US News
• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow • Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson • Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
The NFL star's residence was burglarized last December when he was in Arlington, Texas, for a game against the Cowboys, investigators confirmed.
"Hitch" director Andy Tennant said this week working with Will Smith on the 2005 romantic comedy was a "battle," but their disagreements made the movie better.
Podcaster Joe Rogan joked that government bureaucrats are in for the fight of their lives as Tesla-founder Elon Musk and DOGE review how they spend taxpayer money.
An illegal immigrant from Guatemala was apprehended by U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) earlier this month, who is facing multiple child rape charges.
Hollywood actor Seth Rogen admitted that he understands why people elected President Trump, stating at a certain point people want the mess cleaned up.
A plane crashed in a small wooded area in New Hampshire Tuesday morning. It was caught on camera, showing the plane getting dangerously close to houses.
A Utah Transit Authority train crashed into an SUV on Feb. 4, 2025, causing the vehicle to spin into a pole and completely destroy the front end.
Lainey Wilson is officially off the market. The country music star announced her engagement to Devlin "Duck" Hodges in an Instagram post Feb. 12.
A man wanted for touching a 7-year-old girl in Texas was previously investigated for several sexual assaults of young girls, police said.
Women and parents in California are celebrating the DOE's intention to investigate the state for refusing to comply with Trump's executive order on transgender athletes.

Satire
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Panic quickly ensued for federal government employee Jared Walker after Elon Musk's son Lil X came up and asked what, exactly, he does around here.
NEW YORK, NY — The global religious sphere experienced a sudden shift this week, as millions of Christians renounced their faith after an irrefutable social media post from Neil deGrasse Tyson.
The U.S. Food and Drug Administration recalled about 2 million baked goods sold nationwide, including some doughnuts and coffee rolls purchased at Dunkin’, due to concerns the products might be contaminated with listeria. What do you think? The post Dunkin’ Pastries Included In Massive Recall ap
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrats have unleashed furious attacks on Republicans for using winning the election as an excuse to try to take control of the government.
WASHINGTON—Stressing that he was open to going far higher to close the deal, Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced Wednesday that he had made an unsolicited $97.4 billion offer to acquire respect. “This is a very important opportunity for me, and as such I’m willing to put forward considerable capital
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senator Mitch McConnell voted "No" for the confirmation of Tulsi Gabbard, followed by a "Yes" vote for the sweet release of death.
President Donald Trump directed the Treasury Department to stop minting new pennies, citing the rising cost of producing the one-cent coin. What do you think? The post Trump Orders Treasury To Stop Minting Pennies appeared first on The Onion.
BOYERS, PA — The Iron Mountain Federal Records Center has reportedly lost access to all federal retirement files after miners dug too deep and awakened an ancient Balrog.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Lost amid the media scrutiny of Elon Musk's appearance with President Donald Trump at the White House yesterday to take questions regarding the Department of Government Efficiency was Musk warning his son, Lil X, not to touch that bag of white powder he found under the Oval Offi
HARTFORD, CT—Telling his skeptical friends that he was in no way being hyperbolic as he described his ravenous state, local man Will Childress reportedly swore Wednesday that he was so hungry he could eat an orange. “Man, my stomach has been growling for so long that I seriously think I could cr
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a touching display of old-fashioned romance, Representative Maxine Dexter of Oregon used a speech to publicly ask President Trump to be her Valentine.
LOS ANGELES—Boasting that he had made the most dramatic change to his appearance yet, anti-aging millionaire Bryan Johnson revealed Wednesday that he had put in purple contact lenses. “Today, I stand before you a new, younger man who also has violet eyes,” said the 47-year-old business magnate
ARLINGTON, TX—In a milestone deal in which the Dallas Cowboys owner renewed his commitment to this mortal coil for the foreseeable future, Jerry Jones announced Wednesday that he had signed a 15-year, $500 million life extension. “I’m over the moon to have reached a compromise that will let me
MURFREESBORO, TN — According to sources, local husband Scott Limber rescued his wife from depression by helpfully explaining why she should be in a good mood.
Over the last two weeks, everyone has heard all about how much USAID has done for people around the world, but the ones hurt most by Trump's funding cuts are the children living in poverty-stricken countries.
The post GigSlave Goes Public With $84 Billion Valuation appeared first on The Onion.
CHICAGO—As he drifted in and out of consciousness and glimpsed memories of your eyes widening in horror, sources confirmed Tuesday that honestly, the man you recently saw get hit by a bus can’t stop thinking about you either. According to witnesses, it might surprise you, but the severely injure
WASHINGTON—In a major survey of public attitudes toward alternative energy as the climate crisis continues, a poll published Tuesday found that an overwhelming majority of U.S. residents would support wind turbines if they sliced deli meat as well. “Everyday Americans want to know how exactly wi
The post Long Time No Semen appeared first on The Onion.

