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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Texas Democratic Governor-elect Gina Hinojosa plans to freeze electricity rates on Day One, but experts warn the move could trigger energy shortages.
President Donald Trump says his mass deportation push has not targeted waitresses and farm workers with the same pressure as violent criminals.
Humans First's Amy Kremer warns data centers are driving voters away from Republicans as local control and property rights fuel community backlash.
Troy Aikman pokes fun at ESPN contract standoff during Bills-Vikings Monday Night Football broadcast
Troy Aikman's diamond chain quip on Monday Night Football nodded at his stalled ESPN contract talks during the Bills' dominant 23-6 rout of Minnesota.
A military homecoming stunned Master Sergeant Kelsey McLeod's daughters at U.S. Bank Stadium as the Minnesota Vikings hosted the Buffalo Bills.
Philadelphia DSA condemned backlash against the bike boycott targeting Jewish-owned restaurants, calling criticism "bad-faith" attempts to "silence dissent."
Sean McVay said he's "kicking himself" over the final play that left Puka Nacua with knee and turf toe injuries likely sending him to injured reserve.
Nick Sirianni denied flipping off Philadelphia Eagles fans after a viral clip surfaced following the team's seventh straight loss to the New York Giants.
College Football Playoff committee executive admits they don't care fans are against 24-team playoff
The College Football Playoff expands to 24 teams by 2027-2028, but Executive Director Rich Clark acknowledged fans overwhelmingly oppose the change.
The NTSB recovered the cockpit voice recorder from the Learjet 60 crash site near Greenacres, Florida, as investigators probe the cause of the incident.
Satire
IRVING, TX— Revealing his openness to disclosing sensitive corporate information if properly incentivized, Entenmann’s CEO Larry Dunford announced Monday that he was happy to share donut-related secrets with Chinese spies in exchange for sex. “I’ll tell you whatever you want to know: recipes
Jacob's brother, Esau, famously traded away his birthright for a bowl of stew. That's right, stew. Nothing special, right? But there were reportedly several other types of food he would have gladly taken as well.
LIVERMORE, CA — Following the news that Chinese agents had been engaging in widespread "honeypot" operations across the United States for years, former Congressman Eric Swalwell was reportedly heartbroken to learn that Chinese intelligence had been seeing other people.
The Democrats retook the House, Senate, and many statewide offices after a massive wave of wins in the 2026 midterm election. The Onion breaks down the figures behind the Democrats’ “blue tsunami.” 54 Number of states Democrats now control ∞ Executive orders incoming $2.99 Price that swing v
WASHINGTON—Calling it a shortsighted decision that he would come to regret during his final two years in office, members of the GOP criticized President Donald Trump Monday for promoting Stephen Miller to serve as chief of staff over other, more qualified necrophiles. “The Republican Party has
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats announced on Monday that they now have a clear mandate from voters to do all the crazy stuff they never mentioned in their campaigns.
NEW YORK, NY — In his most hilarious stand-up comedy bit yet, comedian Dave Chappelle brought a young dad up on stage and murdered him in cold blood.
SAN JOSE, CA — Local man Darren Mitchell set his email "out-of-office" reply to alert people that he would be on vacation in Hyrule for the foreseeable future.
AUSTIN, TX — The state of Texas announced an update to its famous "Lone Star" flag, adding five more stars in order to represent all six genders.
CANAAN — Tensions heightened in one prominent local family this week, as witnesses reported that Joseph's brothers had grown increasingly jealous of his vintage Charlotte Hornets Starter jacket.
DUBAI—Rubbing at his eyes carefully with one hand and murmuring “shit” under his breath as he watched one of his slippers tumble toward the ground over 500 meters below, actor Tom Cruise reportedly woke up Wednesday while sleep-climbing the Burj Khalifa. “Oh, no, not this again,” said Crui
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With Republicans still reeling from the midterm shellacking last week, President Donald Trump assured them he would turn things around in his third term.
