US News
• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow • Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson • Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Viral video shows Jerry Seinfeld dancing and mocking anti-Israel hecklers at the Chicago Theatre as security escorted protesters from the venue.
Johnny Garcia faced two unpaid suspensions from the Bexar County Sheriff's Office for insubordination and negligence as he runs for Texas' 35th District.
Oversight Project's Mike Howell warns Ilhan Omar's HSI raid signals deeper congressional accountability failures and predicts more revelations ahead.
AUSA Exposition attendees question Trump's optimism about an Iran deal, arguing military and economic sanctions must intensify before Tehran talks.
The NCAA filed a federal lawsuit against Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine, claiming his executive order gives Ohio schools an unfair competitive advantage.
The American League Championship Series Game 4 rainout eliminates the off day, forcing the Cleveland Guardians and Tampa Bay Rays into four straight games.
Jalen Brunson admits his New York Knicks championship hat is still unwashed and sealed in a bag, now reeking of champagne, sweat and cigars.
Michael Penix Jr. is fully cleared to face the Chicago Bears after a rib injury scare, with Kevin Stefanski saying no extra protection is needed.
Kid Rock revealed details from an "epic" White House dinner with President Donald Trump, Bill Maher and Stephen A. Smith where socialism and HBCUs took center stage.

Satire
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump faced heavy criticism on Friday for replacing White House Press Secretary Katie Zacharia with Jessica Rabbit.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Katie Zacharia was reportedly fired from her role as White House Press Secretary despite lying about her qualifications and being awful at her job.
JUPITER ISLAND, FL — Professional golfer and driving enthusiast Tiger Woods was reportedly unimpressed with the new Tesla Roadster, saying he's flipped dozens of vehicles all by himself.
HADDONFIELD, NJ — Look out, trick-or-treaters! For Halloween this year, the Jenkins family decorated their house as a data center. Spooky!
LOS ANGELES, CA — Hours after being swept out of the playoffs by the Milwaukee Brewers, the Los Angeles Dodgers announced that the organization had purchased the Milwaukee Brewers.
The post ‘Whalefall’ Star Stuns On Red Carpet In 40,000-Gallon Tank appeared first on The Onion.
LOS ANGELES—Stating that it was about time they got serious about their future as a couple, actress Sydney Sweeney reportedly told record executive Scooter Braun Friday that she was open to converting to the B-list for him. “I really want this relationship to work, and if that means skipping the
WASHINGTON—Calling off the event that some had labeled “controversial,” President Donald Trump announced Friday that he was canceling the planned livestream execution of Sen. Jon Ossoff (D-GA). “I still believe it would have been a strong deterrent for the world to witness how America deals
NIKUMARORO, KIRIBATI—Claiming to have finally solved the longstanding mystery surrounding the missing aviator’s ultimate fate, a team of Purdue University researchers announced Friday they had found new evidence suggesting Amelia Earhart was accepted into crab society and lived the rest of her l
LONDON—Thanking HBO for the opportunity to provoke all over again, Girls creator Lena Dunham announced Friday that the series was coming back for five more controversies. “So much has changed in the world since the show ended nine years ago, and I’m excited to see what negative press we can dr
ANN ARBOR, MI — As the heated race for the open U.S. Senate seat in Michigan entered its final weeks, Democratic candidate Abdul Al-Sayed issued a fatwa against any journalists who ask questions about his support for terrorism.
ST. LOUIS—Drawing skeptical gazes from onlookers for their peculiar approach to resolving conflicts, a weird family at a local bistro reportedly settled a series of disputes calmly and respectfully Friday. “It’s crazy—they spoke one at a time, listened to what everyone else was saying, apolo
COLUMBUS, OH—As they ran freely between tables and emitted a powerful odor of sweat, grass, and damp polyester, a youth soccer team was stinking up an entire Red Robin following a morning tournament, restaurant patrons confirmed Saturday. “They’re climbing over the backs of the seats, throwin
Department of Homeland Security agents raided the home of Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN), prompting accusations of political retribution by the Trump administration ahead of the midterm elections. What do you think? The post DHS Raids Rep. Ilhan Omar’s Home appeared first on The Onion.
WASHINGTON—Interrupting a heated discussion about national cybersecurity vulnerabilities with a series of high-pitched squeals, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. reportedly spent Thursday’s Cabinet meeting somersaulting across the conference room in excited pursuit of his
The post Authorities Investigate Collision Between Trains From Chicago Traveling 80 MPH, DC Traveling 75 MPH appeared first on The Onion.

