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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Critics warn new immigration bill would "end federal enforcement entirely" as progressives push to phase out private detention facilities by 2029.
Michael Jordan's 23XI racing team refused to sign NASCAR's charter extension, leading to an antitrust lawsuit over the sport's alleged monopolistic practices and revenue system.
FIFA awarded President Donald Trump its inaugural Peace Prize, and Trump suggested soccer should be called football and the NFL should be renamed during the World Cup.
ICE arrested a Somali illegal immigrant convicted of fraud and connected to several high-profile Minnesota politicians, including former Dem vice presidential nominee Gov. Tim Walz.
President Donald Trump and Tom Brady were among the sports and political figures who helped reveal the groupings for the 2026 FIFA World Cup on Friday.
The World Cup draw featured Gianni Infantino, Donald Trump and other host-nation leaders as FIFA unveiled the 12 four-team groups for next year's tournament.
Liz Murrill’s letter urges New Orleans Police Department leadership to align with Louisiana law and assist federal immigration authorities.
John Cena discusses with Joe Rogan the 2021 incident where he called Taiwan a country, prompting an apology to China that upset American audiences.
Florida's governor urged Republicans to be bolder and draw sharper contrasts with Democrats to keep Trump-aligned voters engaged in future elections.
Terence Crawford fired back at the WBC after being stripped of his undisputed title over unpaid fees, calling the belt "just a trophy" in fiery Instagram rant.
Satire
PASADENA, CA — A family of Jehovah's Witnesses continued their annual tradition of piling into the car and going for a drive to look at houses without Christmas lights.
After a bidding war, Netflix has secured a deal to buy Warner Bros. Discovery for a reported $82.7 billion. Once the deal is finalized, fans will notice significant changes to beloved WB properties like Harry Potter, Looney Tunes, and Superman IV: The Quest for Peace.
LOS ANGELES—In a shockingly personal attack on the actor’s arches, filmmaker Quentin Tarantino made comments Friday slamming Paul Dano as the worst actor on Wikifeet. “Paul Dano’s got the weakest soles on Wikifeet,” Tarantino said during a podcast appearance, calling Dano’s feet “nasty
Starting in 2026, Malaysia will ban social media accounts for anyone under 16, joining other countries such as Australia in imposing digital age limits. What do you think?
The post Malaysia Bans Social Media For Children Under 16 appeared first on The Onion.
KANSAS CITY, MO — Rumors swirled that the Kansas City Chiefs' disappointing season had led one of the world's biggest celebrities to reconsider her future, with Taylor Swift hoping that Travis Kelce had forgotten that they were engaged.
CAMILLA, GA — A routine family game night almost ended in disaster after a young child asked to play Monopoly. Fortunately for everyone involved, better heads prevailed, and the game of Monopoly was narrowly avoided.
ANAHEIM, CA — Dad and budget hawk Kevin Peterson told his kids that the family was just one accidentally opened hotel minibar waterbottle away from complete financial ruin.
BORDENTOWN, NJ — According to reports, a customer at Tricky Auto Repair located on South Egg Harbor Road successfully negotiated his vehicle maintenance down from a routine $75 oil change to a mere $2,000 full brakes and rotor replacement.
A Japanese tech firm has developed a capsule-style human washing machine, which is able to automatically wash and dry a person. What do you think?
The post Japanese Company Unveils Human Washing Machine appeared first on The Onion.
READING, PA — According to sources, a local mother was carefully looking through the toy aisles of a nearby store for the perfect present that her child would break in four seconds.
CARACAS — A young employee's burgeoning career took a massive step forward this week, as a junior cartel member was excited to find out that he was already getting an opportunity to drive the boat.
ARLINGTON, VA—Describing the incident as a split-second operational judgment made under rapidly evolving conditions, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth invoked the “fog of war” Thursday to explain why he urinated inside a Pentagon break room refrigerator. “In the heat of the moment, you’ve got
VATICAN CITY—In a milestone many Roman Catholics hope will bring the church into the 21st century, Vatican officials issued a statement Tuesday formally recognizing Generation Z’s first demon. “For his innovative use of digital communications to torment and possess the Christian faithful, Mel
Tensions between the United States and Venezuela are escalating, with President Trump stating that land strikes on drug traffickers could come “very soon.” The Onion examines the pros and cons of entering a war against Venezuela. PRO “Caracas” fun to say Raises total number of countries Amer
In the world of business, integrity is everything. There has to be a baseline level of trust, or the entire system collapses. That’s why I make honesty a top priority in my professional life, even in situations where bending the truth a little would be to my personal benefit. For example, I would
NEW YORK—Confirming his new film fell somewhere between fact and fiction, director Josh Safdie explained to reporters Friday that Marty Supreme was a slight dramatization of LeBron James’ life. “I wouldn’t call it a biopic, exactly, but yes, Marty Supreme is about King James,” said the fil
The bride and groom want to call what happened on Saturday a wedding, but it wasn’t even in a church—and they both wore tennis shoes!
