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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
President Donald Trump urged Jeanine Pirro to revisit the dropped vandalism case, sharing photos he says show knife cuts at the Reflecting Pool.
Mets reliever Jefry Yan's wild strikeout celebration is turning heads, and ex-MLB pitcher Collin Balester weighs in on the unorthodox routine.
Over 50 bodies were found decomposing at a South Side funeral home after months of complaints about a foul stench from nearby Chicago residents.
Royce White says he's declaring for the 2027 WNBA Draft as a transgender woman, joining Enes Kanter Freedom in challenging the league's eligibility rules.
Abelardo de la Espriella inherits soaring violence, a fragmented Congress and a $34 billion financing gap as he vows to rebuild U.S. ties.
Socialist Twitch streamer Hasan Piker demands Democrats punish those who do not support Abdul El-Sayed's Michigan Senate bid, prompting sharp pushback.
Trump urged Congress on Truth Social to pass the "Protect College Sports Act," warning that women's and Olympic sports will disappear without it.
The Department of War revoked former Air Force Secretary Frank Kendall’s eligibility to access classified information and hold sensitive positions.
Julian Epstein says Democrats have "gone off the deep end" with Abdul El-Sayed's nomination, declaring his support for Republican Mike Rogers.
Vladimir Putin could attack a NATO member between this fall and 2029, U.S. intelligence assesses, likely targeting the Baltics or Poland directly.
Satire
EDEN — Having gone an inordinate length of time standing watch in the same place for many, many years, the angel guarding the Garden of Eden with a flaming sword reportedly started wondering if he could move yet.
CINCINNATI, OH — A new study from the Center for Television Research shows humanity is deeply yearning for creators to produce more of the beloved '90s cartoon Animaniacs.
BETHSAIDA — Reports confirmed that Jesus of Nazareth had successfully fed a crowd of 5,000 men, plus women and children, using just five barley loaves and two small fish, achieving an estimated cost-per-serving of approximately $0.0039.
SOUTH BEND, IN — The debate over dangerous pets heated up again after a woman took her pet velociraptor out for a walk and declared, "There aren't any bad pets, only bad owners."
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Staff for Mitch McConnell assured the nation that the Kentucky senator had been dropped off at a nice farm in the country where he would be much happier and have lots of room to run around.
DALLAS, TX — Local husband Mark Higgins stood frozen in his kitchen Thursday morning, staring blankly at a glass jar labeled "Vanilla Honey Goat Butter Spread" while attempting to figure out if it belonged on his toast or his face.
KYIV — President Donald Trump scheduled an emergency trip to Ukraine to ask President Zelenskyy for American missiles.
The post Man Came To Funeral Straight From Work appeared first on The Onion.
ROME—In addition to crossing his arms and shaking his head as he listened to the tech billionaire spread blatant misinformation about the End Times, the Antichrist reportedly rolled his eyes Monday throughout a lecture given by Peter Thiel. “This second-rate charlatan doesn’t know the first g
Deborah Fitzgerald and Quentin Korda: The happy couple were wed in a quiet ceremony attended by 20 friends and one new virus the rest of the world will learn about soon enough.
The post Deborah Fitzgerald and Quentin Korda appeared first on The Onion.
As late summer gives way to early fall, many Americans will head to the fair and seek out their favorite regional delicacies. Here are The Onion’s top state fair foods. Smoked Carny Leg Whole Branzino On A Stick Big Ol’ Gulp From The Hose Tums Egg Roll Tarred-And-Feathered Corn Dog Deep-Fried
CLARKTON, NC—Stressing the need to get a grip and think clearly for a second, local man Ryan Kruze, who had just accidentally shot someone, reportedly urged all the people around him on Friday to calm down. “Okay, everyone, let’s just take a deep breath and pull ourselves together,” said Kr
Representatives of pop star and actress Ariana Grande announced she is taking a break from public life, citing “endless, ongoing public scrutiny” of her health and physical appearance. What do you think?
