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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Carville unloads on Maher, tells him to ‘get your head out of Bari Weiss’s a--’ in heated Trump rant
James Carville fires back at Bill Maher and reacts to Trump’s comments on Robert Mueller on Politicon podcast.
Student loan operations from a nearly $1.7 trillion portfolio are being transferred from the Department of Education to the Treasury under a new interagency agreement.
A US Park Police officer was shot in Southeast Washington, D.C., the D.C. Police Union confirmed, prompting road closures near Queens Stroll Place SE.
The University of Virginia’s Miller Center published an interview with Obama strategist David Plouffe, who was tasked with informing Biden that he should not run for president in 2016.
Even with a new DHS chief, Senate Democrats aren't backing down from their demands for stringent reforms to ICE. And now President Donald Trump wants to pair funding with voter ID legislation.
Megan Moroney hits the Bahamas for a friend's bachelorette trip and reveals she's covering Hannah Montana's 'Best of Both Worlds' for Spotify Singles.
Rep. Pete Aguilar questioned whether Congress should probe Rep. Jasmine Crockett hiring a convicted criminal for her taxpayer-funded security detail.
Joe Rogan criticizes Gov. Gavin Newsom for mocking independent journalist Nick Shirley's fraud investigation, arguing Shirley is doing the work Newsom's government has failed to do.
A New Jersey resident is being credited with stopping a horrific home invasion after subduing a suspect who allegedly tried to sexually assault a sleeping girl.
Congress faces a steep political battle over a $200 billion Iran war spending request, with Trump sending mixed signals on whether the funds are needed.
Satire
U.S. — CNN announced a shift in its reporting of the US-Israel war with Iran on Monday, declaring the conflict resolved. In light of this major update, CNN officially called the war for Iran.
RACCOON CITY — Maintaining some semblance of his humanity, a grotesque boss monster located in an underground laboratory helpfully leaves plenty of health and ammo in the room right before anyone comes to fight him.
U.S. — The Transportation Security Administration announced this morning that it would be ending the practice of performing colonoscopies on travelers at airports around the country in an effort to speed up security lines amidst the ongoing partial government shutdown.
SÃO PAULO—In an effort to rectify the misunderstanding between the young girl, the girls’ parents, and herself, pop star Chappell Roan kidnapped the 11-year-old fan who was upset by a security guard while in São Paulo to attend Lollapalooza Brasil, sources reported Monday. “People think I ha
U.S. — Separate from his work as the nation's commander in chief, President Donald Trump announced that he was releasing a line of specialty sympathy cards he had written himself.
WASHINGTON—Declaring that the United States would no longer bear the full burden of screwing the pooch on a global level, President Donald Trump issued a statement Monday demanding U.S. allies do their fair share to help fuck up the world. “The United States contributes far more to worldwide suf
With the tug-of-war over funding for the Department of Homeland Security leaving the Transportation Security Administration short on agents, getting through airport security is an even bigger nightmare than before.
ATLANTA—Hoping to provide clarity to consumers about their company’s food production standards, Chick-fil-A officials announced Monday that the two halves of each bun served in their restaurants must be married before becoming a sandwich. “In accordance with Chick-fil-A’s values, the bread
SAN FERNANDO, CA — An existing scandal was made even worse over the weekend, as a statue of the late union laborist and political activist Cesar Chavez allegedly groped a young woman as it was being taken down.
STANLEY, ID — A paddleboat ride at a local lake resulted in about seven seconds of enjoyment for a local couple, followed by twenty minutes of pain, work, sweat, and regret, sources revealed.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a promising sign that the weeks-long conflict in the Middle East could soon be over, President Donald Trump postponed strikes against Iran until all of its leaders assembled in one place again for a meeting.
Markwayne Mullin has been nominated to succeed Kristi Noem as the secretary of homeland security. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the senator from Oklahoma. Ethnicity: Brother-in-Law Raised By: Momwayne, Dadwayne Known For: Being forcibly dragged off your flight Humanizing Quality
Spotting the big brown eyes that peeped out from a shelf of stuffed animal toys, a traveler browsing in a Tasmanian airport gift shop discovered a real Australian brushtail possum nestled among the plush marsupials. What do you think?
The post Live Possum Found Hiding Among Gift Shop Plush Animal To
The Food and Drug Administration canceled a plan to regulate tanning salons that would have prohibited anyone under 18 from using a tanning bed and required adults to sign a waiver acknowledging the risks of skin cancer. What do you think?
