Personalize Your Own Homepage
Login
Create Account
US News
• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Caitlin Clark became the first WNBA player to average 20 points and eight assists in a season, yet 19 voters left her off MVP ballots entirely.
Alireza Sepahi married his imprisoned fiancée over a prison phone line hours before his execution at Isfahan Central Prison for anti-government protest.
Ella Langley's bikini selfie and viral "not enough in the world" caption had fans cracking up during her Dandelion tour Instagram photo dump.
Will Stein's Kentucky Wildcats are 4-1 and hosting a top-ten LSU team, with a bold locker room message after their overtime win over South Carolina.
Philadelphia Phillies legend Ryan Howard told OutKick in a recent interview that a team's clubhouse chemistry is integral to a team's success.
Video shows showgirls allegedly attacking two North Carolina tourists outside Planet Hollywood on the Las Vegas Strip after a $20 tip dispute escalated.
Kenneth Walker III reacted to a potential Tyreek Hill reunion with the Kansas City Chiefs, calling the wide receiver a baller who fits Andy Reid's system.
ABC News quietly deleted its report on Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump's alleged ties to Pentagon contracts after 1789 Capital threatened legal action.
Breanna Stewart says officials told the Liberty they had no reset timeout when they actually did, sparking an inquiry after Atlanta Dream's OT win.
Glen Powell says political discourse is "the worst version of a conversation" and reveals how movies remain his preferred way to express himself.
Satire
EGYPT — Zaphenath-paneah, also called Joseph, successfully rescued the land from the grip of severe famine this week after wisely advising Pharaoh to stock up on emergency food buckets from My Patriot Supply.
PITTSBURGH, PA — Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Aaron Rodgers decided to give up the psychedelic ayahuasca after getting sacked last Sunday by Big Bird.
FRAMINGHAM, MA — In a surprising twist on a popular home décor motif, the home furnishing retail chain HomeGoods was now selling signs that read, "Live, Laugh, Strangle Your Kids If You're Sad, Love."
TULSA, OK — Eyewitnesses at a local Teppanyaki steakhouse sat with growing anticipation on Thursday after observing head chef Hiroshi Tanaka smiling slyly as he clearly had something clever planned for the onion he had in his hand.
ITHACA, NY—In an aggressive attempt to distance itself from an alleged sexual assault at one of its fraternity houses, Cornell University hastily announced Thursday that it was now going by a different name. “We determined that the best way forward was a clean start with total rebranding, and i
U.S. — After a terrorist attack on the Mall of America was narrowly thwarted yesterday, experts warned that terrorist activity could spread beyond Minneapolis to the United States of America.
The post Christa Pike Sentenced To Lifetime Execution appeared first on The Onion.
SCRANTON, PA — After years of failed attempts, local man Paul Foster finally found a perfectly ripe avocado at the grocery store, only to be tragically killed in a car crash on the way home.
This week the Supreme Court began a new term, and there are several consequential cases on the docket. The Onion previews some of the most important cases being heard by the justices in the coming months. Apple v. Epic Games : The suit over Apple’s App Store fees will be the first Supreme Court
PARIS — French leaders came up empty-handed on Thursday after spending several days searching for someone in the rioting mob to surrender to.
SEATTLE—In an effort to lure back self-conscious adult customers, Starbucks officials announced this week that locations across the country would introduce new teen-free hours for nervous adults who just wanted to redeem their birthday rewards. “Stop by any Starbucks between 8 and 9 a.m. to enjo
HOULTON, ME—Saying the discussion felt more like something out of National Geographic than a heart-to-heart, local woman Elise Figueroa confirmed Thursday that a conversation about non-monogamy with her husband, Marcus, was chock-full of animal facts. “I’m really annoyed that we’re having th
I’ve never been the type of guy to change his mind easily. Back in my mujahedeen days, my buddies would always point out how stubborn I was—they couldn’t get me to budge on anything! But even the most gung-ho jihadist knows there comes a time to reevaluate old grudges, and while this might din
Hey, everyone! The Babylon Bee Substack has gone live!
