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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Federal officials warn New Jersey sanctuary policies could release man accused of sexually assaulting teen, sparking heated immigration enforcement debate.
For the first time in two years, the city of Miami Beach is loosening its spring break restrictions as it looks to attract more families and health-conscious tourists.
Long Island teen Thomas Medlin, who reportedly went to meet someone from Roblox, was found dead in Brooklyn waters after vanishing from Manhattan Bridge.
Suspect allegedly rammed vehicle into Michigan synagogue, exchanged gunfire with security before being killed. Multiple injured in West Bloomfield.
Two El Dorado sheriff's deputies and a Pacific Gas and Electric Co. worker were wounded in California shootings, with the suspect in both incidents also shot.
Sen. Eric Schmitt is pushing his SCAM Act to expand denaturalization after alleged attacks by naturalized citizens at Michigan synagogue and Virginia university.
Rampant Medicare fraud schemes in Los Angeles allegedly bilk taxpayers for billions through fake home health agencies and ghost patients across the city.
NYC Mayor Zohran Mamdani unveils landmark legal victory in housing crisis fight, securing maximum penalties against repeat offender landlord in groundbreaking case.
Australian authorities apologize after two foster children lived with a transgender convicted triple killer for months, calling the situation "entirely unacceptable" and "terrible."
California mountain biker Julian Hernandez, 25, suffers rare death after a rattlesnake bite at Quail Hill preserve in Irvine prompted month-long hospital stay.
Satire
NEW YORK, NY — Heaven rejoiced today after a Jewish man accepted Jesus and converted to Christianity. Sources confirmed that the man was converted thanks to the powerful witness of an X user who proclaimed, "Christ is King, you filthy money-grubbin' Jew."
WASHINGTON—In a heated exchange that laid bare a growing schism at the highest levels of Republican leadership, President Donald Trump and Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) reportedly clashed in the Oval Office Thursday over the question of where they were, with McConnell insisting they were at church a
Morbidly Obese Pete Hegseth Denies Any Knowledge Of What Happened To Leftover Lobster For The Troops
WASHINGTON, D.C. — An uncharacteristically rotund Pete Hegseth held a press conference to deny having any knowledge of what happened to all the leftover lobster that had been procured for the troops.
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA — Google announced an update for its popular Google Maps application that would automatically subtract an hour from travel time if it knows a dad is driving.
The post Lakers Fans Furious As Bam Adebayo Dies In Even Worse Helicopter Crash appeared first on The Onion.
MILWAUKEE—Accusing the actress of a grotesque act that showed profound insensitivity, Kate Hudson found herself under fire Thursday for performing in Wisconsinface for her most recent film, Song Sung Blue. “It’s so insulting to see someone who’s obviously never been anywhere near cheese cu
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Senate Democrats voted to expel Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman on Thursday after their repeated warnings for him to stop supporting America were ignored.
WASHINGTON—Maintaining that his conduct was well within the guidelines for the solemn occasion, President Trump on Thursday defended his decision to wear a fruit hat while samba dancing during the dignified transfer of soldiers killed in Iran. “There’s no reason I can’t honor the sacrifice o
MILWAUKEE, WI — Local man Ed Clayfield reportedly saved himself an extended period of suffering by hiring members of the Academy Awards Orchestra to perform the "Wrap It Up" music whenever his wife's stories go too long.
PERSIAN GULF — Iran's military command is desperately scrambling to react upon learning the news that Donald Trump had chosen Mitth'raw'nuruodo, otherwise known as Grand Admiral Thrawn, to lead the U.S. carrier strike group in the Persian Gulf.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite early indications to the contrary, the Senate passed the SAVE Act after Senator Mike Lee reportedly changed its name to the "Give Congress A Raise Act."
Harry Styles has released Kiss All the Time. Disco, Occasionally, his fourth studio album. The pop star sat down with The Onion to explain the meaning behind each track. “Aperture”: “I typed ‘hole’ into powerthesaurus.com.” “American Girls”: “My favorite is Samantha, but Kit is a v
WASHINGTON—Claiming their mind was solely occupied by the hope of curling up in a ball and sleeping as long as they were allowed, the entire U.S. populace told reporters Thursday they lacked the strength to form an opinion on Donald Glover’s casting as the voice of Yoshi in The Super Mario Galax
The post Fiery Explosion Erupts In L.A. Canyon After Britney Spears Twirls Over Guardrail appeared first on The Onion.
