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US News
• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
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Raiders quarterback Fernando Mendoza says he wants to carry the torch for the franchise's Hispanic community as a proud Cuban American rookie.
Eagles land Jonathan Greenard in a trade with the Vikings during the second round of the NFL Draft, then agree to a four-year, $100 million contract extension.
Scientists revived a 24,000-year-old microscopic organism frozen in Siberian permafrost, offering new insights into how life endures extreme conditions.
Kayden McDonald could not hold back tears after the Houston Texans selected him in the second round of the NFL Draft, calling the moment a blessing.
Former Rep. Sheila Cherfilus-McCormick is still registered to run for re-election despite resigning amid federal charges and ethics committee findings.
Riley Gaines and Nick Shirley slammed California Democrats over a bill they argue would silence citizen journalists who investigate public fraud.
Morez Johnson Jr. enters the NBA Draft after leading Michigan to a national championship, but he could return for his junior season in Ann Arbor.
On TUI Cruises' Mein Schiff 7, a young child was hospitalized after falling aboard the cruise ship while it was docked in Funchal, Madeira. The toddler fell about six to 10 feet.
The Queens DA announced the arrest of Asil Assaidi, who allegedly helped wreak havoc during a drag racing street takeover involving more than 100 vehicles.
Satire
LINDALE, TX — Surprising many, a preacher at New Wine Community Church held up a three-year-old child's crappy Sunday school drawing and declared that it was pleasing to Jesus.
Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth issued a directive lifting the requirement that U.S. service members receive the flu vaccine, citing “medical autonomy.” What do you think?
The post U.S. Military To No Longer Require Flu Shots appeared first on The Onion.
COLUMBIA, MO—Growing increasingly irate that the new customer base had actually made the place profitable, regulars of local dive bar The Drunken Rooster were reportedly upset Friday after the business had become popular enough to be financially solvent. “This place used to be cool and undergrou
MONTGOMERY, AL — The Southern Poverty Law Center defended itself against reports of controversial spending practices by informing donors that funding the Ku Klux Klan is only 3% of what they do.
WASHINGTON—Lowering their sunglasses for a better look at the massive honkin’ caboose, the entire U.S. populace was reportedly enthralled Friday by an adult man with a huge, juicy ass. “That middle-aged man has an absolute bakery back there,” said Harlan Davis, 33, echoing the sentiments of
Masks, panels, and other red light therapy devices are selling better than ever. The Onion examines the myths and facts surrounding red light therapy. MYTH: Only light with a wavelength of 630–670 nm has proven clinical efficacy. FACT: It’s okay to sneak a few 671 nm wavelengths on cheat days. M
WASHINGTON—Smiling vacantly while the FBI director rattled off classified information over thumping EDM music, local bottle girl Tanya Page reportedly nodded along early Friday morning as Kash Patel screamed state secrets in her ear. “Yeah so we’re actually invading Pakistan soon! Nobody is su
WILMINGTON, DE — Residents and staff at a local elder care facility were forced to stifle their laughter again this week, as a crazy old man who moved into the nursing home over a year ago kept telling people he was once the President of the United States.
VATICAN CITY—In a wild and sacred competition attended by a screaming, raucous crowd of Catholic religious leaders at Saint Peter’s Basilica, hot young priests were soaked in holy water Friday during the Vatican’s annual Wet Vestment Contest. “All these hunky, muscular clergymen, who are jus
COVENTRY, RI — Local child Lilly Shacklefort made waves in her community this Friday when she told her parents she feels most loved when she's allowed to do whatever she wants without any consequences whatsoever.
A newly passed law will prohibit the sale of tobacco products to U.K. residents who are under 18 and anyone born in the future, raising the minimum age of purchase by one year every year going forward. What do you think?
The post U.K. Passes Lifetime Smoking Ban For People Born After 2008 appeared f
The post Steve Jobs’ Fist Bursts Through Grave Clutching Crude Drawing Of Something Called ‘The Octomac’ appeared first on The Onion.
The post ‘7 Days,’ Hisses Little Girl On Phone Call Welcoming Draft Pick To Jets appeared first on The Onion.
PITTSBURGH, PA — With their second-round pick in the 2026 NFL Draft, the New England Patriots have officially selected marriage counselor Amy Connors out of the University of North Texas Clinical Counseling Program.
