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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
The Kansas Senate debate saw Roger Marshall and Adam Hamilton try to define each other by their parties as Senate control hangs in the balance.
Angel Reese posted 21 points and 12 rebounds as the Atlanta Dream seized a 2-1 WNBA Finals lead with a dominant 97-71 win over the Valkyries.
Republican House Speaker Lisa Demuth vowed to fire all state commissioners on day one while Sen. Amy Klobuchar called the pledge absurd in debate.
Donald Trump was invoked 18 times as Abdul El-Sayed branded Mike Rogers a "sock puppet" and declared "MAGA bingo" in the Michigan Senate debate.
Luka Doncic bought out an entire parking lot and offered free bike rides across Los Angeles to welcome Lakers fans ahead of the Warriors opener.
Josh Jacobs expressed remorse and apologized to Green Bay Packers teammates after returning from the commissioner's exempt list following his arrest.
Tom Tiffany vowed to mandate sheriffs honor ICE detainers, while David Crowley pushed to restrict federal agents' access to Wisconsin jails.
Rep. Ilhan Omar, D-Minn., claimed the raid on her D.C. home was designed to intimidate voters ahead of midterm elections and appease Trump supporters.
Paul George's 38-point Boston Celtics debut was marred by a $2,000 NBA flopping fine after a dramatic fourth-quarter dive against the Detroit Pistons.
Attorney Lisa White allegedly asked about guns that could pierce bulletproof vests and threatened to shoot ICE agents in the head, federal authorities said.
Satire
Brought to you by: Equipping the Persecuted
NAPERVILLE, IL — Dozens of neighborhood trick-or-treaters were left completely unprepared Tuesday evening after local resident Burt Ostler unexpectedly opted for "trick" when presented with the classic Halloween ultimatum.
ALPHARETTA, GA — A full-time Baptist and part-time baseball fan is reportedly struggling ahead of the coming World Series matchup between the Milwaukee Brewers and the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, unsure whether to root for the team named after beers or the team named after devils.
MINNEAPOLIS, MN — After a raid on her home by federal agents from the Department of Homeland Security, U.S. Representative Ilhan Omar has expressed regret over hiring an immigration attorney from the Quality Citizeship Center.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Department of Homeland Security brought in famed television host Maury Povich to reveal the results of Representative Ilhan Omar's DNA test.
Gen. Randy George, the Army chief of staff since ousted by Defense Secretary Hegseth, warned of critically low stockpiles of U.S. interceptor missiles two months before the Iran War started, estimating the shortage would last until 2030. What do you think?
The post Fired General Warned Of Missile Sh
U.S. — Socialists around the country voiced their deep criticism this week of Elon Musk's plan to voluntarily redistribute his wealth to the nation's children.
SALEM, OR — After the tragic elementary school attack in the city of Bend, Oregon lawmakers have gathered in a renewed effort to ban the sort of gun that was used to take down the school shooter.
Beyond its laws and leaders, what has allowed the United States to prosper for so long is the unique physiology of its most ardent citizens. Here is a complete diagram of a patriot's brain.
The post Diagram Of A Patriot’s Brain appeared first on The Onion.
With the election fast approaching, the stakes for democracy couldn’t be clearer. We’re deciding the fate of our country for the next two years. Because of that, some voters will base their decisions purely on party. Others have specific issues in mind. But for me there’s only one issue that m
SALT LAKE CITY—Emphasizing that the ban on electronic recording devices was a rule, not a suggestion, singer-songwriter Phoebe Bridgers reportedly sent a warning to fans at the Delta Center on Wednesday by executing a phone on stage. “Well, well, well, what do we have here?” said Bridgers, hol
WASHINGTON—In a new attempt to promote efficiency and unity in the way the Americans communicate, President Donald Trump issued an executive order Wednesday that designated shaking an empty beer can at one’s wife as the official language of the United States. “With the overwhelming majority of
The post Fans Worry Achilles Tear May Not Be End Of Ben Simmons’ Career appeared first on The Onion.
NEW YORK—Frantically fluffing pillows and folding blankets in preparation for unannounced visitors, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was spotted tidying up her apartment this week in case federal agents stopped by for a raid. “You never know when you’re going to have sudden company come breaking
The post Is Pete Hegseth’s Bold Pledge To ‘Kill Everyone’ By 2028 An Unrealistic Pipe Dream? appeared first on The Onion.
The post LeBron James Squeezes Eyes Shut To Avoid Catching Glimpse Of Philadelphia During Commute appeared first on The Onion.
HILL OF TARA, IRELAND—Visibly beaming as he took in the crisp weather and mist-swathed heath on his way to the stone circle, local druid Fográith of the Mountains announced Friday that he was really loving this cloak weather. “Oh man, there’s nothing better than when you feel that first nip
Sports
The most and least favorable matchups in the NFL for this week's games at the four key fantasy positions.
Josh Jacobs' return, emerging top-10 quarterbacks, two start 'em wide receivers and some tight end advice highlight how Liz Loza feels about some Week 7 fantasy football lineup options.
Following an opening night blowout loss to the Timberwolves, Giannis Antetokounmpo preached trust as the primary area that needs improvement for the new-look Heat.
An emotional Tyrese Haliburton made his long-awaited return from the Achilles tear he suffered in Game 7 of the 2025 NBA Finals, as he lead the Pacers to a gritty season-opening win over the Pelicans.
Shohei Ohtani will not require surgery to treat any ailment he dealt with this past season, Dodgers president of baseball operations Andrew Friedman said Wednesday. And: "I fully expect him to pitch next year," Friedman added.
