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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Caitlin Clark was held to a career-worst two points on 1-of-12 shooting as the Minnesota Lynx routed the Indiana Fever 86-66 in the finale.
Dr. Idris Evans was stabbed to death in his Edgewood, Pennsylvania, home while sleeping as his wife fights for her life in critical condition.
New Jersey Gov. Mikie Sherrill gave Lt. Gov. Dale Caldwell a Friday deadline to resign after investigators substantiated sexual harassment and ethics violations.
ShinyHunters claims it stole FBI employees' names, addresses and Social Security numbers in a cyber attack targeting the FBIJobs.gov portal. An expert weighs in.
Mamdani-backed socialist House candidate Darializa Avila Chevalier, was arrested at an anti-Netanyahu protest blocking roads near the U.N. General Assembly meeting Thursday.
JJ Redick made an awkward quip about his Lakers starting lineup's racial makeup while addressing the viral "Snowtime" nickname for Luka Doncic's squad.
A pro-transgender counterprotester told Sophie Cunningham supporters they "should have been aborted" outside the Indiana Fever's Minnesota Lynx game.
Kyle Juszczyk says his touchdown celebration is about drinking juice, not beer, and George Kittle jokingly wants to change his teammate's nickname.
Kieran Ansley allegedly left a premature baby with broken bones and bruises at Helen DeVos Children's Hospital, entering her room 27 times that night.
Protesters chanting "Free Hong Kong" and demanding freedom for political prisoners were heard over Trump's State Dinner welcoming Xi Jinping.
Satire
GALILEE — The disciples of Jesus of Nazareth got a big laugh after one of their own turned out to be a giant loser who couldn't even cast one demon out of a kid.
DENVER, CO — A major airline company announced that it had carefully considered all its employees and made sure that the most heavily accented person would make all gate announcements for passengers in the terminal.
U.S. — The Babylon Bee is excited to publicly release our first official staff photo in five years, with a huge thanks to the expert visual media team from Stanford University who made it possible.
While the Evergreen State is most famous as the setting for the hit NBC sitcom Frasier, actual people live there, too. Could you be the next one to call it home?
HEAVEN — A representative of Heaven confirmed on Thursday that people who line the dashboards of their Jeeps with little duckies will not inherit the kingdom of God.
LONDON—In a damning memoir filled with explosive claims about her brutal treatment by the House of Windsor, Diana, the former Princess of Wales, has at long last given the public a firsthand account of her disturbing experiences living with the British royal family. “So many unfounded rumors hav
WASHINGTON—Marveling at how his American counterpart’s grasp of the difficult language had progressed, Chinese leader Xi Jinping told reporters Thursday that he was deeply impressed with how much President Donald Trump’s English had improved since the two last met. “He definitely isn’t f
GRAPEVINE, TX — Local toddler Harlan Carter confidently insisted to his mother that he absolutely did not need to go potty before getting in the car for a two-hour drive.
OWASSO, OK — It was total amateur hour at First Baptist Church of Owasso as so-called "Pastor" Darren Parsons didn't even make each of his sermon points start with the same letter.
LOS ANGELES—Sounding a loud buzzer to signal that the pop stars were now permitted to leave the dance studio, Hybe x Geffen record executives were seen Thursday releasing Katseye for their daily half hour of yard time. “We make sure our global girl group members get a solid 30 minutes of outdoor
WASHINGTON—Reflecting on the past fling and remarking how time had flown by, local golden retriever Daisy told reporters Thursday that she could not believe the guy she hooked up with 10 years ago was now the head of the FBI. “I remember seeing him on TV and thinking, ‘No, that can’t be Kash
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In preparation for an historic dinner with Chinese President Xi Jinping, President Donald Trump ordered White House kitchen staff to slaughter the fattened cat.
Primetime star Robert Pattinson is receiving widespread acclaim for his portrayal of To Catch A Predator host Chris Hansen. The Onion sat down with the actor to discuss his craft, his career, and what’s next. The Onion : What creative liberties did you take with the role of Chris Hansen? Pattins
CHICAGO—Saying the man promised visitors access to the “real show,” onlookers confirmed Thursday that a guy outside the Barack Obama Presidential Center was selling cheaper tickets to something called “Barry’s Magical Experience.” “Why waste your time at a freaking snoozefest library w
The Bible tells us that when you're a Christian, things can get pretty rough — especially in countries other than the United States. Thankfully, there are some amazing rewards in store for believers who suffer for the Gospel.
NEW YORK, NY — In a courageous act to promote racial equity in America, New York Times contributor Nikole Hannah-Jones abandoned her young daughter at a well-known crack house.
The post USDA Replaces Food Stamps With One Giant Rutabaga appeared first on The Onion.
A 74-year-old hunter was arrested on felony manslaughter charges after fatally shooting a woman whom he mistook for a deer. What do you think?
The post Hunter Arrested After Mistaking Woman For A Deer appeared first on The Onion.
ST. LOUIS—Kicking himself for missing out on a potentially lucrative financial opportunity, local man Keith Towers reportedly realized this week that he might have become rich if he had invested in rice 7,000 years ago. “Damn, I wish I’d had the foresight to put some money down on rice back in
Sports
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Minnesota, Las Vegas, Golden State, Indiana, Atlanta, New York, Washington and Dallas are headed to the playoffs.
Dontrelle Willis and Eric Karros share their predictions ahead of MLB's postseason.
The White Sox became the first team to follow consecutive 100-loss seasons by reaching the playoffs, clinching at least an AL Wild Card berth with win No. 82 this year.
Steve Alford is ending a 36-year coaching career that also included stops at Iowa, New Mexico and UCLA.