The post Reyna Cobb and Luke Butler appeared first on The Onion.
CALEXICO, CA — Venezuelan drug mule-turned-drug lord Gilberto Juarez turned himself in to U.S. federal law enforcement on Thursday so that President Donald Trump would pardon him instead of blowing him up.
WOODBRIDGE, VA — Local man Brian Cole Jr. reportedly had his invitation to the annual FBI Christmas Party rescinded after being arrested under suspicion that he was the January 6 Pipe Bomber.
The post Kristi Noem Places Pushpin In Bespoke Map Of Every Place She’s Deported Someone To appeared first on The Onion.
Sports
Is Group L the Group of Death? Alexi Lalas, Thierry Henry and Stu Holden make their ruling following the 2026 FIFA World Cup draw.
The United States will face Paraguay, Australia and the winner of a UEFA playoff featuring Türkiye, Romania, Slovakia and Kosovo in the group stage of the 2026 World Cup.
Retired NBA great Michael Jordan testified Friday at the NASCAR antitrust trial that "someone had to step forward and challenge the entity" over its current business model.
Here's our latest intel heading into the MLB winter meetings, starting with the slugger who holds the key to the offseason.
ESPN's No. 1 overall 2026 recruit DT Lamar Brown signed with LSU and Lane Kiffin on Friday.
The Mets remain interested in a reunion with Edwin Diaz, sources tell ESPN, but newly-signed Devin Williams gives them a proven backup plan, which could dampen the Mets' willingness to meet Diaz's demands.
Georgia's athletic department is headed to court to try to obtain $390,000 in damages from a former standout defensive end who transferred from the school after his sophomore season in a potentially precedent-setting case.
Five-star wide receiver Chris Henry Jr., the No. 7 overall recruit in the SC NEXT 300 for 2026, affirmed his commitment to Ohio State and will sign with the Buckeyes.
Quarterback Lamar Jackson said his injured ankle feels "pretty good" ahead of Sunday's crucial matchup between the Ravens and Steelers, which Jackson labeled a "playoff game."
Former basketball player Elden Campbell died Monday from drowning after suffering a medical emergency while out fishing, his sister and a Broward County official confirmed.
Alexi Lalas, Stu Holden, and Thierry Henry share their thoughts of USA's group in the 2026 FIFA World Cup Draw. Sponsored by @cocacola
Here is a ranking of the 2026 World Cup groups from easiest to toughest based on average FIFA World Rankings.
Here are the 10 biggest storylines worth tracking ahead of MLB’s annual offseason extravaganza.
Mexico's Edoson Álvarez said that playing at home will also help the team try to at least reach the quarterfinals.
Duke's presence in the ACC title game is a symptom of longstanding issues.
Thierry Henry, Alexi Lalas, Stu Holden and Rob Stone broke down every group heading into the 2026 FIFA World Cup and who might make it our of their respective group.
Group I is set for the 2026 FIFA World Cup, featuring France, Senegal, winner of FIFA Playoff 2 and Norway.
Group F is set for the 2026 FIFA World Cup, featuring Netherlands, Japan, UEFA Playoff B and Tunisia.
U.S. Men’s National Team head coach Mauricio Pochettino reacted to the USMNT’s World Cup group draw.
Group D is set for the 2026 FIFA World Cup, featuring the United States, Paraguay, Australia and the winner of UEFA Playoff C.
Tech
In this episode of Uncanny Valley, we bring you the news of the week, then dive into how some DOGE operatives are still at work in the federal government—despite reports claiming otherwise.
Here's some good news for the "Han shot first" crowd. The original cut of Star Wars (1977), the film known today as A New Hope, is coming back to theaters. We first learned in August that some version of the film would be screened again in 2027 for its 50th anniversary. But we know now this will ind
Meta has acquired Limitless, the maker of an AI-powered "Pendant," to work on building consumer hardware for the company, the startup announced via a YouTube video and blog post. So far, Meta has focused on selling VR headsets and AI smart glasses. Now the company seems interested in branching out."
First it was banned. Then its sales blew up. But Horses fails to meet the lofty goals of its own ideas.
The $83 billion deal gives the streamer a century’s worth of prestige television and movies, from Batman movies to Game of Thrones. It also ends the streaming wars.
