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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Montez Sweat's two-game NFL suspension for performance-enhancing drugs leaves the Chicago Bears' defensive line thin with Dayo Odeyingbo also hurt.
Billy Crystal says he no longer trusts God after losing his Pacific Palisades home in the wildfires and the death of close friend Rob Reiner.
‘Bonnie and Clyde’ illegal immigrant couple accused of brazen jewelry theft spree across four states
Homeland Security says the Romanian couple dubbed "Bonnie and Clyde" used hugs and fake directions to steal necklaces from elderly victims in four states.
Beyond the infield shift ban, MLB is now testing outfield positioning rules in the Arizona Fall League to combat plunging fly ball batting averages.
Eli Drinkwitz fired back at fan message boards over persistent Ahmad Hardy return questions, calling them a "cesspool" after Mizzou's 5-1 start.
Actress Judi Dench called trigger warnings in theater and movies "mollycoddling" in her upcoming memoir, arguing audiences should expect to be provoked.
Leigha Mumby's trial opened with prosecutors alleging she turned sharply into woods at nearly 100 mph after a fight over another girl's texts.
New York Democratic Gov. Kathy Hochul's press office appeared to mock Katie Zacharia's White House debut by posting Aaron Rodgers' Jets injury photo.
A newly unsealed Korn Ferry memo reveals harsh criticisms of Brian Flores that his lawyers say prove NFL retaliation over his discrimination lawsuit.
Eric Lewis was acquitted of murder in 2019 after what DA Larry Krasner says was police misconduct that deeply undermined the earlier homicide case.
Satire
HEAVEN — According to angelic sources, the Almighty God decided to move up the date of the apocalypse after seeing the trailer for the new Narnia movie directed by Greta Gerwig.
If you're considering becoming Christian, you've probably heard all of the big, flashy benefits, such as being cleansed of your sins and welcomed into the eternal, loving home of your Creator. Nice! But there's even more where that came from.
HARAN — Following a night of wine and music, Jacob reportedly began to assure his new bride Rachel that he hadn't gotten that drunk at the wedding last night, only to discover he had, in fact, gotten that drunk.
The post Will Trump Running For Midterm President Help Down-Ballot Republicans? appeared first on The Onion.
EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Fanning hype for its upcoming open-world sandbox game by teasing a copious collection of tracks from the legendary singer-songwriter and film composer, Rockstar Games announced in a press release Tuesday that the Grand Theft Auto VI soundtrack would contain 10,000 songs by Rand
CHARLESTON, SC — Local grandmother Peggy Hartfield apologetically put one scammer on hold this morning so she could answer a call from a different scammer.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following this week's DHS raid on Congresswoman Ilhan Omar's home, Democrats warned President Donald Trump that using law enforcement to target political opponents could set a dangerous precedent.
Interactions between the president and the free press have been central to the United States since the nation’s founding. The Onion takes a look back at key moments that have shaped the executive branch’s relationship with the Fourth Estate. 1803 Local busybody Arthur Swipple wanders into the Wh
The post Late Uncle Remembered As Man Who Had Can Crusher In Garage appeared first on The Onion.
ARLINGTON, VA—Saying it was disappointing to enter the smoothie shop and not be greeted by streamers or decorations, local man Ryan Hunter confirmed Tuesday that workers at Sweetgrass Juicery were not as excited for his birthday as the marketing email had suggested they were. “Yesterday I got th
COLLEGE STATION, TX — Off work for Columbus Day, local man Clay Taylor headed out to the golf course for a relaxing afternoon cursing himself and the day he was brought into this world.
Federal agents raided Congresswoman Ilhan Omar's home on Monday as part of an investigation into potential immigration fraud. According to highly placed government sources, what agents recovered at the scene will shock you to your very core.
AUSTIN, TX — Despite overwhelming evidence, a local fringe conspiracy theorist continued to insist that U.S. Senate hopeful James Talarico wasn't insane.
