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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Mackenzie Shirilla suffered another setback after the Ohio Supreme Court refused to reconsider its decision not to review her latest appeal.
A Haitian-born college student in Ohio died in what his family believes to be a suicide after he was stripped of his temporary protected status.
Hasan Piker celebrated Ed Markey's Massachusetts primary win over Seth Moulton, calling it proof that progressive policies and trans rights are winning.
Lindsay Clancy murder trial jury reported a deadlock Tuesday, but a retired Massachusetts judge said a unanimous verdict remains very possible.
Stephen Lynch defeated progressive challenger Patrick Roath in the Massachusetts 8th Congressional District Democratic primary despite clashes over ICE.
Video shows a growling bobcat perched atop a Washington homeowner's staircase after police responded to a reported burglary in a neighborhood.
Richard Neal defeated progressive challenger Jeromie Whalen in the Massachusetts 1st Congressional District primary, but the seniority debate rages on.
Dan Koh, backed by Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, won a crowded Democratic primary for the House seat Seth Moulton is vacating in Massachusetts.
Dabo Swinney called the wave of NFL players joining Lane Kiffin's LSU Tigers 'embarrassing' ahead of the huge Clemson college football opener.
A Utah judge ruled prosecutors presented enough evidence for trial on all seven counts against Tyler Robinson in Charlie Kirk's fatal shooting.
Satire
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Governor Tim Walz made a special appearance at U.S. Bank Stadium on Friday, marking his first appearance as head cheerleader for the Minnesota Vikings.
POUGHKEEPSIE, NY — A local woman reportedly dedicated herself to praying day and night that the Lord's will be done for her, but only so long as it is the same as her will.
SpaceX recently unveiled plans to construct a $100 billion spaceport in Louisiana, which CEO Elon Musk has said will be “the biggest launch site on Earth.” The Onion shares everything you need to know about the facility. Q: Why Louisiana? A: To give locals the no-brainer choice between living in
U.S. — New poll numbers released this week showed Lindsay Clancy surging into the frontrunner position in the race to become the 2028 Democratic presidential nominee.
SACRAMENTO, CA — After months of speculation about Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei's health, suspicions of his demise arose once more after his name was discovered on the California voter rolls.
U.S. — The National Football League expressed hope that this would finally be the season when a white player would make it to the end zone and see the "End Racism" message.
MEDINA, OH — In a terribly unlucky break, local sixth-grader Mackenzie Warner completely flunked her geography test after President Trump renamed everything right in the middle of the exam.
HELL — The Prince of Darkness admitted he may have made a big mistake, as Satan reportedly wondered if he had gone too far when he orchestrated the modern feminist movement.
SAN FRANCISCO—Claiming that the small adjustment would be an effective way to bolster public support, artificial intelligence strategist Mark Freeling advised tech firms Tuesday to start calling data centers “computer parties.” “While the term ‘data centers’ currently has many negative a
ARLINGTON, TX—Noting the text was “chock-full” of anti-vampire bias, local woman Anna Lambert told reporters Tuesday that the author of the book she was reading had clearly been betrayed by a vampire in his past. “He definitely has an ax to grind, because this vampire character is written as
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Hoping that imagery strongly associated with success and winning will reignite fan enthusiasm, the New York Jets unveiled a line of “Philadelphia Eagles”–themed alternate jerseys Thursday in an effort to boost merchandise sales. “After several difficult seasons, we wan
NEW YORK—Condemning the widespread practice as “cruel and inhumane,” animal rights activists reportedly made comments Tuesday decrying the meat industry for separating calves from their cool uncles. “It should shock our collective conscience that calves as young as a few hours old are ripped
CARLSBAD, CA—Desperately scanning the kitchen counter for anything besides a fruit or vegetable, local man Jeremy Drummond watched in silence Tuesday as his wife revealed all the things she brought home from the store that weren’t Cheez-Its. “Come on, come on, now that we’ve got all this hea
NEW YORK—Justifying the move as simply the next stage in journalism’s continual evolution, The Wall Street Journal on Monday defended its decision to publish a Peggy Noonan–generated article. “No matter how much you want to hold back the tide, you can’t escape this obvious fact: The futu
PHILADELPHIA—Admitting they had not expected the star forward to have such an immediate impact on the team, Philadelphia 76ers officials told reporters Monday they were taken aback by how quickly Jaylen Brown had converted nearly the entire roster to Islam. “Like, one day he’s going around int
Iranian state media released a video that appeared to threaten the life of President Trump’s youngest son, Barron, with the Islamic Republic placing a $10 million bounty on his head. What do you think?
The post Iran Releases Video Threatening Barron Trump appeared first on The Onion.
In my 100 years, I’ve been favored with good health, time with loved ones, and a long, fulfilling career. There are many things for which I am grateful, not least of which is the opportunity to travel this astonishing planet, witness its wondrous diversity of life, and share what I’ve seen with
Sports
Alexander Zverev rallied just in time to avoid becoming the first men's No. 1 seed to lose in the first round of a Grand Slam tournament since 2003, edging Lorenzo Sonego.
Folarin Balogun's £40 million ($54m) move from Monaco to Everton collapsed after the USMNT forward pulled the plug on the deal after the transfer deadline, sources told ESPN.