The post FDA Withdraws Proposed Rule Barring Minors From Usi
The post Suspect Waits Patiently While Cop Sounds Out Miranda Rights appeared first on The Onion.
WASHINGTON—Opening his eyes after nodding off for several minutes at his desk in the Oval Office, President Donald Trump is said to have awoken Friday from a beautiful dream about kissing an underage girl only to find himself being licked in the face by a St. Bernard. “Oh yeah, Vanessa, I love h
Tallahassee Memorial Healthcare sued a patient who refused to depart her room after being discharged last October, claiming she is diverting resources that could be used to help others. What do you think?
The post Florida Hospital Sues To Evict Patient Discharged 5 Months Ago appeared first on The O
A bipartisan group of Oregon lawmakers approved $2.1 million to buy the 92-foot-tall Abiqua Falls after it was put up for sale on Redifin, the previous Benedictine monk owners having put the natural wonder on the market earlier this year. What do you think?
The post Lawmakers Buy Waterfall On Redfin
Sports
Six SEC teams and five from the ACC (including a 10-seed!) help make up the Sweet 16. Here's how they stack up.
We broke down all eight games Monday, from Virginia's thrilling double-OT win to UConn's dominance.
Los Angeles Golf Club beat Jupiter Links Golf Club 6-5 in the first match of the 2026 TGL championship.
Victor Wembanyama is making it clear: He wants to win the NBA's MVP award this season.
Tiger Woods told ESPN that he will play in Match 2 of the best-of-3 TGL finals, a decision he publicized after Jupiter Links lost a 6-5 nail-biter to Los Angeles in the opener Monday night in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida.
The mound visit Carter Baumler received from Rangers manager Skip Schumaker on Monday night wasn't to take the rookie right-hander out of his last spring training game, but rather to let him know he made the Opening Day roster.
Warriors wing Moses Moody suffered a noncontact left knee injury late in Monday night's overtime win in Dallas, needing the assistance of a stretcher to exit the floor.
UCLA star Lauren Betts had a career-high 25 points to lead the way in an 87-68 blowout win over Oklahoma State in the second round of the NCAA tournament.
The Bucks waived guard Cam Thomas to convert the contract of forward Pete Nance into a standard deal.
Six Big Ten teams! Upset-minded Texas! Buzzer-beaters and blowouts! Here's how the Sweet 16 teams stack up.
The World Cup is defined by memorable moments. Counting down to the top 100 of all-time.
Notable news, notes and buzz with MLB spring training ramping up ahead of the World Baseball Classic and Opening Day.
Tottenham Hotspur have identified Roberto De Zerbi as a primary target to take over the managerial reins.
Cristiano Ronaldo has taken to social media to provide a positive update on his fitness as he continues his rehabilitation from a muscle injury.
Tracking Lionel Messi's goals and top moments for Inter Miami and the upcoming FIFA World Cup.
Seattle's signing of Jaxon Smith-Njigba to a new contract shows the Ohio State product's importance to the franchise defending its Super Bowl title.
Here's the latest offseason buzz and rumors around the NFL.
Bayern Munich will reportedly consider selling left-back Alphonso Davies this summer due to his consistent injury problems.
College basketball has changed because of NIL. The Big Ten has risen, old-school coaches have adapted, and the talent pool is deeper than ever.
We're tracking notable injuries, news and happenings across men's and women's college basketball during the 2025-2026 season.
Tech
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The Federal Communications Commission has released a notice today designating any consumer routers manufactured outside the US as a security risk. The rule states that new foreign-made product models for network routers will land on the Covered List, a set of communications equipment seen as having
Anthropic announced today that its Claude Code and Claude Cowork tools are being updated to accomplish tasks using your computer. The latest update will see these AI resources become capable of opening files, using the browser and running dev tools. When enabled, the Claude AI chatbot will first pr
R3 Bio has a bold idea for replacing lab animals: genetically-engineered whole organ systems that lack a brain. The long-term goal, says a cofounder, is to make human versions.
EA has put another game on the chopping block, or at least the console versions of it. The company says it will delist the PS4 and Xbox One versions of Battlefield Hardline from digital storefronts on May 22, and shut down the online services on June 22. The single-player campaign will remain playab
First heard as US and Israeli strikes on Iran began, the shortwave broadcast has since been traced to a US military base in Germany—but its purpose and its operator remain unclear.
