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US News
• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Morrissey cancels a Valencia concert due to severe sleep deprivation from Las Fallas festival noise, calling his hotel experience "indescribable hell."
Viral video shows British etiquette coach's controversial cereal eating technique using spoon and fork, sparking heated debate with over 5 million views.
Actress Madison Pettis opens up about breakup with NBA star Michael Porter Jr: 'He was a psychopath'
Madison Pettis claimed ex-boyfriend NBA star Michael Porter Jr. was a "psychopath" in shocking podcast revelation about their past relationship breakup.
Bill Maher criticized the persistent push behind the #OscarsSoWhite campaign, claiming Hollywood has made significant progress on diversity at the Academy Awards ceremony.
The U.S. is offering a $10 million reward for intel on Iran's new Supreme Leader Mojtaba Khamenei and IRGC officials accused of attacks against Americans.
Former CISA director warns Iran is allegedly using AI to create false narratives about winning against the U.S., urging people to be careful about online content.
Former Utah State star athlete Kaylie Ray talks about the "helplessness" of competing against a transgender player and the fall out from forfeiting games that season.
Virginia Democratic Sens. Mark Warner and Tim Kaine oppose DHS funding without reforms, despite a deadly shooting at Old Dominion University involving suspect with ISIS links.
Gina Gershon reveals "creepy" encounter with Paul Snider in new memoir. The actress recalls meeting Dorothy Stratten's killer weeks before the 1980 murder.
Study finds cleanest cruise ships still face viral outbreaks, as CDC data shows no link between sanitation scores and onboard illness despite inspections.
Satire
NEW YORK, NY — Heaven rejoiced today after a Jewish man accepted Jesus and converted to Christianity. Sources confirmed that the man was converted thanks to the powerful witness of an X user who proclaimed, "Christ is King, you filthy money-grubbin' Jew."
WASHINGTON—In a heated exchange that laid bare a growing schism at the highest levels of Republican leadership, President Donald Trump and Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) reportedly clashed in the Oval Office Thursday over the question of where they were, with McConnell insisting they were at church a
Morbidly Obese Pete Hegseth Denies Any Knowledge Of What Happened To Leftover Lobster For The Troops
WASHINGTON, D.C. — An uncharacteristically rotund Pete Hegseth held a press conference to deny having any knowledge of what happened to all the leftover lobster that had been procured for the troops.
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — Google announced an update for its popular Google Maps application that would automatically subtract an hour from travel time if it knows a dad is driving.
The post Lakers Fans Furious As Bam Adebayo Dies In Even Worse Helicopter Crash appeared first on The Onion.
MILWAUKEE—Accusing the actress of a grotesque act that showed profound insensitivity, Kate Hudson found herself under fire Thursday for performing in Wisconsinface for her most recent film, Song Sung Blue. “It’s so insulting to see someone who’s obviously never been anywhere near cheese cu
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senate Democrats voted to expel Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman on Thursday after their repeated warnings for him to stop supporting America were ignored.
WASHINGTON—Maintaining that his conduct was well within the guidelines for the solemn occasion, President Trump on Thursday defended his decision to wear a fruit hat while samba dancing during the dignified transfer of soldiers killed in Iran. “There’s no reason I can’t honor the sacrifice o
MILWAUKEE, WI — Local man Ed Clayfield reportedly saved himself an extended period of suffering by hiring members of the Academy Awards Orchestra to perform the "Wrap It Up" music whenever his wife's stories go too long.
PERSIAN GULF — Iran's military command is desperately scrambling to react upon learning the news that Donald Trump had chosen Mitth'raw'nuruodo, otherwise known as Grand Admiral Thrawn, to lead the U.S. carrier strike group in the Persian Gulf.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite early indications to the contrary, the Senate passed the SAVE Act after Senator Mike Lee reportedly changed its name to the "Give Congress A Raise Act."
Harry Styles has released Kiss All the Time. Disco, Occasionally, his fourth studio album. The pop star sat down with The Onion to explain the meaning behind each track. “Aperture”: “I typed ‘hole’ into powerthesaurus.com.” “American Girls”: “My favorite is Samantha, but Kit is a v
WASHINGTON—Claiming their mind was solely occupied by the hope of curling up in a ball and sleeping as long as they were allowed, the entire U.S. populace told reporters Thursday they lacked the strength to form an opinion on Donald Glover’s casting as the voice of Yoshi in The Super Mario Galax
The post Fiery Explosion Erupts In L.A. Canyon After Britney Spears Twirls Over Guardrail appeared first on The Onion.
