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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
The Supreme Court's conservative majority signaled support for Catholic preschools claiming Colorado's funded program violates their religious liberty.
Nicole Taylor's sisters Nika and Natalie shared an emotional TikTok video announcing the Taylor Red singer's death after a cancer battle.
Megan Moroney and Christian Pulisic are officially dating after months of rumors, Jeffery Simmons dominates for the Bears and a free throw goes viral.
Retired NYPD officer Rodolfo Mienert allegedly posted "off with his head!" on Facebook targeting a Pinellas County commissioner over a mosque vote.
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Satire
MIDLOTHIAN, TX — Dallas Jenkins announced the next season of his popular faith-based show about the ministry of Jesus would be called The Chosen: Fire and Ash.
WASHINGTON—Congratulating the American populace on a job well done, election officials announced Tuesday that polls for the 2026 midterms would be closing early as a reward for everyone’s hard work. “You all pounded the pavement and made your voices heard, so as a special thank-you for doing y
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Boy, has King Trump got egg on his face this time. Seeing all of the people going to vote, he realized he forgot to cancel the election. What an idiot!
The post Steve Kornacki Crushes Millions Of Tiny Voters While Sliding Hand Across Electoral Map appeared first on The Onion.
TEMPE, AZ — For decades, local husband Danny Gould had yearned for his chronically frigid wife to set the thermostat anywhere below 78 degrees.
WASHINGTON—Crediting the increased participation to a months-long outreach campaign, Republican Party officials reported a surge in turnout Tuesday from first-time voter intimidators. “It’s inspiring to see so many newly registered Republicans grab their first assault rifle and show up at the
SACRAMENTO, CA — With pivotal midterm elections taking place across the country, one state added an extra incentive to influence their outcomes, as Governor Gavin Newsom offered electricity to California residents who vote for Democrats.
Figuring out how to leave the United States and set up your life in another country can be complicated, confusing, and time-consuming. The Onion shares tips for moving abroad. Start by moving to an adjacent country and gradually work your way across the world. You never know which countries have foo
WASHINGTON—In a united effort to fulfill their patriotic duty as Americans, the nation’s voters reportedly lined up in droves Tuesday to humiliate Nate Silver. “Little fuck thinks he’s so smart—I’ll show him,” said D.C. resident Jon Everett, one of 174 million registered voters who e
DENVER—Expressing frustration as poll workers handed him a large stack of election materials, local man Andrew Campbell was reportedly forced to fill out six years’ worth of back ballots Tuesday before he could vote in the 2026 midterms. “I guess I have a few races to catch up on,” said a vi
Californians have been voting blue for years and at some point you just have to ask yourself, "Why?" Our intrepid man on the street interviewed Californians from all over the state to get to the truth — and their answers may surprise you!
U.S. — According to sources, decades of progress made by various recycling programs across the country have been undone in the span of a month by a single midterm election after multiple homes were spotted with dozens of non-reusable political signs that would soon end up in a garbage landfill.
AUSTIN, TX — Bored of having a good state that people love, Texans have reportedly flocked to the polls in record numbers to try voting Democrat for a change.
ANN ARBOR, MI — While in obvious possession of a superior argument and bearing full knowledge of the issues at hand, a liberal committed a felony assault.
DETROIT—As she warned that time was rapidly running out for candidates in her party to do the right thing, Rep. Haley Stevens (D-MI) threatened this week to endorse a Republican every hour until her demands were met. “It’s almost 1 p.m., which means my fellow Democrats have just a few more min
DALLAS, TX — Local Democrat Jeannie Donaldson has sadly begun to run low on clothing space to place more "I Voted" stickers.
With the recent explosion of sportsbooks and prediction markets, interest in gambling on sports has never been higher. The Onion looks at the figures behind the boom in sports betting. $140,000 Parlay winnings if the basketball catches fire, then it rains inside, then the wet basketball is slam dunk
Attention, Republicans: This is your friendly reminder to start working to bring prices down before the midterm elections are upon us.
The Milwaukee Brewers clinched the World Series title over the Tampa Bay Rays in five games, marking the first championship in the franchise’s 57-year history. What do you think?
The post Milwaukee Brewers Win First World Series appeared first on The Onion.
Sports
Geoff Schwartz breaks down his 10 stars from Week 9 of the college football season.
Matchday 4 marks the halfway point of the Champions League's group stage and several of Europe's biggest clubs are in need of points.
How does every NFL team stack up heading into Week 9? We made our 1-32 list and picked the best trade deadline acquisitions of all time.
Cardinals RB Jeremiyah Love is headed to IR because of a high ankle sprain that will sideline the rookie for 4-5 weeks, sources told NFL Network.
The Mariners have named Cubs farm director Jason Kanzler as their next manager, the team announced Tuesday.
Missouri coach Eli Drinkwitz said in no uncertain terms Tuesday that he is "not a candidate" for the open Florida State job.
Rachel Apa of Lewisberry, Pennsylvania, collapsed while running the New York City Marathon on Sunday and later died. The 24-year-old former Division I athlete was running her first marathon.
Tenerife forward Jesús de Miguel died at age 30 after an on-field collision in a Spanish LaLiga 2 match on Monday, his club announced.
