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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
JD Vance rallied for Roger Marshall as the Kansas Senate race against Adam Hamilton tightens with Election Day political headwinds battering the GOP.
Manchester City's Erling Haaland sued Norwegian Air Shuttle over a since-deleted social media post featuring his signature ponytail hairdo on a plane.
Disney content chief Dana Walden refrained from commenting on Jimmy Kimmel's future at ABC during her appearance at Bloomberg Screentime 2026.
Luke Combs revealed his 30-pound weight loss during an elk hunting trip, saying getting healthy has been his main goal as a father of three sons.
Josh Turek holds a slim edge over Ashley Hinson in Iowa's U.S. Senate race as cost of living dominates voter concerns and independents break heavily.
Democrat James Talarico holds a slim 2-point edge over Republican Ken Paxton as GOP enthusiasm gaps and crossover voters reshape the Texas Senate race.
Chad Lowe and Kim Painter's daughter, Fiona, was pronounced dead at a hospital, according to the County of Los Angeles Medical Examiner.
Wild video captured a bizarre scene as water poured down from the ceiling of Emirates flight EK123 from Dubai to Istanbul. Passengers attempted to shield themselves.
Larry Fitzgerald revealed how losing his mother to breast cancer in 2003 inspired the DraftKings Pink 'Em campaign, which has raised over $700,000.
Ohio State vs. Texas drew 14 million viewers, down from 16.6 million last year, as college football viewership drops 11% through four weeks.
Satire
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the November election barely over a month away, President Donald Trump guaranteed a Republican victory in the midterms by officially renaming the Democrats "Republicans."
Six Flags Magic Mountain permanently closed its famous X2 roller coaster due to a history of riders incurring brain injuries, with some resulting in death. What do you think?
The post Six Flags Closes X2 Roller Coaster Due To Brain Injuries appeared first on The Onion.
PALO ALTO, CA — Local woman and self-proclaimed feminist Brandy Sidwell expressed frustration this week over the fact that all the men she hates refuse to date her.
It can be hard to know what to say to a pregnant lady, especially when you're the man she's depending on for love and support. Fear not, gentlemen.
ABILENE, TX — Local 8-year-old Caden Maxwell came home from Sunday School sorely disappointed that "Sword Drills" turned out to be far different than what he expected.
QUANTICO, VA — While delivering remarks at Marine Corps Base Quantico, Secretary of War Pete Hegseth made the surprise announcement that all women would henceforth be banned from playing any class in a video game other than "healer."
U.S. — Death row inmates all across the United States reportedly placed urgent requests to have their executions performed by all-female teams.
The post NBA Players Share The One Thing They’d Change About The League If They Were Commissioner For A Day appeared first on The Onion.
Madonna took home seven awards at the VMAs on Sunday, making her the night’s biggest winner. The Onion shares everything you need to know about Madonna’s return to the spotlight. Age: Physically pains your mom to hear Biggest Hit: Goes on for a minute too long Philanthropic Cause: Tiny leather
The post Sydney Sweeney, 200 Feet Away And Under A Space Blanket: Let’s See You Pervs Jerk Off To This appeared first on The Onion.
CHICAGO—Touting them as the clean and fashionable solution to a common messy situation, personal-cleansing brand Dude Wipes announced Thursday its new line of flushable khakis. “Every guy knows what it’s like to walk around with a load in his slacks, but you don’t have to anymore with these
The New York Times is a staple of the American newspaper industry, which is impressive considering it has a reputation for not reporting news. Its recent treatment of the attempted terrorist hijacking of a FlyDubai jet is only the latest example.
HARMONDSWORTH — Following the harrowing ordeal aboard flight FZ 1073 to Tel Aviv, in which he was subdued by passengers while attempting a violent terrorist attack, the FlyDubai hijacker has reportedly already landed a new job at British Airways.
PUEBLO, CO — Stunned Starbucks workers completely froze up in apparent awestruck wonder as local 39-year-old man Nathan Almes ordered a mysterious beverage called a "black coffee," sources confirmed Thursday morning.
