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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
President Donald Trump blamed Democrats for the partial government shutdown while claiming economic wins including lower gas prices and inflation.
Teenager arrested in Bronx school shooting that killed 16-year-old Christopher Redding. The aspiring football player allegedly defended friends during the attack.
Nigeria counterterrorism efforts receive U.S. military support as American advisers arrive to help combat Boko Haram and Islamic State West Africa Province attacks.
Controversial skier Eileen Gu settles for silver after defending gold medal bid falls short in Milan
Eileen Gu won silver in the freeski big air event at the 2026 Milan Cortina Olympics, as she was unable to defend her gold from the 2022 Beijing Games.
Pajaro Valley Unified School District trustee Gabe Medina faces campus ban following heated confrontation with principal during student walkout protests in Watsonville, California.
SAVE America Act faces Senate filibuster hurdle despite 50 GOP backers as Republicans weigh talking filibuster option to advance voter ID requirements.
Rep. Eric Swalwell's pool and gym videos are resurfacing in California's governor race as his opponent's campaign hammers him for missing votes on Capitol Hill.
Natasha Rothwell, an actress and former writer for "Saturday Night Live," took a moment during an award show to condemn ICE, sparking applause in the audience.
House GOP Whip Tom Emmer blasts Democrats over photo ID rules at the DNC, arguing their stance undercuts their opposition to the SAVE Act and exposes hypocrisy on election security.
Sen. Mike Lee, R-Utah, leads the campaign to win 50 Republican votes for a conservative voter ID bill, but Senate Democrats plan to block the SAVE America Act in Congress.
Satire
Few things make bedtime more palatable than a good story. It often serves as the bridge between reality and the waking world of dreams. However, on occasion, there are times the story spun before me is so intense, so stimulating, that I lie awake for hours lost in its seemingly endless lore and cons
Everyone assumes that Heaven is going to be amazing, but do you know what you'll actually get to see and do there? Knowing what's there can help you plan accordingly.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump proudly announced Monday that he now has the highest approval rating of any current U.S. president.
IRVINE, CA — What could have been a severe relationship dust-up was narrowly averted today, as a local husband made up for forgetting Valentine's Day by giving his wife a lavish Presidents' Day gift.
Democrats Warn Voter ID Will Disenfranchise Key Voting Demographic Of People Too Stupid To Get An ID
WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the United States Senate progressed toward voting on the SAVE Act, Democrats warned that requiring voter ID would disenfranchise their key voting demographic of people who are too stupid to get an ID.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Hillary Clinton's long career in politics finally met with the recognition it deserved when the United States created a new federal holiday in her honor: "Almost Presidents" Day.
VERNON HILLS, IL—Lacking the ability to transform her father’s personality to the same extent as his leather couch or riding lawn mower, newborn baby Amber Gilroy reportedly failed this week to change new parent Eric Gilroy in any conceivable way. “Eric was always nice but just kind of floatin
LONDON—Calling for all hands on deck as he seized an armful of paperbacks, local bookshop owner Colin Mueller was reportedly scrambling to hide the classics Monday after he spotted filmmaker Emerald Fennell approaching the door. “For the love of God, please, someone grab the Jane Austens!” sai
Catholics around the world will soon enter the Lenten season, an annual 40-day period of sacrifice, prayer, and repentance that ends on Easter Sunday. The Onion shares tips for observing Lent. Try starting with something shorter like Yom Kippur and working your way up. Check Google Maps for the near
PREDAZZO, ITALY—Calling the incident a flagrant violation of both the rules of the event and the fundamental constants of the universe, International Olympic Committee officials confirmed Saturday that the Finnish ski jumping team had been caught tampering with Earth’s gravitational field in an
WASHINGTON—Praising the tireless efforts of the hundreds of agents who worked around the clock on the case, FBI director Kash Patel announced Friday that after almost two anguishing weeks, Savannah Guthrie had at last been located. “This morning before dawn, a hostage rescue team stormed a New Y
LEAWOOD, KS—Struggling to contain his shock and amazement Friday when he recognized a familiar face on TV, Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce reportedly yelled to his fiancée, Taylor Swift, “Yo! Taylor! Have you seen this shit?” after happening upon a Lena Dunham sex scene for the firs
The bride (tacky) and groom (cheapskate) had a fucking cash bar at their reception.