After CAS ruled the IIHF must reinstate Russian teams, Sweden, Norway and other countries joined in a pledge Tuesday to boycott the hockey worlds.
Spire Motorsports has suspended Cup driver Carson Hocevar for this Sunday's NASCAR Championship Race at Homestead-Miami Speedway.
Major League Baseball has proposed delaying the implementation of a salary cap until 2028 while it puts into place other elements of its labor offer for 2027.
Tom Brady is more than excited to call Sunday's Packers-Patriots as he returns to Gillette Stadium to call the game on FOX.
Caleb Williams, Jeffery Simmons and the Bears proved they're "a force to be reckoned with" by whipping the Super Bowl champs in Seattle.
Oregon's Dan Lanning faces his toughest game-plan challenge against No. 12 Ohio State's wide receiver Jeremiah Smith.
Carson Hocevar has been benched after his conduct at Martinsville. "It's an embarrassing day for me."
Will Hill delivers his best underdog bets for the weekend ahead, including the Broncos' good fortune to hit a snag.
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Tech
The company is hoping to collect feedback on Sonos 27voice to avoid a repeat of its previous app redesign debacle.
The tab will initially offer suggestions based on a range of AI-generated themes.
Get some extra life out of your unused SSDs by converting them into external storage devices.
Your turn, Steam.
Suspected North Korean attackers duped an engineer with a fake job interview and a malicious download to gain a foothold in the crypto firm’s system and steal billions, according to Binance.
When you feel wary, a quick check might provide some peace of mind.
It sure is pretty and will likely be expensive.
Save on WIRED-tested picks from Blueair, Levoit, and Air Doctor, including compact models for your bedroom.
Your Android phone can last much longer if you take steps to protect and optimize it. Try these tactics to extend your phone's life.
AirPods aren't useless even after you've had them for years and get a new pair. Repurpose them with a few tricks.
If you're looking for a gaming monitor upgrade (or even your first), here's what you should consider.
This is another example of how closely Google Search is tied to the company's AI products.
From hallucinations to partisan bias, artificial intelligence chatbots like ChatGPT and Claude are not helpful when it comes to Election Day.
The inventive instrument maker collapsed into insolvency, leaving buyers empty-handed and users scrambling to keep their musical gear alive.
The iPad Mini’s impressive new features make it a better tablet than ever—only to be betrayed by its higher price.
NBC’s go-to data guru also isn’t quite sure what a subreddit is.
Apple finally made ANC standard across the AirPods lineup. But should you still spring for the AirPods Pro 3?
“I did a Latino community event [and said] we have to actually fucking vote to tell these motherfuckers to fuck off,” Nevada secretary of state Cisco Aguilar tells WIRED.
Ahead of the midterms, WIRED talked to New York City’s mayor about data centers, AI in schools, and the future of the Democratic party.
The 3,200-pound satellite is expected to reenter Earth’s atmosphere later this week with a wide reentry zone covering parts of Africa, Australia, Southeast Asia, and South America.
Entertainment
The pilots of the private jet that crashed in Florida were told they could turn left, but not right ... and one aviation expert says turning the other way may have been the better move. Corporate pilot and meteorologist JP Dice joined "TMZ Live"…
The Texas woman linked to the Eva Longoria and Tony Parker cheating scandal suffered from mental illness and wrote about her struggles in a journal before dying by suicide, according to police. Port Aransas PD Lt. Joseph Rivas tells TMZ ...…
A 69-year-old Florida man was arrested Wednesday after allegedly shooting and killing his two roommates following an argument over ... wait for it ... ice cream!!! Police say what started as a "dysfunctional living arrangement" took a deadly turn…
Model and influencer Sahara Ray is set to be cremated following her shocking death at 34 ... TMZ has learned. According to her death certificate, obtained by TMZ, Sahara's remains are set to be cremated November 10 ... with her mother's Los Angeles…
Donations have been pouring in for a Walmart employee's cancer battle ... and he's already raised tens of thousands for his chemotherapy treatments. 28-year-old Michael DePew was diagnosed with aggressive testicular cancer and told he only has 3…
The National Transportation Safety Board shared another update on the deadly Florida plane crash that killed nine people ... including just how far the debris ended up from the crash site. The agency held another press conference Tuesday as…
Fitness influencer Goob is asking for privacy after his supposed arrest ... but there's just one problem ... the whole thing was staged, TMZ has learned. A spokesperson for the Suffolk County Police Department tells TMZ the arrest wasn't real ...…
Kim Kardashian says she's biding her time before attempting the bar exam again ... but it's always on her mind. The billionaire told PEOPLE at the NYC premiere of "All's Fair" season 2 that she hasn't given up on becoming an attorney ... even…
The man charged with murdering Christina Downer, the sister of "Saturday Night Live" writer Jimmy Fowlie, has a criminal history dating back more than 20 years ... including past charges involving theft, trespassing, and drug paraphernalia. TMZ has…
Times are changing ... literally! The clocks went back over the weekend, which means we've got 60 extra minutes to spend between the sheets ... and what better way to celebrate than with a gallery of sexy stars bringin' the heat from the comfort of…
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