The post Still Supreme! Iran’s New Supreme Leader Ayatollah Mojtaba Khamenei On Faith, Fitness, And Supremely Good Sex After 50 appeared first on The Onion.
Lisa Park, 29, literally died after running into her ex while he was on a date and saying, “Don’t have too much fun.” Like, what the fuck was that?
The post Lisa Park appeared first on The Onion.
WASHINGTON—Positioning pubic hair as the body’s natural bulwark against urethral intrusions, Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. urged Americans Thursday to grow as many pubes as possible to keep bugs from crawling into their cockholes. “Pubes are the strongest type of hair there is, with t
Sports
The Knicks are 42-25 and third in the Eastern Conference, but they have a few problems to solve if they want to make a deep playoff run.
The RedHawks make the latest projected field as an at-large bid, bumping the Tigers out.
The Wolfpack and Knights fell in their respective tournaments, but they still have strong résumés.
Fans want a big offseason splash. But does staying the course actually lead to better results?
The young star is thriving on the international stage, setting himself up for a strong 2026 campaign.
Buoyed by LeBron James' return, Luka Doncic scored 51 points on a night in which the Lakers' starting five totaled 137 points, the most by a starting lineup in a regulation game since the 1970-71 season.
The Celtics' Jaylen Brown expressed frustration with what he called the league's trend of rewarding players for "foul baiting," saying, "I just don't think it's basketball."
Heat coach Erik Spoelstra brushed aside critics of Bam Adebayo's 83-point game, saying, "You have to go for it, and that was just thrilling."
Maple Leafs captain Auston Matthews left Thursday night against Anaheim after a knee-on-knee hit from Ducks defenseman Radko Gudas.
Miami responded online after Milwaukee brought up the Heat star's historic scoring performance.
The World Cup is defined by memorable moments. Counting down to the top 100 of all-time.
The 2026 Big East Men's Basketball Tournament is right around the corner, and we've got you covered with everything to know.
The 2026 Big Ten Men's Basketball Tournament is right around the corner, and we've got you covered with everything to know.
Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones wouldn’t rule out re-engaging in trade talks for edge rusher Maxx Crosby in free agency.
Here's how the remaining teams in the 2026 World Baseball Classic stack up.
Here is how we view the top moves made around the NFL on the opening days of free agency.
The decision to leave Tampa Bay wasn’t easy for Mike Evans playing for the Buccaneers for 12 seasons.
Here's how to watch Team USA vs. Canada at the World Baseball Classic on Friday on FOX.
J.J. McCarthy has some competition in Minnesota.
Antoine Griezmann has broken his silence regarding the speculation linking him with a move to MLS side Orlando City.
Tech
Many of us remember the halcyon days of being a kid in the ‘90s, spending a weekend afternoon with remote control in hand and a seemingly endless well of stuff to watch on TV. Now you can relive the experience thanks to the appropriately named Channel Surfer web app. It's essentially a YouTube dis
The International Brotherhood of Teamsters, the union that covers warehouse workers, drivers and a diverse collection of other laborers, has come out against Paramount Skydance's merger with Warner Bros. Discovery. In a press release, the Teamsters announced that it has submitted a report to the US
The newly verified X account for Iran's supreme leader could be putting the company on the wrong side of US sanctions, according to a watchdog group. The Tech Transparency Project, which last month published a report on X granting premium perks to sanctioned officials in Iran, now says that the veri
Adobe's long-time CEO has shared that he plans to step down. Shantanu Narayen has been the chief exec at the tech company for 18 years, a tenure where he led Adobe in the major shift to become a software-as-a-service provider. The exact timeline for his exit is still up in the air, as Narayen will d
NASA will soon give it another go on April Fools' Day. On Thursday, NASA said it's targeting April 1 at 6:24 PM ET for the Artemis II mission's next launch attempt.In case that date doesn't pan out, NASA added April 2 at 7:22 PM as a secondary launch opportunity. If necessary, the agency foresees se
A whistleblower complaint alleges John Solly claimed to have stored highly sensitive Social Security data on a thumb drive. Solly and Leidos, his current employer, strongly deny the allegations.
