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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Nausheen Gilkar told a Dallas court her newborn is suffering after open-heart surgery as the surrogate custody fight with McKenna West intensifies.
More than a dozen New York sheriffs are suing state officials over a new state law that prohibits law enforcement from cooperating with ICE.
Attempted drone incursion at Virginia prison leads to $324K contraband haul with meth, 17 cellphones
A drone smuggling attempt at a Virginia prison led to a $324,000 contraband seizure including methamphetamine and 17 cellphones, officials said.
Tua Tagovailoa's inconsistent play in training camp and preseason has reportedly made the Atlanta Falcons' starting job Michael Penix Jr.'s to lose.
Lonzo Ball revealed that LaMelo Ball has a driver to help with his many road situations after buying $1 million cars and finding ways to damage them.
Lonzo Ball revealed that LaMelo Ball has a driver to help with his many road situations after buying $1 million cars and finding ways to damage them.
President Donald Trump's endorsement and an $800,000 MAGA Inc. blitz helped Darline Graham defeat Ralph Norman in the South Carolina Senate runoff.
N’Kiyla Jasmine Thomas defeated Jim Priest in the runoff race for the Democratic Senate nomination in Oklahoma.
A Seattle man allegedly told authorities he planned to surveil Washington Gov. Bob Ferguson's mansion and harm anyone standing in his way inside.
Marcye Scott fell short against former Gwinnett County school board chairman Everton Blair in her bid to finish the final months of her late father’s House term after leading the first round of voting.
Satire
U.S. — After Enes Kanter caused a big dramatic scene in public, the WNBA was forced to admit that the former NBA player is indeed a woman.
CHICAGO—Growing visibly alarmed as he speculated about the unclouded liquid’s implications for his long-term health, 53-year-old Charles Lewis reportedly became terrified Tuesday morning after his urine came out clear for the first time in his life. “Oh Jesus, it just looks like water—I’ve
PHILADELPHIA—Suggesting that the nation was increasingly prioritizing speed and efficiency in speaking, a report released Tuesday by researchers at the University of Pennsylvania found that more Americans are abandoning lengthy conversations in favor of one really big word. “Our extensive survey
LOS ANGELES—Empowering their users to be completely upfront about their intentions, officials for the dating app Raya announced Tuesday they were launching an all-new PR Relationship Mode. “Whether you’re looking for a 23-year-old model to serve as your latest beard or a fellow Hollywood A-lis
New evidence suggests Amazon is buying up rare books and tearing their pages from their spines in order to feed its AI models with unique information. What do you think?
The post Amazon Destroying Rare Books To Train AI appeared first on The Onion.
MENLO PARK, CA—Providing an internal update on his latest breakthrough in the smart technology sector, Meta founder Mark Zuckerberg reportedly invited employees to behold the company’s “new AI” Monday as he lifted his top to display his tinfoil-covered nipples. “Here, beneath my humble sh
PEORIA, IL — County officials said they would not stand in the way after local man Christopher P. Smith putting his children up for adoption after they told him the 1989 "Weird" Al Yankovic film UHF wasn't funny.
WASHINGTON—Swarming the nation’s airports as they rushed to board any available transatlantic flight, the U.S. populace decided Monday that if Harry and Meghan were going to the U.K., the rest of America was going with ’em. “Sure, it’ll be a big adjustment, but then again, what’s the po
VALLEY OF ELAH — A group of theologians and biblical scholars recently concluded that there was reason to believe that David yelled "Kobe!" while hucking a stone at Goliath.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With tensions rising over an ongoing trade dispute, President Donald Trump threatened to send in the military to seize control of Canada's maple syrup supply.
NEW YORK, NY — Over the weekend, Dr. Robert Bruce Banner shared a little insight into how he was able to maintain some semblance of control over his transformation into the Incredible Hulk by confirming a deep, personal secret: he's always angry at the Jews.
LANCASTER, PA — Local officials confirmed on Monday that a new data center had been constructed to handle the massive influx of online rants about data centers.