U.S. — Theologians from across the country signed onto a joint paper arguing that the existence of the Minas Tirith LEGO set proves beyond all doubt that God loves us and wants to give us good things.
NEW YORK, NY — The mayor's office announced on Monday that any ICE agents who cross the border into the city without permission would be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.
NEW YORK—Condemning the semiaquatic seabirds’ heretical acts as an affront to the principles the organization was founded to sustain, Audubon Society officials released a statement Monday formally excommunicating penguins. “These flightless beasts have committed acts of unforgivable schism aga
BISMARCK, ND—Admitting that it had let the other 49 states do “pretty much all of the heavy lifting,” North Dakota issued a formal apology Tuesday for contributing nothing to the nation’s greatness. “Look, we acknowledge that we don’t exactly bring much to the table besides being a cold
In the Russian city of Irkutsk, the death of a plague researcher from a mysterious illness has stoked fears of an outbreak. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the emerging situation. Q: What is the Irkutsk Anti-Plague Research Institute? A: An on-the-nose alibi. Q: Should I be worrie
The post Marathoner Already Pissing Self Half-Mile In appeared first on The Onion.
In what would be the nation’s first public execution in 90 years, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth announced the Pentagon would livestream Fort Hood shooter Nidal Hasan’s death by firing squad. What do you think?
The post Pentagon To Livestream Firing Squad Execution appeared first on The Onion.
Sports
The Rams are releasing kicker Harrison Mevis and signing Blake Grupe off the Jets' practice squad, sources told NFL Network's Ian Rapoport and Mike Garafolo on Tuesday.
The WNBA announced Tuesday that Games 3 and 4 of the Finals between the Golden State Valkyries and Atlanta Dream will be played at State Farm Arena in Atlanta.
Saints owner Gayle Benson called out several members of the organization amid the team's 1-4 start and said that fans are "right to expect more than we have delivered."
Celtics guard Payton Pritchard has agreed to a two-year, $44.2 million extension with a mutual option for the 2029-30 season.
Micah Parsons said on his podcast that Jayden Daniels' mistake at the end of overtime Sunday will probably end up getting Commanders coach Dan Quinn fired.
Eric Karabell lists who he thinks are the top available players worth adding for the week ahead.
Florida State CB Chuck Kennon, the Seminoles' top-rated recruit in this year's class, has been dismissed from the program after being arrested near Tampa.
The NFL is expected to suspend Rams left tackle Alaric Jackson for two games without pay, sources told ESPN's Adam Schefter.
The NFL has issued a two-game suspension to Bears defensive end Montez Sweat for violating the league's policy on performance-enhancing substances.
The Guardians kept on rolling Monday, winning the ALCS opener over Tampa Bay. Can they take a 2-0 lead Tuesday?
See the updated NBA title odds now that the regular season is set to begin.
FanDuel Predicts needs no promo code. Trade $1 a day for five days to get up to $100 in Predicts Bonuses, plus how the app works and where you can trade sports.
Los Angeles Rams left tackle Alaric Jackson is expected to be suspended two games for punching Buffalo Bills outside linebacker Bradley Chubb after Monday night’s game.
Julian Sayin and Josh Hoover took different paths to college football stardom. Now, they’ll face off in a showdown with major Big Ten and national title implications.
The NFL has reportedly suspended Chicago Bears defensive lineman Montez Sweat for two games.
There's a new favorite on the 2026 NFL Offensive Player of the Year oddsboard. Here's the latest.
Paris Saint-Germain coach Luis Enrique has come to Manchester City’s defense, saying he hopes the club won’t be stripped of titles after being found guilty of breaching Premier League financial rules.
The Rams' special teams woes were apparent on Monday, but there are more reasons than that for why Los Angeles has fallen short of "Super Team" billing.
Bob Chesney and his UCLA Bruins, Jeremiah Smith and Oregon head the list of AP Big Ten midseason awards after Week 6 of the football season.
