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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
With the NFL Draft's 40th overall pick, the New Orleans Saints chose former Louisville quarterback Tyler Shough over Shedeur Sanders Friday.
Labor Secretary Lori Chavez-DeRemer warned all 50 states Friday about illegal immigrants collecting taxpayer-funded unemployment benefits.
Attorney General Pam Bondi on Friday penned a memo noting she would be rescinding former Attorney General Merrick Garland's policies preventing officials from gaining key evidence from members of the media.
Former Secretary of State John Kerry lashed out in an exchange with MSNBC host Chris Jansing after she pointed out that Russia annexed Crimea while he led the State Department.
President Donald Trump should look towards former President Ronald Reagan for an example of how to deal with Russia.
The U.S. Department of Education launched an investigation into the New York Department of Education amid a controversy over a Long Island high school's mascot
Several Democrats claimed the arrest of Judge Dugan challenged constitutional norms, but they had a different take on President Donald Trump's impeachment.
An Ohio State University graduate student, whose visa was revoked by immigration officials, will have his legal status reactivated after a ruling in U.S. District Court.
A Florida woman said she checked her doorbell camera recently and found a seven to eight-foot alligator banging against her front door.
Earlier this month, former North Dakota State standout Grey Zabel and his teammates visited the White House to commemorate their national championship.
Satire
MILWAUKEE, WI — While being questioned by authorities following her arrest, FBI agents discovered 17 more illegal aliens hiding in the back of County Circuit Judge Hannah Dugan's robes.
MILLVILLE, NJ — According to sources, college dropout Jack Doulton saved hundreds of thousands of dollars on student loans by simply learning how to hate Jews online for free.
CAROL STREAM, IL — Long-running religious magazine and online publication Christianity Today announced on Friday that it had converted to Islam.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to newly released court documents, a federal judge invented time travel and transported himself to New York in 1946 so he could overturn President Donald Trump's birth.
GREEN BAY, WI — A promising young athlete who was drafted by the Cleveland Browns has reportedly decided to just retire.
Chipotle has announced plans to expand into Mexico, sharing that their first restaurant will open early next year. What do you think?
The post Chipotle Planning First Location In Mexico appeared first on The Onion.
The post Prison Guards Burn Another Pile Of Used Underwear Sent To Luigi Mangione appeared first on The Onion.
The post Federal Regulators Hold Celebratory Seatbelt-Cutting Ceremony appeared first on The Onion.
ST. LOUIS—Apologizing to all customers who had received a defective product, pet food giant Fancy Feast issued a massive recall Friday for 1 million cans of food that cats just kind of stared at before wandering away. “Any cans of Fancy Feast Classic Paté, Grilled, or Gravy Lovers should be ret
Beginning May 7, Americans will not be able to go through airport security or enter federal buildings without Real ID. The Onion shares everything you need to know about Real ID amid the looming deadline. Q: What am I required to do to obtain a Real ID? A: Way, way too much. Q: Do I […]
The post
WASHINGTON—Promising to use all of his power as health secretary to find a cure for the condition, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. reportedly directed the National Institutes of Health on Friday to create a registry of U.S. introverts who sometimes get social anxiety. “When I was younger, there were never
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Uncovering a troubling disruption of America’s ecological systems, a study published Friday by researchers at Harvard University found that plants have become increasingly reliant on gig workers for pollination. “Freelance pollen transfer has always been a part of seed plant repr
SLIDELL, LA — According to sources, the children of local father Jaxon Holt are completely ignorant of how cool their dad is.
Secretary of State Marco Rubio has announced plans to make sweeping cuts to the State Department, which he called “bloated” and “bureaucratic.” What do you think?
The post Marco Rubio Announces Overhaul Of ‘Bloated’ State Department appeared first on The Onion.
Music, while thoroughly enjoyable and a beautiful form of artistic expression, is often full of logical fallacies and outright misinformation. Having an expert separate the truth from the lies can be helpful.
CAMBRIDGE, MA — Local man Asher Grayson, who recently graduated from Harvard with a degree in neuroscience, confessed he feels woefully unprepared to join the workforce because the only thing he knows how to do is chant "Free Palestine!"
U.S. — A new episode of hit hospital drama Danger Hospital started with a bang when an ER doctor told a patient who was definitely going to die by the end of the episode that he was going to make it.