Hall of Fame college basketball coach Bob Huggins has a progressive cognitive condition that is affecting his memory and aspects of his daily life, his family said.
Nick Sirianni was fined $250,000 for conduct toward officials, a source said, confirming an SI report that noted Mike Vrabel and Aaron Glenn were similarly fined.
Enes Kanter Freedom was denied entry to Game 3 of the WNBA Finals, according to a video he posted to social media, after he refused to sit in a private suite arranged for him by the Dream and State Farm Arena in response to his safety concerns.
From LeBron's trophies to Savannah's heartbeat necklace, the couple talked about the things that meant the most to them.
Louisville's Flory Bidunga said he expected Jayhawks fans to taunt him Wednesday night, but Kansas coach Bill Self said the use of profanity crossed a line.
After diving into the All-22 coaches' film from Week 6, Bucky Brooks examines three new developments to watch.
Sam LaPorta’s time in Detroit could be coming to an end as the tight end's contract negotiations loom.
Here’s the latest from around the NFL on Wednesday.
Nick Wright has the 49ers atop his Week 7 tiers, with the Chiefs right behind them, and a history lesson Wright says should worry San Francisco.
Not every team will trade a player ahead of the deadline, but we look at the possible trade candidate for all 32 squads.
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A goal and an assist from Harry Kane weren’t enough for Bayern Munich to beat Arsenal.
Manchester United coach Michael Carrick apologized to supporters after a humbling 4-1 loss to Como in the Champions League on Wednesday.
Tech
Amazon Web Services logged attempts to leverage the internet-melting PHP2Shell bugs four days ago. They’re now being “broadly exploited” across the internet.
Meta’s board feared that its CEO’s departure could disrupt the company’s AI ambitions. A new stock agreement gives him financial incentives to stay put.
Zuckerberg expects the agent will generate more revenue per user than the company's apps.
Bose sees the company as a way to reach a wider audience.
Any chores that a cleaner might do are no longer deemed reasonable requests for visitors.
Some hosts are threatening to strike, while others are plotting ways around Airbnb’s new restrictions. Guests, meanwhile, are celebrating.
Anthropic subscribers in the US can join a waitlist to try the company's new agent.
As the White House contemplates losing Congress, there has been an unusually early effort to find a Republican scapegoat.
All websites using PHP should update to the latest security patch.
The case stemmed from the nearly decade-old Cambridge Analytica scandal.
From Trump TV to a Shark Tank knockoff, the president’s latest entertainment ventures are a steep decline from his days on The Apprentice.
By keeping Skullcandy in Park City, Utah, Bose is betting that skate cred and budget pricing will reach listeners it’s been missing.
Here come new rate limits.
This feature-packed security camera is the perfect way to keep an eye on your home and fam from afar.
If you’re going to nest, you might as well do it at a discount.
Skate studio Full Circle will be be reduced to "a more focused, smaller team," while a Sims project has been paused.
The Detroit automaker wants your next vehicle to be a personal assistant, a best friend, and an autonomous errand-runner.
Maybe they should use it as the app logo instead.
Samsung’s Frame and Frame Pro are both on sale, as well as some of our other favorite art TVs.
Pre-orders open on October 29.
Entertainment
Ilhan Omar is addressing the longstanding allegation she married her brother to commit immigration fraud. During an interview with MS NOW's Chris Hayes, the Minnesota congresswoman was asked whether her former husband, Ahmed Nur Said Elmi, is…
John Anderson, the legendary country singer known for hits like "Swingin'" and "Straight Tequila Night," has died ... according to his family. The Country Music Hall of Famer's family announced his death Wednesday in a statement shared on his…
Newly released bodycam footage shows the chaotic moments leading up to a Mississippi police officer fatally shooting a 1-year-old boy during a suspected shoplifting incident at Walmart. The disturbing video captures officers rushing into the…
New Mexico's Attorney General says Donald Trump's administration has been blocking his investigation into Jeffrey Epstein, TMZ has learned. Attorney General Raúl Torrez sat down with Jakson for "TMZ In The Know" ... where he tells us Trump and…
Patricia "Tan Mom" Krentcil claims she nearly ended up in handcuffs after an encounter with ICE agents ... and she believes her famously dark tan made her a target. During a recent episode of her "Light Tan Up" podcast with friend and co-host Adam…
Russell Brand says he's got god in his corner during his ongoing sexual assault trial in London. In a video posted Wednesday, the accused actor and his wife, Laura Brand, are talking about the trial ... admitting they'll be "extremely cautious"…
Christa Pike is making significant strides in her recovery after surviving a botched execution in Tennessee ... but doctors are still trying to determine the extent of any lasting psychological and cognitive damage ... TMZ has learned. An attorney…
Twitch streamer Manuel Otto's channel and livestream were pulled by the streaming platform after the gaming creator's apparent suicide, TMZ has learned. A spokesperson for Twitch said the company "moved quickly" to remove both Otto's channel and…
Sarah Palin's asking her followers to send prayers Ron Duguay's way amid his cancer battle. The former Vice Presidential candidate took to her Instagram story Sunday to share photos of her boyfriend in his hospital bed, leaning on her faith during…
Ex-NFL star Cordarrelle Patterson was treated like any other arrestee, apparently ... because cops had no issue slapping handcuffs on him, as photos obtained by TMZ show. We've obtained photos from Patterson's arrest on Saturday ... and they show…
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