US News
• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow • Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson • Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Exiled Iranian Crown Prince Reza Pahlavi says he's ready to lead Iran's transition as conflict enters third week and regime faces potential collapse.
Kim Jong Un's daughter joins him at missile test, fueling ongoing succession speculation as North Korea escalates weapons demonstrations amid regional tensions.
Seahawks general manager John Schneider pointed to Washington’s new income tax rate on millionaires, warning it could hinder the franchise’s ability to sign top NFL free agents.
A DNA breakthrough identified a headless body found in New York 56 years ago as Clyde Coppage from Pennsylvania, but his killer still remains at large.
Robert J. O'Neill, a former Navy SEAL who killed Osama bin Laden, gave the U.S. baseball team a speech before its quarterfinal victory, sparking social media criticism and praise.
Late Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay’s memorabilia collection far exceeded expectations at Christie’s, generating $93.6 million against initial auction estimates of $40 million.
The U.S. Embassy in Caracas raised the American flag for the first time in seven years, months after former President Nicolás Maduro's capture by U.S. forces.
Sharon Osbourne criticized artists giving political speeches at award shows, saying viewers need "relief" from world events on "The Osbournes Podcast."
The son of British prisoners in Iran slammed U.K. Prime Minister Keir Starmer's "non-existent" advocacy and urged President Donald Trump to remember prisoners during strikes on Iran.
Caitlin Clark ignored Angel Reese's high-five gesture during Team USA's 91-48 victory over Puerto Rico in FIBA World Cup qualifiers, adding fuel to their rivalry.

Satire
NEW YORK, NY — Heaven rejoiced today after a Jewish man accepted Jesus and converted to Christianity. Sources confirmed that the man was converted thanks to the powerful witness of an X user who proclaimed, "Christ is King, you filthy money-grubbin' Jew."
WASHINGTON—In a heated exchange that laid bare a growing schism at the highest levels of Republican leadership, President Donald Trump and Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) reportedly clashed in the Oval Office Thursday over the question of where they were, with McConnell insisting they were at church a
WASHINGTON, D.C. — An uncharacteristically rotund Pete Hegseth held a press conference to deny having any knowledge of what happened to all the leftover lobster that had been procured for the troops.
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — Google announced an update for its popular Google Maps application that would automatically subtract an hour from travel time if it knows a dad is driving.
The post Lakers Fans Furious As Bam Adebayo Dies In Even Worse Helicopter Crash appeared first on The Onion.
MILWAUKEE—Accusing the actress of a grotesque act that showed profound insensitivity, Kate Hudson found herself under fire Thursday for performing in Wisconsinface for her most recent film, Song Sung Blue. “It’s so insulting to see someone who’s obviously never been anywhere near cheese cu
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senate Democrats voted to expel Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman on Thursday after their repeated warnings for him to stop supporting America were ignored.
WASHINGTON—Maintaining that his conduct was well within the guidelines for the solemn occasion, President Trump on Thursday defended his decision to wear a fruit hat while samba dancing during the dignified transfer of soldiers killed in Iran. “There’s no reason I can’t honor the sacrifice o
MILWAUKEE, WI — Local man Ed Clayfield reportedly saved himself an extended period of suffering by hiring members of the Academy Awards Orchestra to perform the "Wrap It Up" music whenever his wife's stories go too long.
PERSIAN GULF — Iran's military command is desperately scrambling to react upon learning the news that Donald Trump had chosen Mitth'raw'nuruodo, otherwise known as Grand Admiral Thrawn, to lead the U.S. carrier strike group in the Persian Gulf.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite early indications to the contrary, the Senate passed the SAVE Act after Senator Mike Lee reportedly changed its name to the "Give Congress A Raise Act."
Harry Styles has released Kiss All the Time. Disco, Occasionally, his fourth studio album. The pop star sat down with The Onion to explain the meaning behind each track. “Aperture”: “I typed ‘hole’ into powerthesaurus.com.” “American Girls”: “My favorite is Samantha, but Kit is a v
WASHINGTON—Claiming their mind was solely occupied by the hope of curling up in a ball and sleeping as long as they were allowed, the entire U.S. populace told reporters Thursday they lacked the strength to form an opinion on Donald Glover’s casting as the voice of Yoshi in The Super Mario Galax
The post Fiery Explosion Erupts In L.A. Canyon After Britney Spears Twirls Over Guardrail appeared first on The Onion.
The post Still Supreme! Iran’s New Supreme Leader Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei On Faith, Fitness, And Supremely Good Sex After 50 appeared first on The Onion.
Lisa Park, 29, literally died after running into her ex while he was on a date and saying, “Don’t have too much fun.” Like, what the fuck was that? The post Lisa Park appeared first on The Onion.
WASHINGTON—Positioning pubic hair as the body’s natural bulwark against urethral intrusions, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. urged Americans Thursday to grow as many pubes as possible to keep bugs from crawling into their cockholes. “Pubes are the strongest type of hair there is, with t