Check out the latest odds for the 2026 NFL Defensive Player of the Year award and see how far Will Anderson sits ahead of the field.
Tech
Googlebooks represent a huge upgrade over Chromebooks, but the older devices still have their place.
The deeply uncomfortable film forces audiences to confront what types of stories we tell ourselves about who has economic and political power.
If you're not using some of these skills, you're missing out on a chance to streamline your days, keep up to date and more.
The company asked its AI models to figure out what the device was.
AI leaders joined whistleblowers and security leaders at a sweeping parliamentary session, while a few hundred meters away Britain’s spy chief warned AI could be used to create new bioweapons.
Barbarian, The Fly, and Altered States are among the films deserving of your eyeballs this month.
NVIDIA's upscaling software is truly powerful when used in the right situations.
Listening to Apple's new audio features with Siri as our binge-watching companion.
It stars two new FBI agents that aren't named Mulder and Scully.
Within reason, of course.
Going beyond the number of cameras and megapixels.
Normal-looking glasses with solid audio and way better battery life is a win for everyone.
That would be a much smaller port time than GTA 5.
The team behind director Takashi Yamazaki’s new film created their kaiju roars by setting up speakers on top of an outdoor dam. The people walking by weren’t prepared for what they heard.
With customizable “faces,” this 7-inch smart display is a unique hybrid between an iPhone and an Apple Watch.
I got an early glimpse of Apple’s biggest push into the smart home in years.
Score a great gift for everyone on your list without breaking the bank. Every one of these gifts comes WIRED-recommended.
Give the techie in your life access to the inner workings of the companies and characters shaping Big Tech.
In a world of AI Overviews, Wikipedia usage declines. But the real loss may be far more existential than website traffic.
Elon Musk’s father, Errol Musk, agreed to be interviewed immediately.
Entertainment
Dolly Parton's nephew is firing back at allegations that he threatened people connected to the country music legend's business empire ... insisting his explosive text messages were taken out of context. According to new court docs, obtained by TMZ,…
Influencer Landon Romano not only came after L.A. men while hosting TMZ After Dark, but he also partied the night away ... and it's all on video!!! With a bus full of his fans, Landon and DJ Coach West took our lucky passengers on the bar crawl of…
Kelly Clarkson's bruised ego sparked her legions of fans to threaten staff at the Brooklyn toy shop that she says refused to sell her a mechanical bird ... and one of the shop's owners says she's just mad they didn't put her on a pedestal. We got…
The trees and leaves aren't the only things changing this fall ... Francesca Farago traded her comfy clothes for one of her very own bikinis and hit the hot tub for some serenity and steamy snaps! Sporting a teeny black bikini, the hot mama…
The Solvang cottage that once belonged to Dolly Parton is officially off the market, TMZ has learned. The late legend's former retreat sold this month for $1,945,150 ... weeks after the singer's late August death. Dolly owned the precious pad in…
Jools Lebron is showing off her brand-new set of chompers ... and there's no shame in her game after her attempt to crowdfund the procedure didn't go as planned. The influencer has been flaunting her pearly whites on social media, even vlogging the…
"Days of Our Lives" star Robert Kelker-Kelly turned down a trip to the hospital despite experiencing alarming chest pains ... choosing to go home and lie down instead ... before suffering a fatal cardiac arrest. According to a police report…
The biological parents of the baby boy McKenna West delivered are asking a judge to put an end to their legal battle with their surrogate once and for all ... and they're blasting her for allegedly trying to profit off all the media attention.…
The man who was flung from a roller coaster at Six Flags Over Georgia on Monday had experienced a difficult few weeks ... including a previous incident that nearly claimed his life. A family friend of the late Hassan Jihad Ibn Kariem spoke to the…
RJ Mitte's big break on "Breaking Bad" did not make him a millionaire ... in fact, he said he didn't see a lot of the money he made ... and he chalked it up to a bad hire. The late actor went on "The Iced Coffee Hour" last year, and he told the…
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