People may think Ohio has nothing to offer, but they're wrong. It's still part of America, and that makes it one of the 50 best places in the world to live.
Regulators around the world are cracking down on energy drinks, citing serious health risks associated with high levels of caffeine and sugar. The Onion examines the common myths and facts surrounding the popular beverage. MYTH: Excessive consumption can lead to depression and even suicidal thoughts
OTTAWA — With the United States imposing massive tariffs on Canada over the weekend, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney vowed to bring the U.S. to its knees with a crippling moose tariff.
THE HEAVENS—Noting that a marked downward trend had developed this fiscal year and showed no signs of stopping, The Lord God, Creator of Heaven and Earth, reported He was concerned Monday over what He called “troubling” Q3 circumcision numbers. “Sure, with the declining birth rate, we expect
SAN MATEO, CA—Noting that the students had known about the assignment since their end-of-year dismissal back in May, Sofia Suarez, a biology teacher at Hillsdale High School, informed her class Wednesday that she was disappointed no one had done their summer dissecting. “All right, you had thre
The post Trump Makes Repeated Verbal Flubs While Performing ‘Wild Wild West’ Theme Song appeared first on The Onion.
Sports
Bengals star Ja'Marr Chase says he is "fine" after an injury scare at practice in which the WR appeared to injure his left knee.
After the Big Ten passed a rule stopping players returning from the NFL from playing at its schools, the SEC followed suit, but took it further, adding basketball in announcing a policy forbidding members from rostering anyone from the NFL, NBA and WNBA.
The Big Ten has passed a rule that stops players returning from the NFL from playing for one of its schools.
49ers owner Jed York used a pseudonym and responded multiple times to a fictitious ad for a prostitute prior to his arrest in Ohio over the weekend.
Chicago Sky owner Michael Alter said Enes Kanter Freedom has been banned from Wintrust Arena after showing he has the potential to be a threat when he was tossed from a game Sunday for a verbal altercation with a Sky player.
Cornerback Christian Gonzalez, 24, and the New England Patriots continue to discuss a contract extension, and with the regular-season opener Sept. 9 closing in, the veteran defensive back expressed disappointment the sides have yet to reach an agreement.
Kinley Rasmus of Phenix City, Alabama, continued her historic run through the Little League World Series on Tuesday by breaking the record for most hits by a girl with her fifth of the tournament.
Serena Williams and Carlos Alcaraz got knocked out in the US Open mixed doubles quarterfinals by Belinda Bencic and Flavio Cobolli on Tuesday.
The legendary singer-songwriter from the Volunteer State died Tuesday at the age of 80.
Mike Clay provides his draft blueprint, including ideal selections in each round and overall strategy.
As we're just over two weeks away from the start of the regular season, here's what you need to know from Tuesday's news around the NFL.
Here's what people in NFL circles are telling us about the idea of players returning to college.
Los Angeles Rams head coach Sean McVay had a unique response when asked about the shifting landscape of college football eligibility.
Folarin Balogun has been linked with a move to FC Barcelona, and Stu Holden thinks the fit could be good.
Houston Astros owner Jim Crane says manager Joe Espada will remain in the role for the remainder of the season.
Latest DraftKings Promo Unlocks $200 in Bonuses for the NFL Preseason, Daily MLB and Any Other Sport.
Notable news, notes and buzz from MLB's 2026 season.
Compare the best Washington DC sportsbooks and betting apps for 2026. Learn how to sign up, claim DC sportsbook promos, and legally bet on sports in the District.
Looking back at country music icon Dolly Parton's best moments in sports.
Here are our top 10 players in the NFL ahead of the 2026 season.
Tech
The head of Instagram is the first high-profile exec to testify in the latest social media addiction trial.
CRKD is mining nostalgia for its latest guitar trio.
Iceflake Studios is preparing a cozy new city builder centered on the famous bricks.