Sports
Free agent Alex Bregman has a new home, agreeing to a three-year, $120 million deal with the Boston Red Sox on Wednesday night, sources told ESPN's Jesse Rogers.
MLB free agency is here! Here are the latest notable signings, trades and the top remaining free agents across the league.
Wrexham top scorer Elliot Lee was involved in a road traffic incident after the Vertu Trophy victory over Bolton Wanderers on Tuesday, the club has confirmed.
Spain women's coach Montse Tomé has cited "sporting reasons" for again leaving 2023 World Cup winner Jenni Hermoso out of her latest squad.
New Inter Miami CF signings Tadeo Allende, Gonzalo Luján and Telasco Segovia have said that the chance to play on the same team with Lionel Messi was an integral part of their decision to join the Major League Soccer team this offseason.
John Mobley made a 3-point basket that extended the Ohio State Buckeye's lead against the Washington Huskies.
Two teams — Michael Jordan's 23XI Racing and Front Row Motorsports — are suing NASCAR alleging a violation of antitrust laws. Here is the latest news and everything to know about the saga.
Tyler Perkins hit a go-ahead 3-pointer with 8 seconds remaining and Villanova defeated No. 9 St. John’s 73-71, ending the Red Storm’s 10-game winning streak
Dave Helman sits down with Ben Arthur to talk about their Way-too-early predictions for the 2025 NFL season! Within the segment, the duo break down why the Lamar Jackson and the Baltimore Ravens can make the Super Bowl!
After what had been a quiet offseason, the Padres filled a clear need in their starting rotation Wednesday, agreeing to terms on a four-year, $55 million contract with veteran right-hander Nick Pivetta, sources told ESPN's Jeff Passan.
UNLV senior offensive lineman Ben Christman, who transferred from Kentucky after last season, was found dead in an off-campus apartment. He was 21.
Curtis Jones, Abdoulaye Doucouré, Arne Slot and Sipke Hulshoff were all sent off after the full-time whistle of Everton's dramatic 2-2 draw with Liverpool.
A 15-year-old soccer player and 14-year-old tennis player who are challenging New Hampshire's ban on transgender athletes on girls' sports teams will now fight President Trump's executive order "Keeping Men Out of Women's Sports."
Veteran NFL coach Matt Patricia is set to become Ohio State's new defensive coordinator, sources told ESPN's Pete Thamel.
Check out the greatest moments and plays in this matchup between the No. 9 St. John's Red Storm and the Villanova Wildcats.
Take a look at the next face of INDYCAR, Pato O'Ward | INDYCAR on FOX
"Slick Rick," a die-hard Buffalo fan and Bills mailroom employee, had an emotional reaction when Josh Allen mentioned his name during the quarterback's NFL MVP speech.
Tyler Perkins hit a game-winning 3-pointer as the Villanova Wildcats take down No. 9 St. John's Red Storm.
The first half of the new Champions League knockout stage playoffs is in the books. These are the main takeaways from Wednesday's matches.

