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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
The NHL's Hometown Remix program with Fanatics promises bold new team colors and logos, much like MLB's City Connect and NBA's City Edition jerseys.
Gage Jump's 2.60 road ERA meets Seth Lugo's five straight quality starts at home as the Athletics visit the Kansas City Royals in tonight's matchup.
Michael Alfonso turned a viral Venmo caption attack into a campaign fundraising blitz after conservatives rallied behind Sean Duffy's son-in-law.
Video captures members of a U.S. Marshals task force plunging to the ground when a deck collapsed as they served a warrant at the Missouri home of a sex offender.
Derek Chauvin's attorneys claim Tim Walz unlawfully assigned Keith Ellison to prosecute the George Floyd murder case, citing structural errors.
Dr. Heidi Overton is President Donald Trump's pick to lead the Food and Drug Administration after Marty Makary resigned from the role in May following criticism from various White House officials.
Adam Copeland tells how Arena México's crowd reaction rivaled his 2020 Royal Rumble return, leaving him completely wired for hours afterward.
House Democrat Jimmy Gomez faces a sexual assault accusation from a woman interviewed by the House Ethics Committee, disputing his consensual claim.
Democratic Socialists of America member Angie Nixon defeated Alexander Vindman in Florida despite his massive $16.3 million campaign war chest.
Céline Dion says she experienced stiff-person syndrome symptoms for about 17 years before her 2022 diagnosis, relying on Valium to function.
Satire
PETERSBURG, KY — A local young-earth creationist is reportedly suffering a crisis of faith after realizing he has no explanation for the fact that Nancy Pelosi is 12,000 years old.
TALLAHASSEE, FL — After an election night in which the Sunshine State successfully tallied all its votes within hours of the polls closing, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis explained to California Governor Gavin Newsom that the secret to counting ballots in one night is not committing fraud.
Harry Potter fans forced the relocation of a multi-hundred million dollar undersea power cable they claimed would disturb the fake grave of the fictional house elf Dobby, the linkage now redirected to pass near actual Bronze Age human burial remains. What do you think?
The post ‘Harry Potter’ Fa
U.S. — In a beautiful moment for America, women have finally begun to come together to rally support for stay-at-home moms.
BUFFALO, NY—Audibly groaning before declaring the event “a major letdown” compared to competitions in previous years, local baseball fan Dylan St. John reportedly switched off Wednesday’s Little League World Series game between Canada and Asia-Pacific due to neither team having a big fat kid
Candidates from the left’s Democratic Socialists of America party have been gaining momentum around the country in primaries leading up to the midterms. The Onion examines the common myths and facts surrounding the DSA. MYTH: Socialist ideas have never worked in the real world. FACT: No political
WASHINGTON—Defending the introductory barnyard sounds as typical for any commander-in-chief, White House officials confirmed Wednesday that it was customary for U.S. presidents to start a press conference with the word ‘moo.’ “Of course the left-wing press is going to attempt to spin this as
NEW YORK—Calling the current rate of theatrical releases starring the actress “unsustainable,” top analysts warned Wednesday that the U.S. economy was becoming overly dependent on Anne Hathaway. “Between Mother Mary, The Devil Wears Prada 2, The Odyssey, The End Of Oak Street, and the upcomi
WASHINGTON—Touting the new vessel as an investment that could discreetly transport the nation’s chief executive for years to come, President Donald Trump unveiled Tuesday a new 250-foot gilded catering container for presidential travel. “This custom, state-of-the-art service container is cover
NASHVILLE, TN — After a string of controversial posts went viral online, commentator Matt Walsh took to social media to plead with people to stop taking his words in context.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced on Tuesday that after declaring the Strait of Hormuz an official U.S. territory, it had immediately been filled by a floating Trump golf course.
U.S. — Though a 10-year food study determined that ultra-processed foods like Doritos are exceptionally delicious, scientists cautioned that more extensive testing and many more bags were needed to draw a final conclusion.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Republican Party was hit with an awkward incident on Tuesday after Rep. Nancy Mace and House Speaker Mike Johnson discovered they had gotten matching arm tattoos by mistake.
