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• Jailed Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich denied detention appeal in Moscow
• Putin visits Russian troops at military headquarters in Kherson
• Watch moment WSJ journalist appears in Russian court
Trump's former National Security Advisor reveals why the White House ballroom project is an urgent matter of national security and presidential safety.
Alexander Vindman, a key witness in Trump's first impeachment, lost Florida's Democratic Senate primary to a socialist by double digits.
Chris Sale's Cy Young-caliber season faces its toughest test yet against Jacob Misiorowski and the league-leading Milwaukee Brewers at home.
Stars and Stripes Fox News Digital confirmed faces a leadership shakeup as Pentagon considers terminating publisher Max Lederer before retirement.
Video captures a raccoon's paw reaching through a hole in the Citi Field stands to grab food from fans during a New York Mets game Wednesday.
The couple, who has been married for 30 years, urges fans to skip big ceremonies as Kelly Ripa breaks down the cost-effective wedding trends for 2026.
Rosie O'Donnell closed her week guest-hosting "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" with pointed jabs at Trump, calling him "orange Voldemort" in her final monologue.
Karmelo Anthony's new trial hearing centers on an unwritten agreement that kept him from testifying in the Austin Metcalf murder case in Frisco.
Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton says he's monitoring the WNBA's treatment of Sophie Cunningham supporters after incidents at multiple arenas.
JPMorganChase warns Basel III Endgame capital rules could hurt Main Street by raising borrowing costs and reducing small business lending access.
Satire
RENO, NV—Wincing as he sang in a baritone voice with a slight British accent, local woman Mary Lowe reportedly felt immense pity at a karaoke outing Thursday after she imagined her friend Matthew Brown working on his Morrissey impression alone at home. “Oh no, I can picture him practicing it all
After a megayacht owned by Mark Zuckerberg failed to respond to a distress signal from a skiff that had run out of fuel, a spokesperson for the centibillionaire claimed his crew did not hear the call for help. What do you think?
The post Mark Zuckerberg’s Yacht Fails To Respond To Maritime Distres
The post Every Commercial On ESPN Past Midnight Just Straight-Up Telling Viewers They Have Prostate Cancer appeared first on The Onion.
PALO ALTO, CA — After experiencing repeated mascara malfunctions, local woman Brittany Gleeson admitted to friends that it took over 600 takes to get the right video of herself crying into her camera.
HADES — A man was sent straight to Hell after his new phone autocorrected his text message from "Praise God" to "Praise Fod."
LONDON — Dozens of liberal white women gathered outside a local courthouse, weeping and holding signs of support for serial killer Jack the Ripper.
CYBERSPACE — An A.I. assistant working with a middle-aged dad from Maine reportedly grew concerned that its human might be a bit of a moron.
APPLETON, WI—Wide-eyed and unusually still as he took in the unfamiliar sight before him, local 9-year-old Connor Walsh reportedly got a nice long look at the small of his father’s back Thursday while the 44-year-old bent down to retrieve a ping-pong ball that had rolled beneath a basement shelv
Nestled in the heart of the South, there's a reason America's 22nd state is called "Sweet Home Alabama."
U.S. — The United States of America plunged into collective sorrow and mourning yesterday upon learning the devastating news that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle would be moving back to England.
School is back in session for millions of students across the country. The Onion shares tips for ensuring your child has a safe commute. Attend a different school each day to throw would-be kidnappers off your trail. Determine if your bus driver needs uppers, downers, or both. If cycling to school
CHICAGO—Basing the instructions almost entirely on a mental map of his surroundings that had seemingly not been updated since 2002, local dad Kenan Volmer reportedly offered his children driving directions to their uncle’s house Thursday that hinged on where an old Shell station used to be. “S
CHICAGO—As she navigated the concert crowd with increased vigilance, local woman Penelope Frasier issued a red alert Thursday, warning that the music venue she and her friends had just entered was an absolute minefield of her ex-boyfriends. “There could be one hiding around every corner,” said
ICE announced plans to spend up to $20 million on gloves that deliver electric shocks to people who do not cooperate. What do you think?
The post ICE To Equip Officers With Electric Shock Gloves appeared first on The Onion.
The post Dead Fantasy Football Commissioner’s Password Guessed Again appeared first on The Onion.
The post The Nude, Shrieking, 12-Foot Man Only We Can See: Could He Be The Next James Bond? appeared first on The Onion.
Sports
Which team has the best running backs? The shakiest edge rusher room? We ranked all 32 teams in 10 different position groups.
Three Argentina players have been banned for their part in a brawl at the end of last month's World Cup final against Spain, but the South American nation has been fined only for displaying a Falkland Islands banner after the semifinal win over England.
American businessman Marc Stad has completed a deal to become the controlling owner and largest shareholder of the NBA's Minnesota Timberwolves and WNBA's Minnesota Lynx, sources tell ESPN.
Eric Karabell breaks his running backs into tiers, helping you identify where value drops off throughout the draft.
With one week left in the preseason, Raiders coach Klint Kubiak said he wasn't prepared to name a starting quarterback, adding "I don't want anyone to be comfortable in their job."
An Alabama jury on Thursday awarded $9.25 million in damages after finding that The New York Times defamed an Alabama basketball player by incorrectly reporting that he was at the scene of a fatal shooting in Tuscaloosa.
Olympic bronze medalist Jenny Simpson says her running chapter "has ended" after she collapsed while pacing a mile group this summer.
Tottenham have agreed a deal worth up to £85 million ($116m) to sign Savinho from Manchester City, sources have told ESPN.
Jannik Sinner will miss the US Open with a right knee injury that has kept him out of action since Wimbledon.
