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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Democrats are jubilant over the sudden ouster of Pam Bondi as head of the Department of Justice, with leading party members taking to social media to wish her “good riddance."
Jonathan Turk faces murder charges after allegedly confessing in a 911 call to killing his parents with a hammer and knife at an Arizona home.
The Pittsburgh Pirates announced they called up top prospect Konnor Griffin on Thursday, as he will debut on Friday when they play the Baltimore Orioles in their home opener.
The CDC and White House issued a health advisory about medetomidine, a deadly veterinary sedative known as rhino tranq, found in illegal fentanyl.
Meryl Streep spoke out against the SAVE Act on Stephen Colbert's show, saying married women may need to prove their identity to vote in November.
KitKat says thieves stole 12 tons of chocolate bars that were leaving a factory in Italy. The brand has launched a stolen KitKat tracker for customers to check.
American Airlines flight made an emergency landing in Detroit after a passenger allegedly made a false bomb threat, according to federal authorities.
Leslie Jones blasted marriage and modern men in an interview, calling marriage "legalized slavery" and saying she is disappointed in men as a group for not stepping up.
2020 NL Cy Young Award winner Trevor Bauer announced he is joining the Long Island Ducks, set to start their first game on April 21 in the Atlantic League.
The "Boy Meets World" star says she felt "no longer attractive" during the show's final season and wanted to avoid being on camera entirely.
Satire
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL — Russell Patrick has been doing the same job for NASA for over 50 years, though he's gotten little recognition despite the essential service he provides.
ROANOKE, VA — In a historic first that is shaking up the entire podcasting universe, one podcaster went on another podcaster's podcast.
President Donald Trump signed an executive order aiming to create federal lists of citizens which the U.S. Postal Service would use to ensure mail ballots are sent to only those people, with the effort to exert control over American elections sure to be quickly challenged in court. What do you think
LOS ANGELES—Admitting that the team’s ballooning salary expenditures had rapidly gotten away from him, panicked Los Angeles Dodgers owner Mark Walter told reporters Thursday that he had absolutely no idea how he was going to come up with the funds needed to cover this year’s $414 million payro
WASHINGTON—In an effort to clamp down on what it claimed was fraudulent use of federal food benefits, the U.S. Department of Agriculture announced Thursday that applicants to the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program would now need to demonstrate that they spend at least 80 hours per month in
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump announced on Thursday that after careful evaluation, he had determined that Attorney General Pam Bondi was "not quite hot enough" to be this incompetent at her job.
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL — NASA issued a statement on Thursday confirming that Elon Musk had launched an emergency rescue plumber into space late Wednesday night to repair the broken toilet on the Artemis II spacecraft.
ATLANTA—Forced to call off the approximately $4 billion journey around the moon due to unforeseen delays experienced by its four-member crew, NASA confirmed Thursday that the Artemis II mission failed Thursday after astronauts missed their connecting flight in Atlanta. “We thought we had enough
JERUSALEM — Witnesses revealed that total idiot Judas Iscariot dipped his bread in the bowl with Jesus mere seconds after the Lord announced that the one who dipped his bread in the bowl would betray Him.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The United States Supreme Court issued an official statement on Thursday begging the state of Colorado to please just be normal for once.
The Super Mario Galaxy Movie is now in theaters. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the film. Q: Does Mario say his famous catchphrase? A: Yes, many times throughout the movie Mario exclaims, “Any dinosaur who likes Mama’s Bolognese sauce is okay by me!” Q: What is the film a
The post Jake Paul Hoping To Gain Respect Of Boxing Community With Fight Against World’s Tallest Man appeared first on The Onion.
TOLEDO, OH—Visibly distraught as he learned of the widespread betrayal, local mail carrier Ned Mungo expressed dismay Thursday upon realizing that the residents on his route have been receiving electronic mail for years without his knowing. “Day in and day out, I’ve been coming to these doorst
LOS ANGELES—Admitting that there were some significant upsides to the deal despite the concerns it had raised, analysts at the National Research Group reported Thursday that the upcoming Paramount-Warner Bros. merger offered consumers the best shot at seeing a Sex And The City reboot starring th
AUSTIN, TX—Reporting that he plans to shower at the gym due to the bathtub being left “absolutely disgusting,” local man Michael DiCanio expressed annoyance Thursday that his wife had inconsiderately left the apartment’s only bathroom a total mess after giving birth to their first child. “
The post Sam Altman: ‘If I Don’t End The World, Someone Far More Dangerous Will’ appeared first on The Onion.
