US News
• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow • Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson • Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Team USA hero and New Jersey Devils star Jack Hughes received a standing ovation from the Pittsburgh Penguins fans for scoring the golden goal in the Olympics.
War Secretary Pete Hegseth announced that Scouting America has agreed to reforms, and that the department will consider the group's progress in six months.
A man was detained near the Tucson home where Nancy Guthrie was allegedly abducted. Video shows a field sobriety test as the search continues for missing 84-year-old.
Breanna Stewart is uncertain if a new CBA will get done by the WNBA's proposed deadline, as both sides still clash over key piece of negotiations.
Former LSU football player Devonta Lee, member of the 2019 national championship team, has died at 26 after battling bone cancer in recent years.
The FBI has arrested more individuals under the FACE Act following the viral January 18 storming of Cities Church in Minnesota by anti-ICE agitators.
“Jesse Watters Primetime" tracks down Democrats who refused to stand during Trump’s State of the Union challenge on prioritizing Americans over illegal immigrants.
President Donald Trump told reporters on Friday that he is "not happy" with the way Iran is negotiating."I'm not happy with the fact that they're not willing to give us what we have to have. So I'm not thrilled with that. We'll see what happens, we're talking later. We'll have some additional talks
New Jersey Democrats draft controversial "F---ICE Act" allowing civil action against immigration agents, prompting DHS pushback over safety concerns.
Massachusetts basketball coach Scott Marino allegedly raped his foster teen after giving her alcohol. The 54-year-old Malden High coach faces multiple charges.

Satire
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former president and axophone player Bill Clinton testified to members of Congress today that his answer to their questions depended on what the definition of "child trafficking" is.
U.S. — Tesla announced on Friday that it had entered an agreement to create a joint venture with Little Tikes to bring Full Self-Driving to the Cozy Coupe.
WASHINGTON—Amid shocking materials that include a photo in which the word ‘HELP’ has been spelled out with rocks, seaweed, and several stuffed animals, a newly released tranche of Epstein files revealed Friday that Deepak Chopra was still lost on the private island of Little St. James. “Fr
COLUMBUS, OH—Speaking with an unflagging sense of hope despite the long, challenging road ahead of him, prosthetic hand recipient James Bratton told reporters Friday he was slowly learning to lick barbecue sauce off his fingers again. “I’m still getting the hang of moving my sauce-covered hand
Jelly Roll, the artist behind songs “Son Of A Sinner” and “Save Me,” has announced a 2026 tour. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the singer. Birthplace: Walmart bathroom Legal Name: Davidson County Inmate No. 248323 Genre: Country for people who don’t like music Easily Id
NEW YORK—Doing everything within her power to ensure the big day would be absolutely perfect, pop superstar Taylor Swift paid off a bride who had booked the maid of honor she wanted, sources confirmed Friday. “I just really had my heart set on Lindsey,” said the multiplatinum recording artist
The post No One At Combine Sure Who Told Prospects To Walk With Water Balloon Between Knees appeared first on The Onion.
ST. GEORGE, UT — Local dad Sam Weaver struck a fatal blow against his teenage daughter's obsession with TikTok on Thursday by joining it himself, therefore rendering it uncool.
The post DOJ Fails To Redact Thousands Of Secret Epstein Family Recipes | Onion News Network appeared first on The Onion.
A mother in North Carolina who went missing while Christmas shopping 24 years ago was found “alive and well,” though she claimed she did not want to be contacted by her family. What do you think? The post Mother Who Went Missing In 2001 Found Alive appeared first on The Onion.
TOKYO—In a bathroom stall outfitted with a glowing panel of cartoon icons and a series of tubular suction gears that pulsed in choreographed sequence to a cheery welcome jingle, American tourist Trevor Willis acknowledged he was totally overwhelmed Thursday by a confusing Japanese glory hole with
SHOREVIEW, MN — In the latest in a long line of cruel, heartless atrocities it has committed, the Trump administration has just stripped federal funding from a gas station daycare center with 20,000 students.
WASHINGTON—As shocking footage surfaced of his participation in the rowdy celebration, FBI director Kash Patel faced backlash Thursday after he was seen partying with the captors of Nancy Guthrie. “I was honored to have been invited to the isolated cabin where Savannah Guthrie’s mother has be
GENEVA — Amid ongoing negotiations over Tehran's nuclear program, Iran's Supreme Leader unequivocally informed the United States that they would rain death and destruction down upon them if they were bombed two more times. Maybe three.
U.S. — Shockwaves were felt among the conservative influencer sphere this week, as one bold, right-wing truth-teller very carefully chose his words so as not to speak truths that could potentially anger his own audience.
Catholics (and, to a lesser extent, Orthodox) like to sneer at Protestants, but being a Protestant comes with some amazing perks. For example, did you know you're basically your own pope? You can issue papal bulls about what to watch on TV or where to order food. It's great.
CHAPPAQUA, NY — A lifelong politician whose name appeared on the Epstein list was questioned today by other politicians whose names were on the Epstein list, sources confirmed.
The British royal family is under pressure to remove Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor from its line of succession. The Onion sat down with the former prince to discuss his arrest and connection to Jeffrey Epstein. The Onion : Any reaction to the accusations against you? Mountbatten-Windsor: On advice of

