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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Tom Arnold reveals he hasn't dated in nearly ten years but says his "My Crazy X-Wife" comedy tour changed his outlook on finding love.
Jeremiah Smith broke the Big Ten all-time receiving yards record in just three college seasons at Ohio State, surpassing Purdue's John Standeford.
Arkansas Gov. Sarah Huckabee Sanders pushed back after Bill Maher asked why free school breakfasts count as socialism only when Democrats offer them.
Officials say roughly 100 people were pulled from the Mississippi River after the Atlantic Asphalt tanker struck the docked American Heritage cruise ship in New Orleans on Friday.
Pat McAfee and Kirk Herbstreit posted a humbling apology video after picking the SMU Mustangs, who found themselves trailing Wake Forrest 42-0 at halftime.
From Mission BBQ to Dinosaur Bar-B-Que, these top barbecue chains serve up tender, slow-smoked beef brisket worth traveling for across America. Check out the list of winners.
Patrick Duffy described how his father took a step toward the returning gunmen before they opened fire, killing both parents in their Montana bar.
Brock Faber is set for his season debut with the Minnesota Wild just seven weeks after undergoing surgery for a skull fracture in the preseason.
Proposition 318 and similar transgender school sports bans passed in four states, but Democratic leaders in Washington and Colorado push back.
Bruce Buffer recalls the Khabib Nurmagomedov and Conor McGregor cage brawl and shares his take on the Merab Dvalishvili hotel ambush in Abu Dhabi.
Satire
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Secretary of Transportation Sean Duffy revealed today that the FAA system crashed Friday because the agency's AOL CD had finally run out of hours.
DALLAS—Trembling with horror as an uncontrollable desire to amuse strangers seized control of his body, Wake Forest University sophomore Bennett Walker reportedly realized Saturday that the Demon Deacon mascot costume he was wearing had begun taking over. “Oh, God, no…please, no, not again! I
U.S. — All of the technology in the entire United States has failed within 48 hours of firing just one Asian guy.
VILLA RICA, GA — Local father Cade Pennington sat down with each of his kids this week to explain that a man named Jensen Huang did some bad things and, well, Santa won't be able to make it this Christmas.
BOSTON, MA — Local two-year-old Braxton Pratt has come under fire after video surfaced of him repeatedly showing his mommy what sound the monkey makes.
Throughout American history, nations of the world have engaged in espionage in an attempt to gain strategic leverage over the United States. The Onion takes a look back at key instances of foreign spies operating within U.S. borders. 1775 British guy hides in a tree. 1812 The cover of 40 redcoat spi
In a development that has plunged the linchpin of the AI economy into turmoil, Nvidia co-founder and CEO Jensen Huang resigned following affairs with both a suspected Chinese spy and a subordinate executive who reported to him. What do you think?
The post Nvidia CEO Resigns After Affair With Suspect
U.S. — The Folgers Coffee Company was honored on Friday after being chosen by consumers as the best coffee to dump out and then use the container to store random screws.
You might think we're biased toward Christianity here at The Babylon Bee, but that's not true! We've consulted with the brightest minds and climbed the highest mountains to consult with wise sages about the true meaning of the universe to learn why Christianity is better than every other religion.
U.S. — A desperate and weary nation offered to give Microsoft $100 billion in cash to stop anyone from trying to fix Outlook.
GALILEE — A man stricken with a severe infirmity reportedly approached Jesus of Nazareth for healing, but first wished to clarify if the Son of God was in his HMO network.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — After a "blue wave" midterm election ushered in a 55-seat Democratic majority in the Senate, Satan once again emerged as the clear favorite to become the Senate Majority Leader.
U.S. — Local Amazon driver Marcus Brooks reportedly called in a wellness check on your wife on Friday afternoon after not delivering any packages addressed to her for a full 24 hours.