Sports
The RedHawks and Tigers continue to be the talk of the bubble, plus more considerations for men's committee.
Wilyer Abreu hit a go-ahead, three-run shot in the sixth, and Venezuela rallied to stun defending champion Japan to advance to the World Baseball Classic semifinals.
Arizona will head into the NCAA tournament with a nine-game winning streak after holding off Houston 79-74 in Saturday's Big 12 tournament final, avenging its loss to the Cougars in last season's conference title game.
A tenacious defensive performance carried No. 13 St. John's to its second straight Big East tournament championship Saturday night with a 72-52 blowout of sixth-ranked UConn at Madison Square Garden.
The Maple Leafs believe the NHL didn't go far enough in punishing Ducks defenseman Radko Gudas for the hit that ended Auston Matthews' season.
Chicago Cubs outfielder Seiya Suzuki exited Japan's World Baseball Classic quarterfinal matchup against Venezuela because of right knee discomfort.
Texas Tech star guard Christian Anderson will be available for the NCAA tournament after leaving the Red Raiders' Big 12 tournament loss because of an apparent groin injury.
Victor Wembanyama made his mark in every facet of Saturday's game against the Hornets, posting 32 points, 12 boards, eight assists, four blocks and two steals as the Spurs improved to 17-2 since Feb. 1.
No. 1 Duke defeated No. 10 Virginia on Saturday night for its second straight Atlantic Coast Conference tournament championship under coach Jon Scheyer and its third title in the past four years.
How the semifinals bracket for the 2026 World Baseball Classic is shaping up.
Conference tournaments are in full swing. Check out the odds for the major conferences.
FOX Sports' Michael Cohen breaks down the biggest takeaways from Saturday's men's Big East Tournament title game.
The 2026 Big East Men's Basketball Tournament is right around the corner, and we've got you covered with everything to know.
The magical run continues for undefeated Italy, which is heading to the WBC semifinals after holding of Puerto Rico on Saturday.
The field is officially set for the inaugural Grand Prix of Arlington. Here's what we learned about Saturday's qualifying.
The 2026 Big Ten Men's Basketball Tournament is right around the corner, and we've got you covered with everything to know.