The post Still Supreme! Iran’s New Supreme Leader Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei On Faith, Fitness, And Supremely Good Sex After 50 appeared first on The Onion.
Lisa Park, 29, literally died after running into her ex while he was on a date and saying, “Don’t have too much fun.” Like, what the fuck was that?
The post Lisa Park appeared first on The Onion.
WASHINGTON—Positioning pubic hair as the body’s natural bulwark against urethral intrusions, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. urged Americans Thursday to grow as many pubes as possible to keep bugs from crawling into their cockholes. “Pubes are the strongest type of hair there is, with t
Sports
How did the bubble battle in the Mountain West impact the tourney field?
Texas, Oklahoma and Auburn are all hanging around the cut line. Only the Sooners currently control their destiny.
The World Baseball Classic has given fans a chance to see Japan's best players before they hit the majors. Here's who to keep an eye on this year.
We picked out the teams that took the biggest steps forward this week through their signings and other moves -- including the 49ers.
We're following NFL free agency signings, trades, cuts, contract restructures and other moves as they happen.
After advancing to the Big East Championship, St. John's head coach Rick Pitino stressed the importance of the program's revival.
The United States booked its spot in the WBC semifinals with a 5-3 victory against Canada, joining the Dominican Republic team that mercy-ruled Korea in a 10-0 win in seven innings.
Warriors coach Steve Kerr said his team is "as beaten up as any team I can ever remember" after losing four more players to injury and dropping their fourth straight to fall two games behind the Clippers for the West's eighth seed.
Kimi Antonelli became the youngest pole-sitter in Formula 1 history after George Russell was struck down by a gearbox problem in qualifying for the Chinese Grand Prix.
MAC commissioner Jon A. Steinbrecher is confident his conference will get two teams into the NCAA tournament for the first time in 27 years despite Miami (Ohio) losing to UMass in the league quarterfinals after going 31-0 in the regular season.
Opening Day is approaching fast -- and Jeff Passan has everything you need to know covered.
The latest news, announcements and updates ahead of the 2026 World Baseball Classic.
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Here are all the latest signings, trades and releases around the NFL.
Lee Westwood and defending champion Joaquin Niemann are tied for the lead entering the final round of LIV Golf Singapore.
Team USA is earning its wins at the WBC. Next up is stout Dominican lineup putting up incredible numbers.
Conference tournaments are in full swing. Check out the odds for the major conferences.
Shohei Ohtani is holding steady as the favorite to win the World Baseball Classic MVP. Here are the latest odds.
Tech
Digg has shut down, for now, just a few months after its open beta launched. Justin Mezzell, the company’s CEO, has explained on the home page that it noticed hours after the beta launched that it was already being targeted by SEO spammers. “The internet is now populated, in meaningful part, by
Save money and reduce your carbon footprint with these tips to snag the best deals on quality refurbished and used electronics.
Welcome to our latest roundup of what's going on in the indie game space. A bunch of intriguing games arrived this week, including a mobile port of one of the most absorbing things I’ve played in years and two completely different titles with the same name. Let’s get things started with a look a
Who needs a supercomputer when you can calculate pi with a box of sewing needles?
There's not much else groundbreaking about the company's latest flagship, but the built-in privacy display works well without much trade-off.
Here's the best advice I have for protecting your identity online.
Plus: A porn-quitting app exposed the masturbation habits of hundreds of thousands of users, Russian hackers are trying to take over people’s Signal accounts, and more.
Do you really need a $300 trail running shoe? We test the treads, and the creds, of the Norda 001A G+.
The unique flat-bottom design of the Kalita Wave makes brewing exceptional coffee dead simple—especially if you can’t summon the rigor required to make perfect pour-over.
Tune in to watch the men’s and women’s teams fight to win the 2026 NCAA Division I Basketball championship.
Declutter and deep clean your home sanely by breaking it into smaller tasks. You're also bound to discover there are things you no longer need that you can sell.
