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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Mamdani's property tax dubbed 'dangerous' and 'a little weird' by comedians after list was published
Dana Carvey and David Spade called the published New York City property database "dangerous" in light of New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani's pied-à-terre tax.
Indiana Hoosiers add Stephen Daley back to the roster after a Colorado court ruling grants 2022-class athletes an additional eligibility season.
Trump urged Republican senators to release holds on the Sunshine Protection Act, saying permanent daylight saving time would cut crime and accidents.
A crowded seven-candidate Democratic primary in Virginia's 1st Congressional District sets up a November showdown against Rep. Rob Wittman.
A large parrot attacked teenage soccer players during a Flamengo vs. Ceará Brazil Under-15 Cup match in Rio de Janeiro, halting play multiple times.
Abdul El-Sayed and Haley Stevens clash in the most expensive Democratic Senate primary in history, with over $80 million spent and AIPAC at the center.
The cruise ship vacations of many passengers have been heavily disrupted by record-low water levels on the Danube and Rhine rivers. Some ships have been stranded.
Brock Lesnar announced his retirement on the "Pat McAfee Show" after his emotional Hell in a Cell loss to Oba Femi at SummerSlam on Saturday.
A 17-year-old suspect faces second-degree murder charges in the DeLand, Florida, double homicide of Citadel cadet Dustin Rose and Samson Campbell.
Elaine Luria secured the Democratic nomination in Virginia's 2nd Congressional District, setting up a high-stakes rematch with Rep. Jennifer Kiggans.
Satire
SALT LAKE CITY, UT — Well, that's not good.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced on Tuesday the signing of an executive order to bring back racist pro sports team names, effective immediately.
DENVER, CO — Southwest Airlines announced this week that it was now offering nonstop flights from the Denver airport to downtown Denver.
All churches that truly love Jesus serve coffee, but did you know that you can actually tell what denomination a church is by what coffee it serves?
NEW YORK, NY — Mayor Zohran Mamdani assured citizens today that a photo ID would not be needed to shop at government-run grocery stores, stating all that would be required is a special mark on the right hand or forehead.
HUNTINGTON BEACH, CA — Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. kicked off his new cooking show with a reminder for viewers at home to always be sure to cook raccoon to an internal temperature of at least 165 degrees Fahrenheit.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The stakes in the war with Iran reached new heights this morning, as President Donald Trump warned the Iranians that this was their fourth-to-last chance at peace.
SAN FRANCISCO—Hailing rapid developments in the infrastructure needed to support artificial intelligence, OpenAI CEO Sam Altman announced Tuesday that technological advancements were now allowing data centers to run on even more electricity. “People said we were using an unacceptable amount of p
ARLINGTON, VA—In what may be the largest-ever disclosure of government data concerning the mysterious aerial phenomena, Pentagon officials announced Wednesday they had begun releasing a trove of formerly classified files on blimps. “These strange, balloon-like anomalies have captivated the publi
Park ranger Stella Leonard, 37, succumbed to her injuries Thursday after being mauled by a tourist.
The post Stella Leonard appeared first on The Onion.
BOZEMAN, MT—Upending long-held beliefs about how the prehistoric reptiles commemorated a juvenile female’s transition into adulthood, new evidence published Thursday by researchers at Montana State University suggests that dinosaurs had quinceañeras. “As we examined fossilized footprints in
As more Americans than ever turn to Ozempic and Wegovy for weight loss, consumers are becoming increasingly conscious of such drugs’ trade-offs. Here are the pros and cons of taking GLP-1s. PRO Always fun injecting something More comfortable than ball gag Creates enough loose skin to take flig
CHICAGO—Noting that there were no empty seats to switch to on the entirely full bus, sources confirmed Tuesday morning that a belching, groaning passenger seated directly behind a local woman had announced, “Oh fuck.” Reports indicated that the passenger had spent several minutes prior to his
LOS ANGELES, CA — In a stunning move to further bolster an already imposing starting lineup, the Los Angeles Dodgers announced shortly before Monday afternoon's trade deadline that the club had officially acquired Kal-El of Krypton.