The post Ariana Grande Takes Break From Public Life Amid ‘Endless Scrutiny’ appeared fir
An estimated 9% of Americans will have an eating disorder in their lifetime. The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding eating disorders. MYTH: Most people with eating disorders are young. FACT: They just look young because of how thin and beautiful they are. MYTH: Only a doctor can diagno
Burritos are really, really expensive these days, apparently. But fear not — there are still ways to get them without having to shell out $20 a pop. You just have to know the right tricks.
CHICAGO, IL — One local customer was caught off guard by a new policy at his favorite restaurant chain, as the Chipotle cashier told the man that there would be an extra charge for no Salmonella.
HOLLYWOOD, CA — A defunct Falcon 9 SpaceX rocket crashed into a Hollywood sound stage on Wednesday night, leaving an enormous crater almost 75 feet wide.
WASHINGTON—Pleading with recipients to use their hard-earned cash more productively, a Democratic National Committee fundraising email sent out Thursday urged voters to find something better to do with their money. “There are so many incredible things you can put your money toward that are more
MYRTLE BEACH, SC—Sighing loudly as she gazed at the empty countertop in the family’s rented condo, vacationing mom Jan Freehorn told reporters Friday that she missed her Alexa. “This is the first time I’ve left Alexa home all by herself,” said the visibly distraught mother, wondering alou
Well, sir, it pains me to say this, but it appears we are at loggerheads: I have said my piece. You have responded in kind. Yet despite my best efforts—and considerable hunger—we seem to have reached an impasse over what $24.99 worth of shrimp looks like. As you know, Kyle, I have been a loyal [
Sports
The Women's National Basketball Players Association (WNBPA) released a statement, emphasizing diversity and inclusion while saying the organization "will not be used as political pawns."
Is the No. 1 pick destined to be a QB such as Dante Moore or Arch Manning? Or could someone like Dylan Stewart or Jeremiah Smith be first off the board next April?
Get all the news, intel and insights on NFL training camps from our team of reporters in the field.
Raiders quarterback Kirk Cousins and star pass rusher Maxx Crosby got into a scuffle late in practice Friday before their teammates quickly jumped in and separated them.
Memphis Grizzlies forward Brandon Clarke died from "the effects of heroin and cocaine," the Los Angeles County medical examiner's office announced Friday.
The Titans have signed Peter Skoronski to a four-year, $100 million extension, making him the highest-paid guard in the NFL, sources told NFL Network.
The Athletics and longtime general manager David Forst "have mutually agreed to part ways," the team announced Friday, ending his three-decade run with the franchise.
Although Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes has participated in every part of training camp, coach Andy Reid acknowledged Friday that he will likely not have him play in the team's preseason opener next week against the Rams.
Liverpool are set to sign defender Ronald Araújo on a seasonlong loan deal from Barcelona, sources told ESPN.
Yankees left-hander Carlos Rodón will begin a minor league rehab assignment at Triple-A Scranton/Wilkes-Barre on Saturday as he works to return from left elbow inflammation.
Even with a new contract, is Green Bay Packers head coach Matt LaFleur on the hot seat? Colin Cowherd thinks they have an issue.
Take a trip down memory lane for a look at career highlights for Hall of Famer Drew Brees.
The Athletics and general manager David Forst 'mutually agreed to part ways' during his 12th season in that position.
Here's everything you need to know as INDYCAR heads to Portland — including how the field is chasing Alex Palou in his quest to clinch the title.
New Iowa State coach Jimmy Rogers is nothing if not confident
Jalen Carter and Denzel Ward were the latest players to become the highest-paid stars at their respective position.
Here's the latest offseason buzz and rumors around the NFL.
The recently signed Stefon Diggs is all in on the Washington Commanders, expressing how the team has "a lot of talent."
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Tech
Yiyang Zhuge was already an intellectual celebrity in China. Her viral interview with Christopher Nolan made her famous in the US—and quickly turned her into a political Rorschach test.
Framework's customer database was accessed, but no payment info was released.
