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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Relatives of slain Iranian Maj. Gen. Qasem Soleimani were arrested by ICE after Secretary of State Rubio revoked their U.S. legal status, officials said.
A fly ball landed on Highland center fielder Jake Shields' head and bounced about 30 feet over the outfield wall for an improbable two-run home run.
Walt 'Clyde' Frazier remarked that friends thought he was talking about Iran when describing the Chicago Bulls' defense, prompting a stunned reaction from Mike Breen.
The Yankees improved to 6-1 after an 8-2 win over the Marlins, highlighted by Cody Bellinger's incredible ninth-inning catch at Yankee Stadium.
Three suspects are charged in a disturbing arson attack targeting Jewish community ambulances in north London, an act UK PM Starmer called antisemitic.
Military expert says U.S. search and rescue for a missing F-15E crew member in Iran is complicated by a large IRGC presence in the crash region.
Cruise passengers fear retroactive charges as oil prices surge 40% since the Iran conflict, with cruise lines' fine print allowing added fees. Ticket prices could rise too.
Georgetown University will offer a pornography course this fall examining pornography production and "the pornographic" in contemporary media, culture, and social conflicts.
Bill Murray cheered on son Luke Murray as UConn defeated Duke to reach the Final Four, proving himself the ultimate sports dad at March Madness.
James Carville scorches Trump in a profanity-laced YouTube rant, questioning his fitness for office and taunting his declining approval poll numbers.
Satire
EUGENE, OR — Local man Bennett Stenson has become increasingly excited for the new Mario movie after hearing that film critics hated it.
COSTA MESA, CA — In what was sure to be a blow to street vendors across the nation, the country's leading provider announced that fruit cart insurance would no longer cover destruction from car chases.
JERUSALEM — The disciples of Christ, distraught and crushed by the events of Friday, began to wonder what Jesus could have possibly meant when he said, "They will kill me and in three days I will rise from the dead."
President Donald Trump fired Pam Bondi as attorney general after growing frustrated with her handling of the Jeffrey Epstein files and what he perceived as her lack of aggressiveness in prosecuting his political opponents. What do you think?
The post Pam Bondi Fired As Attorney General appeared firs
JERUSALEM — A Pharisee by the name of Ahaziah asked his fellow scribes if it was normal for the temple curtain to suddenly and spontaneously rip in half from top to bottom.
SPACE — In accordance with Canadian law, the crew of NASA's Artemis II mission successfully euthanized Canadian astronaut Jeremy Hansen after discovering he'd suffered a light bruise during takeoff.
If you're gearing up to attend Easter service at a megachurch, you're in for an exciting Sunday.
The post Pam Bondi Brought In For Exit Lobotomy appeared first on The Onion.
The post Bondi: ‘My Only Regret Is Not Being Able To Re-Traumatize More Victims’ appeared first on The Onion.
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Similar to the reaction of umpires to Major League Baseball's adoption of its new "Automated Ball-Strike System" to challenge calls, the United States Supreme Court has denounced the new "Automated Bench Scrutiny" system implemented to determine whether they decided a case wrong
WASHINGTON—Saying he had finally found a military commander whose character was worthy of the U.S. Army, Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth announced Friday that he was replacing ousted top general Randy George with a horse that drinks beer. “With Dusty’s wartime promotion to Army chief of staff
The post Iran Imposes New ‘Cash, Grass, Or Ass’ Fee For Strait Of Hormuz appeared first on The Onion.
KENT, WA—In an effort to attract new customers by generating more enthusiasm for space tourism among the general populace, civilian spaceflight operator Blue Origin confirmed Friday it had launched the world’s largest ball of twine into orbit around the Earth. “Many people who find the idea of
PROVO, UT — Local woman Denise Stanford expressed concern that her husband, Mike, had yet to begin even thinking about her August 26th birthday.
SACRAMENTO, CA—Following an extended series of failed attempts, Friday night’s matchup between the New Orleans Pelicans and the Sacramento Kings reportedly ended with neither team’s players proving able to recover a tipoff. According to sources in attendance, both the 25-52 Pelicans and the 20
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has for a long time criticized the concept of birthright citizenship — the idea that U.S. citizenship extends to anyone who was born within the U.S.'s borders. Rather than wait for a Supreme Court decision about it, Trump announced his own legislation ti
Food conglomerate Nestlé said that about 12 tons of KitKats, or 413,793 candy bars, were stolen after leaving its production site in Italy, with the company stating that “the vehicle and its load are still nowhere to be found.” What do you think?
