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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
James Di Virgilio and his "Gator Nation Football Podcast" rallied fans to write to Dr. Stuart Bell, helping revive the banned "Gator Bait" chant.
Aaron Rodgers roasted ESPN for mostly ignoring the Dianna Russini and Mike Vrabel story while prominently featuring Jed York's arrest on its homepage.
Rep. Mike Lawler demands Zohran Mamdani skip the 9/11 memorial, citing the NYC mayor's ties to terror sympathizers and antisemitic rhetoric.
Alcohol-attributable cancer deaths in the United States more than doubled from 1990 to 2023, with colorectal cancer surpassing liver cancer in younger men.
Triplemania 34 brings Lucha Libre AAA to the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas on Friday, featuring Rey Mysterio vs. Omos and key WWE crossovers.
William Faber stopped celebrating his 9/11 birthday at age 10, choosing volunteer service over parties to honor those lost in the terror attacks.
Condoleezza Rice recalled the tense moment she and George W. Bush believed Flight 93 had been shot down while coordinating responses in a bunker.
Kara Lawson dismissed FIBA's power rankings after Team USA women's basketball demolished Hungary 108-56 in the World Cup quarterfinal match.
The 49ers flew to Melbourne a week early while the Rams landed Tuesday, creating a massive travel edge for Thursday Night Football in Australia.
The Headbangers' Mosh reveals how his WWE tag team wrestling career and thyroid cancer survival inspired the Live Fortunate lifestyle brand.
Satire
DRAPER, UT — Experts issued a new warning this week that the construction of massive data centers could soon take up all the abandoned fields millennials were currently using as locations for family photoshoots."We're very concerned about this," data center critic Lindy Church told reporters. "The
NEW YORK, NY — Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced this week that all women attending tomorrow's 9/11 memorial will be required to wear a hijab.
Musk, a new documentary about the SpaceX and Tesla CEO by Oscar winner Alex Gibney, premiered at the Venice Film Festival this week. Here is what the film revealed about Elon Musk: Was a bit of a loner as an adult Flew to Belgium in 2012 to undergo cosmetic chest cubing Once made a hibachi […]
The
WASHINGTON—Saying America could frankly be more grateful for the enduring image he provided, President Donald Trump claimed Wednesday that he was the previously unidentified Falling Man captured midair in an iconic photograph taken on 9/11. “I was on top of the North Tower during the attacks, a
Linda Westerman, 53, died Sunday but seriously looks so good you cannot even tell that she’s dead.
The post Linda Westerman appeared first on The Onion.
WASHINGTON—Revealing that the humanoid abomination seemed to have used the lubrication from its own body to slip through the bars of its enclosure, officials from the Department of Health and Human Services confirmed Tuesday that a beef tallow homunculus had escaped from their facility. “While w
More people than ever are eschewing parenthood, and if you talk to my peers, they’ll readily tell you why. They’ll say it’s too expensive, or boast about how they’d rather focus on traveling or their careers. Some will even argue it’s unethical. Well, I’ve thought long and hard about bri
The post Democracy Files For Chapter 11 Bankruptcy appeared first on The Onion.
PALO ALTO, CA — As tech giants continue to bicker back and forth about the dangers of A.I. becoming powerful enough to kill all humanity, Silicon Valley CEO Raymond Paul reported experiencing a divine vision in which a voice, which he alleges belonged to Jesus, said, "Oh, your intelligent creation
PLYMOUTH, MA — In the wake of Lindsay Clancy's murder case ending in a mistrial, several jurors have publicly accused the lone holdout juror of being stubbornly hung up on the technicality that the defendant had, in fact, committed the crimes she was accused of.
U.S. — The Ramsey Show was cut short on Wednesday when host Dave Ramsey became obviously frustrated with a millennial caller who confessed to paying full price for The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time on seven different occasions.
GRAIN VALLEY, MO — The 2026 NFL season is kicking off this week, and as millions of fans set their rosters and starting lineups for the first week, one man who had completely forgotten about last night's fantasy football draft was projected to win the championship handily.
TORONTO—Sharing new details about what fans could expect next from the hit series, Heated Rivalry producers teased Wednesday that Season 2 would follow an arc in which character Ilya Rozanov is diagnosed with a form of depression only curable via blow job. “We’re looking forward to shining a s
There have been over 150 episodes of the beloved children's cartoon VeggieTales across all its iterations, but not every idea the writers had made it onto your screens. As with any show, certain scenes and even whole episodes sometimes got left on the cutting room floor.
DALLAS, TX — With the pivotal midterm elections less than two months away, the nation's most prominent members of the Republican Party prepared to gather in Dallas to get advice from the Cowboys on how to blow everything in November.
With millions of Americans struggling to understand how the Lindsay Clancy jury came within a hair's breadth of finding the self-confessed murderer "not guilty", The Babylon Bee investigative team set to work. We interviewed all twelve jurors about the case, and here is what each one had to say:
This charming 2-bedroom is technically walking distance from the local train station, in the sense that humans are physically capable of walking 41 miles without dying. Reference #633879
The post Commuter’s Dream appeared first on The Onion.
WASHINGTON—Announcing “60… 59…58…” through their waterproof Bluetooth speakers in a booming, robotic voice that horrified millions of Americans across the country, the nation’s smart toilets have begun counting down, sources reported Wednesday. The technologically advanced plumbing fi
The bride and groom said they knew they were perfect together when they both failed to get any other matches on Hinge.
The post Loretta Parodi and Sam Alcott appeared first on The Onion.
Sports
Packers running back Josh Jacobs pleaded no contest to misdemeanor charges of battery and criminal damage to property at a court hearing in Green Bay, Wisconsin on Thursday.
