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US News
• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Senators unanimously voted to withhold their own pay during future government shutdowns after federal workers went unpaid in two historic closures.
Trump says he expects a long talk with Xi Jinping about Iran this week as the issue looms over a summit originally focused on trade and technology.
U.S. Border Patrol Chief Mike Banks tells Fox News he is resigning, effective immediately. "It's just time," Banks told Fox News' Bill Melugin. "I feel like I got the ship back on course from the least secure disastrous chaotic border to the most secure border this country has ever seen," he said.
The U.S. is producing nuclear weapons at levels not seen since the Cold War, Energy Secretary Chris Wright says, citing threats from China and Iran.
Garrick Higgo received a two-stroke penalty at the PGA Championship for being late to his first-round tee time at Aronimink Golf Club on Thursday.
Virginia Democrat Dan Storck calls the DOJ civil rights investigation into Soros-backed Fairfax prosecutor Steve Descano a "hit job" by Trump's DOJ.
Kentucky Derby winner Golden Tempo is skipping the Preakness Stakes and trainer Cherie DeVaux said the team decided to prioritize the horse's career.
Newly discovered 1943 fingerprints could help LAPD detectives solve the Black Dahlia case, the infamous 1947 murder of Elizabeth Short in Los Angeles.
Add flexible seating to your backyard with this early Memorial Day deal. Save up to $600 on 2- and 4-piece sets or a single chair with matching table.
House Democrats split over a GOP resolution backing law enforcement during National Police Week, with 173 voting against the measure supporting officers.
Satire
BEIJING — President Donald Trump's meeting with Chinese President Xi Jinping was going swimmingly until Trump made a crucial (but common) error: gifting Xi a large jar of honey from the White House beehive.
FORT WAYNE, IN—Upon realizing his most meaningful social interactions now took place among people he had never actually encountered in the flesh, local man Andrew Riley confided to reporters Wednesday that he was horrified to find himself seeking community online. Riley, a 33-year-old account mana
UKIAH, CA—Calling the blatant display of favoritism unfair to both his child and the other players on the field, local father David McKenzie reportedly stormed over to the sidelines of an ongoing youth soccer game Saturday afternoon to demand that the coach play his unathletic son less. “Josh ha
Thanks to his swift rise from first-term Ohio senator to next-in-line for the presidency, JD Vance is thought by many to represent the vanguard of the Republican Party. The Onion sat down with the vice president to discuss his views on faith, the Trump administration’s goals, and his future ambiti
Tara Knox and Sean Blackwell: The civil union brings Blackwell’s lifetime dating record to 3-14-1.
The post Tara Knox and Sean Blackwell appeared first on The Onion.
NEW YORK—In an effort to focus on the incredible array of bathing suits featured in its pages, Sports Illustrated announced Wednesday that it would be removing all the distracting models from the magazine’s swimsuit edition. “It has come to our attention that the buxom women we usually feature
U.S. — The results of a groundbreaking new study appear to show that the reason today's children routinely struggle with mathematics is because they no longer play computer games from the bestselling Math Blaster! franchise.
LOS ANGELES, CA — Mayor Karen Bass struck back at mayoral candidate Spencer Pratt on Wednesday, warning the surviving Angelenos who hadn't been stabbed to death by a hobo that his rhetoric was dangerous.
U.S. — In a move that even some within the entertainment industry are branding as "too far", director Christopher Nolan has cast actor Steve Buscemi as Helen of Troy.
The State Department has begun revoking passports of parents who owe a significant amount in unpaid child support, beginning with those owing $100,000 or more. What do you think?
The post U.S. Revokes Passports Of Parents Who Owe Child Support appeared first on The Onion.
Passengers aboard the cruise ship at the epicenter of a deadly hantavirus outbreak have returned to their home countries, where they will be quarantined and monitored. What do you think?
The post Passengers From Hantavirus-Stricken Cruise Ship Return Home appeared first on The Onion.
As you may have heard, The New York Times revealed this week that Israel has a secret animal training program that literally teaches dogs how to waterboard prisoners. Scarily, that's not all they're teaching animals. Here are seven more shocking things that The New York Times has reported that Israe
OGDEN, UT — As the great Khan once stood admiring the vast reaches of his empire, so local man Philip Bauer stood this morning, watching as his freshly-repaired sprinkler no longer watered the driveway.
AKRON, OH — Curtis Whitaker noticed some subtle differences in his wife, Janie. Her face seemed on the verge of a frown as she kept glancing at him, and all her verbal interactions were very short and curt when usually Janie was quite loquacious.
Susan Westbrook, 54, passed away Sunday after not shaking well something she was supposed to shake well.
The post Susan Westbrook appeared first on The Onion.
Look, we all know how most people live their lives these days, so let’s not beat around the bush and pretend you need a nice home for entertaining and shit like that. Reference #538518
The post Great For Streaming TV And Jerking Off appeared first on The Onion.
Sports
The Lakers and LeBron might need each other more than either would care to admit.
From Shakur Stevenson to Naoya Inoue and Gervonta Davis, Andreas Hale breaks down Vasiliy Lomachenko's return options.
Out of the lineup again as he slumps at the plate, Shohei Ohtani continued his dominance on the mound Wednesday night, striking out eight in seven scoreless innings in a 4-0 win over the Giants.
We explore the next moves each team should make this summer and forecast expectations for 2026-27.
Bill Connelly picks top players, teams and what to watch for in the 2026 college softball regionals.