The post Wendy Tomalin and Lee Epsley appeared first on The Onion.
The post Kid Rock Sells Entire Music Catalog For Extra-Large Bucket Of Cheese Balls appeared first on The Onion.
The post ‘I Don’t Know How And It’s Not My Event’: Simone Biles On Her Decision Not To Snowboard At The Winter Olympics appeared first on The Onion.
Sports
After nine straight weeks at the top, the Wildcats fall after back-to-back losses, making way for the Wolverines.
Hours after sister Taylor Heise scored to help the U.S. women's Olympic hockey team beat Sweden 5-0 in Milan, Nate Heise hit a go-ahead 3-pointer in No. 6 Iowa State's thrilling 70-67 victory over Big 12 leader and second-ranked Houston on Monday night.
The United States' Elana Meyers Taylor won the women's monobob title Monday to win her first Olympic gold medal at age 41.
The Americans continued their dominant run through the women's hockey tournament, routing Sweden 5-0 to reach the gold medal game vs. Canada.
A shooting inside a Rhode Island hockey rink Monday left three people dead, several others injured and the two high school teams playing fleeing the ice as it all unfolded.
Aaron Judge said the start of the Yankees' offseason was "frustrating" but believes the team is in a better spot now.
Browns safety Ronnie Hickman was assaulted in the lobby of a New York City hotel early Monday morning, the team said.
France's Pierre Crinon, who fought Canada's Tom Wilson at the Milan Cortina Winter Olympics, was suspended Monday by the French ice hockey federation.
Seton Hall is still fourth in a Big East expected to send three teams to the NCAA tournament.
The Dolphins released Tyreek Hill in a flurry of roster moves that will clear significant salary cap space.
It's time to dust off those ball bags — MLB spring training has commenced!
Heisman Trophy winner and national champion QB Fernando Mendoza is now starting to really shift his mindset toward the NFL.
New York Mets owner Steve Cohen likes the vibe in a revamped clubhouse, and says he’ll never have a captain in charge of that scene.
Wrexham will host eight-time champion Chelsea for a place in the FA Cup quarterfinals next month.
The Toronto Blue Jays are ready to move on from the 2025 World Series.
Girona sprung a huge shock in the race in La Liga as they beat Barcelona 2-1 at Montilivi on Monday.
Athletic Club suffered a major blow as star winger Nico Williams was sidelined indefinitely with a pubalgia issue.
Keeping track of notable injuries, news and happenings across men's and women's college basketball.
FS1's Willie Colon is strongly advising the Chiefs not to chase their past.
Here's a last look at the weekend that was at LIV Golf Adelaide.
Tech
The residents of Potters Bar are working to protect the “green belt” of farms, forests, and meadows that surround London from the endless demand for AI infrastructure.
Apple continues to double down on its Formula 1 programming, following up on the box office success of its blockbuster movie by adding a dedicated channel for the racing league to the Apple TV app. This section of the streaming service hints at some of what may be coming when the F1 season begins wi
Rode is rolling out a firmware update for its Wireless Pro and Wireless Go (third-gen) microphones to add a feature called Direct Connect, which was already available for the Wireless Micro. This allows the mics to pair with iPhones and iPads via Bluetooth without the need for a receiver. All you’
Call of Duty: Warzone Mobile will be no more this spring. According to Activision, servers will be taken offline for this mobile battle royale game on April 17, 2026. The shooter will remain available for current players until that date. This mobile port of the CoD battle royale mode has been on its
Noise-canceling earbuds have become an everyday essential for a lot of people, whether you’re trying to survive a noisy commute, concentrate in a shared workspace or just carve out a little quiet time. Advances in active noise cancellation and audio processing mean today’s best earbuds do a much
Apple is planning a major update for its Podcasts app. The app now supports the company's HTTP Live Streaming (HLS) video technology. Previously, it only streamed video in various formats like MOV, MP4 and M4V.
This provides several benefits for the end user. It lets people switch seamlessly between
Apple still hasn’t officially announced a foldable iPhone, but the rumor mill hasn’t slowed down. Over the past few months, analysts, supply-chain watchers and leakers have continued to sketch out what Apple’s first folding phone might look like and when it could finally arrive. Most signs sti
The Vatican is leaning into AI. AI-assisted live translations are being introduced for Holy Mass attendees — the holy masses if you will. The Papal Basilica of Saint Peter in the Vatican has teamed up with Translated, a language service provider, to create live translations in 60 languages.