With a few weeks left in the regular season, the 2026 postseason picture is taking shape -- with one team jumping up our list amid a playoff push.
Barry Melrose, a former NHL player and coach who was a beloved, longtime hockey analyst for ESPN, has died, his wife, Cindy, told ESPN's Steve Levy.
Patriots wide receiver A.J. Brown, who left Wednesday night's loss to the Seattle Seahawks because of an injury, is believed to have suffered a high ankle sprain, sources told NFL Network's Ian Rapoport and Mike Garafolo.
Aaron Rodgers said an invite from the Packers for him to return to Lambeau in a nonplaying capacity -- or his acceptance if one were extended -- might not be a sure thing.
Seahawks quarterback Sam Darnold was ruled out of the season opener against the Patriots after sustaining a hip injury on the opening drive.
The U.S. routed Hungary 108-56 to advance to the semifinals of the women's FIBA World Cup and stretched its winning streak in the tournament to 34 games.
Drake Maye called his 3-interception performance "unacceptable" in a 13-10 season-opening loss to the Seahawks, noting he "lost patience and it cost us."
The Dodgers are putting Shohei Ohtani on the 15-day injured list and will call up top prospect Josue De Paula from Double-A to temporarily take his place at designated hitter, manager Dave Roberts said.
We asked our NFL analysts and reporters to make predictions for the 2026 season. Who are their favorites to win the Super Bowl and the MVP award?
Julian Sayin is one of college football’s biggest stars, but the Ohio State QB carries himself like just any other college kid.
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Tech
Apple's new folding iPhone Duo is finally here, alongside refreshed Pro models. Our primer has all the details you need to choose the iPhone 18 that's right for you.
Smart mowers are an expensive alternative to old-fashioned yard work, but they’re finally good enough to consider if you’d rather sip an iced tea and watch a robot tame your lawn.
Some upgrades make these more capable and easier to use for small hands.
Another way to appreciate customers might be returning their money.
Instagram now lets you bring tagged photos to your main profile feed, and here's how to do it.
Despite all the build-up and all the scrutiny, Apple's first foldable phone looks solid.
Experts say conspiracy theorizing about the identity and motive of Charlie Kirk’s killer will likely continue for a long time to come.
Snapchat Plans lets you organize IRL gatherings, though it's missing one seemingly obvious detail.
There's now a direct rival to the Osmo Pocket 4 you can easily buy in the US.
There was a lot more new stuff than expected.
NASA and IBM's latest collaboration is an AI model of the moon made for the Artemis era.
GymKit is a great idea that has never been fully realized. Now, it doesn't require an Apple Watch to take advantage of.
Trump Mobile's T1 Phone, which an iFixit teardown revealed to be pretty much identical to an HTC handset, got a $250 price hike.
I tested portable speakers of all shapes and sizes, from pocket to party-sized.
The Black Panther villain’s hairstyle has become a default for Black video game characters because it’s easy to code. Danielle Udogaranya is changing that.
When iOS 27 arrives, it will bring with it a fully revamped assistant for your iPhone.
Windows laptops have never been so good, and they’re only going to get better as we move through 2026.
In Emily St. John Mandel’s new novel Exit Party, becoming a “ghost” means running afoul of the state. In this excerpt, a secret agent discovers it doesn’t take much.
The Vari Ergo electric standing desk is compact, easy to assemble, affordable, and gently sloped to fit my natural posture and shape.
InquiryIQ, a previously unreported prototype, tested a model from xAI, maker of Grok, to surface associates, social accounts, and other information about people identified through Clearview.
Entertainment
Aaron Rodgers is still pissed at ESPN for not doggedly reporting on Dianna Russini's relationship with Mike Vrabel ... especially after he says they blew up the Jed York prostitution scandal. The NFL QB -- who is entering his final season -- dove…
B2K singer Raz B and his wife, Mona Li, announced the devastating loss of their baby son Astro Monte Thornton ... just three months after he was born. Sources close to the family tell TMZ ... Astro died earlier this week, and his death was…
Hasan Piker got an unexpected starring role at the Republican midterm convention ... with a photo of the left-wing streamer in his underwear blasted across the jumbotron. The pic flashed on the big screen Wednesday night in Dallas as part of a…
A sexy model in Florida allegedly turned a routine drive into a demolition derby ... and then bawled her eyes out when cops arrested her for DUI. Check out the new YouTube collab between TMZ and the New York Post, "The Low Down," where we bring you…
"The Cat in the Hat" brings a lot of fun to children in Dr. Seuss' original book ... but apparently it's not so fun in real life when the cat starts chasing after you. According to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, a teenage girl was walking down…
"Married at First Sight" star Adrian Szymaniak has sadly died at 39 ... a year after he was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Adrian, who was an alum of the Polish version of the show, suffered from a brain tumor before his death. His wife,…
Former NFL star Marcellus Wiley's estranged wife, Annemarie Wiley, scored a major legal victory in their divorce ... she's getting court-ordered protection against him and sole custody of their kids ... TMZ has learned. According to new legal docs…
Mike McFarland -- a voice actor who recorded English dubs of famous anime -- is dead ... TMZ has confirmed. Brina Palencia -- Mike's friend who organized a GoFundMe for him amid his health issues -- tells TMZ ... Mike died Wednesday after a battle…
Fake 49ers player Daejon Love was still repping the NFL team when the feds finally caught up with him ... we obtained video of his arrest, and he's wearing Niners colors. The clip shows Love outside Boise Airport on August 24, exiting a white…
The Amazon cargo jet that crashed at Miami International Airport had multiple warning signs before it skidded off the runway -- including a pilot repeatedly calling out and saying the plane was coming in too fast and too low. New details released…
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