JERUSALEM — King Solomon held court with his 700 wives and 300 concubines to ask whether or not there is anything to the charges he is a patriarchal misogynist.
WASHINGTON—Expressing shock and disgust that an unspeakable crime could occur at a place of higher learning, the U.S. populace was reportedly horrified this week to think that sexual assault could happen on a college campus. “You would just never imagine that bright young students—at an Ivy Le
The post Man Confident He Would’ve Been Brave Enough To Send Thumbs Down Emoji In Cornell Group Chat appeared first on The Onion.
Toys ‘R’ Us announced the opening of 120 stores, a comeback for the once-bankrupt retailer hoping to capitalize on a growing number of adult toy collectors. What do you think?
The post Toys ‘R’ Us To Open 120 Stores To Appeal To Adult Collectors appeared first on The Onion.
President Trump directed U.S. agencies to rename AI to “super intelligence” on all official documents, claiming that the term “artificial” made the technology sound fake. What do you think?
The post Trump To Rename AI ‘Super Intelligence’ On All U.S. Documents appeared first on The Onion
WASHINGTON—In a joint statement outlining the mission shared by hundreds of thousands of elderly American citizens, the nation’s 93-year-olds announced a new plan this week to crash their cars into the side of a bank. “Some of us will be asleep, some of us will just be confused, but know this:
Sports
Tuesday's news that the Premier League found Man City guilty of 100-plus charges of breaking financial rules is a landmark moment. But what comes next: what punishments are on the table, and how does the appeals process work?
Our insiders discuss Porter's fit in Dallas, his potential for a new contract and what's next for the Steelers.
There have been eight QB injuries through three weeks of the NFL season, up a little bit from recent years. Is it a trend or just an outlier -- and is there a clear reason?
As the reaction to Man City's guilty verdict continues to ripple across the sporting world, the club's internal messaging is very much one of confidence and carrying on. It may be easier said than done.
Cleveland's 2-1 start and the QB's late-game performances have helped to shift the conversation around the future of the position.
At 6-foot-7 and nearly 300 pounds, the Pittsburgh tight end is more than a viral hurdle highlight reel.
Angel Reese has won the WNBA's Defensive Player of the Year award, making her the first player in Dream franchise history to win the award.
Abdul-Malik Olajuwon, a top-60 recruit and the son of NBA Hall of Famer Hakeem Olajuwon, has committed to SMU, he told ESPN on Thursday.
The former Steelers coach revealed an unexpected longtime hobby that shocked the sports and gaming worlds.
The Saints put running back Travis Etienne on injured reserve, which will sideline him for at least the next four games.
Here's every backup quarterback in the NFL ranked, from Cade Klubnik to Joe Flacco.
Tom Brady shared how he learned about the "meatball sub" phrase after calling Justin Herbert's
Australian guard Luke Paul has committed to Duke for its 2027 recruiting class.
Many people around the league expressed concern for Drake Maye and J.J. McCarthy following the recent struggles for the former and the trade involving the latter.
The Arizona Diamondbacks have reportedly signed manager Torey Lovullo to a new two-year deal, meaning he'll return for an 11th season.
We dive into your Week 3 hot takes, breaking down the playoff prospects of the Ravens and Raiders, Brock Purdy's MVP chances and more.
If the NL East champions want to stay alive, they'll be leaning on an unlikely starter.
The public believes the Rams simply caught some bad breaks, while books are rooting for Cleveland over Pittsburgh. Patrick Everson breaks it down.
The two hottest teams in baseball meet in an epic NLDS showdown. Check out the odds for the Padres-Brewers series.
Check out the odds for every NFL Week 4 contest.
Tech
Images are generated with OpenAI's latest model and you can save clothes you like for later.
Asking AI companies to self-regulate is a great way to pretend like you’ve accomplished something.
You can't make this stuff up.
A global rollout will follow, although we don't yet know the details.