The NFL fined San Francisco 49ers fullback Kyle Juszczyk $14,926 on Thursday for "engaging in offensive demonstrations."
Rob Pelinka said Thursday that the Lakers remain thankful for their time with LeBron James.
Penguins' forward Andrei Kuzmenko is taking a leave of absence from the team after his father, Alexander, was killed by a bear while fishing in Russia on Tuesday.
Head coach Jon Scheyer said Thursday that Duke was his "dream job" and he's in it for the "long haul" after an offseason in which he was pursued by the Mavericks.
Bob Pettit, who was named an All-Star in each of his 11 NBA seasons and was one of the greatest scorers and rebounders in league history, died, the Naismith Basketball Hall of Fame said Thursday.
One day after Mark Messier said he was "horrified" by the Oilers' hiring of Mike Babcock, Edmonton forward Zach Hyman invited the Hall of Famer to see how the team is operating under the controversial coach's guidance.
The Brewers extended their best-ever regular season with their first-ever 100th win. A number of MLB teams have still never reached triple digits, though.
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There's a chance your 0-2 team can make the playoffs, but it's pretty slim. So, which 0-2 team is the most likely to beat the odds? We each made our picks, and a common answer emerged.
Justin Herbert enters an uphill battle to keep the Chargers' season alive this weekend against the Bills.
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Kamario Taylor has been a star for Mississippi State this year. But that doesn’t mean he’ll leave for bigger dollars elsewhere. FOX Sports' Ben Portnoy has the story.
It's the perfect time to have the rising crop of stars playing alongside the USA's World Cup mainstays.
Check out the odds for every NFL Week 3 contest.
Tech
No more Beavis and Butt-Head in your matches.
Meta's newest smart glasses are an iterative, expensive update.
It's easy to win when the defendant is a no-show.
The biopic arrives on Prime Video in November.
This week on Uncanny Valley, we take you behind our feature on the women struggling after being targeted by the burnerverse.
Another big overhaul to the game is now due in March.
Instinct saved me $550, booked my restaurant reservations, and warned me about a phishing scam. It also wasted $64 and might be a security nightmare.
The app is getting a "hands-free" mode that can narrate recipe steps.
It was directed by Alex Gibney, who has made films about Enron, Scientology and Elizabeth Holmes.
The state now has illegal gambling charges underway against four of these businesses.
It's an experiment to see how the chips hold up in the harsh vacuum of the cosmos.
Official Nintendo designs and RGB lighting give the Rematch an adorable edge.
Call for Me—a feature that’s exclusive to the Pixel 11 series—gives robocalls a new meaning.
They’re some of my favorite open earbuds, and matching their lowest price ever.
The country’s prime minister expressed disappointment at being informed of the hack only via email. Now Australia is investigating whether OpenAI broke the law.
The Orlando theme park’s immersive Halloween experience now includes hot, brooding guys in an homage to romantasy antiheroes—and it’s leading to record-breaking ticket sales.
A growing body of research is putting the ovary in a new light, not as an egg factory with an expiration date, but as an organ that shapes women’s health long after the fertile years have passed.
Nor’easters are usually a winter phenomenon. But this week’s storm is arriving earlier than usual, and it could take on some characteristics more typical of tropical systems.
Once seen as nerdy but harmless innovators, men in tech are now widely regarded as red-pilled Elon Musk wannabes. It’s made getting laid a whole lot harder.
One of the best things to buy during (or leading up to) sales events is expensive home gadgets. These Roborock robot vacuums are already on markdown.
Entertainment
The District Attorney who investigated Nolan Wells' death fired back at the late teen’s family lawyer Ben Crump ... hours after he held a press conference with alleged new evidence. Jackson County District Attorney Angel Myers McIlrath criticized…
Authorities are investigating the death of 4-year-old Jayde Wooten who was found upside down in a trash can full of water and fish. According to WGXA, the girl's father told a deputy that he'd just gotten home and couldn't find his daughter in her…
A Pennsylvania man who shot his ex-wife five times during a brutal attack sparked by child support has been convicted of attempted murder ... and prosecutors say he showed little remorse, even portraying himself as a hero in court. Darrell Long --…
Looks like Ed Sheeran will have to pull the plug on his two concerts at Robert Kraft's NFL stadium after all, but with all the controversy swirling around after Macklemore's firing ... it's actually Mother Nature forcing Ed's hand. The singer was…
Brandi Glanville fans can now have unfettered access to the steamy star ... or rather, an A.I. version of her -- who's programmed to do a whole lotta naughty things ... and who doesn't have any health issues. The former 'Real Housewives' star has…
Milania Giudice is getting professional care and support following her emotional airport meltdown amid a mental health crisis and reported suicidal thoughts ... TMZ has learned. "She is currently surrounded by people who love her and is under the…
The owner of the sober living facility where Presley Gerber died reportedly had a criminal past involving drugs and a minor. According to Page Six, Dr. Reza Nabavi was arrested back in February 2002 after Oakland police found him asleep in his car…
Angelina Jolie is preparing for life outside Los Angeles after selling her longtime home ... TMZ has learned. A source close to Angie tells TMZ ... she isn't sure where her new home base will be, but she'll be visiting her children, who are now…
Chadwick Boseman’s family had their lawyers fire off a letter to his widow weeks after the actor’s death ... putting her on notice to preserve all of the data on his iPhone ... TMZ has learned. TMZ obtained the letter, dated November 16, 2020,…
More drama involving Kim Zolciak's kids ... one of her sons was accused of shooting a pellet gun to scare a neighbor's horses ... and the cops were called. TMZ obtained a police report, dated July 14, 2026, in which cops were called out to the…
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