We've been seeing all sorts of warnings about how RAMaggedon is nigh. The latest horseman signalling a disaster is the International Data Corporation, which had already cautioned that things were looking bad at the end of 2025. Today, the organization further cut its forecasts for the PC market in 2
KPop Demon Hunters is getting a sequel, Netflix and Sony have announced. Sony Pictures Animation handed the rights to the film to Netflix in 2021 as part of a larger licensing deal, but neither company could have expected how much of a hit it would ultimately become. Besides being Netflix's "most-wa
In today’s episode, we discuss how the saga between Anthropic and the Department of Defense is far from over.
Instagram has long limited users' ability to share links, restricting link-sharing to Stories, Reels and user profiles. But that might now be changing. The company has started to test clickable links inside of post captions for subscribers to Meta Verified. The new feature, which has been a long-re
European regulators are continuing to crack down on loot boxes and gaming features it classifies as "interactive risk categories." The Pan-European Game Information, better known as PEGI, is rolling out new rules that will apply age ratings based on the presence of loot boxes and other in-game purch
Bumble is testing an AI dating assistant called "Bee" that it hopes will get users on dates without them having to swipe through profiles, Bloomberg writes. The company announced the AI assistant during its fourth quarter earnings, and intends to use the AI in a new experience it calls "Dates."When
WIRED spoke with Nick Fox, Google’s SVP of knowledge and information, about how AI is changing the company’s advertising business.
A bipartisan bill would force the FBI to get a warrant to read Americans’ messages and ban the federal purchase of commercial data on US residents ahead of a critical April deadline.
IK Multimedia's iLoud Micro Monitors are an excellent pick for anyone who works with audio and video, or just likes premium sound.
Amid a paralyzing breach of medical tech firm Stryker, the group has come to represent Iran's use of “hacktivism” as cover for chaotic, retaliatory state-sponsored cyberattacks.
We consulted preparedness experts and WIRED's team of testers for the essential gear to keep on hand in case of wildfires, earthquakes, and lord knows what else.
“Ask Maps,” rolling out today to Google Maps on mobile, lets you ask Gemini questions about locations and even to plan trips on your behalf.
Here are the best meal kits in 2026, from Martha Stewart’s meal kit to the best meal delivery on a budget.
Sennheiser’s new TV transmitter system uses the power of Auracast to connect nearly infinite headphones—if you can find a pair you like.
Entertainment
From jaw-dropping fashion statements to unforgettable speeches (and slaps), the Oscars have produced iconic moments that define Hollywood History. Scroll through our gallery and kick off Oscars weekend with the drama, glamour, and snapshots that…
TMZ may collect a share of sales or other compensation from links on this page. Give yourself a fresh start this spring ... by doing the cleaning you put off all winter! With the warmer weather approaching, there's no better time to get everything…
Before this talented kid from New York turned into a movie star, he was just runnin' the concrete jungle with dreams of landing on the big movie screens ... You may've heard of his popular films -- "Call Be by Your Name" and "A Complete Unknown"…
Travis and Jason Kelce might need to make way for a new celebrity endorser in their family ... because Donna Kelce is in high demand now that we've got America clued in on her upcoming home renovation. Here's the deal ... Donna was on Travis and…
"Southern Hospitality" star Grace Lilly was arrested Tuesday ... and it looks like drugs were allegedly involved. According to new legal docs, obtained by TMZ, Grace was busted for possession of a controlled substance. It appears Gracy…
Mickey Rourke is seeing red after being evicted from his Los Angeles apartment ... as in, he's sporting some red hair. Check out these photos of Mickey on Thursday afternoon in Beverly Hills ... he's dressed like a cowboy at a pizza shop, and his…
President Trump got himself some new hardware on Thursday during a White House event honoring women, courtesy of a U.S. Olympic bobsledder ... and while it may not be a Nobel Prize, it's an awesome honor! The scene unfolded at a POTUS-thrown…
It looks like the White House is treating the war with Iran like a video game ... at least based on how they're presenting military footage on social media. Check out this X post from the official White House account ... it's a mashup of Wii sports…
Courtney Stodden got down and dirty -- literally -- letting herself get drenched in corn syrup to protest the leather industry, in support of PETA. Check it out -- Courtney stripped down to a bikini on Hollywood Boulevard on Thursday before the…
Atlanta Falcons defensive end James Pearce Jr. is no longer facing a charge of aggravated battery on a law enforcement officer after his alleged domestic dispute with Rickea Jackson, TMZ Sports has learned. Court documents we obtained show that…
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