The post Over 400,000 KitKat Bars Stolen In Heis
Zara Larsson, the pop star known for “Lush Life” and “Stateside,” is currently on her 2026 Midnight Sun Tour. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the artist. Birth Name: Zara Larsson feat. David Guetta Birthplace: Town Where Everybody Happy All The Time, Sweden Parents: Lisa
DENVER—Growing increasingly frantic as the mobs of exuberant preteens flooded from their bunks into the state of Colorado beyond, local Christian camp director Alan Mullins reportedly panicked Friday after noticing his conversion therapy device had been set to reverse. “Dear Lord, they’re just
Sports
The Blue Jays have placed catcher Alejandro Kirk on the 10-day injured list with a left thumb fracture, the team announced.
Candace Parker, Elena Delle Donne, Chamique Holdsclaw and the 1996 U.S. Olympic women's team will enter the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame later this year, joined by Amar'e Stoudemire, Mike D'Antoni, Joey Crawford, Doc Rivers and Mark Few.
Georgia has mutually agreed to part ways with women's basketball coach Katie Abrahamson-Henderson, the school announced.
Mavericks forward Cooper Flagg became the youngest player in NBA history to have a 50-point game, as the rookie scored 51 in a 138-127 home loss to the Magic.
The NBA is investigating the Bucks' handling of Giannis Antetokounmpo, sources told ESPN's Shams Charania, after the star forward told reporters that he is being held out despite being healthy enough to play.
Dominik Szoboszlai has said Liverpool lacked "fighting spirit" in their 4-0 defeat to Manchester City in the FA Cup and said it is "hard to find the words" to sum up his team's poor performance.
Will the Illini get revenge for the loss to UConn back in November? Is the total too high in the late game?
A pair of NBA head coaches defended Memphis and its culture following criticism by Lakers star LeBron James that the Grizzlies should relocate.
UConn's Geno Auriemma ripped into the officiating crew during a live TV interview and then got into a heated argument with Dawn Staley in the final seconds of the Huskies' 62-48 loss to South Carolina in the women's Final Four.
As UNC looks for its next coach, the Final Four has taken on a Carolina blue backdrop.
The Final Four is upon us in the 2026 NCAA Men's Tournament. Here's the last time the four teams reached the National Championship.
The World Cup is defined by memorable moments. Counting down to the top 100 of all-time.
Lauren Betts had 16 points and made a huge block late, and UCLA withstood a late charge by Texas for a 51-44 win to reach the women’s NCAA Tournament national championship game.
UConn's Geno Auriemma was not a happy man. With the officiating. With his team's performance. With South Carolina coach Dawn Staley.
Will South Carolina make it three titles in five years or will UCLA win its first-ever championship? See the odds.
Here are the full 2026 UFL schedules for all eight teams, plus results.
Here are the results from Week 2 of the 2026 UFL season.
Tracking Lionel Messi's goals and top moments for Inter Miami and the upcoming FIFA World Cup.
Teenager Konnor Griffin made a splash in his major league debut for the Pittsburgh Pirates.
Cristiano Ronaldo made a triumphant return to action on Friday, netting a crucial brace to guide Al-Nassr to a dominant 5-2 victory over Al-Najma.
Tech
Apple has released the first public beta for iOS 26.5, just a few days after the beta for developers came out. One of the biggest changes the new operating system brings is the “Suggested Places” feature in Apple Maps. It will show you trending places to visit, such as restaurants and other esta
Anthropic is no longer offering a free ride for third-party apps using its Claude AI. Boris Cherny, Anthropic's creator and head of Claude Code, posted on X that Claude subscriptions will no longer cover using the AI agent for third-party tools, like OpenClaw, for free. As of 3PM ET on April 4, anyo
We got to share in a rare moment of collective awe this week as four astronauts blasted off toward the moon, beginning a 10-day journey that will take them farther from Earth than any humans have traveled in the last 50 years. It'll still be a little while before they reach their destination — the
With great sound and versatility, this new speaker may be Sonos’ best.
From weatherproof jackets and pants to puffers, gloves, and socks, WIRED’s winter sports experts have you covered.
This hose-attached smart sprinkler maps your yard, rotates on command, and measures water use. Despite these clever features, the results are a little uneven.
Welcome to our latest roundup of what's going on in the indie game space. As ever, we've got a whole bunch of new games for you to dive into this weekend, along with announcements and updates on several others that are coming down the pike.I love how spoiled we are for game showcases these days, and
Plus: The FBI says a recent hack of its wiretap tools poses a national security risk, attackers stole Cisco source code as part of an ongoing supply chain hacking spree, and more.