The Switch 2's lack of a built-in camera means you need an external one for GameChat video calls. But now, if your phone is a Google Pixel, you don't even need one of those. Android Authority reported on Friday that the two now work nicely together (without needing third-party apps), and our tests c
The debut game from Liquid Swords will arrive in early 2026, it was announced at today's PC Gaming Show. Samson: A Tyndalston Story is billed as "a consequence-heavy noir action game" by its developer, and focuses on the eponymous Samson McCray, a man who's got himself into serious debt in a city th
For a few more days, you can save on mattresses and bed frames from one of our favorite makers.
Shortly after rumors of a deal between the two media giants broke, Netflix has announced it is buying Warner Bros., HBO and HBO Max for approximately $82.7 billion. If approved, the deal will take place after Warner Bros. has disentangled itself from both its legacy cable and Discovery assets as par
Netflix's $82.7 billion acquisition of Warner Bros. is, in many ways, the last thing a weakened Hollywood needs right now. The industry is still recovering from the COVID-19 pandemic, where theaters were forced to close and audiences became even more comfortable with streaming films at home. The WGA
Looking to switch music streaming platforms for no real reason? Apple Music is holding one heck of a sale right now. You can get three months of use for just $1. There are some caveats, as this is only for new users on the individual plan. Students and family plans don't count for this.
Also, this
IMAX and animation distributor GKids are bringing more 4K Studio Ghibli restorations to the largest screens in 2026. The announcement follows the IMAX release of Princess Mononoke this year, with the ongoing restorations being directly supervised by Studio Ghibli’s Atsushi Okui, who’s been with
For the most sensitive parts of the human body, friction is the enemy. Here’s how to keep it at bay with our favorite lubes made of water, silicone, or natural oil.
You know what they say: If at first you don't succeed at mass government surveillance, try, try again. Only two days after India backpedaled on its plan to force smartphone makers to preinstall a state-run "cybersecurity" app, Reuters reports that the country is back at it. It’s said to be conside
Philo has a decent discount for newcomers who are looking for a solid bundle of live TV channels and on-demand streaming services. New subscribers can get their first month of access to the Core plan for $25. That's a discount of $8.
For your 25 bucks, you'll gain access to more than 70 channels, i
AI startups say the promise of turning dazzling models into useful products is harder than anyone expected. Three founders discuss what it takes.
This nimble, compact ebike packs plenty of punch, but doesn’t offer a wide range of sizes.
Solve the problem of cooking and chewing food with these full-meal replacement drinks.
Reddit is considered one of the most human spaces left on the internet, but mods and users are overwhelmed with slop posts in the most popular subreddits.
Optimize your sauna session by listening to the experts and, more importantly, your body.
Entertainment
Savannah Chrisley is back in the Cayman Islands with a mystery man ... and this time she's on dry land, wining and dining at a waterfront restaurant. TMZ obtained a new photo showing the reality star at Casanova Restaurant in George Town ... and…
The stepbrother of Anna Kepner -- the teen girl who tragically died on the Carnival Horizon last month -- has been sent to live with relatives as the FBI investigates him in connection with Anna's death. According to People, Anna's stepmother,…
2:04 PM PT -- Tekashi 6ix9ine tells TMZ Hip Hop he isn't worried about his looming 3-month prison sentence come January ... he'll be confined away from the madness and will use the solitary to get in shape!!! We caught up with 6ix9ine following the…
The Centers for Disease Control is a total "clown show," and people need to trust the advice of their local doctors instead ... so says a respected pediatrician. Dr. Paul Offit joined us on "TMZ Live" Friday to talk after the Centers for Disease…
TMZ Sports is going live from the newsroom to discuss the day's biggest stories ... but we don't just want folks to watch and enjoy the conversation, we want y'all to get involved!! Hit the comment section as Babcock, Lucas, Luca, and the whole…
TMZ Sports has obtained the 911 call made regarding Elden Campbell's death ... with a man telling the operator he spotted something washed up on the shore that "looks like a human body." In the audio, the caller sounded confused about what he…
Mark Sanchez has barely uttered a peep since he was stabbed in Indianapolis, leaving him fighting for his life and facing serious criminal charges ... until Friday, when the retired QB wrote a heartfelt tribute to his family. The former first-round…
"Below Deck" star Fraser Olender says he was rushed to a hospital after suffering a heart attack ... and he's blaming it on his vape. The reality TV personality says there was something in his vape that gave him vape poisoning ... he says it caused…
It's Friday Friyay indeed and we've got one of our top performers puttin' on a lil' GRWM (Get Ready With Me) show! Can you guess who she is? Whether winter or sommertime, she's no stranger to puttin' her voluptuous bod on full display ... she knows…
DJ Quik's son, David Marvin Blake Jr., has been convicted of second-degree murder, stemming from a 2022 incident that left a man dead in a Los Angeles suburb. According to the Los Angeles County District Attorney's Office, Blake Jr. was found…
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