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US News
• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Authorities arrested the suspected fugitive mother-in-law accused of killing a former Mexican beauty queen after a two-week international manhunt.
Indianapolis Colts declined quarterback Anthony Richardson's fifth-year option after a tumultuous start to his NFL career marked by injuries and benchings.
Gov. Tim Walz sparked sharp criticism from Minnesota Republicans after addressing the state's fraud scandal in his final State of the State speech.
Comedian Tim Allen calls out the irony of "No Kings" protesters attending King Charles III's historic speech before a joint session of Congress.
Kansas City Royals pitcher Michael Wacha's necklace broke mid-inning, and he immediately started his delivery, causing a stir among Athletics coaches.
Democratic National Committee Chair Ken Martin faced pressure to release the DNC's 2024 autopsy report after giving mixed signals about the document's future on Pod Save America.
A three-day Route 66 road trip by Steve Doocy of Fox News ends in Springfield, Missouri, where locals and car enthusiasts mark the highway's centennial milestone.
ESPN EVP David Roberts, who oversaw the network's turnaround by cutting divisive programming and boosting SportsCenter ratings, plans to retire in August.
The FBI confirmed a truck driver who disappeared during a suspected vehicle hijacking along Interstate 95 has been found dead in coastal Georgia.
Trump jokes he'd look '20 pounds heavier' in a bulletproof vest, says he doesn't think about threats
Trump joked he'd look 20 pounds heavier in a bulletproof vest but acknowledged the protection works after a Secret Service agent was shot in D.C.
Satire
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Less than a week after yet another assassination attempt against President Donald Trump, leaders of the Democratic Party pushed back against claims that they are guilty of inciting violence and said anyone who thinks they are should be eliminated by any means necessary.
The Justice Department indicted former FBI director James Comey a second time for posting a photo of seashells arranged in the shape of “86 47,” which Trump and his allies insisted was a threat to get rid of the 47th president. What do you think?
The post James Comey Indicted Over Seashell Photo
JACKSONVILLE, FL — Local man Trevor Riggs announced that he regretted spending 15 minutes reading the Bible this morning.
WASHINGTON—Mortified at the effect his blundering might have on delicate relations between the two countries, Japanese diplomat Ryuto Tanaka confirmed Thursday that he was worried he had embarrassed himself in front of Kid Rock. “This is a man of great importance in the United States, and I have
U.S. — According to reports, a small town girl living in a lonely world was forced to cancel her travel plans after being politely informed by an Amtrak employee that there isn't actually a "midnight train going anywhere."
HEAVEN — Within moments of arriving at the Pearly Gates, local boomer Gary Whitaker located Heaven's sound booth and politely but firmly informed the angelic operator that the worship music was too loud.
The post Melania Takes Camilla On Fun Girls’ Day Of Staring Coldly Across Empty Room In Silence appeared first on The Onion.
MACON, GA — A smoke alarm living in the house of a local family waited patiently until all the home's occupants went to sleep to start beeping loudly sometime around 3 A.M. to announce that its battery was low.
President Trump endorsed the idea of changing Immigration and Customs Enforcement’s name to National Immigration and Customs Enforcement, giving it the acronym NICE. What do you think?
The post Trump Endorses Changing ICE’s Name To NICE appeared first on The Onion.
LOS ANGELES—Instructing his client to drop what she was doing and take a look in today’s New York Times, talent agent Jeremy Weinrib informed Rita Ora on Thursday that he had scored the singer another prime crossword puzzle placement. “Two down, top left, that’s all you baby,” said Weinrib
With yesterday's ruling, the United States Supreme Court officially declared it illegal to redraw voting districts based on the races of its citizenry. Sad!
NEW YORK, NY — Mayor Zohran Mamdani declared an official budget crisis in the city after having completely run out of other people's money.
