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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
The 15-year-old was found suffering from hypothermia after an 18-foot fishing vessel overturned about 4 miles east of St. Lawrence Island.
Elaine Pelino and Aaron Guckian are locked in a Rhode Island Republican primary too close to call as the GOP eyes a historically blue state.
Josh Jobe's acrobatic end-zone interception sealed the Seattle Seahawks' 13-10 win, as Drake Maye threw three picks in the NFL season opener.
President Donald Trump promised a $5,000 "Trump dividend" to every adult citizen if Republicans keep Congress at the GOP midterm convention.
New England Patriots newcomer A.J. Brown walked to the locker room wearing one cleat after receiving medical attention on the field in Week 1.
Senate Democrat John Fetterman drew a hard line after introducing Dave McCormick at the Republican National Committee's midterm convention.
Jaylen Brown told Mahershala Ali he refuses to be seen as just an entertainer, adding to a long history of quotes that critics call tone-deaf vanity.
ICE arrested over 2,150 known or suspected terrorists and deported more than 2,000 since Trump took office, DHS says ahead of the 9/11 anniversary.
Jacob Coxon, the Anthropic researcher who left the company over fears the technology could take over the human race, shared his experience with Fox News.
Andy Roddick defended the US Open's late-night scheduling on his "Served" podcast after Ben Shelton's epic win over Carlos Alcaraz ended at 3:33 a.m.
Satire
U.S. — Women across America honored the passing of feminist icon Gloria Steinem by dropping their kids off at daycare and heading to work for 9 hours at jobs they all claim to hate.
SACRAMENTO, CA — A local 16-year-old saw her dreams crushed Thursday after bringing her vehicle to a complete, zero-mile-per-hour stop at a stop sign, a move that instantly disqualified her from receiving her license.
U.S. — Millions of murderers across the country expressed overwhelming optimism today following reports that killing someone is effectively legal, provided the perpetrator informs authorities they were sad.
ATLANTA—Hailing its success as a major victory for the public health and safety of all Americans, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced Monday that it had successfully eradicated children. The agency confirmed that children had been the leading vector of disease nationally, posi
Finally landed the career of your dreams? Well, this dated, leaky 2-bedroom home is still all you’ll ever be able to afford because that’s just how things are now. Settle in and get used to it. Reference #830436
The post What Middle Class Looks Like Now appeared first on The Onion.
DANBURY, CT—Marveling aloud that he had rarely been so sure of an athlete’s unbridled potential, Huntington High School head football coach Michael McNeese said Monday he just had a good feeling about a new player that other kids on the team were referring to simply as “Thunder Beef.” McNees
EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND—Sending the publisher scrambling to protect trade secrets related to the hotly anticipated project, leaks from Rockstar Games worsened Friday as hackers released a fully playable copy of Grand Theft Auto IX. “It’s heartbreaking having assets leak out for any of our projects
Influencer Alix Earle is the star of Netflix’s newest reality show, Earle Meets World. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the series. Q: Who is Alix Earle? A: Alix is a Gen Z content creator known for eating expired military rations. Q: I thought her name was Alex Cooper. A: Ask yo
THE HEAVENS—Scratching His head and rifling through His notes as He tried to recall His reasoning for the decision, The Lord God, Supreme Creator of the Universe, reportedly struggled to remember on Friday why He made so many ugly people. “I could have given everyone on Earth perfect, symmetrica
The CEO of Pabst Brewing Co. put up a $20,000 reward to anyone who could provide information that leads to the recovery of 1,602 missing cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon and non-alcoholic Old Milwaukee beers. What do you think?
The post PBR Offers $20,000 Reward For Lost Beer appeared first on The Onion.
Legacy mapping tool MapQuest shot up to become the top navigation app in Apple’s app store after refusing to comply with President Trump’s executive order renaming “Lake Ontario” to “Lake America,” overtaking Google Maps, Waze, and Apple Maps. What do you think?
The post MapQuest Jumps T
The post Gloria Steinem, Researcher Who Discovered Existence Of Women, Dead At 92 appeared first on The Onion.
Sports
After Messi and Ronaldo proved wingers can do more than cross the ball, why are Premier League clubs paying so much for so little production?
Liverpool could make a bid to sign Crystal Palace's Adam Wharton as soon as January. Transfer Talk has the latest.
In a Super Bowl LX rematch, the Seahawks kicked off the NFL season with a win but lost QB Sam Darnold to a hip injury.
The Dodgers are putting Shohei Ohtani on the 15-day injured list and will call up top prospect Josue De Paula from Double-A to temporarily take his place at designated hitter, manager Dave Roberts said.
Patriots wide receiver A.J. Brown left Wednesday night's 13-10 loss to the Seahawks early in the third quarter with a right ankle injury and did not return.
The 49ers will welcome back two of their biggest stars from significant injuries for their Week 1 matchup against the Rams in Melbourne.
Alexander Zverev's rocky road to start the US Open turned into smooth sailing to the semifinals.
Browns quarterback Deshaun Watson entered a not guilty plea after being cited for allegedly driving 86 mph in a 60 mph zone on Aug. 26.
The Minutemen showed there's hope for us all with a shocking win over Rutgers.
Barry Melrose, a former NHL player and coach who was a beloved, longtime hockey analyst for ESPN, died Wednesday, his wife, Cindy, told ESPN's Steve Levy.
After months of playing through pain, Shohei Ohtani is finally going on the IL. With just 16 games left in the regular season, that delayed decision could be costly for the Dodgers.