WASHINGTON—Claiming that concerns over pollution levels were vastly overblown, the Environmental Protection Agency issued a statement Tuesday assuring the public that the air was still safe for non-breathing applications. “The air quality is perfectly safe, provided it’s not being used for an
FORT LAUDERDALE, FL—As he noted how coddled kids were nowadays compared with older generations, area grandfather Hank Hayes recalled Friday that when he was young, he had to evolve legs to get to school. “Back in my day, if you wanted an education, you had to crawl out of the ocean on your fins
NEW YORK—Touched by his dedication and realizing his time was running tragically short, Rockstar Games allowed a dying fan to visit its office Wednesday and play Grand Theft Auto III from the comfort of a hospital bed. “When we heard about this poor kid and how urgent his situation was, we flew
SEOUL—Shocking fans with a move few saw coming, K-pop star Jung Kook confirmed in an interview Friday that he was leaving BTS for Blue Man Group. “BTS has been one heck of a ride, but it’s time for me to begin my next chapter,” said the 28-year-old singer, songwriter, and dancer, who added t
California voters rejected a ballot measure to impose a one-time, 5% tax on the net worth of billionaires in the state, defeating what would have been the nation’s first wealth tax. What do you think?
The post California Voters Reject Billionaire Tax appeared first on The Onion.
WASHINGTON—Declaring that the time had come for the nation’s mightiest warriors to at last achieve a decisive victory in the Persian Gulf, President Donald Trump called upon the American Gladiators on Thursday to finish the Iran War. “I am hereby requesting that our most muscular fighting men
Sports
The Washington Spirit have been comeback queens all season, and they were again on Saturday, beating Utah 2-1 to reach the NWSL Championship.
The Mauricio Pochettino farewell tour is underway as the Man United-bound boss leads the USMNT against Haiti. Follow all the action with ESPN.
The Division II school offered Ole Miss fans attending its Oklahoma matchup free admission due to the kickoff date change.
Travel plans for teams in multiple sports were disrupted by the FAA's nationwide ground stop of all flights because of communications problems.
New England Patriots place former second-round draft pick on injured reserve.
Former college players, content creators and even some Sixers fans chased the same opportunity to get noticed by the Delaware Blue Coats.
The Patriots placed RB TreVeyon Henderson on injured reserve while he deals with an unexplained neurological issue.
Hannah Hidalgo became the first Division I player since steals were an official stat in 1987 with 2,000 career points and 500 career steals.
Clemson quarterback Tait Reynolds was knocked out of the Tigers' game against Georgia Tech on Saturday after injuring his knee on a run play.
The Washington Spirit will play in the NWSL Championship for a third straight season next week -- this time on home soil.
The NFL, trying to avoid further travel issues from Friday's FAA ground stop, has reassigned officials to Week 10 games within driving distance of their homes.
Is it common for a manager to be technically in charge of two teams at once?
Another game, another record. Ohio State wide receiver Jeremiah Smith became the Big Ten leader in receiving yards on Saturday, adding to his record-setting career.
What to know about Wisconsin head coach Luke Fickell's contract in 2026.
What are Dabo Swinney's contract details in 2026? Here's everything you need to know about the Clemson head coach's buyout, contract.
Tom Brady and Michigan. It's a little bit complicated.
The U.S. men’s national team might soon be looking for a new coach, and U.S. Soccer is rumored to aim high.
Erling Haaland has ended his two-game run without scoring for Norway with the third goal in a 3-1 victory over Wales in the Nations League in Oslo
The United States Soccer Federation is going all-in on Pep Guardiola.
Claim a $55 Bonus on Kalshi When You Trade on Georgia vs. Missouri, Indiana vs. USC and More.
Tech
Modern iGPUs are surprisingly capable, but they aren't without limitations.
Audio delays are really irritating, especially when watching sports and live events. We've got several possible causes and what you can do about them.
Not every USB port color means what you think. Learn why yellow ports are so uncommon and what to check before you plug in anything important.
Your TV's cache is a collection of temporary files, some of which you don't need anymore. Here's why you might want to clear those out – and how.