Rangers pitcher Jacob deGrom became the second-fastest pitcher to reach 2,000 career strikeouts, reaching the milestone in just 1,660⅓ innings.
INDYCAR's Freedom 250 will be stunning, as drivers flash by some of the most recognizable American monuments in a 180-mile-an-hour blur.
Jacob deGrom finally reached a major milestone, the Cardinals and Reds had a ridiculous ninth inning, Bobby Witt Jr.'s arm is strong, the AL West is a mess and more from Thursday's MLB action.
Drivers in awe of "spectacular" Washington D.C. as they explore its rich history before Sunday's Freedom 250.
Watch the 2026 INDYCAR Freedom 250 on Sunday, Aug. 23 at 1 p.m. ET on FOX and FOX One. See the weekend schedule, course and streaming details.
See the complete 2026 college football Friday schedule, including matchups, kickoff times, TV channels and streaming information.
Here's what you need to know about what happened around the NFL on Thursday.
The Dolphins don't mess with 7-on-7 work in practice, which is fine for the linemen staying on the field under new coach Jeff Hafley.
Oklahoma's Brent Venables has agreed to a two-year contract extension through January 2032.
Ahead of the inaugural Freedom 250 race on Sunday, Alex Palou is on the brink of securing an NTT INDYCAR Series Championship.
Las Vegas Raiders No. 1 overall pick Fernando Mendoza's second preseason game was headlined by a pick-six, but signs of success were there.
Tech
Meta is in court again over child safety, and this time it’s a landmark case that could force significant changes to core features of Facebook and Instagram.
Our thoughts on Google's new smartwatch as it currently stands.
They say the company must prove it can be trusted before products like these get a pass.
Pack up your pool cleaning supplies. Let one of these robot buddies maintain your water quality instead
Lindsay Clancy’s defense argues she killed her three kids because of postpartum psychosis. But armchair detectives, including many fed-up mothers, are laying blame with her ex-husband.
The Nyrius Phoenix Home True 4K60 can wirelessly transmit games, TV shows, movies, and more across your home (even through walls).
After two years of testing, these are the electric toothbrushes that impressed WIRED staffers the most.
As the appetite for “authenticity” grows online, content creators are buying up empty boxes for luxury goods—and resellers are cashing in for “crazy prices.”
OpenAI has rolled out a plugin that allows ChatGPT to control the Apple Messages app.
“People have talked about the Colorado River crisis for decades—we’re now in it,” says one expert. “Everyone you talk to is like, ‘Shit, man.’”
From the best Dyson vacuum to the best wireless headphones and earbuds we’ve tested, you can get some great gadgets on sale already ahead of Labor Day.
Nevada's transportation authorities approved the companies' application to charge for robotaxi rides.
RayNeo's latest AR smart glasses are going for very different audiences: The very discrete, and the very nerdy.
The UK government is facing calls to cancel a sprawling health care contract with Palantir. The region of Greater Manchester insists it can do a better job itself.
Genesis' new electric SUV is loaded with innovation, but not in the dash or drivetrain as you might expect.
Save up to 50% today with the latest Home Depot promo codes for appliances, power tools, and more this August.
The casting swap follows Ryan Hurst's injury on set earlier this year.
The new traffic peak caused "capacity failures" that led to the developer platform's recent outage.
The Cloud Alpha Air is reasonably priced at $150 and sports super comfy earpads.
The upcoming feature expands its Transparency Tags for marking slop songs.
Entertainment
Don Lemon's wishing Prince Harry and Meghan Markle luck on their move back to the United Kingdom ... though it's admittedly a bit begrudging. The former CNN anchor posted his reaction to the Sussexes' change of scenery ... yelling out a shocked…
Gayle King says Hayden Panettiere wasn't at the top of her game when Gayle interviewed her a few months before her tragic death ... but she says it was clear Hayden was trying to get better. We got the newscaster in New York City on Friday morning…
Jamie Foxx says he was having conflicting emotions about having a baby at 58 ... until a Hollywood icon who's going through fatherhood all over again as an octogenarian told him it's all good. It's funny, Jamie says his old buddy Al Pacino actually…
A federal prosecutor in California was found dead inside an office this week -- and police are now investigating. The San Diego PD tells TMZ ... Assistant U.S. Attorney Andrew Haden's body was discovered Wednesday inside an office at a federal…
Here we go again. The Dream vs. Sparks game came to a screeching halt Thursday night in Los Angeles after a "fan" threw a green sex toy on the court. The incident occurred with just under 3 minutes left in the third quarter, as Jihyun Park was at…
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's youngest child, Vivienne Jolie-Pitt, is one step closer to dropping her father's famous last name ... making legal moves to become Vivienne Jolie. According to new legal docs, obtained by TMZ, Vivienne has completed…
Some of the money Chris Brown is pulling in from his uber-successful nationwide tour with Usher could land in his former housekeeper's pockets soon ... a Los Angeles judge ruled she has a right to collect her judgment from what he's bringing in on…
Sean "Diddy" Combs was name-dropped during the Tupac Shakur murder trial when a former LAPD detective testified Diddy tried, but failed, to pay for Tupac's execution ... a wild allegation folks in Diddy's camp call bogus. In response to the…
Daveigh Chase's father wants a judge to deny her mother's request to be appointed as the administrator of her 6-figure estate ... TMZ has learned. According to new legal docs, obtained by TMZ, John Schwallier opposes Cathy Chase's motion to be…
Laken Snelling has pleaded guilty to a first-degree manslaughter charge for the August 2025 death of her infant son after previously entering a not guilty plea in April. The former University of Kentucky student-athlete was emotional as she…
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