NASA is planning to use elements of existing tech to learn more about all sides of the moon.
Sony might turn back the clock and revive an older model to save potential buyers some cash.
If only being a nighttime news editor was this thrilling all the time.
The new Overwatch hero is part-D.Va, part-Reinhardt and 100 percent cool as heck.
This is the fifth such deal in which the president and his team has paid big to cancel a green energy contract.
NASA believes the crater left by the rocket is around 60 feet wide.
Lanterns, Dark Matter, and the original Star Trek are just a few of the TV shows you should be watching right now.
Hackers employing AI in their tactics are finding ways to exploit vulnerabilities that didn't even exist before.
USB drives have outlasted a lot of other tech through the years. Is it time for the industry to move on?
The mayor of New York City has assembled a crew of Silicon Valley and United States Digital Service veterans to overhaul city services with better software.
The use of AI systems to create viruses opens up new possibilities for combating bacterial resistance. It also raises concerns about the pace at which technology is outstripping regulation.
We’re still in the dog days of summer—keep your cool with deals on the best fans we’ve tested for on the go and at home.
If you use a Qi or MagSafe charger, it's important for your phone and the charging speed that you get the right kind of case.
I tested the best webcams across various prices to find the top option. Here’s what I learned.
These powerful, high-capacity portable batteries are the best ones when laptop charging is a priority. All have at least 20,000 mAh, enough to charge most laptops twice.
As gaming laptop prices continue to rise, it’s increasingly difficult to find affordable options that aren’t terrible. Here are your best options based on performance and cost.
This burgeoning wearable tech lets you talk to an AI assistant, listen to music, or check out a display screen from the comfort of your very own face.
Many young men are driven to resentment and are financially exploited as influencers sell them classes, pills, and the illusion of clout, a new report reveals.
Entertainment
Late NFL star Aldon Smith’s estate will be inherited by his only son, according to the kid's guardian. Court docs obtained by TMZ reveal Aldon left behind personal property … unclear the value of the assets. He was not married and did not…
Nolan Wells' friends set out Friday to Horn Island after launching an investigation of their own into the death of the teen ... and the visit was intense. Warren Hudson and Jax Pitalo took their lawyers, J. Tyler Cox and Edward Andrew Paltzik, to…
Prosecutors say influencer Ash Trevino had relationships with over 50 inmates -- including ones in prison for aggravated robbery and murder -- over the past several years ... TMZ has learned. TMZ obtained court docs filed by Texas prosecutors in…
Ash Trevino's gotta pay five-figures in restitution after pleading guilty to fraud this week ... but she's already got some Cameo cash coming in. TMZ has learned the influencer has gotten over 20 new requests today alone ... even though she pleaded…
Huge win for Porsha Williams ... she scored a seven-figure divorce settlement and the house from her ex Simon Guobadia ... and she told a judge he agreed to quickly pay up the other money he owes, TMZ has learned. According to court docs, obtained…
Harry Jowsey went from being too hot to handle to head over heels ... because he says he's in love after taping his latest dating show. TMZ obtained video of Harry at LAX Friday ... and HJ says he's found the one ... just days after "Let's Marry…
Victoria Gotti is currently on the mend from a serious infection that canceled her kidney transplant from her son, Carmine Agnello ... as they wait to see if they'll secure a rescheduled surgery date before he heads to the slammer. Sources with…
Matt Rife may want to think of a different comeback ... because he allegedly told a different person on the internet to kill herself during the same argument in which he told a paranormal expert with autism to "remove yourself from this Earth."…
Reese Witherspoon's father was rushed to a Nashville hospital on Friday ... after he was reportedly found face down on the ground at his home. 84-year-old John Draper Witherspoon was discovered on the concrete by the pool at his condo ... according…
Sickening new footage shows the recent mass shooting at an Idaho In-N-Out ... and it's tough to watch. Surveillance from inside and outside the Twin Falls location shows the gunman opening fire last Saturday ... with customers and employees…
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