Anthony Ralphs was frustrated by the San Diego City Council's support for Flock. He decided it would take something more than reasoned argument to get their attention.
First Draft takes care of the busywork of video editing.
With school and sports starting again, these discounts on Instant Pots, cookware, and coffee gear arrive right on time.
Current owners of the popular RPG will get the upgrade for free.
Meanwhile, paid accounts can configure prompts to trigger when things happen in Gmail, Slack or GitHub.
The revived Commodore has teamed up with CD Projekt Red to create this 2K77-themed Commodore 77.
BenQ's first dual-monitor desk lamp is excellent, but it'll cost you.
Elon Musk wants to harness solar energy for AI.
A polished update to Google’s foldable brings real improvements, but the price bump and rampant competition make it a tough sell.
Find My is a vital iPhone security feature that you should keep on almost all the time. Turning it off makes your device much harder to recover.
The fatalities come amid declining vaccination rates and calls from President Donald Trump to split up the MMR vaccine.
The Supreme Court has removed one roadblock from the Trump administration’s attempts to impose severe restrictions on voting.
Apple’s Mac Mini and Mac Studio have been tough to buy for months, but updated versions have arrived. Both include new chips optimized for AI, with the M6 Mac Mini getting a $200 price bump.
After years of smells, strange noises, and “tea,” these are the composters and food recyclers I’d actually recommend.
The best car phone holders keep your phone firmly in place while never getting in your line of sight. I took a dozen on road trips this summer to find the best.
Illinois prosecutors shared defendants’ personal data with federal immigration agents without criminal warrants, public disclosure, or legislative oversight.
The Optoma GT2400HDR laser projector is great for setting up a driving range in your living room, but mediocre video quality makes it less appealing for home entertainment.
Entertainment
Assistant U.S. Attorney Andrew Haden died by suicide inside the San Diego federal building where he worked ... TMZ has learned. The San Diego County Medical Examiner's Office tells TMZ ... Haden hanged himself inside an office at the Edward J.…
Blake Lively testified about how she got her hands on the text messages she used as evidence in her since-dismissed lawsuit against Justin Baldoni ... TMZ has learned. During her July 2025 deposition, Blake was asked how she obtained the texts from…
Raquel Lee reportedly made a secret settlement with actor Mark Curry long before suing Disney for failing to protect her from allegedly getting raped as a teenager. According to The Hollywood Reporter, Raquel reached a "confidential settlement…
Brittany Romano says she's received violent death threats over the image of her smiling during the Lindsay Clancy trial. The freelance reporter took to Instagram to explain her expression, saying ... "I smile through anxiety. I smile when I'm…
Dolly Parton died following a brief battle with cancer ... TMZ has confirmed. Parton’s reps said in a statement to TMZ ... she was surrounded by loved ones at Vanderbilt-Ingram Cancer Center in Nashville when she died. Her reps say Dolly spent…
41-year-old Meghan McCain doesn't seem to be in the habit of picking on someone her own age ... because she's got her sights set on North West. The former "View" co-host felt compelled to comment on the 13-year-old's Dazed Magazine cover on X…
Can you guess the steamy hot American actor showing off this bulging vein on his toned and tanned bicep?! Like most hot guys, this actor played soccer before hittin' the mainstream during Covid ... where he made TikTok dance videos which has led to…
Dolly Parton's death has hit Hollywood hard ... and Sabrina Carpenter has taken to social media to share a touching tribute to the late legend. She shared a sweet carousel of her and Dolly on the set of the music video for their "Please, Please,…
Blake Lively is soaking up all summer has to offer ... taking her kiddos and some friends to Canada for a boat day ... and only TMZ has video. We obtained footage showing the actress pulling up to the Port Sanfield Marina in Ontario last Friday…
Chris Hansen still has a bone to pick over the upcoming film based on his pedo-catching days ... and he shared a receipt to back up his claim that A24 was trying to do him dirty. The former "To Catch a Predator" host sent TMZ a portion of an NDA he…
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