Personalize Your Own Homepage
Login
Create Account
US News
• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
The Senate moves to prevent government shutdowns permanently with bipartisan legislation that would strip lawmakers of recess and travel privileges.
Four suspects are sought after a massive brawl at a D.C. Chipotle in Navy Yard as the FBI offers a $5,000 reward per suspect for tips leading to arrest.
A Michigan couple called their landlord for attic repairs but their security camera allegedly caught him naked with a woman inside their rental home.
Hot dog eating champ Joey Chestnut was sentenced to probation after pleading guilty to battery for drunkenly slapping a man at an Indiana bar.
Carson Daly reveals he communicates more with his 13-year-old daughter Etta through Snapchat than in real life, embracing the digital age of parenting.
St. Louis Cardinals shirtless fan mob celebrated another walk-off win after Ivan Herrera's three-run homer beat the Pittsburgh Pirates in the 10th inning.
A flyer warning drug users their dogs could overdose on narcotics is sparking backlash after circulating among Seattle residents on social media.
Trump signals support for Spencer Pratt's Los Angeles mayoral bid, saying he believes the reality TV star turned candidate is a "big MAGA person."
T-Mobile is offering free and discounted iPhones and Samsung devices when you switch and join select plans, with many deals requiring no trade-in.
Legendary fighter Tito Ortiz says he was not invited to the America 250 UFC fight at the White House due to his decades-long feud with Dana White.
Satire
LOUISVILLE, KY — Representative Thomas Massie has accused the Jewish population of rural Kentucky of being the cause of his primary defeat.
LAS VEGAS—His body trembling as he gripped the support bar for dear life, rock climber Alex Honnold reportedly had a panic attack this week at the top of a step ladder. “Sometimes, when you get all the way up there and you’re a foot—nearly a foot and a half—off the ground, you start to los
ST. LOUIS—In an effort to meet the urgent needs of a country in the throes of a dire humanitarian crisis, sporting goods manufacturer Rawlings announced Wednesday that it had donated 50,000 baseball gloves to the Ukrainian war effort. “We knew we had to step up and do something for those whose l
MEDFORD, MA—Charting a steep downturn in the number of young adults living independently, a study published Wednesday by Tufts University researchers found that Gen Z adults were moving back home for better access to Triscuits. “Our data shows that Americans in their 20s are increasingly going b
The post Squirrel Unaware He Embroiled In Months-Long Feud With Homeowner appeared first on The Onion.
Well, well, well, it looks like that slick, glad-handing schmooze machine Bobby Hanlon, 45, couldn’t charm his way out of this one (leukemia).
The post Bobby Hanlon appeared first on The Onion.
LOST HILLS, CA — New reports show the four old guys hanging out at Denny's at 6 a.m. are having a better day than you or anyone else could possibly dream of.
OVERLAND PARK, KS — The need for the construction of massive data storage centers has been in the news again recently, with the results of a new study indicating that 90% of data centers are just storage for your wife's pictures of the kids.
QUINCY, MA — Weary from a major smallpox outbreak in her area, the wife of John Adams claimed she was starting to believe this whole thing about a "Continental Congress" was made up by her husband as an excuse to go hang out with the boys.
BROWNSVILLE, NY — According to sources, local man Porter Caldwell was completely cured of his clinical depression, anxiety, and stress-related disorders after his doctor issued him a prescription for a 7,541-piece Millennium Falcon LEGO set.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the nation facing its highest gas prices in years, the Trump administration assured Americans that it is but a small price to pay for accomplishing nothing in Iran.
CANNES, FRANCE—Glancing over their shoulders to make sure no one was watching them leave, the Cannes Film Festival jury reportedly sneaked off Tuesday to watch Mortal Kombat II. “Come on, no one’s looking, just go,” said actor Stellan Skarsgård, who ushered the rest of the jury members thro
FORT WAYNE, IN—In a potent reminder of the inescapably transitory nature of all that is or ever will be, reports confirmed Tuesday that the sweaty ass print left on a rowing machine at a local Crunch Fitness location was already fading away, much like all of our earthly works and aspirations. Acco
PASADENA, CA—Releasing the latest images transmitted by the robotic vehicle, scientists from NASA announced Tuesday that the Curiosity rover had found beauty in the mundane on Mars. “After more than a dozen years on the Red Planet, our rover has officially uncovered a peaceful quietude among the
The post Terrified Introvert One Away From Bingo appeared first on The Onion.
Sports
The Phillies slugger is thumping homers at a historic pace. Here's what his early stats say about how many he can belt by the end of the 2026 season.
Chiefs receiver Rashee Rice has been sentenced to immediately serve 30 days in jail after testing positive for marijuana in violation of the terms of his probation.
NFL owners Tuesday approved the ability to play up to 10 international games per season, starting in 2027, and will no longer allow teams to protect opponents from international scheduling.
Jason Kidd is out as the head coach of the Dallas Mavericks after five seasons in what the team described as a mutual decision Tuesday evening.
The Spurs will face the Pelicans in Paris and Manchester, England, on Jan. 14 and 17 next season.
Arsenal's Premier League title triumph has been years in the making. For the first time, ESPN can reveal the strategy which took them back to the top.
Avalanche star defenseman Cale Makar will miss Game 1 of the Western Conference finals against the Golden Knights on Wednesday.
The Knicks flipped the script on the Cavaliers in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference finals, as Jalen Brunson sparked a historic rally by relentlessly targeting James Harden.
Eve Long, the No. 5 recruit and the top forward in the 2027 SC Next Super 60, committed to Notre Dame on Wednesday.