You may think you know the Bible, but boy does Texas Senate candidate James Talarico have news for you. There are so many incredible truths hidden in Scripture that Talarico has discovered, and it's his great delight to share those with the world.
WASHINGTON—Promoting the unfounded assertion in an effort to improve his polling, President Donald Trump baselessly claimed during a White House press conference Monday that he was a viral 40-pound tabby cat named “Daddy Cinnamon.” “Yes, that’s right, folks—I’m the adorable, adorable f
INDIANAPOLIS, IN — Coaches across the WNBA spoke to members of the press this week and admitted that they had no idea what the "W" in WNBA stands for.
FREDERICKTOWN, MO—In a move many residents of this tight-knit community say jeopardizes the beloved scenic hideaway, a multinational make-out conglomerate announced Tuesday that it had purchased the small town’s treasured make-out point. “Generations of us have enjoyed driving out to this se
The post Rep. Max Miller: ‘I Refuse To Resign Over What My Wife Made Me Do’ appeared first on The Onion.
Sports
The Bears and star right tackle Darnell Wright reached agreement Tuesday on a historic four-year, $116 million extension that includes $93M guaranteed, sources told ESPN's Jeremy Fowler and NFL Network's Ian Rapoport.
Brock Lesnar, a 10-time WWE world champ and former UFC heavyweight champ, said his match at WWE SummerSlam was his last and that he's retiring from combat sports.
Falcons edge rusher Jalon Walker is feared to have torn his ACL, sources told NFL Network's Ian Rapoport and Steve Wyche.
Luka Doncic's ex-fiancée Anamaria Goltes is withdrawing her petition seeking child support and attorney fees from the Lakers star.
Yankees highly touted prospect George Lombard Jr. and trade deadline addition Heliot Ramos were in the lineup for Tuesday's game against the Cardinals.
Arizona Cardinals rookie quarterback Carson Beck, who led the Miami Hurricanes to the College Football Playoff final last season, will make his NFL starting debut Thursday night in the Hall of Fame Game against the Carolina Panthers.
Indiana star defensive lineman Stephen Daley will return to the Hoosiers for his fifth year, sources told ESPN's Pete Thamel.
Mohamed Salah is in talks to sign for Trabzonspor following his exit from Liverpool, the Turkish club announced Tuesday.
All current season-ticket holders are automatically entered into a random drawing for the promotion, according to Akron, and they'll work with the head coach.
Tuesday saw several contract extensions across the NFL, with three members of the 2023 draft class setting new benchmarks at their respective positions.
Newly acquired Phillies second baseman Luis Arraez is excited to be in Philadelphia and in a playoff race.
Adley Rutschman was still adjusting less than 24 hours after being traded for the first time in his career.
Notable news, notes and buzz from MLB's 2026 season.
Micah Parsons expressed optimism about returning from an ACL injury in Week 6 against his former team, the Dallas Cowboys.
The Dodgers weren't the only team to get better at the deadline. Here's where every squad stands based on their moves or lack thereof.
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Which NFL players are under the most pressure ahead of the 2026 season? We ranked 15 who must deliver big this year.
With Zay Flowers' new deal, here's a list of the highest-paid wide receivers in the NFL.
Where and when will NASCAR race in 2027? Here are the latest schedule updates.
Tech
Rogue AI agents from OpenAI and Anthropic have again been caught trying to disrupt servers and software—and leaving instructions for future bad behavior.
Texas governor orders audit of new data centers after realizing over 400 gigawatts of power is a lot
The state already hosts more than 500 data centers.
Electronic Arts is once again a privately held company, but it's saddled with $20 billion in new debt.
Pavel Durov claims there's "a potential systemic risk" for platforms with user-generated content.