There are several ways to extend your Wi-Fi network into your backyard and out onto the deck or patio. Here’s how.
The astronauts will arrive about 10,300 kilometers beyond our satellite, breaking all previous records for distance from Earth. But how was their route chosen?
Upgrade your home for less with these verified Maytag discount codes, military savings, and limited-time closeout offers on washers, dryers, and more.
Major AI labs are investigating a security incident that impacted Mercor, a leading data vendor. The incident could have exposed key data about how they train AI models.
Researchers have developed a method of making french fries that results in a healthier bite without sacrificing crispiness.
HarperCollins is tapping into AI to bring some of its book franchises to life. Specifically, the publisher is teaming up with Toonstar, an AI animation studio, to turn them into digital shows. The first project will be an adaptation of Lisa Greenwald’s “Friendship List” series, which will also
Jason Blundell, a former creative lead on Activision Blizzard's Call of Duty: Black Ops series, has announced that he's formed a new development studio called Magic Fractal Studios. Blundell announced the studio on a livestream with former Dark Outlaw Games coworker JC Farmer, a little over a week a
Cutthroat capitalism sure does bring out the best in humanity. Take, for example, Elon Musk. He reportedly set a condition for banks, law firms, auditors and advisors who want to work on the SpaceX IPO. They're required to subscribe to the bastion of nonconsensual deepfakes and occasional Hitler pra
On their way around the Moon, the Artemis II crew had time to snap some terrific pictures of our blue planet. NASA has begun sharing the images, including the one above, which shows a striking view of Earth through the Orion capsule's window.Artemis II Commander Reid Wiseman overcame the crew’s pr
Let’s face it: your bracket was probably busted a long time ago. The 2026 NCAA basketball tournaments, affectionately known as March Madness, is ending soon. The Final Four for both the men’s and women’s tournaments starts this weekend. Both the men’s and women’s tournaments are available
Take-Two, the owner of Grand Theft Auto developer Rockstar Games, has seemingly laid off the head of its AI division, Luke Dicken, and several staff members working under him. "It’s truly disappointing that I have to share with you that my time with T2 — and that of my team — has come to
Entertainment
Rick Scott pulled a pretty good c**k block, posting a pic of his family having a good ol' time at Disney World in Florida and challenging TMZ for posting pics of members of Congress on vacay while thousands of federal workers go unpaid. Well,…
Dakota Johnson and Role Model are still going strong ... making their romance known by smooching each other while out in Los Angeles Friday night! Check it out ... they're snuggling up close as they embrace each other in a Los Feliz…
Dee Freeman, best known for her roles in "The Young and the Restless," "Dexter," and "Sistas," has died following a stage 4 lung cancer diagnosis. Freeman's publicist Desirae L. Benson announced her death in a statement shared Friday ... saying she…
Kanye West's second comeback Los Angeles show was packed with special guests ... bringing rappers Lauryn Hill and Travis Scott to the stage, along with CeeLo Green and Ye's oldest, North West! Check it out -- the crowd erupted in cheer when Lauryn…
Viral Internet singer Harry Daniels is all for Clavicular getting with his friend, Woah Vicky ... and gives us his NSFW explanation for how the duo could make it work! We ran into Harry at Sunset Tower this week ... and he tells TMZ it was…
Taylor Frankie Paul isn't letting her recent personal drama get in the way of living life ... 'cause she headed to the great outdoors of Utah on a family vacation with her 2 older kids! The 'Secret Lives of Mormon Wives' star posted a glimpse of…
David Fuhrmann is the newest member of Chippendales crew ... and it's pretty clear the hunk will fit right into the Sin City sexy vibe! The "Love Overboard" star performed for the first time at the popular club on Wednesday night ... and as you can…
The Florida politician allegedly murdered by her husband this week was the sister of a Parkland school survivor who took his own life last year. Nancy Metayer Bowen -- the Vice Mayor of Coral Springs -- posted a message to Facebook in December…
'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' star Mauricio Umansky’s family drama is exploding in court, TMZ has learned. According to court docs obtained by TMZ, Mauricio's father's longtime girlfriend, Simin Tabibnia, fired back at the lawsuit…
"The Jews said Hazel finna fall today" ... that's what Hazel-E told our photog when she tripped on her way out of a Kanye West concert. We got the 'Love & Hip Hop' star on her way out of Kanye's show at SoFi Stadium in Inglewood, CA, and she…
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