FITCHBURG, WI—Stating that he could not recall Cocoa Beach, an airboat tour of the Everglades, or breakfast with Chip ’n’ Dale at the Garden Grill Restaurant, local seventh grader Caleb May told reporters Thursday that the only memory he had of the $6,000 vacation he took with his family in 20
The post Man Does ‘Safety’ Signal Alone At TV appeared first on The Onion.
Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) commuted the sentences of all 548 people currently on California’s death row, claiming “state-sactioned killing is incompatible” with our shared values. What do you think?
The post Gavin Newsom Commutes All California Death Sentences appeared first on The Onion.
The U.S. military-industrial complex is the largest in the world, supplying arms to countries across the globe. The Onion takes a look at the history of U.S. arms sales. 1790 A farmer in Rhode Island becomes the first American to sell a musket to a cow. 1831 Jebediah Lockheed meets Silas Martin. 194
RALEIGH, NC—Racked with shame as it contemplated the fact that it remained unscathed nearly a week after Halloween, a local pumpkin confirmed Friday that it was struggling with survivor’s guilt. “Of all the pumpkins that were murdered and mutilated, why was I the only one spared?” said the
Sports
Atlético Madrid are one of the main clubs showing an interest in Arsenal midfielder Martín Zubimendi, while Viktor Gyökeres and Mikel Merino could also depart. Transfer Talk has the latest.
Detroit Tigers shortstop Kevin McGonigle, 22, won the American League Rookie of the Year award Monday night in a televised presentation, moments before Cincinnati Reds first baseman Sal Stewart, 22, was honored as the National League Rookie of the Year.
After a historically poor performance by Carson Wentz on Monday night, Vikings coach Kevin O'Connell was asked whether the team might trade for a QB ahead of Tuesday's deadline. He deferred the question to GM Nolan Teasley.
Victor Wembanyama finished with 40 points, 11 rebounds and nine blocks in just 25 minutes Monday night to lead the Spurs past the Suns 122-96 for their ninth straight win.
The Jaguars traded a 2027 first-round pick and a 2029 second-round pick to the Eagles for defensive tackle Jordan Davis on Monday.
Los Angeles Rams wide receiver Puka Nacua is likely going on injured reserve due to an MCL/PCL sprain as well as turf toe, according to coach Sean McVay.
Stephen Curry scored 25 points in 20-plus minutes, Yaxel Lendeborg added 23 points, and the Warriors won their eighth straight game by 51 points against the short-handed Pelicans on Monday night.
United States coach Mauricio Pochettino is the favoured candidate to replace Michael Carrick as Manchester United manager, sources have told ESPN.
Bill Belichick's ex-girlfriend, Jordon Hudson, has filed a civil complaint against two Airbnb hosts over a 2023 video of the coach without a shirt at the property.
Dallas Mavericks star Cooper Flagg has recently started eating an in-game peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
Is Joe Burrow the MVP so far this season? We give out our midseason awards.
See the latest NFL postseason odds after Week 9.
It was a great week for quarterbacks and wide receivers around the NFL.
The Minnesota Vikings couldn't keep up with the Buffalo Bills on offense. Here are takeaways from Monday night's game.
The Bills are closing the gap on the favored 49ers. See the latest odds to win the Super Bowl after Week 9.
Even with the Vikings' loss, the NFC North dominates our power rankings this week.
Here are the biggest plays from NFL Week 9, from Ben Johnson's elite Bears offense to Joe Burrow's elite playmaking.
Packers QB Jordan Love rises while Bears QB Caleb Williams falls in the MVP race. Plus, a ridiculous TD catch and a wild red-zone fumble.
Here's what the NFL playoff picture looks like after Week 9 of the regular season.
Arizona Cardinals wide receiver Michael Wilson is out for the season because of a fracture in his neck that he suffered in the team’s loss against the Seattle Seahawks on Sunday.
Tech
The HoverAir Versa is a clever combination that makes a lot of sense, but don't expect the best of both worlds.
A researcher’s trawl through publicly available code found private information was at risk across multiple departments.
Unlock exclusive savings on Braun IPL, shavers, and grooming products. Find verified Braun promo codes and expert tips to maximize your discounts.