The Trump administration shared the details of its plan with OpenAI, Anthropic, and other AI labs on Tuesday. For now, the public remains in the dark.
Amazon's public fight with Perplexity over online shopping started in November 2025.
Advertisers seem to be spending a whole lot less than they used to on the platform.
That's a lot of capital expenditure.
Xbox's free 25th anniversary gifts include a dynamic theme and avatars.
DOJ extracts $3.2 million from OpenAI over hiring discrimination allegations.
Can MS Paint run Doom? (Yes)
Apple caps bug bounty program due to deluge of AI submissions.
Facing a growing drone threat, the Pentagon is poised to sign a first-of-its-kind contract for “Enduring High Energy Lasers”—and make directed energy weapons an official part of the Army’s kit.
From wired to wireless to ultralight, we've tested dozens of gaming mice to find the best for work, your next MMO, and everything in between.
I’m an omnivore. Purple Carrot’s vegan meal kit offers some of the best cooking I’ve seen from any meal kit, with or without meat.
Clean your house without the constraint of a power cord, thanks to these stick vacuums.
ESPN unveiled an “AI tells detection” tool during broadcasts of the 2026 World Series of Poker. Is it a neat computer-powered party trick, or a real threat to poker’s future?
Ati Robotics assembles its robots in India and uses just a few Chinese parts—a strategy that could pay off as the Trump administration cracks down on Chinese humanoids.
Puck’s Matthew Belloni says AI has quietly become part of everyday filmmaking. The battle now isn’t whether Hollywood will use the technology—it’s who controls what’ll come next.
What the Unabomber, Steve Bannon’s tech guy, and Bernie Sanders taught me about the great data center backlash of 2026.
Entertainment
Oliver Tree instructed his family not to sell off his eclectic art collection and gave instructions on what to do with the pieces. According to court docs obtained by TMZ, Oliver’s dad, Jesse Nickell III, asked the court to appoint him as the…
A man was arrested outside the Trump National Golf Club in California Sunday while allegedly monitoring "security-planning activities" ... just days before Donald Trump was set to headline a fundraiser there. Jeanine John Taele was allegedly taking…
The prosecutors who are trying to put Anna Kepner’s step-brother behind bars for murder obtained her Snapchat data from her final days … and say they have now handed it over to his defense team … TMZ has learned. Court docs obtained by TMZ…
It looks like Diddy's out $9,000 and a whole Best Buy's worth of electronics ... because the judge in his criminal case just signed an order handing over a bunch of stuff confiscated during his arrest and raids on his homes. Judge Arun Subramanian…
A Florida man allegedly stole a teddy bear containing his ex-girlfriend's late son's ashes after she ended their three-week relationship ... and now he’s facing multiple felonies. Online jail records show 31-year-old Justin Fountain was arrested…
Rep. Max Miller tried to explain away the leaked photo of his undressed 2-year-old daughter that was made available on social media for over a day ... but Jake Tapper wasn't letting him have it both ways. The Congressman from Ohio joined the CNN…
Three of the dogs found at Linda Blair's Los Angeles-area property are in need of a visit to the veterinarian ... according to Los Angeles County officials, who are investigating her no-kill shelter. The L.A. County Departments of Regional…
Diddy's prison release date was just pushed back after the brawl he got in behind bars. According to the Federal Bureau of Prisons ... Diddy now won't get out until February 20, 2028. This comes just days after his release date had been moved up…
Authorities in Florida say a preacher groomed and sexually abused a 14-year-old boy ... allegedly exposing him to HIV. In a news conference Tuesday, Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said they'd arrested pastor Timothy Chaneyfield of St. James United…
Ariana Grande's inner circle believes her boyfriend, Ricky Alvarez, is a positive influence who is a rock for her amid intense public scrutiny ... TMZ has learned. Sources close to Ariana tell TMZ ... people around the pop star "feel Ricky is a…
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