CLEVELAND, OH — Local man Chris Pinson made a bold guess today that the name of the Mall of America terror plot suspect would turn out to rhyme with "Bohammed."
U.S. — The nation has reportedly slipped into a period of deep sadness and introspection after learning that Iran may not actually nuke Los Angeles.
BATON ROUGE, LA—Enhancing the top-tier socializing in ways that would have seemed impossible just moments previously, the phrase “It’s been real” pushed an already great hangout with a friend into heretofore unknown levels of bliss, sources confirmed Wednesday. “Holy shit, I didn’t think
BEVERLY HILLS, CA—Assuring viewers that all the characters on the Apple TV show still loved them very much, Ted Lasso producers released a statement Wednesday warning fans that the show was going “bye-bye” for a bit. “Just like all you busy boys and girls, sometimes Ted Lasso gets tired and
President Trump announced that he is sending $90 checks to senior citizens enrolled in Medicare to offset the cost of rising premiums, amounting to $2 billion in total as he attempts to shore up flagging support from the crucial voting block before the upcoming midterms. What do you think?
The post
WASHINGTON—As they emerged from their smoldering, star-spangled chronochamber and urged the public to heed a consequential message, time travelers from the year 2376 attempted to warn the nation Saturday of a future in which the United States was still perfect. “Americans, we come to you on you
Sports
New Orleans Saints defensive coordinator Brandon Staley took issue Thursday with comments made by ESPN analyst Troy Aikman during the Saints' 45-24 loss to the Atlanta Falcons.
Major League Baseball proposed shortening the regular season to 154 games from 162 starting in 2029 and expanding the division series to best-of-seven in bargaining with players.
After fumbling twice in the Bears first four games, running back D'Andre Swift said Thursday that his turnover problem is "over with now."
Caitlin Clark said she has talked with Kelsey Mitchell since her teammate spoke about online hate she has received and the difficulty of playing with the Fever.
Broncos coach Sean Payton said he is taking over the offensive playcalling beginning Sunday against the Chargers as the team looks to kick-start a sputtering offense.
Big Ten commissioner Tony Petitti said the conference has had "absolutely no discussions taking place around expansion, and there haven't been for quite some time."
Longtime Michigan State coach Tom Izzo knows that some think his roster-building strategy is outdated in today's college basketball, but he applies another term to the approach.
Las Vegas Aces center A'ja Wilson has won a record fifth WNBA Most Valuable Player award for the 2026 season, becoming the first player in league history to win three straight MVPs.
Every NBA team is missing something, even the leading title contenders.
As Wilson wins her fifth MVP, we compare where her dominance ranks among pro sports' all-time greats.
CFP leaders are deciding whether to give ESPN the new inventory created by an expanded playoff or take it to the open market and seek the highest bidder.
Although quarterback Dante Moore returned to practice, he remains in the concussion protocol, giving quarterback Dylan Raiola his first start for No. 13 Oregon against No. 21 UCLA.
Will Hill drops his best bet for EVERY NFL Week 5 game. Dive in.
FOX Sports' Eric Karros has the blueprint for how the Milwaukee Brewers can finally beat the Los Angeles Dodgers in the playoffs.
Could Jeremiah Smith become the first wide receiver drafted No. 1 overall since 1996? See the latest odds.
Broncos' coach Sean Payton told reporters that he will be calling the plays starting this Sunday against the Chargers
Here's who we're hearing could be moved ahead of the NFL's trade deadline.
Major League Baseball proposed to shorten the regular season to 154 games starting in 2029, and some major playoff changes.
Check out the odds for five sleeper games as Week 6 of the college football season kicks off.
Erling Haaland has called on everyone at Manchester City to “stick together" in his first public comments since the club was found guilty of large-scale financial rule-breaking.
Tech
Documents obtained by Democracy Forward show that ICE looked into feeding voter roll data into the ELITE tool, normally used to identify targets for deportation.
"With macro conditions worsening, the risk is that the outlook for the next few quarters gets worse before it gets better."