Sports
Sammy P is back with his best bets for this weekend's thrilling slate of men's college hoops. Find out how he's wagering on the action.
Meeting with the media at the combine, Fernando Mendoza articulated his underdog story, from "raw prospect" to certain No. 1 pick.
Which coach would you most want to play for? We asked 42 prospects in the 2026 NFL Draft that question.
Who is the best player outside of Fernando Mendoza in the 2026 NFL Draft? We asked 42 prospects that question.
When your team is trailing in the final minute and needs a touchdown, which quarterback are you turning to? Here's what 42 draft prospects said.
The Big East title race, a potential No. 1 draft pick and UCLA going for perfection. Here are this week's top college basketball games.
The top four teams in men's and women's lacrosse square off for the Sixes crown.
The intimidation, the electric blocks -- and the suspensions -- are all part of the Isaiah Stewart package.
Tim Bontemps and Brian Windhorst survey the league to see who has the edge in the wide-open Eastern Conference.
Quarterback Fernando Mendoza, the presumptive top pick in April's NFL draft, met with the Raiders at the combine Friday and loves the idea of having seven-time Super Bowl champion Tom Brady as a potential mentor.
Conference commissioners are expected to join sports celebrities and dignitaries on March 6 in a roundtable discussion with President Donald Trump about the future of college athletics, sources said.
The Cowboys did what they were expected to do on Friday, placing the franchise tag on receiver George Pickens to secure his rights at least through 2026, the team announced.
Former Alabama quarterback Ty Simpson said Friday at the NFL's scouting combine that he's prepared to show NFL talent evaluators that he is a "franchise quarterback.''
Mets manager Carlos Mendoza says the team is planning to start newly acquired Freddy Peralta on the mound for New York's March 26 season opener against the the Pittsburgh Pirates.
Tarleton State is expected to formally announce Friday morning that men's basketball coach Billy Gillispie will not return next year.
Lionel Messi was knocked to the ground by a fan and a security guard at the end of Inter Miami's friendly match in Puerto Rico on Thursday.
Vanderbilt and Mikayla Blakes both post major firsts, Michigan State holds off Purdue, UConn inches closer to glory, a historic 47-point game and more from Thursday's college basketball action.
Will quarterback-needy teams take a back seat on the QB carousel this offseason? Who is the frontrunner to be the No. 1 QB in 2027? Here's what we're hearing.
Purdue Boilermakers head coach Matt Painter gushed over Braden Smith after the senior guard reached 1,000 career assists.