Save on bulk groceries, household essentials, and electronics with a verified Sam's Club promo code or membership discount.
Discover the top Breville coupons and discount codes for coffee machines, kitchen appliances, and fresh coffee beans, with deals up to $700 off.
Use these verified Chirp coupon codes and shopping tips to score up to 67% off wheels, up to 50% off refurbished products, and more.
Save on Barkbox subscriptions, including monthly themed collections of plush toys, tough chews, and healthy snacks designed to keep your pup’s tail wagging.
Get 25% off with a Dyson coupon code, plus save up to $600 with discounts on vacuums, $150 off Airwraps, and more.
We've gathered all the top Valvoline coupons and promo codes for November 2026, including deals on full synthetic oil changes and other essential maintenance.
Whether you’re switching from springs to memory foam or just want to sleep cooler this summer, these Sealy mattress deals for November 2026 will have you waking up refreshed—and with cash left in your wallet.
Save over 25% when you opt for H&R Block’s free online offering, plus a tax pro review.
Seniors, especially those who live alone, could benefit from a number of Apple Watch health alerts, including medication reminders and fall detection.
Every member of the family can have their own assistant with personal results on Google Home. Find out how to set this feature up.
While traveling through the airport, TSA may ask you to power up your phone. Border agents can conduct a more thorough search as well.
USB-C has largely taken over where micro USB used to reign, but you'll still spot (and should skip using) some devices using the older connector.
Should you buy a mesh Wi-Fi system or a standalone router? Learn how each handles range, roaming, and cost, and which one fits your home best.
Billboard will give more weight to free, ad-supported listening in its methodology.
From finding hidden controllers to sharing games with others, improve your gaming experience on the Nintendo Switch 2 with these useful features.
It'll cost you to access Logic Pro's AI assistant after you reach the monthly usage limit.
There's a checkbox that simply turns it off.
Entertainment
Ken Urker will always be with Gypsy Rose Blanchard ... because she was given some of his ashes after his cremation, TMZ has learned. Family sources tell TMZ … Ken was cremated, and his ashes were split between Gypsy, his mom Raina, and his…
Tuesday's turnin' way up with two babes in red-hot bikinis, but there's a catch here: Who'd You Rather?! Sami Sheen -- daughter of Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards hit the beach for a late-night photo op, while 'Bachelor' babe Kelley Flanagan…
Tahitian actress Karina Lombard was 24 when she played the seductive beachgoer who attempts to seduce Tom Cruise’s character in the thriller/mystery "The Firm" back in 1993. Cruise starred as Mitch McDeere -- the ambitious, young lawyer who…
Katy Perry wasn't exactly singing Russell Brand's praises after their marriage went up in flames ... and now her past comments about the comedian are resurfacing following his rape and sexual assault conviction. Katy called her ex-husband "very…
Rob Reiner's kids are keeping their parents' legacy alive ... stepping into the spotlight for a special night honoring the late Hollywood director and his wife, Michele. Jake and Romy Reiner made a rare public appearance Sunday night at a gala at…
The mystery surrounding 5-year-old Saylor Hayes' death is becoming a little clearer ... officials announced Monday she died from drowning, months after her body was discovered in a South Carolina river. The Georgetown County Coroner's Office…
Lauren Boebert could soon be saying goodbye to Congress ... and while she's not ready to concede her election, she's admitting life outside Washington might not be so bad! Jacob caught up with the Colorado congresswoman on Capitol Hill Monday…
It's time for the F/V Wizard to cast off ... because the iconic vessel won't be featured in the upcoming season of "Deadliest Catch," TMZ has learned. Sources familiar with the situation tell TMZ ... the vessel wasn't kicked off the show ... but…
Ioan Gruffudd is calling for Artificial Intelligence regulation after an uncomfortable encounter with a fan who'd fallen for an A.I. scam and believed they'd been having an affair. We caught up with the actor at LAX on Monday, where he gave an…
Former porn star Ron Jeremy has nearly a million dollars in assets … despite currently living in a private residence with around-the-clock care due to his advanced dementia ... according to docs filed by his estate lawyer. Ron’s estate, which…
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