While the company has pulled off this trick a few times with Super Heavy boosters, it was a first for the Ship.
Clearing the cache on your Xbox Series X can help it retain its snappiness while avoiding glitches, or you can perform a console reset if all else fails.
Modern cars are great for farming user data, and big tech companies know it. It's important to know how this information is collected and how to opt out.
If your laptop doesn't seem to hold a charge as well as it used to, start by checking the diagnostics this tool can report. We'll show you how to use it.
The Fitbit Edge not only looks good, but packs plenty of features while remaining minimal. To get the most out of it, you only need to tweak a few settings.
A lot of things have gotten more expensive since the turn of the millennium. Has home internet suffered the same fate? Let's take a trip down memory lane.
Fully automated ransomware hasn’t arrived—yet. But seemingly unsophisticated attackers are using AI tools to wreak havoc.
These nifty tools combine the ease of jotting notes by hand with the power of saving them digitally.
A free app lets you boot SteamOS in a virtual machine on your Apple Silicon Mac, unlocking PC and legacy games that otherwise won’t run.
Get up to 50 percent off some of my favorite headphones and earbuds from Apple, Sony, Nothing, and more.
Those old links you shared with friends ages ago are still live, and they might be attracting unwelcome visitors.
Stock up on outdoor gear and gifts for friends at REI's annual holiday sale.
Normally, aviation is slow to embrace new technology—but AI has come for the skies.
Paddles are getting more sophisticated and expensive. We’ve tested 100+ over the years to find our favorites.
As Israeli restrictions limit repairs in Gaza, fuel is being diverted from wells to drainage pumps.
The signature moto jacket has officially worn out its welcome. Here’s how fashion’s pros would rebrand him.
Entertainment
One drag queen is on a journey of heel-ing ... by backpacking and hiking from San Francisco to L.A. to raise $5 million for 19 different climate and social justice non-profits. Wyn Wiley known professionally as drag performer Pattie Gonia started…
Olivia Wilde has revealed that she and ex Jason Sudeikis have nailed co-parenting ... even though it has been a hard road to get where they are now. In lengthy interview with the New York Times ... Olivia said she really takes pride in "how good we…
Nikita Tyukalo allegedly lured young women into his camgirl empire with promises of fame and fortune ... only to take control of their accounts and leave them with little to none of the cash they were bringing in. Our new documentary, "TMZ Studios…
Travis Scott and model Haylee Mack were spotted out and about at two different L.A. hotspots in one night. In the photos taken around 1 AM Friday morning ... Travis and Haylee left the iconic Chateau Marmont to get some sushi over at the historic…
Joe Jonas and girlfriend Tatiana Gabriela are apparently dunzo ... ending a year-long relationship ... TMZ has learned. A source with knowledge confirmed to TMZ that they had split. Us Weekly was first to report. An insider told the publication…
Brandi Glanville said she is still left with questions after a black mass was removed from her face during a recent surgery ... and says that there's even more buried under the surface. On yesterday's episode of "Brandi Glanville Unfiltered" ...…
A whopping 720,796 BMWs have been recalled over the risk of a fire ... as officials urge owners to turn their cars off and leave them parked. Apparently, the issue lies with an improperly sealed electrical connector located on the water pump ...…
Things got a little awkward during a press conference about the nationwide ground stop when DHS Secretary Markwayne Mullin inadvertently laid blame on Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy ... before the FAA revealed they lost 12,000 flights. It all…
The owner of the Brooklyn apartment building that collapsed, leaving 8 dead, has apparently been name-dropped on NYC's worst landlord list more than once. Olufemi Falade -- who owns the Flatbush building -- has been featured on the infamous annual…
Russell Brand once awkwardly joked about how lonely jail is in front of Lindsay Lohan ... in a resurfaced clip making the rounds from 12 years ago. In the clip from his and LiLo's appearance on "The Jonathan Ross Show" in 2014 ... Brand seemed to…
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