment
We'll never be done livin' for Livvy Dunne's sexy shots, and since the blonde bombshell is sparking another year around the sun, flip into her hot shots gallery to kick off #24! From strapless whimsical white swimwear to red-hot one-pieces, saddle…
American actress Bianca Lawson was 21 when she shot to stardom playing Nikki -- the bossy high school girl -- in the 2001 romantic dance film "Save The Last Dance." Bianca hit the big screen with Julia Stiles, Sean Patrick Thomas and Kerry…
Happy Thursday! Can you guess which boobcalcious babe is bustin' out of her gold corset outfit?! We'll give you a few hints ... but then it's up to you to put a face to the bust! When she's not keeping up with her family members on a reality show,…
Too $hort says Diddy shouldn't be sitting behind bars ... and when Puff finally gets out, he's already got plans for the welcome-home bash. The rap legend joined "The TMZ Podcast" and told Towanda he's not abandoning Diddy ... proudly declaring,…
Christa Pike is still alive after 2 attempted lethal injections in Tennessee. Around 8:26 p.m. local time, witnesses said “executioners had injected both syringes of lethal injection chemicals and Pike is still alive and snoring” ... her…
Jim Carrey is a married man again... TMZ has learned. Sources familiar tell TMZ... Jim Carrey recently married his girlfriend Min Ah in a small private ceremony in Los Angeles. Jim and Min Ah publicly debuted as a couple at the César Awards in…
Presley Gerber showed up high when he was admitted to the Resolutions Living sober house -- and he died just hours later -- but the doctor who owns Resolutions was in no mood to talk about it when we asked. We got Dr. Reza Nabavi in Malibu late…
Courtney Stodden is celebrating after Governor Gavin Newsom signed a bill banning child marriage in California ... and she's giving him a very personal nickname. Newsom signed AB 1267 in his office Wednesday. The law bans child marriage in…
A new movie being produced by Ben Shapiro's The Daily Wire appears to be recreating the fatal ICE shooting of Renee Good ... and TMZ has obtained video from the set as protesters sound off nearby. The footage, shot during filming in Livingston,…
Tennessee can move forward with convicted murderer Christa Pike's execution, the Supreme Court has ruled. On Wednesday, the court decided to lift the stay of execution that had been ordered just an hour before her lethal injection. Justices Sonia…
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