Rams OC Nate Scheelhaase is the latest hot head coaching candidate working for Sean McVay. Here's how he's risen up the ranks.
The Los Angeles Dodgers are placing two-way superstar Shohei Ohtani on the injured list, Dave Roberts said on Wednesday.
These teams are the elite contenders in the NFL, and seven more could surprise this season.
The Los Angeles Dodgers are calling up top-rated prospect Josue De Paula from Double-A, according to multiple reports.
The Seahawks intercepted Patriots quarterback Drake Maye three times to get the victory on opening night. Here are our takeaways.
The 49ers and Rams are taking complete different approaches in their travels to Australia. Here's what a sleep expert thinks who might have an advantage.
A.J. Brown's first game with the New England Patriots was going well until the opening drive of the second half.
If the Seattle Seahawks are going to beat the New England Patriots again, then they might have to do it without their starting quarterback.
Mike McDaniel tells us why Justin Herbert is special, and we examine the possibility of an all-L.A. Super Bowl in West Coast Read.
Tech
Volvo refreshed the XC40, but it's sadly doing away with the all-electric EX40 in the US.
The extraordinary proposal, delivered during the president's speech at the midterm convention, would cost $1.2 trillion and raised immediate ethical questions.
Google has erased the listing for the Pixel Tablet from its e-commerce store, signaling that the device has been discontinued.
Whether you’re looking for a Herman Miller promo code or discounts in their sale, here is how to save on the world's best ergonomic office furniture in September 2026.
New to Govee? Get a $5 coupon on your first purchase just for signing up.
Whether you’re looking to protect your small business or your personal computer, we have the top coupons and deals to help you save at Norton.
Get up to 30% off your first order and free gifts using a Hungryroot promo code today. Discover our best coupons and discounts to let you save on your healthy groceries as a new or returning customer.
Save 50%, plus up to $250 with NZXT promo codes and discounts.
Gear up for your next adventure with these Coleman coupons and discount codes to save on camping essentials and outdoor gear.
Apple Wallet and Apple Pay serve different functions, but you need them both to make online payments and store your cards.
The exact circumstances surrounding the changes aren't clear, but Meta execs have accidentally tagged the band instead of their AI agent.
Jacob Coxon talks to WIRED about the “mini Manhattan project” inside Anthropic, the problem with alignment, and why AI labs have just a few years left to make their systems safe.
We finally have an Apple foldable, and it looks pretty damn compelling.
Get a good look at Gloom Gate, Houm and Soggy Froggy from Playdate season three.
The iPhone Duo makes a great first impression, I just wish it had three cameras in back.
Right on cue, Motorola has teased a wide new foldable to compete with the Galaxy Fold 8 and iPhone Duo.
With football season just hours away, Google has turned its AI into a fantasy football coach.
The City Attorney’s Office has asked Meta to explain how the harmful ads repeatedly ran on Facebook and Instagram. The company claims the ads are not under the city’s jurisdiction.
Turning Point will spend tens of millions on ads and turnout, sources say, with a focus on New Hampshire, Arizona, and Nevada.
The Communications Workers of America represents about 1,900 workers at the game company.
Entertainment
Check out the backside on this stunning star! An animal-print bikini never looked so pleasing -- can you can name the babe in question who's doing the teasing? She's a Netflix veteran -- she was a runner-up on "Too Hot to Handle" with race-car…
Barry Melrose, the former NHL player, coach and longtime ESPN hockey analyst, has died ... his wife, Cindy, told ESPN. Melrose joined ESPN in 1996 and retired in 2023 after being diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. He was best known for coaching…
A.I. researcher Jacob Coxon says we don't have to worry about artificial intelligence wiping out the world ... yet. Coxon sat down with Anderson Cooper just one day after his viral warning to say that where A.I. stands currently, is not a threat to…
One of the jurors in the Lindsay Clancy trial is speaking out about the lone holdout ... saying he didn't show "a single piece of evidence" to justify his vote. Juror Nick Dargie told ABC News ... "There was several times I would ask him to show us…
Lori Loughlin doesn't have a new romantic partner despite filing for divorce from Mossimo Giannulli ... she simply wants a clean break and fresh start ... TMZ has learned. Sources with direct knowledge tell TMZ ... the actress's decision to file…
A raging brush fire broke out near Los Angeles’ famed Getty Center Wednesday ... coming dangerously close to the museum, which houses millions of dollars' worth of art. TMZ obtained photos showing plumes of smoke billowing over the Santa Monica…
Henry Winkler is opening up about why his relationship with Tom Hanks is so tense ... and he says repairing the relationship isn't off the table. In a new interview on "In Depth With Graham Bensinger," Henry recalls getting fired as the director of…
Carmen Bryan has accused N.O.R.E. of sexually assaulting her at an NYC club in the '90s. She alleges N.O.R.E. -- whose real name is Victor Santiago -- came up to her "visibly intoxicated" and, in front of her friends, "committed an act of…
International bodybuilder Einar Méndez died from a "sudden heart attack" after collapsing ... his wife revealed in a heartbreaking social media post. The fitness influencer -- who boasts 47,000 followers -- was declared dead on Sept. 4 after a…
Dillon Danis says the viral photos purportedly showing him snorting a white substance aren't what they claim to be ... because he didn't magically lose all his tattoos overnight. The MMA fighter tells TMZ Sports ... the photos currently making the…
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