Sports
Get the latest Texas Tech vs. Arizona State odds, prediction and pick for College Football Week 7, plus kickoff time, TV channel and streaming information.
The Irish face their first test in the biggest college football game at Provo in ages, but that's just the tip of the iceberg.
Without VJ Edgecombe, who was held out of Friday night's 125-120 loss to the Celtics, 76ers coach Nick Nurse gave the closest glimpse of what this team may look like this season, including LeBron James and Joel Embiid playing preseason highs in minutes.
LeBron James gave a sellout crowd a glimpse of his "connection" with new teammate Tyrese Maxey when James threw down an alley-oop jam in his Sixers home debut.
The Spurs will start guards De'Aaron Fox, Stephon Castle and Dylan Harper alongside Devin Vassell and Victor Wembanyama when they face the Thunder in Tuesday's season opener.
The CFP reached a "handshake agreement" with ESPN to broadcast a 24-team playoff beginning in the 2027 season, sources told ESPN on Friday, and though there is work to be done on paper, this is a significant step closer to doubling the postseason field.
Game 4 of the ALCS was postponed late Friday night due to rain, creating an unusual set of circumstances for the Guardians and Rays.
Packers RB Josh Jacobs will be removed from the commissioner exempt list Monday, the league announced, making him eligible to practice and play next week.
Titans CEO Burke Nihill said the organization believes that coach Robert Saleh and GM Mike Borgonzi are "ultimately going to get this team out of the woods."
Eagles coach Nick Sirianni declined to offer much detail about Jalen Hurts' health, instead focusing on his connection with the quarterback.
Lacy sang a few bars from the viral cover of his hit song "Oh Yeah?" at a concert in Camden, New Jersey, on Thursday night.
Get the latest Rutgers vs. Maryland odds, prediction and pick for College Football Week 7, plus kickoff time, TV channel and streaming information.
Get the latest Kansas vs. Kansas State odds, prediction and pick for College Football Week 7, plus kickoff time, TV channel and streaming information.
Get the latest odds, prediction and pick for the Week 7 Indiana vs. Ohio State game, as well as information on how to watch.
See the complete 2026 MLB playoff schedule by round, including Wild Card, Division Series, LCS and World Series dates and TV channels.
Game 4 of the American League Championship Series has been postponed because of rain.
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College Football Week 7 features nine FOX-family games, led by No. 4 Ohio State at No. 5 Indiana, plus three more national matchups with TV channels, streaming and previews.

Tech
The metric might not mean much to laypeople, but leap seconds have been a source of contention in the timekeeping community for years. Now, they’re dead.
The short-lived White House press secretary was listed as an adviser to a Kristi Noem–linked company that aims to use AI for mining. Both the company and she say she never worked there.
Despite Illinois’ sanctuary laws, local police in and around Chicago helped ICE investigative agents track activists engaged in First Amendment–protected activities.
It turns out the Roadster 2 both sucks and blows.
The Razer Barracuda V2 Pro headset has a place in the office as well as at your gaming battle station.
The HBO series served as a stand-in for everything wrong with white millennial women during its original run. Then Gen Z started watching.
Elon Musk has assembled a presidential-level field operation this midterm cycle, underscoring the extent to which he has taken over the get-out-the-vote effort for the Republican party.
MIT professor Sherry Turkle warns that people have become dangerously enmeshed with chatbots.
You can see the locations of known outdoor surveillance cameras in the MapQuest app.
The Surface Laptop Ultra is a true MacBook Pro competitor for Windows, and Microsoft has never been so close to dethroning Apple—if only it weren't for the lack of battery life.
Technics' flagship over-ear wireless headphones are light on compromises, but enter a competitive market.
An OpenAI research model hit a nebulous milestone today by pilfering test Ethereum tokens.
A network of AI-generated models is using comics’ material to funnel views to their OnlyFans and Fanvue accounts—and there’s not much comedians can do about it.
The ChatGPT browser extension lets you compare information from your open tabs.
The Apple Store is down ahead of pre-orders for the first folding iPhone.

Entertainment
Happy birthday, Witney Carson ... the "Dancing with the Stars" pro just turned 33, and she's lookin' lovely as always. And since the birthday girl is such a stunner ... we think the best way to celebrate her big day is with some hot shots. Come on…
'Real Housewives of Atlanta' alum Eva Marcille is being dragged to court for allegedly being an awful neighbor ... and her homeowners association is behind the legal action. According to a new lawsuit, obtained by TMZ, the HOA where Eva owns a…
From sexy-scary looks to frightfully fabulous fits and killer makeup, Halloween is always a spooktacular time for the stars! We've rounded up all the tricks and treats celebs are serving during spooky season, and the shots are killer! See the pics…
Major White House shuffle as President Trump boots Katie Zacharia and Kimberly Guilfoyle ... plus, Diddy wears out his welcome in one prison, Selma Blair gets arrested and Elon Musk finally delivers a 'flying' car! So, we gotta ask ...
Katie Zacharia got the ax while being interviewed about her new role as White House press secretary — and she just walked away without ever returning to her job and the sit down with the reporter, according to the Wall Street Journal.  …
Can you sniff up the sneaky switches made to these two photos of Austin Butler and Danny Ramirez and throw 'em in the bag?! The studly stars were snapped in specs on set of the re-boot film, "Miami Vice '85" 😎 -- with both bros bringin'…
Drake's team is firing back at a lawsuit accusing him of stealing the chorus of one of his biggest hits ... and his team says the whole thing is a money grab, TMZ has learned. Producer Aviel Calev Hirschfield -- also known as Avi -- sued Drake…
Six Flags Over Georgia is taking the "dead" out of its Halloween festivities ... just days after a man plunged to his death from a roller coaster at the park. The theme park has quietly renamed its Fright Fest show "Dr. Fright's Dead Man's Party"…
The mother of the Oregon school shooter is breaking down over her son's deadly rampage ... insisting he was a good kid despite killing four people. Shauntai May Nickerson was in tears outside her Bend, Oregon apartment, telling The New York Times…
Nikki Mudarris is casting some serious doubt on the possibility of ever getting back with her ex, LiAngelo Ball ... because she can't get over his "ultimate betrayal." The former "Love & Hip Hop" star sat down with Towanda on the "TMZ Podcast"…

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