ST. LOUIS—Tearfully admitting that the lifelong problem had finally reached a breaking point, local man Darren Moore told reporters Tuesday that he doesn’t like who he becomes when he’s around salsa. “There’s something about when a bowl of salsa hits the table…I become…different…”
CHICAGO—Saying he now saw the woman he’d been dating in a totally different light, local man Arthur Morris confirmed Tuesday that a recent visit to his girlfriend’s family provided illuminating insight into why she was Asian. “The first time I saw her parents, it totally clicked why she’s
DALLAS, TX — Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport announced the installation of a new "Hijackers Only" TSA screening line to better accommodate the needs of terrorists.
SOLESMES — Local monk Brother Anselm of the Abbey of Saint Pierre de Solesmes reportedly dropped what music critics were calling the most "bangin'" Gregorian chant since the 9th century.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In the wake of mass confusion arising from President Donald Trump lashing out at longtime ally South Korea, Trump admitted that both Koreas look exactly the same to him.
ESTES PARK, CO—Noting the bag’s elongated oval shape, prominent Wilson logo, and the fact that its owner was walking directly toward a tennis court, a new report released Tuesday concluded that the tennis-racket-shaped bag in local man Marcus Walman’s hand just had to be full of tennis rackets
Sports
Texans second-year wideout Jayden Higgins will miss the season after suffering a torn ACL during a joint practice with the Raiders, sources told NFL Network.
Sophie Cunningham said the WNBA needs a "bold" commissioner "who wants the best for the players and not maybe for themselves."
Los Angeles Sparks star Nneka Ogwumike, an 11-time WNBA All-Star, announced Wednesday she will retire at the conclusion of the 2026 season.
The Steelers will start second-year quarterback Will Howard against the Jets on Friday while 2026 fourth-round pick Drew Allar will follow.
Former Wimbledon finalist Nick Kyrgios revealed on Wednesday he tested positive for cocaine and was provisionally suspended from tennis.
The Giants are trading guard Daniel Faalele to the Jaguars for an undisclosed late-round 2027 draft pick, sources confirmed to ESPN.
Saints RB Alvin Kamara is expected to be sidelined for at least the next month due to a sprained MCL, a source told ESPN's Adam Schefter.
With LIV Golf's future still murky, players met with CEO Scott O'Neil and the league's proposed new investor Tuesday for about 50 minutes, and while some claimed progress was made, others were noncommittal.
Liz Loza identifies six players generating excitement who could eventually turn into league winners.
Injury news and word of potential suspensions caused the draft board to change a bit in our latest mock.
Darrell Doucette led USA Football to another world championship this weekend, but over 150 NFL players are threatening to take his spot for the 2028 Olympics.
The Saints' backfield took a hit, with 2025 starting running back Alvin Kamara set to miss time.
The full 2026-27 College Football Playoff schedule, including first round, quarterfinal and semifinal bowl sites, national championship date and TV networks.
Check out the odds, spreads and totals for all 16 preseason Week 2 games.
Will any of the NFL's major individual records go down this season? Check out the odds before the regular season begins.
Fernando Tatis Jr. was a menace to the Mets, the Brewers embarrassed the Mariners, Oneil Cruz said hello and goodbye, the Dodgers held off the Rockies and more from Tuesday's MLB action.
Explore the complete 2026 ACC football schedule, including every game, week-by-week dates, kickoff times, TV channels and streaming options.
See the complete 2026 NFL preseason Week 2 schedule for Aug. 20-23, including game times, TV channels and streaming information.
The Milwaukee Brewers matched baseball’s modern-era record for the biggest shutout, beating the Seattle Mariners 22-0 on Tuesday night behind three-run homers from Christian Yelich, David Hamilton and Luis Lara and a two-run shot by Jake Bauers
Justin Herbert and Chargers had their way with the 49ers on Tuesday, but it wasn't all sunshine and roses for Los Angeles.
Tech
Meta's new Mac app is part of the company's push to make more business-friendly AI tools.
Operation Blue Skies, which also involves the UK government, will subtly reroute flights to test contrail avoidance.
Anthropic announced last week it would include invisible watermarks in AI-generated content to comply with new EU rules. Within hours, overrides were being touted online.