The star wide receiver is returning to the number he wore during his first stint in New York from 2014 to 2018.
The Vikings agreed Tuesday night to sign 13-year outside linebacker Kyle Van Noy, according to multiple reports, a 35-year-old veteran with 57 career sacks, who will provide Minnesota with some needed depth and experience at the edge rusher position.
Court documents show that Tiger Woods plans to change his not guilty plea in a DUI case stemming from a rollover crash in Florida.
Mike Trout said he was "excited" at the news of the Angels' sale to Stan Kroenke, pointing to the new owner's track record when it comes to his other teams.
Tennessee chancellor Donde Plowman told ESPN on Tuesday that the league "will not budge" on its rule that NFL players cannot return to college.
Lincoln Riley responded to criticisms surrounding USC's home attendance at the Coliseum last weekend, saying he won't buy into a "false narrative."
Colin Kaepernick told NBC News he prefers to watch college football over the NFL because the NFL is "actively blackballing me."
Only 100 players can make our list. Here are nine who league insiders believe should have been there.
Keep up with the latest news from around the NFL as the calendar flips to September and opening night a week away.
The only direction from here is up, Angels fans.
Nick Wright and Chris Broussard make their AFC West predictions.
Five U.S. national team regulars found new clubs during Europe's just-closed summer transfer window.
Nick Wright, Chris Broussard and Danny Parkins made their NFC West predictions on Tuesday's edition of First Things First.
Gabriel Jesus completed a transfer deadline day move from Arsenal to Barcelona on Tuesday on a three-year contract.
Quarterback Caleb Williams' progress and a versatile roster have Chicago Bears GM Ryan Poles and coach Ben Johnson optimistic about defending their NFC North title coming out of training camp.
A weekly look at MLB's standings and how they are informing the postseason picture.
Folarin Balogun's $50 million-plus move to Everton is in danger of collapsing in the final hours of European soccer’s summer transfer window.
Indianapolis Colts general manager Chris Ballard didn't mince words when asked for his thoughts about ex-NFL players returning to college by reporters on Tuesday.
Tech
Dell's latest attempt to match the MacBook Neo looks like a solid contender.
GTA VI extended look took the top spot on Netflix's movie rankings for the last week of August.
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Upgrade your home office with the best Uplift Desk discount codes. Save on standing desks, ergonomic chairs, and accessories during the Spring Setup Sale.
Take the proper steps to fully experience Dolby Atmos sound.
OLED screens run the biggest risk of burn-in, but with a little common sense you can mitigate the issue.
The company will create a high-performance Mars telecommunications orbiter for NASA by December 31, 2028
You're just a few taps away from getting your Android phone out of safe mode and back to normal.
President Trump reportedly "reached out directly" to the company.
How to change the background on iPhone Messages.
5K is even sharper than 4K UHD, but it's for a specific audience. As a gamer, you won't be able to get as much use out of it as you might think.
The latest release from Meta Superintelligence Lab is a powerful transcription model.
Entertainment
Michael Bay says he had a rare conversation with Shia LaBeouf just a few months ago that focused on family and the incredible franchise they built together. The legendary action movie director sat down with TMZ's Charlie Neff for a wide-ranging…
We’re throwin’ a pop star into the mix this week on Chix On Netflix -- Who could it be?! She was one of 6 who stole the show and won the 'Pop Star Academy' competition. This gal can sing, dance ... and she kicked off her career with posting…
Novak Djokovic puked on the Arthur Ashe Stadium court, cramped up, cried, and lost a grueling 5-set match just two days ago ... so, when we saw the tennis GOAT out in NYC, we asked the obvious question -- how are ya feeling?! "Better. Bit better. A…
Swedish born Neneh Cherry (real name Neneh Mariann Karlsson) was in her mid-20s when she shot to stardom as a songwriter, rapper and singer with 80s dance bangers like "Buffalo Stance," "Kisses On The Wind," and "Manchild" on her 1989…
9:45 PM PT -- Jim Thornton's attorney tells TMZ ... the announcer "did not engage in any illegal conduct, was not arrested, and has not been charged with any crime. When questioned about the complaint made by a fellow passenger on the flight, law…
A Massachusetts woman was arrested outside the courthouse where jurors have been deliberating in Lindsay Clancy's murder trial ... though police have not said whether her arrest is connected to the popularized case. Dawn Light was taken into…
Travis Kelce has a lavish new home waiting for him in Ohio ... purchasing a massive lakefront mansion just months before his wedding to Taylor Swift ... TMZ has confirmed. The Kansas City Chiefs tight end bought the Cleveland area estate March 2…
Celebrity hairstylist and Jeffrey Epstein’s friend Frédéric Fekkai has been accused of grooming girls to look "as young as possible" for the billionaire and facilitate his crimes ... TMZ has learned. According to court docs, obtained by TMZ, 7…
A new mom is dead after an apparently disturbed woman allegedly stabbed her in the abdomen in Times Square. Multiple outlets have identified the stabbing victim as New Jersey woman Erin Piacenti, who had reportedly just posted about taking time off…
Blueface is making a disturbing childhood confession ... claiming he once put peanut butter on his penis and let his Chihuahua lick it off. The rapper made the shocking admission during a livestream, saying he was just 9 years old at the time.…
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