LIV Golf is moving forward with its plan to take a new business model to potential investors despite a report that the league is laying groundwork for potential bankruptcy in the U.S.
Scott McLaughlin is excited to create a new storyline after last year's Indy 500 ended in disaster before it even began.
UEFA has proposed an overhaul of qualifying for the 2030 World Cup and 2032 European Championship that could end mismatches between the strongest and weakest teams.
Southampton heads into its appeal against expulsion from the Championship playoff final believing its punishment is “manifestly disproportionate" to any previous sanction in English soccer.
The Nationals and Mets combined for a highlight-reel game, two walk-off, three-run home runs, an NL Central lead change, the Dodgers won a thriller and more from Tuesday's MLB action.
Alexander Rossi's injury looks "very dramatic," but it won't stop him from running in the Indy 500.
The Blue Jays look a little different right now than they did last October.
Who's most likely to make the Year 2 leap? We rank the top five second-year QBs based on their breakout potential in 2026.
Even the best QBs need a little help from their friends. With the input of NFL scouts, Ralph Vacchiano ranks each team's offensive supporting cast.
The World Cup is defined by memorable moments. Counting down to the top 100 of all-time.
Chase Burns shines for the Cincinnati Reds, striking out nine in six innings during a 4-1 victory over the Philadelphia Phillies
Tech
Airbnb is adding thousands of boutique hotels, new services and experiences to its app.
Spellcasters Chronicles struggled to compete with games like League of Legends and Dota.
Attorney John Scola is representing a police officer who is suing over injuries allegedly sustained while working security at an MSG property in 2025.
Android Auto's big 2026 makeover is full of small but helpful upgrades.
We don't know much yet, but the Kingdom Come studio is making a Lord of the Rings RPG
The e-paper slate has a built-in voice recorder to save you having to take meeting minutes.
With Trump nemesis Thomas Massie vanquished, Republican strategists are now eyeing races in Texas, California, and Maine.
State Of Play will feature a fresh peek at Marvel's Wolverine.
One health provider who works on the ground says that basic medical equipment like masks and hand sanitizers are in short supply due to funding cuts.
It offers bright and incredibly accurate video in an elegant body, but has no smart TV features.
This lightweight commuter ebike feels a lot like a regular bike would feel if I had bionic legs. I wish there were more mechanics for it.
With its clever new algorithm, the latest Hypershell exoskeleton powers your legs without making you feel like a puppet on a string.
Google I/O was AI all the way down, but it's not clear how much will be useful.
Legendary furniture maker Herman Miller has made a gorgeous gaming desk that has a price tag you'd expect from the brand.
You don’t need to buy a smart grill to make perfect meat. You can buy a dumb grill and send it to school with smart upgrades.
Shopping for a laptop can be infuriating. Here’s how to sift through the acronyms, storage options, and extra features to find the best one for you.
The White House says Trump’s pro-vape stance is based on “gold standard science.” It feels more like vice-signaling to a demographic that often doesn’t vote—over products that are widely available.
The Trump administration keeps threatening to send federal agents to oversee elections. State and local officials are preparing, and even gaming out what happens if they're arrested.
Mercedes-AMG has come up with its most powerful vehicle ever and there's no ICE engine in sight.
A new study finds AI companies, defense firms, and dating apps are among 38 data collectors allegedly using manipulative design to confuse users while collecting their data.
Entertainment
'Real Housewives of Orange County' star Gina Kirschenheiter’s boyfriend, Travis Mullen, was awarded primary custody of his three kids with his ex-wife, Meghan Mullen -- TMZ has learned. According to court docs obtained by TMZ, an OC judge awarded…
A couple renting a home in Michigan say their landlord came over to do some repairs while they were gone, and he ended up redecorating a woman's walls ... they say they have him on video having sex with a woman in their living room!!! Javon…
Timothée Chalamet clearly doesn't have a playoff superstition when it comes to his hair ... because he got a cut and shaved off his beard in the middle of the New York Knicks' playoff run. The actor and diehard Knicks fans sat on celebrity row at…
Ant Jefe is in hot water with the law ... the "No Jumper" cohost and rapper just landed behind bars after getting arrested for murder ... TMZ has learned. Law enforcement sources tell TMZ ... Jefe was busted by LAPD's elite Robbery-Homicide…
Jack Osbourne is ripping trolls a new one after they started shaming him over his weight loss -- insisting he's not "grossly underweight" ... as they apparently dragged him for just shaving his beard and getting a "creepy mustache." In a new TikTok…
Kendra Duggar is reportedly cutting ties with her own family ... as the legal storm surrounding her and husband Joseph Duggar keeps getting uglier. According to Us Weekly ... Kendra has stopped communicating with her parents, Paul and Christina…
The Knicks won game 1 thanks to an insane comeback, and some diehard New York fans are already looking forward to the NBA Finals ... calling out Victor Wembanyama outside Madison Square Garden! "We want Wemby! We want Wemby!" hundreds of fans…
The women of the new "Baywatch" reboot may be bringing the heat on camera ... but behind the scenes, there's competition brewing over who's becoming the franchise's next breakout bombshell. A source on set tells TMZ ... there's some "tension" over…
Blake Lively's getting back out into the world now that she's agreed to a settlement in her case against Justin Baldoni ... hitting a big-time fashion event in New York City. The actress strutted into an event for the brand Fendi in New York City…
Netflix viewers met a remorseful Mackenzie Shirilla in Netflix's "The Crash" ... but a former inmate says the real person -- behind bars -- is far different. Mary Katherine Crowder -- who spent over six months locked up with Shirilla at the Ohio…
Stocks
Weather
Location is determined by your browser