Though Donald Trump will leave office after a new president is elected in 2028, his legacy will live on forever in the Donald J. Trump Presidential Library in Miami. The proposed library will feature an impressive lineup of exhibits, with some of them still being kept under wraps.
CHICAGO, IL — After releasing Jayden Ivey over his statements about the unrighteousness of Pride month, the Chicago Bulls have offered to reinstate Ivey on the team if he will agree to do some cocaine and beat a few women.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a persuasive argument in favor of maintaining birthright citizenship, Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson ate an entire stick of glue.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After scandalous photos surfaced online of her husband Bryon, former Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem reportedly asked him if there was anything he'd like to get off his chest.
Sports
Phil Mickelson announced Thursday that he won't play in next week's Masters and will be out for an extended period as his family continues to "navigate a personal health matter."
Tiger Woods expressed astonishment as he was handcuffed after crashing his vehicle last week in Florida, according to body camera footage released Thursday.
Former Cy Young winner Trevor Bauer has signed with the Long Island Ducks of the Atlantic League and is scheduled to pitch opening night April 21 for the minor league team.
Two-time All-Pro cornerback Stephon Gilmore announced his retirement from the NFL.
Indiana coach Curt Cignetti reiterated his support for transfer quarterback Josh Hoover while responding to recent comments from TCU coach Sonny Dykes about Hoover's high turnovers total.
Silas Demary Jr., who has been hobbled with a high ankle sprain during the NCAA tournament, is expected to be at 90% for UConn's Final Four matchup vs. Illinois.
The Pirates are calling up 19-year-old shortstop Konnor Griffin, the No. 1 prospect in baseball, ahead of Friday's home opener against the Orioles.
The Wizards have apologized for an April Fools' "skit" in which a planted fan was seemingly tricked into believing he made a half-court shot for $10,000, saying the entire bit was scripted but that they "missed the mark."
The Buffalo Bills quarterback and the "Sinners" actress did not share the date of birth or the name of their daughter.
Luka and SGA go head-to-head. Plus, updated playoff projections, draft lottery standings after Wednesday.
Which World Cup fanbase will be the loudest? The most fun? The most passionate? Vote in our 2026 FIFA World Cup Ultimate Fanbase.
Italy's soccer federation president has resigned amid political pressure after the national team failed to qualify for a third consecutive World Cup
Manchester United are preparing a massive financial reset by offloading five senior stars this summer.
Sophia Wilson makes her return to the United States for the first time since pregnancy and giving birth to her daughter.
Notable news, notes and buzz from MLB's 2026 season.
Chris "The Bear" Fallica is back with his best bet for the Final Four, along with some Bear Bytes about the Tournament.
Here are all the latest signings, trades and releases around the NFL.
Former NFL scout Bucky Brooks breaks down Alabama QB Ty Simpson, the most polarizing prospect in the 2026 class.
After a decade out of the NFL, Topps is back in the game.
Are the Nuggets actually an NBA title contender? The odds, and statistics, say maybe.
Tech
OpenAI is acquiring TBPN, a business talk show that’s popular among Silicon Valley elites, as it continues to battle its negative public image.
In a surprise release, OpenAI has made ChatGPT's Voice mode available through Apple CarPlay. If you're running the latest version of both iOS and the ChatGPT app, and own a CarPlay-compatible vehicle, you can check out the experience. To get started, download all the necessary software, connect your
The US Commodity Futures Trading Commission is suing Illinois, Arizona and Connecticut for attempting to outlaw or regulate prediction markets like Kalshi and Polymarket. The CFTC believes it has sole jurisdiction to regulate these platforms, and that states attempting to classify them as illegal ga
Coachella officially kicks off next Friday, April 10. But for anyone who doesn’t want to fly out to the desert or fork over upwards of $650 for a ticket, YouTube is going to livestream the concert for free so you can enjoy it on your own terms. Here’s a quick overview of all the programming that
A trio of tech pranksters have launched a website where you can submit artwork and vote on which pieces belong in the final design. Of course, AI will scan for dick pics.
Documents show that one of Google’s new data centers would be powered by a natural gas plant that emits millions of tons of emissions each year—an increasingly common trend in the industry.
As strikes continue on Iran’s nuclear facilities, the real danger isn’t the explosion, but what happens if critical safety systems fail—and how that risk could spread across the Gulf.