Tech
At least dozens of workers at the Technology Transformation Service were fired on Wednesday, a day after similar sudden cuts at the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.
X has reached a settlement with President Donald Trump in a lawsuit over the president’s 2021 suspension from Twitter. The Wall Street Journal reports that the Elon Musk-owned company has agreed to pay “about $10 million” to settle the long-running case. Trump sued Twitter, along with Meta and
Other than a Days Gone remaster, Sony's first State of Play stream of the year was fairly light on first-party games. At least that was the case until the very end of the showcase. The company announced the long-awaited next game from Returnal developer Housemarque. The third-person action title is
Borderlands 4 is coming this fall. Developer Gearbox revealed that the latest entry in the Borderlands series is launching on September 23, 2025 at Sony's latest State of Play event, and the game will receive a standalone State of Play this spring where you can get an in-depth look at it in action.
As the world turns, so do the console generations. The Nintendo Switch is over seven years old, so it’s due for a refresh. Nintendo Switch 2 rumors have been swirling for years, but now we have some signs of life. The company officially revealed the sequel to its most successful home console ever
Blizzard is making some major changes to Overwatch 2 for its Season 15 update, including adding all new gameplay in the form of a perks system and the return of loot box rewards, on top of the new heroes and skins. Overwatch 2 has been through several changes since it left early access in 2023, man
OpenAI's upcoming GPT-5 release will integrate its o3 reasoning model and be available to free users, CEO Sam Altman revealed in a roadmap he shared on X. He said the company is also working to simplify how users interact with ChatGPT.  "We want AI to 'just work' for you; we realize how complicated
After years of GOP attacks on US health agencies, Trump appointees are poised to bring Covid-19 conspiracies to their leadership of US agencies. Federal workers are scared of what comes next.
The General Services Administration, staffed at its upper levels by Elon Musk associates, plans to sell 500-plus buildings—some of which house government agencies and the offices of US senators.
Google will start testing a feature this year that uses machine learning to weed out children trying to access adult content on YouTube. The “machine learning-based age estimation model” will try to predict whether a user is under 18 and, if so, apply appropriate age filter settings to their acc
After years of waiting, the Apple TV app is finally available natively on Android devices. This version was “built from the ground up” to take advantage of the Android operating system and is currently ready for download from the Google Play Store. It was designed for smartphones, tablets and fo
Iconic game designer Jeff Minter is back with another modern take on a long-forgotten Atari title. Minter has turned his psychedelic eye toward the 1984 arcade cabinet I, Robot. His version ups the visuals and takes serious liberties with the original design, adopting techno music and some new game
MyFitnessPal, a popular, free food logging app, is getting into AI, specifically letting AI plan your meals for you. Following an acquisition of a startup called Intent, MyFitnessPal is adding an AI-generated meal planning feature for subscribers. The meal plans the updated MyFitnessPal app will be
Torrential rain is expected this week in Los Angeles, which risks producing flash flooding and landslides in areas stripped of vegetation by the recent wildfires.
We tried dozens of house shoes to find the best pairs for working from home, running errands, and avoiding cold floors. Here are the ones worth your feet.
A team Microsoft calls BadPilot is acting as Sandworm's “initial access operation,” the company says. And over the last year it's trained its sights on the US, the UK, Canada, and Australia.
These bird feeders come with cameras and connected apps to let you see and learn about the birds in your neighborhood.
When going abroad, the right plugs are essential to keeping your gadgets charged. These are our favorites.
We clocked thousands of test miles to bring you the best running shoes for every pace, ability, and running goal.
The chief information officers of at least three major government agencies have been replaced by Silicon Valley executives, including from Palantir and Elon Musk’s SpaceX.

Entertainment
A security guard at a Taco Bell slapped a woman clean across the face as she tried to place an order ... and it's all on video. Footage from inside the Taco Bell Cantina location in downtown Los Angeles shows the restaurant's security guard…
Justin Bieber is keeping things super casual ... and really leaning into his spa day. The pop star was spotted visiting The Spa in West Hollywood on Tuesday and he walked out looking super relaxed ... and it shows in his choice of clothing. Check…
New York Fashion week took The Big Apple by storm this week ... and we are shining a spotlight on these wacky-cool looks that hit the catwalk for style's biggest stage! American fashion designer Thom Browne shook up the runway during his Ready to…
It's a big day for Cash Warren -- who apparently got the memo from Sam Asghari -- as he's moving into the same luxury L.A. condo building for famous suddenly single guys! Yup, Cash is officially out of the home he shared with Jessica Alba, and is…
Just hours after TMZ's documentary on Wendy Williams dropped on Tubi, the wheels started turning to end her guardianship. Sources with direct knowledge tell TMZ ... Wendy signed an affidavit Wednesday afternoon asking the judge to set her free.…
Bravo to Andy Cohen for making the ultimate real estate reality check -- after his NYC condo sat on the market, he's slashing the price by a whopping $2 million! Andy's 3,500-square-foot, 2-story West Village palace hit the market in September with…
Jeffrey Toobin says Joe Biden tarnished his legacy by pardoning his son, and Donald Trump cemented one of the knocks against him with his own slew of presidential pardons. The lawyer, author and legal analyst joined us on "TMZ Live" Wednesday and…
Tragic news in the college football world ... UNLV offensive lineman Ben Christman was found dead in his off-campus apartment on Tuesday. He was only 21 years old. The UNLV football team confirmed Ben's passing on Wednesday, releasing a statement…
President Trump is sending a strong message to the media ... kiss my executive orders, or pay the price -- and his press secretary is laying down the law in no uncertain terms. Sounding very much like the new sheriff in town, Karoline Leavitt…
Vince Neil's birthday party in Florida may have been a lifesaver ... because it's the reason the Mötley Crüe frontman wasn't onboard a doomed private jet flight that killed his longtime pilot. Vince's close friend, Lance Graves, tells TMZ ……

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