Influencer Braden Peters, better known as Clavicular, has generated controversy for his “looksmaxxing” content. The Onion sat down with the streamer to discuss his views, methods, and aspirations. The Onion : Do you consider your methods to be extreme? Clavicular: I get called extreme, but no
AKRON, OH—Saying the expectations he had set for himself were completely unrealistic, friends of local man James Chao expressed skepticism this morning after the 25-year-old announced plans to get two different things done today. “When I heard James say he was going to pick up some groceries, th
HONOLULU—Cackling wildly as He willed the barnyard fowl into existence, a drunk God Almighty, Supreme Leader of the Universe, reportedly made a few dozen roosters materialize Thursday over a random point in the Pacific Ocean. “Yo, Gabriel, check this shit out!” the wasted Creator of All Things
The post You’re Not Wrong, Babies Are Getting Worse: Enshittification Comes For A Once-Beloved Classic appeared first on The Onion.
UNITED STATES — After seeing Ben Sasse's incredible faith in God and upstanding moral character, the nation now understands why the former senator had to leave politics behind.
LEE'S SUMMIT, MO — Traveling to and from work followed its standard pattern this morning, as a local dad once again split his commute between worshipping the Lord Jesus Christ and cursing out bad drivers.
SANTA MONICA, CA — According to sources, a local vegan Crossfitter cyclist has become increasingly frustrated in his social life because he never knows what to tell people about first.
Sports
Here are previews for Thursday's games, a best bet, recaps from Wednesday and updated stats.
Compare the best sports betting apps and sites for 2026. See reviews, bonuses, and features to help choose the right sportsbook for your needs.
Discover the best sportsbook promos and bonus bets for April 2026. Compare welcome offers and top bonuses from leading betting sites.
Veteran defensive end Calais Campbell, who played with the Ravens from 2020 to 2022, is returning to sign a one-year deal with Baltimore, a source told ESPN's Adam Schefter.
The Mets fell to the Nationals 5-4 on Thursday at Citi Field to finish April with the worst record in baseball at 10-21.
Five-time NBA All-Star John Wall has become the president of basketball operations at Howard University, returning to Washington to partner with the top-ranked HBCU in the country, school officials told ESPN.
Franz Wagner will miss his second straight game because of a calf strain, as it appears increasingly unlikely that he will return in this series.
The NBA asked the nation's top commodities regulator Thursday to impose tighter restrictions on players, game officials and team staff to ensure prediction markets don't undermine sports integrity and fan confidence.
FIFA president Gianni Infantino reiterated Thursday that Iran will take part in the World Cup and play its originally scheduled matches in the United States.
Jessica Campbell will not return to the Kraken bench next season.
Grant Gustavson, the son of billionaire Tamara Gustavson, is leading an investor group that has made a formal offer to acquire the Vancouver Whitecaps and relocate the team to Las Vegas, a spokesperson for the group confirmed to ESPN.
From former MVPs such as A'ja Wilson to expansion cornerstones, these are the best players ahead of the 2026 season.
The college basketball transfer portal officially opened on April 7, and we're keeping up with all the moves here.
bet365 just launched in Michigan. Use bonus code FOX365 to claim a Bet $10, Get $365 welcome offer. See full terms, how to claim, and the latest bet365 promos for MI bettors.
Here are five things we've learned about the Mets through their first 31 games of the season.
There are a few squads who have yet to name a starter. Let's see the odds for Cleveland, Atlanta and more.
In an era when Big Ten football is booming like never before, the conference is approaching new heights at the sport's most important position.
From the Eras Tour to Churchill Downs? See how Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce rumors are impacting Kentucky Derby odds.
Discover the best Super Bowl 60 betting sites for the season. Compare top sportsbooks, promos, odds, and betting apps to get the best value before kickoff.
Liverpool have moved to calm the nerves of the Anfield faithful by releasing a definitive update on Mohamed Salah's fitness. The legendary forward sparked major concern when he limped out of the recent win over Crystal Palace, with many fearing his historic spell on Merseyside had reached a prematur
Tech
Apple CEO Tim Cook told analysts that AI adoption has happened faster than expected.
Welcome to the Land of Enchantment.
Linux is having a very busy year.