Publisher and game management platform indie.io just announced the pending launch of something called Indie Pass. This is a subscription service, so it's sort of like Game Pass but for indie titles.
It launches on April 13 and will offer over 70 games on that date, with more coming down the line. No
As Cursor launches the next generation of its product, the AI coding startup has to compete with OpenAI and Anthropic more directly than ever.
Russia has closed a loophole that allowed its citizens to pay for Apple digital services. "As of April 1, 2026, payment processing is no longer available for purchases made on the App Store or other Apple Media Services in Russia," the company wrote in a support document (via 9to5Mac).The change aff
Researchers at the company found representations inside of Claude that perform functions similar to human feelings.
When Google released Gemini 3 Pro at the end of last year, it was a significant step forward for the company's proprietary large language models. Now, the company is bringing some of the same technology and research that made those models possible to the open source community with the release of its
The mission commander’s email inbox failed during the journey to the moon. Have they tried turning the computer off and back on again?
Uber is expanding its EV incentive program across the US. The company began testing the service in select cities last year. This is a program in which Uber offers drivers a $4,000 grant to switch from their current vehicle to an EV.
These grants are available for both new and used electric vehicles,
After sharing pricing and availability for its new Mini LED TVs in March, Samsung is ready to detail some of the other TVs it introduced at CES earlier this year. The 2026 versions of Samsung's The Frame Pro and OLED TVs are both available to order today – save for some notable exceptions – and
Flipboard has been one of the biggest boosters of decentralized social media. Now, the company, which is known for its social news reading app, is rolling out its latest experiment, "social websites." The project offers publishers and creators an easier path into what's often called the "open socia
The four history-making Artemis II crew members are cooped up with each other in a tiny space for 10 days. And yet the most uncomfortable aspect of the mission might be having to deal with not one, but two instances of Microsoft Outlook. Commander Reid Wiseman sent a literal "Houston, we have a prob
Your kids are only kids for so long, but love and Lego sets last forever. Here are our top picks for the Lego fan in your life.
Epia Neuro’s brain-computer interface will include a motorized glove to help stroke patients recover movement in their hand.
From models for traveling to humidifiers that double as planters or air purifiers, we've tested a dozen of them.
Entertainment
Alissa Violet -- a popular YouTuber -- has been arrested after she allegedly got into a ferocious argument with her boyfriend ... TMZ has learned. Sources tell TMZ ... Alissa and Ryan Pownall went back to his apartment in Hollywood after a night…
Thirsty Thursday is comin' in HOT with one of Hollywood's sexiest moms ... Given the following clues, can you guess who she is?! If you don't know her from "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery," ... maybe you recognize her from "The…
First it was Tiger Woods, now Phil Mickelson announced he will not be competing for a green jacket this year -- Lefty revealed he's taking some time away as his family deals with a "personal health matter." The three-time Masters winner stated…
Konrad Bien-Stephen -- a contestant on season 7 of "The Bachelorette Australia" -- has died. He reportedly passed Monday night in Melbourne, but no details have been released. On Thursday, his management confirmed his death "with deep sadness" in a…
Tiger Woods isn't only dealing with a DUI charge after his rollover accident and arrest on Friday ... TMZ Sports has learned the golf legend has also been hit with a citation for careless driving. The ticket was filed in Martin County on Thursday…
Pooh Shiesty allegedly kidnapped and robbed Gucci Mane -- this, according to the Department of Justice. The DOJ announced the news Thursday morning ... claiming Shiesty and his pal Big30 kidnapped and robbed several alleged victims at gunpoint in a…
The Florida man accused of killing his politician wife, Nancy Bowen, told his uncle he shot his wife dead with a shotgun because he "couldn't take it anymore" ... at least according to cops. TMZ obtained the complaint affidavit from the case…
Pam Bondi is officially out as Donald Trump's attorney general. Trump posted on Truth Social that Pam "will be transitioning to a much needed and important new job in the private sector." Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche will be taking over.…
Comedian Eugene Mirman was rescued from a fiery vehicle yesterday, and we have video and photos showing the full devastation of the accident that nearly claimed his life. These shots are absolutely horrific ... in new video and pictures obtained by…
Ciara Miller uncovered a video of Amanda Batula and West Wilson before their shocking hookup announcement ... TMZ has learned. Sources close to the situation tell TMZ ... the "Summer House" star obtained a video allegedly showing Amanda and West…
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