The Blue Jays hit a walk-off grand slam, the Yankees were held to one hit, Shohei Ohtani shined, the D-backs and Rangers combined for a wild finish and more from Wednesday's action.
Move over, L.A -- there's a new team atop our list in Week 7 thanks to a red-hot offense.
With nearly two full rounds in the books, here are the top takeaways that will influence the rest of the playoffs.
Anaheim is in a must-win situation, and it's a critical Game 5 in Buffalo.
From contract standoffs to the QB carousel and potential trades, NFL execs predicted next year's biggest stories.
We look at expectations, fits and roles for every drafted quarterback, including two first-rounders.
Check out the latest NBA title odds as the postseason enters the second round.
The NBA playoffs are in full motion. Check out the odds for each second-round series.
A 3 ball bet is a wager on which of three golfers will shoot the lowest score in a round. Learn how 3 ball betting works, dead heat rules, and how it compares to 2 ball bets on FOX Sports.
Looking for a beginner's guide to betting on the NFL and beyond? Our expert explains the point spread, Over/Under, moneyline, parlays, futures, and much more.
The puck line is hockey's version of the point spread, fixed at 1.5 goals. Learn how puck line bets work, how overtime affects your bet, and when to use it on FOX Sports.
We go behind the scenes of the "creative Super Bowl," revealing how NFL social teams create their schedule hype videos in hopes of digital dominance.
The World Cup final will have some of the biggest names in music joining the festivities.
Claim the bet365 Sportsbook promo code which give you $365 in bonus bets.
Compare the best sports betting apps and sites for 2026. See reviews, bonuses, and features to help choose the right sportsbook for your needs.
Tech
These are the latest editions to the platform's game preservation program.
It's examining whether or not the bundling of Word, Excel, Teams and Copilot is uncompetitive.
The rival carriers will pool resources to improve satellite capacity and boost connectivity in underserved areas.
Once you die, you can never play again.
The major innovations on the Ultrahuman Ring Pro are in its charging case.
The Legend of Zelda is now landing in theaters on April 30.
The new models are now available, with prices starting at $1,270.
The entry-level Alienware 15 starts at $1,299 with an AMD CPU or $1,349 for an Intel config.
It even has native stylus support, which Samsung dropped on the Galaxy Z Fold 7.
Watch fans spent a week falling in love with colorful Royal Oak wristwatches that didn’t exist—then the real thing arrived. Now, fantasy is becoming a manufacturing opportunity.
The company is also trying to prevent driver problems before they happen with a new initiative.
The InstaFarm makes growing your own microgreens practical at home.
The first generation to truly grow up online, Generation Z and their cohort live in a social media ecosystem that blends facts and feelings. It’s significantly shifting how they understand what’s true.
These bookshelf speakers are excellent for music playback, but you'll want to stick with a soundbar for theater-shaking surround sound.
The HelloFresh meal kit has harnessed AI and modern logistics to field the most impressively gigantic menu I have ever seen. Recipe times are still lies, though.
A bustling underground ecosystem is providing criminals with the tools to unlock iPhones—and wage phishing attacks against their contacts to access bank accounts and more.
From designer straws to magnet-sealed leather pouches, the platform is awash in products seemingly built for coke—despite Meta’s policies on drug paraphernalia.
Next week, Meta is cutting about 10 percent of its staff. WIRED spoke with more than a dozen current and former employees about what it's like inside a company where "everyone is unhappy."
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Entertainment
Livvy Dunne got the full acting experience before joining "Baywatch" ... revealing she first had a taste of rejection ... and it's all thanks to "The White Lotus!!" The former LSU gymnast explained how she earned her red swimsuit on "The Tonight…
Britney Spears' youngest son continues leaning into the spotlight, and he's doing it in serious style. Jayden Spears made an appearance Wednesday night at the Dior Cruise 2027 show, held at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art in L.A. The…
Kim Scott -- Eminem's ex-wife -- has been arrested after allegedly hitting another parked car ... this just days after pleading no contest to 2 misdemeanors connected to a previous crash. Chesterfield Township PD Detective Sergeant Joseph Feld…
Vin Diesel got emotional in Cannes ... choking back tears while honoring his late 'Fast & Furious' brother Paul Walker during a special midnight screening of "The Fast and the Furious." The longtime face of the franchise took the stage…
Tiger Woods is back on U.S. soil for the first time since heading to Switzerland for rehab in early April ... and we've got the first visuals of the golf legend getting off his private jet, after leaving Zurich hours earlier. 50-year-old Woods was…
Another Taylor Swift wedding rumor just dropped ... and this time, her bodyguard might've accidentally been overtly carrying the evidence! The security guard was spotted in NYC Thursday accepting delivery of a Stella McCartney garment bag and…
Charles Barkley believes there are "a bunch" of gay athletes throughout all pro sports ... but the reason they aren't open about their sexuality is that even in 2026, society remains largely homophobic. The Chuckster shared his thoughts as the…
A man was arrested at Chris Brown's home Wednesday after he allegedly hopped a fence and made it onto the superstar singer's property before trying to light a fire ... TMZ has confirmed. Law enforcement sources tell us ... cops were called to the…
Well, this is fascinating ... Chris Rock has lingering beef with Tupac Shakur over the women they dated, and there's a theory this might directly connect to the Oscar slap at the hand of Will Smith. Chris was doing the Fly On the Wall podcast with…
Scott Peterson's murder conviction remains intact ... with a judge shooting down his most recent appeal attempt in a thorough rebuke. According to reports ... a San Mateo County Superior Court judge shot down Peterson's third writ of habeas corpus…
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