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Upon realizing that he had somehow gotten stuck in a house with two gay dudes, local baby Christopher Ellison decided to put himself immediately back up for adoption.
U.S. — The United States is reportedly on edge following a leaked report that indicated an American soldier placed a $50,000 bet on Polymarket predicting that President Donald Trump would nuke Iran.
The post RFK Jr. Spins Brain On Finger appeared first on The Onion.
OKLAHOMA CITY, OK — A local architect contracted to design the new location for First Testimony Crosspointe Church was reportedly fired and escorted from the construction site after suggesting the building include a steeple.
Whoa, man. Check it out: That's a free couch sitting on the side of the road there. Not a chair. Not a love seat. A whole friggin' couch.
JERUSALEM — In a surprising new discovery that coincides with recent news headlines, biblical scholars confirmed that Judas Iscariot likely received his 30 pieces of silver from the Southern Poverty Law Center.
Sports
See every pick in the 2026 NFL draft, including what each prospect brings and how he fits with his new team.
Here's what has stood out from the latest playoff games of the Eastern Conference's first round.
The Cowboys acquired LB Dee Winters from the 49ers for pick No. 152 in the fifth round of the NFL draft.
Adley Rutschman hit two of Baltimore's six homers and drove in six runs as the Orioles routed the slumping Boston Red Sox 10-3.
Nickeil Alexander-Walker was named this season's Most Improved Player on Friday, marking the second straight Atlanta Hawks player to win the award.
Mel Kiper Jr. makes sense of the first round of the NFL draft, sizing up moves such as the Makai Lemon, Caleb Downs and Ty Simpson picks.
The Cardinals drafted Carson Beck with the 65th pick, muddying an already cloudy QB situation.
Rams general manager Les Snead said Friday that he and coach Sean McVay are "in lockstep" on decisions they make in the draft.
The Eagles acquired Jonathan Greenard in a trade with the Vikings and agreed to a lucrative new deal with the star linebacker.
Here are the full 2026 UFL schedules and results for all eight teams.
The Ravens will meet up with the Cowboys in Rio de Janeiro for the Brazilian city's first NFL game.
Here's how the top draft picks signed their first card after becoming an NFL player.
Here's what you need to know about Mexico ahead of the 2026 FIFA World Cup.
Take a look at every World Cup Golden Boot winner dating back to the inaugural tournament, detailing the players, their clubs, and the goals that defined each tournament.
Here are the all-time winners of the FIFA Men's World Cup dating back to the inaugural 1930 World Cup.
As the 2026 FIFA Men's World Cup approaches, here is every Golden Ball winner since it's introduction in 1978.
Real Madrid icon Fernando Hierro has sparked transfer speculation by suggesting that Mohamed Salah would be a perfect addition to the Spanish capital.
Inter Miami owner Jorge Mas has addressed the inevitable question of how the club will replace Lionel Messi.
MLS team Chicago Fire are reportedly unlikely to sign Robert Lewandowski upon the expiration of his contract at Barcelona this summer.
Tech
XChat, the standalone app for accessing X's messaging feature, is available to download now for iOS. X first suggested it would be stripping direct messaging from X in 2025, but at least for now, XChat is available in the original X app, the web and this new app.Based on its launch video, the new XC
The governor of Maine, Janet Mills, has vetoed a bill that halts the construction of large data centers in the state until the fall of 2027. While the bill passed both houses of the Maine's legislature on April 14, and Mills has suggested she'd support a temporary moratorium, the governor wanted a b
Have you ever noticed how Walgreens and CVS locations often end up across the street from each other? Well, Call of Duty and Battlefield have a similar thing going on. A mere eight days after the upcoming Call of Duty movie got an official premiere date, lo and behold: There's news from The Hollywoo
The Department of Justice has announced that it's intervening on the behalf of xAI in the company's recent lawsuit against the state of Colorado. xAI first filed the suit in early April in response to a recent Colorado law that requires developers of "high-risk" AI systems (for example, ones used in
In a few short days, jury selection will begin in the long-awaited Musk v. Altman case. At the end of that process, an Oakland federal court will task nine regular people with deciding if OpenAI defrauded Elon Musk when it announced, and recently completed, its reorganization to become a more tradit
Google plans to invest up to $40 billion into Anthropic in what could be viewed as a circular deal with the AI startup (and frequent competitor), Bloomberg reports. The search giant has invested in Anthropic at multiple points in the past, but this new investment comes after an announcement that the
People aren't thrilled with Paramount these days. After all, corporate consolidation and the transformation of CBS News into state media tend to do that. But here's someone who may not have chosen the… wisest form of protest. The Straits Times reports (via Gizmodo) that Singapore police have arres
If an Ember mug is at the top of Mom’s wish list, this sale is worth checking out.