VATICAN CITY—In a stunning discovery that revealed the full extent of the pontiff’s addiction, Vatican coroner Fernando Ruini released a report Thursday confirming Pope Francis died of a eucharistic overdose. “Our autopsy found the Holy Father had a substantial amount of Eucharist in his syste
U.S. — As audio clips of another round of oral arguments made their way across social media, results of a new poll revealed that support continued to grow for requiring Supreme Court justices to pass cognitive tests in order to serve.
The post Drake Catches Himself Singing ‘Not Like Us’ In The Shower appeared first on The Onion.
Sports
Tiffany Saine, the mother of Steelers first-round pick Derrick Harmon, died Thursday night shortly after her son was selected No. 21 in the NFL draft.
The Saints bypassed Sanders for the second time in as many nights Friday, selecting Louisville's Tyler Shough with the 40th pick in the NFL draft.
Warren Moon gave his blessing to Cam Ward to wear the No. 1 jersey, saying the rookie QB has "a chance to create a great legacy for that number" with the Titans.
Tyler Herro says Cavaliers guard Darius Garland doesn't play any defense, after Garland said Cleveland's offensive game plan revolves around attacking the Heat guard.
The Jaguars have an early plan for how they want to use Travis Hunter, but they're not locked into anything concrete.
Michigan cornerback Will Johnson's slide in the NFL draft stopped with the Arizona Cardinals in the second round.
USC recruit Alijah Arenas is out of an induced coma but remains intubated as he recovers from a crash in the Los Angeles area.
Dillon Brooks defended Amen Thompson, saying his Rockets teammate is not a dirty player, but that Golden State's Draymond Green is.
All three teams returned home down 0-2. Can they turn the tide? Plus, Thursday's highlights and Three Stars.
New Orleans hadn't used a first- or second-round pick on a QB since 1971, but the Saints did it to grab a 25-year-old Louisville prospect.
Dresser Winn threw a 78-yard touchdown pass to Dee Anderson that gave the Memphis Showboats a 6-0 lead against the Birmingham Stallions.
The Washington Nationals recorded a triple play against the New York Mets in the fourth inning.
Nick Wright explains how adding Ashton Jeanty makes the Las Vegas Raiders playoff-bound next season.
Pittsburgh Steelers first-round draft pick Derrick Harmon’s mother, Tiffany Saine, died shortly after Pittsburgh selected the defensive lineman from Oregon with the 21st overall pick.
Week 5 of the UFL season is here, beginning with the Stallions playing host to the Showboats on Friday. Here are the highlights!
The "SPEAK" crew discussed the Kawhi Leonard and the LA Clippers Game 3 win over the Nikola Jokić and the Denver Nuggets.
The "SPEAK" crew discussed the Jacksonville Jaguars with the Cleveland Browns to acquire Travis Hunter with the No. 2 pick of the 2025 NFL Draft.
The "SPEAK" crew discussed why Shedeur Sanders wasn't picked in the first round of the NFL Draft and if the New York Giants made the right move trading up for Jaxon Dart.
Chris Broussard grades the Dallas Cowboys' Round 1 draft, taking Alabama guard Tyler Booker at No. 12.
Tech
After a couple years of having its open-source Llama AI model be just a part of its Connect conferences, Meta is breaking things out and hosting an entirely generative AI-focused developer conference called LlamaCon on April 29. The event is entirely virtual, and you'll be able to watch along live o
Android tablet or foldable owners can now adjust the divider between Gmail's message list and conversation views. 9to5Google spotted the change, which arrived in version 2025.04.13.x of Gmail for Android.
The update lets you drag your finger on the divider to dynamically change the sizes of the Gmai
Copilot, Microsoft's AI assistant, appears to be struggling to match its competition in terms of popularity. The number of people using Copilot has remained around 20 million weekly users for the last year, according to tech newsletter Newcomer, while OpenAI's ChatGPT has hit as high as 400 million
The fashion-forward adventure Infinity Nikki is finally coming to Steam on April 29, complete with its iconic photo mode. The Steam version launches alongside a major update called Bubble Season that brings some new features to the game on all platforms.
First and foremost, Bubble Season will introd
The Legend of Ochi feels like a film that shouldn't exist today. It's an original story, not an adaptation of an already popular book or comic. It's filled with complex puppetry and practical effects, something many films avoid because CG is simply easier to deal with. And it evokes some of the scar
FRDM+ provides access to an impressive library of automotive videos for $20 a month.