Amazon Prime Big Deal Days officially begin on October 6 and 7, but I’ve already spotted early discounts on gear our team recommends.
Take a trip down memory lane with the first two games in the series.
A training video reportedly demonstrates how police can evade an Apple security feature.
This week on “Uncanny Valley,” we discuss the voluntary AI safety agreement tech executives signed, AI agents for normies, and extremist candidates running for office in the US midterms.
Google may have a monopoly in search, but neither lawsuit made a compelling case the company was leveraging it.
Bye-bye, money.
Traverse barriers and checkpoints in the occupied West Bank—your choices reflect the reality of nearly 3.5 million Palestinians who live there.
Can the rest of the country have this please?
The SiriusXM service joins a long list of streamers that have increased rates this year.
Marvel's Wolverine and Ghost of Yōtei are the first games to support Quick Spectral Super Resolution.
Five years after the comedian went viral with a 12-hour blabberthon mocking the king of bro podcasting, he’s back in character to shill a supplement called “Crab Salts.”
I’ve tested every single Kindle. Here’s how Amazon’s ebook readers stack up.
Ahead of the Kindle’s 20th anniversary next year, Amazon is refreshing its entire range of e-readers with fresh colors, an aluminum build, and a new frame design that’s both thinner and lighter.
Amazon raised prices across its devices in August. Here are the early device deals ahead of Prime Day that are still worth it—and which aren’t.
Only two of five vehicles finished the race around a notoriously difficult Formula 1 track, exposing what happens when autonomous systems meet blind corners, sensor failures, and physics.
The US resurgence of measles is forcing hospitals and health systems to adopt new protocols and procedures to deal with a disease they thought was in the past.
Entertainment
Gillio Lopes -- one of the 7 Chi Phi brothers named in Jane Doe's explosive lawsuit -- got into a heated confrontation with a female student on the Cornell campus, and his attorney tells TMZ ... Doe's lawyer is to blame. Check out the clip going…
Police in Los Angeles went to Hayden Panettiere's condo for a welfare check just one week before she died in South Carolina from an accidental drug overdose ... TMZ has confirmed. Law enforcement tells TMZ ... on August 9 around 10 PM, cops…
Lindsay Clancy just lost her recent bid to have the murder case against her thrown out ... TMZ has confirmed. New court docs, obtained by TMZ, show Judge William Sullivan denied Clancy's motion to find her not guilty of murder after the trial…
President Trump is giving Cornell the benefit of the doubt as the University deals with serious gang rape allegations ... and maybe it's one Ivy Leaguer looking out for another. Trump -- a University of Pennsylvania grad -- was asked by reporters…
3:05 PM -- Halle Berry and her ex-husband Olivier Martinez have been ordered to participate in confidential mediation to discuss custody, according to new legal docs obtained by TMZ. Halle Berry's ex Olivier Martinez has filed a temporary…
Ray J was rushed to the hospital Thursday after suffering a medical emergency in the middle of a live stream ... and it sounds like there was a problem with his heart. Ray was streaming from Fab Factory when he started having health issues,…
Disney President Dana Walden wants to make 2 things clear -- she's a huge Jimmy Kimmel fan, and trying to make late-night TV make business sense is no joke. In a chat with Bloomberg's Screentime Thursday, Walden called late-night programming in…
Thirsty Thursday comin' in hot with a Bravo Babe straight out of Kentucky! Can you guess the reality TV star in these scorchin' hot before-and-after shots?! Here are your clues: She was missin' her trousers and her resume when she showed up to her…
Jim Carrey is looking to say "aloha" to his Maui mansion ... and he put it on the market hours after we revealed he secretly married his longtime girlfriend, Min Ah. The oceanfront estate is listed for $35 million ... and it sits on nearly an acre…
Christa Pike made some horrific noises for nearly an hour during her botched execution ... and one local TV news anchor who was there is describing it for us ... and it sounds unpleasant. Tori Gessner -- an anchor for WKRN news in Tennessee --…
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