Amazon's latest and greatest tablet shares some key similarities to Apple's high-end iPads, but the devil is in the details.
The company is also tightening its election policy ahead of the midterms.
This week on “Uncanny Valley,” we discuss where Elon Musk’s PAC is spending millions, the latest ideology Trump claims is dangerous, and the backlash against the designer behind Muse’s logo.
After extensive testing, Common Sense Media found the chatbot failed in five key areas.
Paramount Pictures will develop the film and CD Projekt Red will produce.
The racing game's first expansion will also be available early next year.
Jessica Hische knew working for Meta might upset some people. But she didn’t anticipate just how angry they would get.
Access to the emergency feature for LTE-connected wearables will end by December.
“There has been no company in the United States, unfortunately, that has abused this system more than Microsoft,” Vice President JD Vance said on Thursday.
This updated version connects via HDMI and comes with 25 built-in games.
Seven companies have been accused of fraud regarding the H-1B worker visas.
Prime Day might be over, but the discounts are still going. We’ve tracked down the best last minute Prime Day deals on all the gear our team recommends.
The company also released the V4 Hyperspeed and a charging dock.
The three new aluminum Alexa Tablets now run Android with full access to the Google Play Store. There are versions for kids too.
Amazon is rumored to be making a smartphone, and the Alexa-powered experiences on its new tablets give us a taste of what might come if that happens.
WIRED has partnered with Neal Agarwal of Neal.fun to create a visualization of Elon Musk’s massive wealth. Here’s how it came together.
What’s it like to be the richest man in the world? Find out for yourself.
Henri Kagan and Kensō Soai designed chemical reactions producing only one of the two mirror-image forms of a molecule—an important finding for the synthesis of pharmaceuticals and other biological substances.
Entertainment
Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are facing one of their first big adversaries as a married couple ... their neighbors in Ohio, who are apparently pretty pissed about a fence they're building around their home ... TMZ has learned. The fence at their…
Matt Barnes has no doubt the Los Angeles Clippers are cursed ... and he thinks a rebrand would be a slam dunk for the NBA franchise. We got the former NBA baller at the 6th Annual Celebrity Softball Charity Game hosted by retired MLB player Brandon…
A man who tried to out the Cornell Jane Doe went nuclear on the Ithaca Common Council ... and his rant is on video. Michael Tracey -- who previously asked his X followers to identify the former Cornell student accusing 7 frat bros of drugging and…
The trans New York Times exec who authorities claim was murdered by his in-laws was once pregnant ... and blamed his miscarriage on his wife, Candice Jang. The California Post obtained a 2025 court filing where Jonathan McKinsey said ... "I was…
Pete Hegseth wants the public to be able to see the execution of Fort Hood shooter Nidal Hasan ... and a War Department official tells us it will be livestreamed. The Secretary of War went on Real America's Voice on Thursday to address President…
Before this stylish, cool kid was friends with famous faces like Hailey Bieber and Kendall and Kylie Jenner, the Hadid sisters, and more, he was just growing up in London and studying architecture. He's a socialite and model, and if you're still…
Selena Gomez's beauty routine is scary effective ... because not only does it help her look great, it also provides a new mask ... just in time for Halloween. The singer and actress was spotted out in Beverly Hills on Wednesday ... walking to her…
Jane Doe's memory wasn't super cloudy when it came to snorting ketamine off a Chi Phi fraternity brother's penis during the alleged sexual assault ... because two days later, she told him it was "one of the most insane/jaw dropping moments of the…
Hayden Panettiere's daughter appeared in court alongside her father, Wladimir Klitschko, and he was granted temporary guardianship over the late actress's estate. Kaya appeared remotely during a hearing Thursday about Hayden's estate. Klitschko was…
Mama June's daughter Lauryn "Pumpkin" Efird is engaged to Darrin Kitchens ... and he got on bended knee on a rooftop. Pumpkin shared a slideshow on TikTok, saying she's still "over the moon" after Darrin popped the question. She says her sister,…
Stocks
Weather
Location is determined by your browser