Apple is reportedly planning on inserting ads into the Maps app, according to Bloomberg's Mark Gurman. An announcement could come as soon as this month, with the ads themselves appearing on iPhones this summer.
This will likely work similarly to ads in Google Maps and Yelp, which lets retailers and
Wing's drone deliveries are coming full circle after adding Bay Area to its service locations. The drone delivery startup has been rapidly expanding to metro areas across the US, but is now targeting the tech-friendly Silicon Valley region.
Going back to its inaugural deliveries, Wing ferried office
Do you need a pair of cheap earbuds? These JLabs are the ones.
Apple announced that this year's Worldwide Developers Conference (WWDC) will take place from June 8-12. The company tends to be consistent with event timing, so it's no surprise that CEO Tim Cook will take the stage for the keynote on June 8, most likely at 1PM ET.
Much of WWDC will take place onl
Agents from ICE are being deployed to over a dozen airports around the country, including New York, Atlanta, and Chicago.
At the Polymarket pop-up in DC, attendees were supposed to be able to bet on geopolitical crises in real time with their friends. That didn’t happen.
Polymarket announced that it's taking insider trading more seriously. Seen in its latest press release, the prediction market updated its market integrity rules, specifically those concerning insider trading and market manipulation. While Polymarket is taking the initiative to update its rules, it's
Leonid Radvinsky, the billionaire owner of OnlyFans, has died. He passed "peacefully after a long battle with cancer" at age 43, according to a statement from the platform published by Forbes. He was born in Ukraine, but grew up in Chicago.
Radvinsky didn't create OnlyFans. He purchased it back in 2
The premise seems simple enough. LG promises that you can set its Sound Suite speakers anywhere and Dolby’s home theater tech will make them perform well. The soundbar, subwoofer and speakers don’t have to go in prescribed locations for the best results, which means you can place them where you
When the Uber Black isn't premium enough, New Yorkers now have the option to call for a Wheely instead. Whimsical name aside, the London-based company is breaking into the US market by offering its chauffeur-hailing services to residents of New York City first, as first reported by Bloomberg. Think
I’ve been reviewing laptops for over a decade, and this is my sincere advice on how to find the right laptop for you.
Entertainment
Taylor Frankie Paul had another visit from cops a week after her violent 2023 fight with Dakota Mortensen ... body cam footage shows officers coming back to the home to take one of her barstools as evidence. TMZ obtained the body camera footage,…
Dakota Mortensen had a lot to say about his 2023 fight with Taylor Frankie Paul in a phone call with cops ... recalling the moment she threw a barstool that allegedly hit her child and answering questions about her urinating on herself. TMZ…
Newly released police bodycam footage obtained by TMZ from Taylor Frankie Paul’s 2023 arrest reveals even more chaos from that night -- including Dakota Mortensen pleading with cops to take him to jail instead. The video begins as officers arrive…
Kelly Osbourne and Sid Wilson quietly hit the brakes on their engagement more than a month ago ... and while they're not together right now, TMZ has learned the door might not be fully shut. Sources with direct knowledge tell us the split actually…
"The Bachelorette" isn't airing, but we're still uncovering Taylor Frankie Paul's most dramatic moments while she filmed ... including one of her suitors grilling her about her domestic violence arrest. An insider with direct knowledge tells TMZ…
Denise Richards' new transformation is keeping her surgeon booked and busy ... Dr. Ben Talei told us he's been inundated with requests after sharing the actress' amazing before-and-after pics. ICYMI ... Denise and Dr. Talei shared her facelift…
Steph Curry's wife, Ayesha, is nearing the big 4-0 ... but you wouldn't know it by her pics ... she looks as sexy as ever, and we're here to show you her hottest shots to celebrate her 37th birthday! Before checking out all her hot pics, see if you…
Nicki Minaj is being dragged to court for allegedly failing to reimburse a company that claims it fronted more than $275K to cover production and other costs for two concerts ... TMZ has learned. According to court docs obtained by TMZ, a company…
Boxer Isis Sio -- who was left in a medically induced coma after a brutal knockout loss this weekend -- is finally awake and breathing on her own ... days after the terrifying scene played out in the ring. The positive health update came from…
Nia Long is seeking court-ordered protection from a woman she claims keeps showing up at her L.A. house under the false impression they are in a romantic relationship. The actress beelined it to court Monday and filed for a temporary restraining…
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