With smarter gym tracking, new health alerts, and offline Gemini, the Pixel Watch 5 fine-tunes a winning formula—for a price.
Amazon says it will serve nearly 500 US towns and cities with Prime Air deliveries by the end of the year.
This goes way, way further than keeping an eye on license plates.
Google's latest foldable sports some welcome upgrades, but its lack of a major design change is disappointing.
Google’s new voice typing is pure magic, but subpar gaming performance and a useless rear LED keep these flagships from true greatness.
Just because it doesn't meet the high standard its predecessor set doesn't mean the Pixel 11 Pro isn't a great phone.
The Pixel 11 is $100 more than last year and didn't change a ton, but is still one of the best smartphones on the market.
Here's everything you need to know about the current wireless charging standards.
You can now talk to Alexa+ for free if you have a Fire TV device and live in the US.
Yet another Sony live-service game seems to be in trouble after reports of poor player feedback.
Overwhelmed theater apps and a scarcity mindset around exclusive big-screen formats for blockbusters like Dune: Part Three and The Odyssey have led to the “concertification” of movies.
What originally looked like clutter turned out to be my new favorite gadget for organizing my family’s life.
I tested the top-of-the-line Ecovacs Winbot W2S Omni window-cleaning robot on my Victorian home, and it was an unmitigated disaster.
Data and finance professionals are competing in Excel obstacle courses—amassing huge followings and keeping the Microsoft program relevant.
The replica watch industry is in its “super clone” era. Following tips from murky internet forums, we bought three budget fakes that were good enough to pass as real—but ultimately disposable.
The Dell XPS 13 and MacBook Neo are both premium-feeling laptops with only 8 GB of RAM. Which $700 laptop is the better buy?
The car world is filled with designers still obsessed with shoehorning sex into their rides. Slate went a different route, and it’s why people are smitten with the charming electric pickup.
Entertainment
Neutrogena continues to get lit up by Hayden Panettiere fans ... and now the skincare company's Instagram is being turned into a shrine of sorts. Here's the deal ... Hayden was the face of the brand for years before being unceremoniously dropped,…
We want you to be a part of TMZ, so every weekday, between 10:30 AM and 12:00 PM PT, we take you inside our newsroom via live stream. You never know what you're gonna get ... a big story that breaks, an argument erupts in the room, or someone's…
"Below Deck Mediterranean" star Nathan Gallagher was arrested for domestic violence several months ago ... and is now the subject of an apprehended violence filing in Australia. The reality star was busted on December 27 after allegedly assaulting…
Eric Trump says his father's right-hand woman Natalie Harp got the good genes in her family ... taking a savage swipe at her estranged brother after his CNN appearance. Eric tore into Preston Harp Wednesday morning over his appearance on CNN's…
Natalie Harp apparently takes keeping up with President Trump very seriously ... so seriously, it seems, his ever-present aide sprints across his golf courses just to keep pace with him ... and she's been so distracted, she's forgetting basic…
Will Smith's former friend, Bilaal Salaam, is gearing up to wage legal war on two fronts ... he says he plans to sue Will, months after he dragged Will's wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, into court ... TMZ has learned. Bilaal filed court docs, obtained by…
Courtney Clenney is officially out of the Miami-Dade jail where she spent years awaiting the outcome of her murder case ... and now she's got a new lockup to navigate. TMZ noticed Courtney was no longer appearing Wednesday morning in Miami-Dade…
Marc Jacobs isn't above giving Luigi Mangione a style makeover for his upcoming New York state murder trial ... though he doesn't seem to think Luigi needs his help. The famous fashion designer appeared on an episode of Variety's "Lie Detector…
Karmelo Anthony's defense team just scored a major victory in their push for a new trial -- their request for a new judge in the case has been accepted. The decision came from a Collin County, Texas courtroom Wednesday morning ... courtesy of…
U.S. Marshals in Missouri didn't get the drop on their suspect like they wanted ... instead, they did the dropping themselves when a wooden deck collapsed as they tried to serve a warrant. Body cam footage from a raid in Huntsville, Missouri, last…
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