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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Virginia Gov. Abigail Spanberger's office invoked executive privilege to withhold all records on the decision to drop girls' sports protections.
Police in Des Moines, Iowa, said multiple people were injured and a suspect is in custody following a shooting Thursday at a United States Postal Service facility.
A close-up video revealed Rory McIlroy's wedge pressing down grass behind his ball on the 12th hole, leading to a two-shot penalty at Abu Dhabi.
An estimated 270,000 people joined nationwide strikes and protests across France on Thursday, putting pressure on President Emmanuel Macron's government.
"Decoy Dan" Sullivan garnered 3,600 votes in the Alaska Senate race, far dwarfing the 642-vote margin between Dan Sullivan and Mary Peltola.
Kaitlin Butts dropped a 34-minute mini musical tied to her new country album "Hello, Honky Tonk," and fans are calling it brilliant in every way.
Trevor Lawrence's 17 touchdowns and four interceptions lead the 5-2 Jacksonville Jaguars into a matchup against a Ravens team missing Lamar Jackson.
Mississippi's Senate race remains undecided by dozens of votes as deep-red states nearly flipped in the GOP's stunning election night bloodbath.
Russell Brand was found guilty of one count of rape and three counts of sexual assault in a U.K. court on Thursday. He is expected to be sentenced on Monday.
Nicolas Cage returns as arms dealer Yuri Orlov in "Lords of War," with Bill Skarsgård playing a ruthless mercenary bent on destroying his legacy.
Satire
WASHINGTON—Exhibiting a growing sense of panic as screens lit up with rumors and speculation about potential candidates, the nation reportedly watched helplessly Wednesday as the 2028 election cycle began. “Oh God, no, it’s not even 2027 yet—what do you mean people are talking about 2028?”
WASHINGTON—Their raucous cheers plunging to near pin-drop silence in a manner of seconds, presumptive Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer (D-NY) delivered a victory speech Tuesday night to a previously enthusiastic crowd. Sources told reporters that elated Democrats had been clapping, shouting,
Turn those frowns upside down, everyone! Even though the Democrats won sweeping victories across the country in the midterms, it's not all bad news out there. Believe it or not, there might even be some good things that come out of it.
HELL — In a small and private ceremony, the Prince of Darkness himself ceded his title of "Eternal Supreme Lord of Evil and Darkness" to a Reddit mod named Brayden.
The post Today’s Historic Front Page: November 4, 2026 appeared first on The Onion.
The post Haley Stevens High-Fiving Everyone At El-Sayed Victory Party Like Nothing Happened appeared first on The Onion.
EL PASO, TX — After the political winds ushered in sweeping changes to the Lone Star State last night, with radical Democrats taking power in what had been a staunchly conservative stronghold, millions of Texans were seen crossing the Rio Grande into Mexico.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Americans overwhelmingly voted blue on Election Day in a clear rebuke of Trump's inability to name more lakes after the United States.
U.S. — Fresh off a wave of overwhelming victories in Tuesday's midterm elections, Democrats were reportedly not sure what they were supposed to do now with all the fake ballots they had stored up.
The post Abdul El-Sayed Makes History As First Physically Healthy Senator appeared first on The Onion.
HEAVEN — In a major clarification that has sent waves of relief through exhausted households worldwide, heaven confirmed Thursday that skipping paragraphs or even full pages of a child's bedtime story does not constitute a sin.
U.S. — Americans despondent over the results of the 2026 midterm elections breathed a sigh of relief on Wednesday morning as news broke that Elon Musk had purchased the United States.
U.S. — The state of California has officially annexed the state formerly known as Texas.
BOSTON—Praising the artificial intelligence tool for its increasingly important role in shaping his coaching decisions, Boston Celtics head coach Joe Mazzulla revealed Tuesday that he had been using Claude to investigate why Jordan Walsh’s hair was like that. “Hello, Claude. Please generate an
Gina Billings, 64, died of unknown causes, but since her head is still attached to her body, beheading can almost certainly be ruled out.
The post Gina Billings appeared first on The Onion.
Jasper Collins, 59, died suddenly Tuesday, completely ruining his business partner’s plans to make him the fall guy.
The post Jasper Collins appeared first on The Onion.
Jimmy Chiarella, 72, died Wednesday after being the last one to say “not it.”
The post Jimmy Chiarella appeared first on The Onion.
The Loyola High class of 2003 got it right when they voted Julie Marks, 41, most likely to die by ciguatera fish poisoning.
The post Julie Marks appeared first on The Onion.
Sports
With Baltimore's offense in disarray, should you bench Derrick Henry against Jacksonville on Thursday night?
Odds, analysis and picks to help you bet Thursday's Jacksonville Jaguars-Baltimore Ravens game.
Why common-sense reform to the men's soccer calendar is needed, but it could be voted down anyway.
Florida's recently passed bill offers legal clarity for high school sports. Can it also rescue kids in need?
Jacksonville visits Baltimore on Thursday, November 5, 2026. Here is how to watch the Jaguars vs. Ravens matchup, plus four players to watch.
Penn vs. Illinois tips off Thursday, Nov. 5, at 8:30 p.m. ET on FS1. Get the FOX One streaming info and players to watch for this game in Champaign.
Victor Wembanyama had career highs of 52 points and 24 rebounds along with eight blocks to power the Spurs past the Mavericks on Wednesday night.
Rory McIlroy was handed a two-shot penalty after finishing his first round at the Abu Dhabi Championship, with officials ruling he improved his lie on a hole where he shot double-bogey to spoil his card.
Cristiano Ronaldo has retired from international football following a fall-out with Portugal boss Jorge Jesus.
Patriots owner Robert Kraft is recovering from back surgery, which he said will force him to miss Rob Gronkowski's team Hall of Fame induction.