Tech
A month after Seedance 2.0's launch in China sparked cease-and-desist letters from Disney and Paramount Skydance over its use of copyrighted materials, its developer ByteDance has reportedly hit pause on the release of the AI video tool in other regions. According to The Information, which spoke to
You're responsible for your own Spotify algorithm now. On stage at SXSW, Spotify's co-CEO, Gustav Söderström, announced the Taste Profile feature, which allows users to personally customize exactly what they want to listen to, whether it's music, audiobooks or podcasts. This AI-powered feature is
There may have been some extra incentive for the Trump administration to get the TikTok US deal done. According to a report from The Wall Street Journal, the Trump administration is set to receive a total of $10 billion in the deal that allowed TikTok to remain in the US. The new investors who acqui
Need something new for your reading list? This week, we recommend A.D. Sui's The Iron Garden Sutra, a meditative horror sci-fi/fantasy and murder mystery. I don't typically gravitate toward locked room mysteries, but the description of this book ticked all the right boxes to win me over: "a dea
Meta could be preparing for one of the largest layoffs in its history, according to a Reuters report. The tech giant is planning to cut about 20 percent of its workforce, according to the outlet's sources. According to the report, neither a date nor the exact number of layoffs has been finalized yet
Digg has shut down, for now, just a few months after its open beta launched. Justin Mezzell, the company’s CEO, has explained on the home page that it noticed hours after the beta launched that it was already being targeted by SEO spammers. “The internet is now populated, in meaningful part, by
Save money and reduce your carbon footprint with these tips to snag the best deals on quality refurbished and used electronics.
Who needs a supercomputer when you can calculate pi with a box of sewing needles?
There's not much else groundbreaking about the company's latest flagship, but the built-in privacy display works well without much trade-off.
Welcome to our latest roundup of what's going on in the indie game space. A bunch of intriguing games arrived this week, including a mobile port of one of the most absorbing things I’ve played in years and two completely different titles with the same name. Let’s get things started with a look a
Plus: A porn-quitting app exposed the masturbation habits of hundreds of thousands of users, Russian hackers are trying to take over people’s Signal accounts, and more.
Here's the best advice I have for protecting your identity online.
Do you really need a $300 trail running shoe? We test the treads, and the creds, of the Norda 001A G+.
The unique flat-bottom design of the Kalita Wave makes brewing exceptional coffee dead simple—especially if you can’t summon the rigor required to make perfect pour-over.
Tune in to watch the men’s and women’s teams fight to win the 2026 NCAA Division I Basketball championship.
Researchers in Japan pioneered reprogrammed cells 20 years ago. Now the country has given the first-ever authorizations to manufacture and sell medical products based on the technology.
Declutter and deep clean your home sanely by breaking it into smaller tasks. You're also bound to discover there are things you no longer need that you can sell.
OpenAI plans to add its Sora video generation model directly into ChatGPT, The Information reports . The standalone Sora app was seen as a smash hit when it launched alongside Sora 2 in September 2025, but interest in the video generation app has fallen in the time since as users ran into limits on
Meta AI should soon be better at surfacing international news content thanks to a set of new deals with publishers. The company announced new agreements with international outlets and offered additional details on its recent deal with News Corp. The latest deals bring French newspaper Le Figaro, Sp
Adobe has agreed to pay the US government $75 million to settle its lawsuit over the company's allegedly harmful approach to subscriptions. The suit started in 2024, when the US Department of Justice and the Federal Trade Commission filed a joint complaint alleging the company deliberately made it d

Entertainment
Emily Ratajkowski turned up the heat online Saturday, posting some sizzling swimsuit shots in a plunging red bikini! Check out her latest IG post -- the actress and model is flaunting her famous figure in a bright red one-piece that frames her…
Eric Dane's ex-girlfriend, actress Priya Jain, still can't put her feelings about his passing into words ... telling us she's working through it. We caught up with Jain outside The Abbey -- a popular West Hollywood bar -- late Friday night ... and,…
This stunning mom and model teased followers with a drool-worthy poolside Insta pic ... can you guess who she is? This star stunned in a red and white polka-dot bikini while lounging by the pool ... a much-needed rest after another long year. in…
The "Members Only: Palm Beach" cast is reflecting on a controversial comment Gale Brophy made on the show ... and ain't holding back about her general rudeness on set. The ladies of 'MO:PB' -- Hilary Musser, Taja Abitbol, Ro-Mina Ustayev, Rosalyn…
Chrisean Rock's got her first boxing match set up for next month ... but, today is all about love -- specifically how much we love these hot shots! The star turned 26 years old on Saturday ... and, we've put together these spicy pics for fans to…
John Alford -- a British actor who was convicted on sex offenses connected to two teenage girls last year -- has died in prison. The Mirror and the BBC confirmed the news with a spokesperson for the prison system ... who told them, "John Shannon…
Wedding crashers aren't usually well-received when they're discovered ... unless of course it's Zendaya barging in! The actress showed up to a marriage ceremony in Las Vegas Saturday as part of the promotion for her new movie "The Drama" ...…
Selena Gomez is continuing to pack on the PDA with her hubby Benny Blanco after he got torn apart online for sporting visibly dirty feet on a recent podcast taping. Check out the new pics ... the "Bluest Flame" singer shared a carousel to…
Neo -- a friend of D4vd who blasted the guy on social media this week -- says he doesn't care what the public thinks of him ... and he's done commenting on the case publicly. Neo took to Instagram Saturday to speak out in a series of fiery posts…
Scooter Braun's ex-wife looked like she was glowing after getting cozy with Tom Brady recently ... all smiles while walking with a pal. Watch the clip -- Yael Cohen Braun was spotted walking around Los Angeles Friday ... wearing an oversized UCLA…

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