This marks Amazon's first streaming deal with a college team.
The option is part of a collection of updates Microsoft is making to consoles and the Xbox PC app.
An SDK will allow developers to start building non-commercial tools soon.
In this episode of Uncanny Valley, we get into how the Elon Musk-Sam Altman trial goes way beyond their rivalry and could have major implications both for OpenAI and also the AI industry at large.
Extremely OK Games is publishing the project.
The RG Rotate starts at just $88.
The monitor uses a Mini LED screen and supports AI upscaling for lower resolution content.
The new film is the latest adaptation of George Orwell’s novel. Based on the critiques coming from right-wing influencers, it seems few of them fully grasp the book’s message.
Asobo Studio says it also improved the game's performance with the latest update.
It's a rare moment of working across the aisle.
Why the terms “smart bed,” "adjustable mattress," and “adjustable frame” are not interchangeable, and how to avoid an expensive mistake.
While answering questions under oath, Musk argued it’s standard practice for AI labs to use their competitors’ models.
OpenAI is rolling out Advanced Account Security for people concerned that their ChatGPT or Codex accounts could be potential targets of phishing attacks.
At WIRED Health, immunologist Daniel Davis detailed the ways in which new technologies are enabling a better understanding of the human immune system.
We’ve tested hundreds of the top hybrid, memory foam, and cooling mattresses to find the best combination of support and pressure relief.
A new developer program for LightOS allows anyone to create tools for the Light Phone, whether that’s a local public transit app for your city or a way to read ebooks.
Let them pick out their own hiking boots. Instead, try gifting a useful blade or a nature journal to delight your outdoorsy friend.
Entertainment
Celeste Rivas' parents were investigated over allegations of child neglect and abuse about a year before D4vd allegedly murdered the 14-year-old runaway, but law enforcement found no wrongdoing ... TMZ has learned. When Celeste went missing from…
A JPMorgan Chase senior VP says his female boss made his life a living hell, ordering him to have sex with her and threatening to destroy his career when he wouldn't ... this according to a new lawsuit. The plaintiff -- identified only as John Doe…
U.S. Attorney Jeanine Pirro is pulling back the curtain on a chilling alleged assassination attempt -- and she says the video leaves little room for doubt. Pirro announced Thursday her office has released footage already submitted in federal court…
Donald Trump would rather dodge bullets than a bad angle ... 'cause apparently, a few extra pounds is where he draws the line! Hot on the heels of yet another assassination attempt -- allegedly by Cole Tomas Allen this time -- the U.S. President…
A memorial for Celeste Rivas Hernandez continues to grow outside of her parents' home in Lake Elsinore, CA... and the scene is absolutely heartbreaking. Photos taken on Thursday show a "Justice for Celeste Rivas" sign stretched across the fence,…
Dwayne Johnson's day out supporting his pal Emily Blunt at the Walk of Fame ceremony turned into a full-on walk of shame after he got pulled over right afterward. Law enforcement sources tell TMZ ... it was a traffic stop Thursday for tinted…
Kylie Jenner just gave her mansion a lip kit ... a plump discount, minus $2.3M. The beauty mogul’s Hidden Hills estate took a serious price hit overnight … going from a jaw-dropping $20,250,000 ... down to a still-hefty $17,995,000 after…
Michael Jackson's personal items up for sale ... but fans are going to have to keep an eye on the clock -- and if they see a higher bid, they'll have to just beat it! Kruse GWS Auctions is facilitating the sale of a number of items connected to the…
TMZ’s Comedy Crawl didn’t just tour Hollywood -- it took over, one laugh (and stop) at a time. Catch the clip for nonstop laughs ... the first stop was at Hollywood Improv, where we caught a wild Jeff Ross sighting inside ... but the real…
Girl group Cherish -- made up of sisters Farrah King, Felisha King, Fallon King, and Neosha King -- were in their late teens and early 20s when their hit song "Do It To It" dropped back in 2006. The bop peaked at Number 12 on the Billboard Hot…
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