Boox, a company that makes E Ink gear ranging from palm-sized devices to desktop monitors, has a new pair of ereaders. The Go 7 and Go Color 7 (Gen II) combine a Kindle Oasis-like form factor with Android 13. For the first time in this lineup, they support handwriting, courtesy of a $46 stylus. And
Nintendo Switch 2 pre-orders are now officially open in North America. After (what felt like) a long delay after the original April 9 pre-order date, Nintendo finally opened up pre-orders in the US and Canada on April 24. The console will be widely available on June 5, but if you signed up ahead of
Google has announced that it will no longer be bringing new Nest Thermostats to Europe due to the "unique" requirements of heating systems in the region. The company launched its redesigned fourth-generation Nest Learning Thermostat in 2024.
"Heating systems in Europe are unique and have a variety o
A rock containing many smaller round stones could indicate that there was once a large amount of liquid water on the Red Planet.
Almost a year since Microsoft announced its controversial Recall feature, and after several delays, the company has finally started bringing it to Copilot+ AI PCs today. The launch comes just a few weeks after Microsoft started testing Recall broadly with Windows Insiders. There are also a few other
Apple devices currently hold the top honor in our guide to the best laptops, smartwatches and tablets. But the company’s gear isn’t cheap — and you won’t find sales at Apple’s own website either. But that doesn’t mean you can only get a new iPad or MacBook at full price. Other retailers
Upgrading your wine glass game is a window into the finer things in life. These are our WIRED-tested favorites.
Several founders of hot startups took big payouts and let Mark Zuckerberg gobble up their companies—and came to regret it.
Manufacturers in India would need to double production to meet US iPhone demand—and the shift still wouldn’t solve Apple’s China problem.
Entry-level exercisers will love Aviron’s low profile and tons of addicting exercise content.
We tested leading filtered showerheads, from Jolie to Canopy to Hydroviv. The winners were clear.
These wireless earbuds with an “open” design let you zone out to your music while also keeping you aware of your surroundings.
Social Security workers are being asked to use an AI chatbot. An animated video on how to do so failed to mention that the chatbot can’t be trusted with personally identifiable information.
Save 50% with Wayfair promo codes, plus free shipping, 80% off furniture with early Way Day 2025 deals, and more on WIRED.
Entertainment
Stephen A. Smith has an opinion on just about everything ... and that includes a rape lawsuit involving his co-worker Shannon Sharpe, who is now stepping away from ESPN amid the legal process. Stephen A. reacted to Sharpe's decision to…
Fitness during spring ... is in full swing! And, American actor and singer Max Ehrich kickin' off bulk season with this fit photo! We've got a rock-solid photo gallery of stars breaking a sweat, including studs like Mark Wahlberg, Jason Derulo, and…
Dorit Kemsley will not be reconciling with her estranged husband -- she's filed to divorce PK, and it looks like a custody war could be brewing ... TMZ has learned. The "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" star filed her petition Friday in L.A.…
Lizzo once dragged the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show for fake wokeness -- but cut to now, she’s all smiles and good vibes after a surprise Angel encounter with Adriana Lima. The singer hit the 'gram with a clip of her red carpet moment with…
Jillian Lauren Shriner's got a gun in her hand, pacing around her backyard before being shot by police in a hail of bullets ... and it's all on video. LAPD just released footage -- including police body cam video -- from this month's intense…
Diddy rejected a plea deal federal prosecutors offered him ... and, his lawyers have shown their hand as to the main crux of their defense -- claiming he's simply a swinger, not a criminal. The rap mogul was in a Manhattan courthouse Friday morning…
Donald Trump's usually the one getting mimicked, but the 47th prez was one doing the mimicking on Friday ... pulling off his best Mel Kiper Jr. impression, blasting NFL execs for failing to draft Deion Sanders' son! Trump took to Truth Social to…
Kanye West claims he's in need of a flux capacitor ... so he can go back in time and choose to have kids with Paris Hilton instead of Kim Kardashian!!! Ye made the wacky revision on Digital Nas' recent livestream while urging someone on the phone…
Sophie Nyweide always strove to help other people dealing with drug addiction, even though she ultimately wasn't able to conquer her own disease ... so says her longtime friend and former partner. Eden Herlihy sat down with us for an interview all…
Slutty Vegan owner Pinky Cole can't condone Wallo's divisive comments about supporting Black-owned businesses -- even if they're lacking, she says there's still a duty to uphold!!! TMZ caught up with Pinky at LAX on Thursday where she told us she…
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