Researchers in Japan pioneered reprogrammed cells 20 years ago. Now the country has given the first-ever authorizations to manufacture and sell medical products based on the technology.
OpenAI plans to add its Sora video generation model directly into ChatGPT, The Information reports . The standalone Sora app was seen as a smash hit when it launched alongside Sora 2 in September 2025, but interest in the video generation app has fallen in the time since as users ran into limits on
Meta AI should soon be better at surfacing international news content thanks to a set of new deals with publishers. The company announced new agreements with international outlets and offered additional details on its recent deal with News Corp. The latest deals bring French newspaper Le Figaro, Sp
Adobe has agreed to pay the US government $75 million to settle its lawsuit over the company's allegedly harmful approach to subscriptions. The suit started in 2024, when the US Department of Justice and the Federal Trade Commission filed a joint complaint alleging the company deliberately made it d
In the mad dash many companies have made to incorporate AI features into their phones, Nothing arrived at one of the better ideas with Essential Space on the Nothing Phone 3a in 2025. The AI-powered app turns screenshots and voice recordings into actionable to-do lists and transcriptions, and now No
Apple's cheapest laptop is also its most repairable. iFixit gave the new MacBook Neo a 6/10 repairability score. Although that number would only be mediocre for, say, a game review or final exam grade, it's the MacBook line's highest iFixit score in about 14 years.As always, iFixit goes into great d
Meta is killing end-to-end encryption in Instagram DMs. The feature will "no longer be supported after May 8, 2026," the company wrote in an update on its support page. Unlike WhatsApp, Meta never made encryption available to all Instagram users and it was never a default setting. Instead, users in
Amazon is raising the price of its ad-free Prime Video subscription and locking 4K UHD streaming behind this new tier. Starting April 10 for US customers, a rebranded Prime Video Ultra subscription will cost $5 per month, up from $3 per month.
For that extra $2, you get a download capacity increase
Parallels, the company best known for making the virtualization software that enables you to run Windows and other operating systems on a Mac, has confirmed that Parallels Desktop is compatible with the MacBook Neo.
At launch it was unclear if Apple's new $600 laptop possessed the under-the-hood hef
Entertainment
Mariah Carey crashed her son's Twitch live stream Friday ... and she had some sweet words to share with his friends! Check it out -- 14-year-old Moroccan, AKA "Rocky," invited the superstar for a quick appearance as he was streaming to…
Dolly Parton says she is doing just fine following her health concerns that postponed her Las Vegas concerts last fall in a rare update during her first major appearance in months. The country music icon revealed she's "taking good care of" her…
The longtime guitarist of English rock band Motörhead, Phil Campbell, has died. The musician died "peacefully" Friday night after "a long and courageous battle in intensive care after a complex major operation," according to the official Instagram…
The stars poured into CAA's pre-Oscars party at Living Room in Los Angeles Friday night ... including "Heated Rivalry" stars Connor Storrie and Hudson Williams, who smiled wide at the camera while posing cheek-to-cheek. MIA was their costar,…
Doja Cat has revealed she's been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) ... and is "struggling" with it after living with the condition for years. The "Paint the Town Red" hitmaker discussed her condition in a candid TikTok shared…
A member of Jasmine Crockett's congressional security detail was shot to death by police during a standoff in Texas, according to CBS News. The violent encounter unfolded in Dallas Wednesday night, when Mike King reportedly ran inside a hospital…
"Married to Medicine: Los Angeles" star Lia Jones wants to change the child custody agreement from her nasty divorce ... and she's asking a judge to grant her more time with her kids. According to new legal docs, obtained by TMZ, Lia is asking for…
The McBee Dynasty’s Steve McBee, who is currently incarcerated, was shut down in his attempt to dismiss a lawsuit alleging he fraudulently transferred property to his sons to avoid a huge debt to the government ... TMZ has learned. According to…
Kyrsten Sinema’s boyfriend, Matthew Ammel, is involved in a bitter court battle with his estranged wife -- and the ex claims Matthew abused narcotics and psychedelics ... TMZ has learned.Matthew’s estranged wife, Heather Ammel, filed court docs…
Simone Biles is the best at what she does -- on and off the mat ... which includes making us drool over her Olympic-level bikini shots. Just when you thought Simone couldn't be more talented, she comes out with a treasure trove of gold-medal-worthy…
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