Get ready for summer with discounts on the best robot pool cleaners we’ve tested.
Isomorphic Labs president Max Jaderberg said at WIRED Health in London that the startup has built a “broad and exciting pipeline of new medicines.”
Bootstrap Bio and Manhattan Genomics, which were pursuing human embryo editing to prevent serious disease, have shut down.
John Ternus was unavoidable when Apple debuted the Macbook Neo. He kicked off an intimate media event for the Neo, introducing it as a transformative machine for Apple thanks to its low $599 cost ($499 for education customers) and premium build quality. He was interviewed on Good Morning America, th
A US surveillance program that lets the FBI view Americans’ communications without a warrant is up for renewal. A new bill aims to address mounting lawmaker concerns—with smoke and mirrors.
Tim Cook was a great CEO, but he didn’t crack AI. It’s job number 1 for John Ternus.
The Apple rumors were true, once again. This week, the company announced that Tim Cook will be stepping down from his CEO role on September 1. Replacing him will be John Ternus, who currently serves as Apple's SVP of hardware engineering. In this episode, Devindra and Engadget's Nathan Ingraham disc
Dyson’s newest stick vacuum has a fresh, streamlined look and some limitations. But I still keep reaching for it.
DeepSeek has released its latest AI models, the V4 Pro and Flash versions, a bit over a year after it went viral and became the top rated free app on Apple's App Store in the US. “Welcome to the era of cost-effective 1 million context length,” DeepSeek said in its announcement. Context length is
Clean your house without the constraint of a power cord with these cordless stick vacuums.
VMax's new electric scooter has a secret menu that lets you unlock the top speed and engage cruise control.
Getting into Raya, the exclusive members-only dating app, has become nearly impossible for some. We met people who have waited as long as two, five, and even seven years to join.
Entertainment
Big changes with "The White Lotus" only days into filming ... Helena Bonham Carter is OUT!!! TMZ has confirmed Helena's departure from the show, which just started filming about a week ago in France, and her role will be rewritten and recast. In a…
Michael Jackson's sexual assault accuser James Safechuck has a new message for childhood sexual abuse survivors ... and he's dropping it as a new "Michael" biopic hits theaters. In the video, released by Safechuck's attorney, he says all the…
It was a dramatic day at sea for "Below Deck" when one of the show's transport vessels caught fire on the open waters ... and we have the scary footage. Folks who were there say the boat started going up in flames Friday in Mo'orea ... an island…
Stefon Diggs' male sexual assault accuser, Christopher Blake Griffith, is asking a judge to force the NFL star to turn over his security footage from the night in question ... TMZ has learned. According to court docs obtained by TMZ, Christopher…
"Summer House" alum Luke Gulbranson is a big believer in guy code and girl code ... telling us he doesn't approve of the way West Wilson and Amanda Batula went about getting together. Luke joined us on the "TMZ Podcast" and we couldn't…
Singer Chef Sean brought more than good vibes to the TMZ Brunch Bus ... he also came armed with Hollywood stories and a little celebrity tea on our exclusive tour! The star took over the bus on Sunday ... showing fans some of the Los Angeles hot…
Teddy Swims says he had a blast at Coachella ... but, he didn't enjoy his body being blasted by the sun -- telling us he's got a nasty sunburn from back-to-back weekends in the desert. We caught up with Teddy at LAX on Friday ... and, we asked him…
Mariah Carey is firing back at her estranged brother, Morgan Carey, who claims that the pop star is refusing to appear for a deposition, TMZ has learned. According to court docs obtained by TMZ, the legendary singer's legal team denied Morgan's…
Teddi Mellencamp is getting real about body image during her Stage 4 cancer battle -- revealing she actually asked for weight-loss meds while in the thick of it. "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" alum said on her "Two Ts In A Pod" podcast that…
Kim Kardashian and Kris Jenner scored a legal victory in their battle against Ray J ... because his countersuit over their sex tape settlement will now play out in private arbitration, not a public courtroom. A judge ruled Friday that Ray J's…