"Sai
Bloober Team has revealed Layer of Fear 3 following a Valentine's Day countdown that started at the beginning of 2026. The new chapter will include not only a game but a novel and music, the company said in a press release.
The developer revealed the new IP via a live-action teaser, with an actor
Apple has lined up its first event of the year. The company has invited members of the press to an “Apple Experience” that’s taking place in New York City on March 4 at 9AM ET. It hasn’t yet confirmed whether it will stream the event publicly. According to MacRumors, versions of this Apple E
Presidents’ Day is a great time to buy appliances, mattresses and furniture as they are often on sale for the holiday. Tech also gets discounted around this time, but you have to do a bit more digging to find actually good deals. And this year, Presidents’ Day comes right after Valentine’s Day
The Saatva Memory Foam Hybrid has been chosen for Olympians. Could it be the one for you, too?
I review laptops for a living, and it kills me when I see the PCs that Amazon and other retailers filter to the top.
In light of Zoom crackdowns and Skype shutting down, Batemates has emerged as an alternative for “bators” who like masturbating together online.
Fears over a drug cartel drone over Texas sparked a recent airspace shutdown in El Paso and New Mexico, highlighting just how tricky it can be to deploy anti-drone weapons near cities.
Sony’s new LinkBuds Clip serve up solid performance, but I’d wait until they’re on sale.
In hacker spaces and at their homes, creative protesters are laser-cutting and 3D-printing tools to resist an occupation.
You can never truly empty a box. Why? Zero-point energy.
From flagship and budget to flipping and folding, Samsung’s Galaxy range spans the breadth of the smartphone cosmos. WIRED’s here to help you make your choice.
Windows laptops have never been so good, and they're only going to get better as we move through 2026.
Entertainment
Shia LaBeouf is fully embracing the Big Easy energy and he did it by turning all the way up for Fat Monday! TMZ has obtained video and photos of Shia dancing and partying Monday afternoon at and around R Bar, a popular dive bar in New Orleans'…
ChatDJT has entered the chat .... Nicki Minaj honored her new favorite POTUS this Presidents' Day with A.I.-generated photos of Donald J. Trump riding shotgun with her. Check out the pics ... the fake DJT is swagged out in gear fit for a Barbz --…
If you're looking for an apology from Tyra Banks for "America's Next Top Model's" controversial practices, you'll be waiting a long time ... and Adrianne Curry-Rhode loves that about her. Adrianne, who won the first cycle of the '00s reality…
Good news for Quinton Aaron ... the actor's family tells us he is making huge progress on his road to recovering from a spinal stroke, even though he'll be traveling that road without the woman who falsely claimed to be his wife. Quinton's family…
8:10PM PT -- The suspect in the Pawtucket ice rink shooting has been identified as 56-year-old Robert Dorgan -- who also went by the name Roberta Esposito -- Pawtucket Police Chief Tina Goncalves announced during a press conference Monday night.…
Tawnia McGeehan -- the mom who allegedly killed her teen daughter Addi Smith and then herself in a Las Vegas hotel room over the weekend -- had a custody battle for her daughter, which lasted 9 years ... according to court documents obtained by…
Jeffrey Epstein may have had a collection of highly poisonous plants known to produce a drug that blocks free will in its victims ... according to newly discovered emails in the last document dump of the Epstein Files. In one of the uncovered…
It’s always summer somewhere when Summer Walker steps out ... and these pics are living proof she brings the heat wherever she goes! Check out these scorching shots ... Summer’s soaking up the sun in a barely-there Fendi bikini, putting her…
Cass Lacelle, who starred on Freeform's reality series "Grand Cayman: Secrets in Paradise," has died after a battle with ovarian cancer. Her loved ones shared the devastating news Monday in a post on her Instagram page, saying she passed away…
R. Kelly is under investigation for possessing a retired warden's phone number at his federal lockup in North Carolina ... and he's been placed in isolation for the duration of a probe of the incident, according to his lawyer. Kelly's attorney,…
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