Tramell Jones Jr. is set to make his second career start for Florida when the No. 24 Gators host Oklahoma, a source confirmed to ESPN.
The Heat engulfed Klay Thompson in a jubilant celebration after his corner 3 -- his eighth of the game -- went in with one second left in overtime of Miami's 117-116 victory over the Clippers.
UConn vs. Michigan tips off Thursday, Nov. 5, at 6:30 p.m. ET on FS1. Get the FOX One streaming info and players to watch for this women's basketball game in Ann Arbor.
New England Patriots quarterback Drake Maye expressed what it means to have franchise icon Tom Brady call their Week 9 game.
Chattanooga vs. Penn State tips off Thursday, Nov. 5, at 6 p.m. ET on Big Ten Network. Get the FOX One streaming info and players to watch for this game in University Park.
FOX Sports' Joel Klatt makes his picks ahead of a loaded top-25 Week 10 slate.
As Rob Gronkowski enters the Patriots' Hall of Fame, we look back at where it all began to unearth the birth of the legend of "The Gronk."
Cristiano Ronaldo has announced he won’t play for Portugal anymore, ending a 23-year international career.
Check out the odds for every Week 9 NFL game.
Check out the odds and what you need to know about the fourth annual NBA Cup, beginning Friday night.
Tech
Sony has refreshed a headphone design that dates back to 1979.
Meta's CapCut competitor already has more than 50 million users.
A day after the US midterm elections gave Democrats control of Congress, Onion CEO Ben Collins and comedian Patti Harrison spoke to WIRED about the salve of satire during politically fraught times.
The change will allow invites to be sent to guests without WhatsApp accounts.
Chevy's new Silverado needs a few updates before it's ready for prime time.
Most buyers would be better off with a Mac mini and a bigger external display.
The new OLED MacBook Pro comes with an incredible-looking touchscreen display—and an equally eye-popping price.
The M6 MacBook Pro is more of the same, but that's still pretty great.
The startup Aina bets you won’t need to rely on your phone to control virtual assistants. It’s making a smart ring that lets you control the actions of your autonomous agents with one tap.
Apple's touchscreen laptop is a notable evolution of the MacBook Pro at a much higher price.
Equipped with the brightest display, an “Event-Based Vision Sensor,” and the next-generation Qualcomm processor, Motorola hopes you’ll want to spend big bucks on its ceramic and aluminum Signature 27.
Potential Sciences, a startup backed by the UK government, is betting that training AI models on computer-generated biochemical data can speed up the plodding process of developing new drugs.
The streaming service's entire library of content will be available in the air.
OpenAI claims its new pledges were in the works before Americans voted strongly against the data center boom.
Denise Herzing, the founder and director of the Wild Dolphin Project, is using AI to help understand audio and video footage of the marine mammals.
Stop fumbling for cables in the dark. These WIRED-tested stands and pads will take the hassle out of refueling your phone, wireless earbuds, and watch.
OpenAI, Anthropic, and SpaceXSI have all reached out to Husk, an influencer who regularly goes viral by exposing the shortcomings of chatbots.
Nintendo has prepped its classic game for a rerelease with a slew of aesthetic upgrades—none more extreme than the protagonist’s curled-eyelash, glossed-lip glow-up.
Order on Amazon's platforms and (sometimes) skip the delivery fees.
An extremely rare matter-decay event opens up new possibilities for researching the physical world on scales 100 billion times smaller than an atom.
Entertainment
Kanye West turned his latest Yeezy fashion show into family business ... bringing out wife Bianca Censori, all four of his kids, and a star-studded crowd for a night of fashion in Los Angeles. The "Family Business" rapper was front and center for…
Matt Damon's wife, Luciana Barroso, suffered a brain aneurysm just a week before the 2024 Oscars ... before she rallied to attend the Oscars after-party. Speaking with GQ for their Men of the Year cover, Matt said ... "We had this whole scary thing…
Cristiano Ronaldo is done with the Portuguese national team ... the soccer legend announced his international retirement on Thursday, just weeks after he walked out of the team's camp following a dust-up with his coach. Not exactly a farewell tour.…
Thomas Markle Sr.'s son Thomas Jr. has been named a person of interest in the investigation into his father's alleged child porn possession ... Philippine officials revealed. In a press conference Thursday ... Philippine Interior Secretary Jonvic…
Todd Chrisley is making nice with his daughter's new marriage ... paying a visit to Savannah Chrisley and her husband, Jason Galanis, despite previously admitting he wasn't exactly thrilled about their relationship. The "Chrisley Knows Best" star…
Nicki Minaj is still fully in President Trump's corner after his Republican Party got trounced in the midterms ... and the rapper is letting the world know how she really feels! Nicki hopped on X Wednesday night and posted a list of 13 items in…
7:30 AM PT -- Russell Brand has officially been denied bail and will remain behind bars until Monday, when he's scheduled to be sentenced. Russell Brand has gone from the courtroom to a holding cell ... after being found guilty of rape and sexual…
Actress Kimmarie Johnson -- best known for her roles in "Beverly Hills, 90210" and "Dude, Where's My Car?" -- is dead after suffering heart issues ... TMZ has learned. Rhonda Scott, Kimmarie's niece, tells TMZ ... Kimmarie had a "heart event" on…
The Kardashian-Jenner clan is super close ... but Kylie and Kendall have now taken it to new heights ... kissing each other on the lips for Kendall's 31st birthday ... and it's all on video. That's right ... check out this Instagram video, posted…
7:30 AM PT -- Russell Brand will remain behind bars until Monday, when he's scheduled to be sentenced ... after a judge denied him bail. Russell Brand has been found guilty of one count of rape and three counts of sexual assault in his London…
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