Tech
Prediction markets like Polymarket and Kalshi are big business, and some Big Tech employees are testing boundaries by making trades based on insider knowledge.
Paramount Skydance’s sprawling media empire will get a major boost if the deal gets approved.
With the likes of The Last of Us and Fallout out of the way for a bit, Amazon has seized its opportunity to put the spotlight on the next big video game adaptation, its currently-in-production God of War show. Today we got our first look at Ryan Hurst and Callum Vinson as Kratos and Atreus. The im
OpenAI just announced a massive funding round of $110 billion, which is one of the biggest investment rounds in Silicon Valley history. The investors feature many of the usual suspects, including Amazon with $50 billion, NVIDIA with $30 billion and SoftBank with $30 billion. This investment brings O
NASA is making major changes to its Artemis Moon program. On Friday, Administrator Jared Isaacman announced the space agency would carry out an additional flight in 2027 to test commercial lunar landers from SpaceX and/or Blue Origin. The new mission will take the place of Artemis 3, which previousl
A “thought experiment” about the impacts of AI sent stocks tumbling earlier this week. It’s probably going to keep happening.
Pokémon celebrates its 30th anniversary today, and as you’d expect, Nintendo and The Pokémon Company are cranking up the nostalgia in every possible way. In addition to re-releasing the Game Boy Advance remakes of Pokémon Red and Blue on Nintendo Switch Online, they’re also selling us a Game
The Pokémon leakers were right: the Gen 10 games are called Pokémon Wind and Pokémon Waves. The Pokémon Company confirmed the titles during a 30th anniversary stream on Pokémon Day. The games are set to hit Nintendo Switch 2 in 2027. (A Game Freak leak last October suggested Wind and Waves woul
Samsung’s Unpacked event midweek revealed three new phones and two sets of earbuds, but the real standout, as usual, is the Galaxy S26 Ultra. This year, the Ultra actually features a bit of genuine tech innovation — and no, we don’t mean it folds. Let’s talk about its new Privacy Display. Th
This week, we're diving into the big changes at Xbox and what it all means for Microsoft's gaming future. Phil Spencer, the longtime face of Xbox, announced he's retiring last week. He'll be replaced by Microsoft's former CoreAI CEO Asha Sharma, instead of his longtime deputy Sarah Bond, who plans t
The MacBook is coming back — or at least, that's what the rumors claim. Next week, Apple is expected to announce a colorful, low-cost, non-Air, non-Pro MacBook powered by one of its mobile processors. By avoiding its pricier M-series chips, Apple may reportedly be able to reach a low $699 or $799
Aventon’s latest single-speed hybrid bicycle is light, looks cool, and is the most bikey electric bike on the market right now.
If there’s one thing that stops people using their smart rings over the long term, it’s the battery life. After all, they’re so unobtrusive, it’s easy to forget to drop it on the charging plate every few days. It doesn’t take long for your pricey gadget to become little more than a very ex
The app reads your email inbox and your meeting calendar, then gives you a short audio summary. It can help you spend less time scrolling, but of course, there are privacy drawbacks to consider.
The Aktiia Hilo Blood Pressure Monitor is the first cuffless monitor to be cleared by the FDA. It’s discreet, highly accurate, and simple to use
A show that started as an earnest if messy quest for love is now simply a mirror to the hell of modern dating.
OpenAI has vowed to strengthen its safety protocols and to notify law enforcement of credible threats sooner in a letter addressed to Canadian authorities, according to Politico and The Washington Post. If you’ll recall, Canadian politicians summoned the company’s leaders after reports came out
With its twirly cord and landline-like features, the Tin Can is giving kids a crash course in phone etiquette. For example: Talk!
After 16 weeks of daily use, our WIRED testers saw visible hair regrowth with these red light therapy devices.
A report copublished by WIRED sparked a probe into opt-out pages hidden by data brokers. Now congressional Democrats say breaches tied to the industry have cost people tens of billions of dollars.

Entertainment
NeNe Leakes is setting the record straight when it comes to a video from her recent date ... she says she didn't kiss the guy -- they only pecked!!! The reality TV star took to social media to put her spin on footage we first obtained, which shows…
Kysre Gondrezick might be sidelined with an injury, but it certainly hasn't slowed her down in the content department -- the pro hooper just dropped a super-hot selfie showing off her toned tummy and major underboob. The former WNBA star shared her…
NBC is not in the business of squandering a key time slot in the wake of Kelly Clarkson's departure ... and TMZ has confirmed the network is taking a "hard look" at Kelly's replacement this week -- namely, Pink. As one source connected to the show…
Neil Sedaka -- a legendary singer-songwriter who gained worldwide fame in the 1960s -- has been rushed to a hospital in L.A. ... TMZ has learned. Family sources tell TMZ ... Neil wasn't feeling well Friday morning and was taken in an ambulance to…
Paris Jackson and her mom, Debbie Rowe, have grown very close in recent months ... with sources telling us the the mother-daughter similarities are crystal clear! Here's the deal ... the singer and model shared several pics of her mom to social…
Former A&E personality Tony McCollister -- who is charged with raping a child and having sex with two dogs -- says he's not guilty by reason of insanity ... and he wants to get his head checked. McCollister is facing 26 felony charges…
Bill Clinton says he had no clue Jeffrey Epstein was allegedly exploiting, abusing and sex trafficking young girls ... telling the House Oversight Committee he "had no idea of the crimes Epstein was committing." The former President is testifying…
Savannah Guthrie has not indicated she's made a decision about whether or not she will return to "Today," TMZ has learned. Our insiders say her return -- or departure -- from the morning news program is still an open question ... and there is no…
Ryan Garcia had an unwelcome guest Thursday night -- TMZ Sports is told an alleged burglar hopped a fence and tried to enter his home ... before scurrying away as cops responded to the scene. Law enforcement sources tell us the incident went down…
We want you to be a part of TMZ, so every weekday, between 9:30 AM and 11:30 AM PT, we take you inside our newsroom via live stream. You never know what you're gonna get ... a big story that breaks, an argument erupts in the room, or someone's just…

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